This story is from the comments by /u/drink-fast that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comment history, the account appears authentic. The user provides highly specific, personal, and emotionally charged details about their experiences with testosterone, detransition, retransition, and the ongoing physical and social challenges. The narrative is complex, inconsistent over time (e.g., stopping and starting T, changing perspectives), and includes vulnerable admissions about mental health, substance use, and deep personal struggles. These are not the hallmarks of a bot or a troll, but of a real person grappling with a very difficult and nuanced lived experience. There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity.
About me
I knew I was a boy from a very young age and started testosterone as a teenager. I stopped after realizing my transition was driven by trauma, autism, and a rejection of being female, not by being truly male. The hormones caused me serious health problems and intense mood swings, so I quit for good. Now, my voice is permanently deep and I'm often mistaken for a man, which makes it hard to connect with other women. I'm trying to find peace by accepting myself as a masculine woman and healing from my past.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been a long and confusing one. I knew I was a boy from a really young age, like four or five. I remember cutting my hair short because I wanted to look like a boy and telling everyone in my kindergarten class that I was one. When I learned what being transgender meant at twelve years old, it felt like an answer. I came out almost immediately and got my first binder at thirteen. By fourteen, I was asking my family about medical transition, and I started testosterone injections when I was sixteen.
I was on testosterone for a little over three years the first time. I stopped cold turkey in December 2021 when I was nineteen because I’d aged out of the pediatric system and couldn't find a new doctor easily. Around that time, I also found detransition stories online, and it made me question everything. I decided to try living as a woman again. During those six months off, my period came back, my body hair thinned out and turned blonde again, and my skin cleared up a bit. I even got a blonde balayage and started wearing makeup again. But I felt really insecure about how I looked. I was afraid of gaining weight in a female pattern, and I missed the confidence I had on T. So, after six months, I decided to go back on testosterone.
That second time only lasted about four months. I used a service called Plume, and the doctor let me choose my own dose, which I now realize was reckless. I got on too high of a dose, and for the first time, I experienced terrible vaginal atrophy. I had constant yeast infections that wouldn't go away. It was horrible. I rage-quit the hormones again in early October 2022. I haven't gone back since.
My reasons for detransitioning are complicated. A big part of it was realizing that gender ideology didn't make sense to me. I came to believe that gender is made up. You can't change your sex; I'm female, and that's a biological reality. I wanted to be biologically male, not a "man with a vagina." Taking cross-sex hormones is not good for your body; it creates a massive hormonal imbalance. I had terrible mood swings on T. Right after my shot, I'd feel great for a few days, but by the end of the week, I'd be depressed, lethargic, and incredibly angry. I also developed some health issues; a hospital once told me my heart was "overgrown," but they didn't seem concerned. I want to see a cardiologist about it.
I'm autistic, and I think that played a huge role. I became hyper-fixated on being male starting at twelve. I was a major tomboy as a kid and hated the negative connotations society places on women. I felt humiliated being a girl. I thought those feelings were proof I was trans. I also struggled with internalized misogyny and body dysmorphia. I never had much of a chest and hated the way women's clothes felt. I was forced into dresses and "girly" things as a child, which was traumatic for me. My transition was also a form of escapism. I had a difficult home life; my mom relapsed on drugs, and my dad left when I was young. I was a traumatized, bullied kid who just wanted to fit in somewhere.
I also think I have autoandrophilia (AAP). I had fantasies of being male that were arousing. I felt more sexually confident when I was seen as a man. Sex felt artificial and wrong when I was trying to play the male role, though. I’d have to be drunk or high to get through it without dissociating.
Now, being off hormones is hard. I've been off T for over a year and a half. My voice is permanently deep, and I'm always read as male. People often think I'm a trans woman, which is isolating. I've lost the kinship I once had with other women. It's nearly impossible for me to make female friends now because they see me as a potential threat, or they're very pro-trans ideology and don't understand my detransition. I feel like I missed out on being a teenage girl and navigating young adulthood. My life feels stunted.
I have a lot of regrets. I regret not listening to my intuition. I had panic attacks before starting hormones, and my "friends" told me it was "internalized transphobia." I regret the permanent changes, especially my voice. I voice-trained as a teenager to sound male, and now I can't sound female again without it feeling fake and forced. I regret the time I lost. I didn't try in high school because all I cared about was transitioning. I became addicted to weed and even harder drugs during my transition to cope. I regret more than the hard drugs.
I don't know if I'll ever feel completely at home in my body. I still struggle with dysphoria. Sometimes I think about going back on testosterone because life was easier in some ways when I passed as male, but I know it's not a healthy solution for me. I'm trying to learn to accept myself as a masculine female. I've benefited from using psychedelic drugs; they helped me realize that my body is just a vessel and that hyper-focusing on gender is unhealthy. My boyfriend is supportive, but it's hard for him to understand everything I've been through.
At the end of the day, I'm just trying to find peace. I'm working on healing my inner child by letting myself enjoy feminine things I secretly liked but denied myself, like certain clothes or hairstyles. I'm trying to focus on my hobbies, like car detailing, and build a life for myself beyond gender.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 4-5 | Knew I was a "boy," told classmates, cut my hair short. |
| 12 | Learned what "transgender" meant and came out socially. |
| 13 | Got my first binder. |
| 14 | First brought up medical transition with my family. |
| 16 | Started testosterone injections. |
| 19 (Dec 2021) | Stopped testosterone cold turkey for the first time and began detransition. |
| 20 (Jun 2022) | After 6 months off T, decided to retransition and started testosterone again. |
| 20 (Oct 2022) | Stopped testosterone for the second and final time due to health issues (vaginal atrophy). |
| 21-Present | Living as a detransitioned female, navigating the permanent changes and social challenges. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/drink-fast:
I think this is because trans identified females aren’t really perceived as a true physical threat to males, but trans identified men are a threat to females. Of course there are men who (rightfully so) won’t tolerate women in their spaces, they’re not labeled “terfs” or harassed for feeling that way. The trans identified male “trans rights activists”want women to be complacent and silent about this whole issue so they can take over and get their AGP rocks off but that’s just my opinion
Yeah.. i just wish i wasn’t able to do anything permanent like hormones in the first place.. but don’t we all I suppose. It just sucks that I’ve lost my teenage and early adulthood to this stupid trans crap. I wish i never figured out what trans even meant.
Why would you want to not accept your body and surgically alter it at all if you don’t feel the need to?? And this bit about “upsetting your friends” why on gods good earth would they be upset if you decided not to cut off healthy organs??? This is so odd
Not to mention my pre teen years.. so basically the last bit of my childhood.. even then i was sucked into this shit. That’s how it all started. I was 12 and learned what it was from people on instagram and i was going through very traumatic things at that age such as my mother relapsing on drugs and my dad leaving without saying a word to me. I wasn’t fucking “trans” lol i was just a traumatized girl getting bullied at school and wanted to fit in somewhere at the end of the day. I was a major tomboy as a child, i used to very strongly wish i was a boy as a young child, so i figured at the time that it meant something and that i must’ve been trans. After a while… around 15-16 or so i had sooooo many thoughts of socially detransitioning. It scared the ever living fuck out of me because i knew i would lose my friends and that sense of community. I’d have absolutely nobody after that i thought. So i pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind for a couple years. Then at 17 i properly meditated for the first time and I’ll never forget that feeling. That was when i knew deep down that transitioning was wrong for me. I was already about 8 months on hormones at this point. My voice had already dropped a good amount and i was covered in body hair. I thought i was too far gone. I had daily panic attacks for a week after that until i started drinking and smoking weed again so i was just inebriated for the next 3 ish years after that.. until i saw a detransitioners video on youtube. I felt such relief watching her. It was salty alty. Her voice is or was deeper than mine in the video she recorded, but i found her so beautiful. She took hormones for i think 3-4 years? I think, idk. Might’ve only been 2 or something. But yeah after i found that video i was like holy shit this is literally me. So i slowly started just not giving a fuck about acting male, shaved my legs, got into my makeup again, eventually told my family. Yadda yadda.
There are more kids going through a “trans phase” than any other point in history so in a way sort of. A lot of gnc and autistic and gay kids will probably go through a phase where they think they’re non binary or trans. They should be allowed to express themselves however they’d like without medical intervention. 95% of the time the kid grows out of it especially after high school. I think the parents saying “no you can’t be xyz” makes the kid want to push even further into trans ideology and their trans identity. I definitely felt that way, my grandparents who had custody of me were very anti me being trans for the first couple of years i identified as transgender.
A lot of these people i think have way too much time to sit around and think about how every micro aspect of their personality/expression is being perceived by others. That and body dysmorphia. And the fact women are so sexualized (ESPECIALLY on social media, social media made my dysphoria way worse) and a lot of these young girls spend the majority of their time online.
What is it with these fucking “therapists” LYING in those recommendation letters???? Like why the fuck do they do that??? I went back to my “gender therapist” about 8 months on testosterone and tried to ask her about like my feelings about wanting to detransition (i winded up not doing so until 4 years later) and she said “just do what makes you happy” LADY I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY. THAT’S WHY I WENT TO YOU AND TRIED TO WORK THROUGH WHAT I WAS FEELING but kept getting shut down with that “just do what makes you happy” bullshit. Sorry this shit just provokes pure unadulterated rage in me. Fuck every single one of those crazy sick fucks.
This is an extremely unfortunate yet common experience amongst detransitioners. It happened to me too. It’s because those type of people are mentally ill and afraid of detransitioning themselves, our existence creates too much cognitive dissonance within their psyche or whatever. Most of those motherfuckers are fake asf and genuinely awful, entitled people with victim complexes lol.
No yeah ever since starting to pass as a dude I haven’t made female friends. Even now it’s just impossible. The female friends I did have were super liberal and it really limited the things I could open up to them about. One of them called me my trans name as a joke while we were drunk but the more I think about it, it wasn’t a joke. I’ll always be “not female” to her and I’ve stopped talking to her all together basically. I have one friend I still talk to that I knew from middle school way before I medically transitioned, she knows I’ve detransed and she doesn’t treat me any differently which is nice.
But you’re right, that kinship I had with women before is completely gone and it’s so fucking isolating, even after detransitioning, they just think I’m mtf, and women will always be on guard around any perceived biological male, trans identifying or not. This inability to make female friends has brought me to dark places mentally. There’s a “saying” I guess that says women with no female friends are ‘red flags’ :/. I’ve spent so many nights quietly sobbing wishing I never did this to myself. I wish there was some way out of this other than death.
I feel like as more people become mentally ill more people will consider transitioning as an option to “fix” themselves. I do believe there’s truly transgender people, and that it does genuinely change their life for the better, but there’s not many people like that. I know “trans” people who say they’re trans but it’s really just an “alternative” type of self expression for them. They wouldn’t ever take testosterone, they just don’t like being sexualized, all the bullcrap that comes with having a female body, and happen to be tomboys.