This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, evolving experience: The user shares specific, nuanced details about their detransition, including emotional struggles, physical changes (e.g., loss of breast sensation), and social challenges.
- Consistent, thoughtful ideology: Their perspective is consistent over two years, focusing on self-acceptance, critique of social pressures, and the complexity of identity, which aligns with common detransitioner narratives.
- Emotional depth and introspection: The comments reflect genuine processing of pain, regret, and a journey toward self-compassion, which is difficult to fake convincingly.
About me
I was born female and transitioned because I felt a lot of shame about being a lesbian and wanted to escape those feelings. I took testosterone and had top surgery, which I deeply regret because I lost all sensation in my chest. I realized transitioning wasn't the answer for me when I started to feel worse, not better, and I learned that changing my body wouldn't make me more lovable. I am now a happy butch lesbian, learning to exist without worrying about how people perceive me. I don't blame myself or the people who supported me, and my goal now is to live my life focusing as little as possible on gender.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was complicated and took me a long time to figure out. I was born female and for a long time, I believed I was a transgender man. A big part of my reason for transitioning was my discomfort with being a lesbian. I felt a lot of shame about it and I think my desire to be gender non-conforming got all mixed up with that. I thought that if I became a man, I could escape those feelings and the expectations that came with being a woman.
When I came out as trans, everyone around me was incredibly supportive, maybe too supportive. People told me how much better I was doing and that they had "always known" I was a man, even though they barely knew me. It felt good to hear at the time, but it also made it harder for me to be honest with myself about my own doubts. I started to believe what everyone was saying about me. I took testosterone and I eventually got top surgery.
The top surgery is my biggest regret. I don't miss how my breasts looked so much as I miss the feeling in them. I have barely any sensation in my chest now, and that's something I can never get back. I don't think I'll ever get implants because I don't trust them to be completely safe, and I would always know they weren't really mine. When I detransitioned, I decided I never wanted to do something cosmetic again just to fit a certain picture.
After a few years, I realized that transitioning wasn't the answer for me. I started to feel worse, not better. Going off testosterone was hard; the first few months were rough and I felt worse in my body, but that eventually faded. I learned that a big part of what makes transitioning seem so hopeful is the idea that once you change physically, everything will get better and you'll become more lovable. The hard part about detransitioning was learning to accept myself right then, without any changes or hopeful prospects.
Now, I'm a butch lesbian and I'm finally happy. I'm learning to just exist without worrying about how people perceive me. I know I'm female, and me looking masculine will never change that. I belong in women's spaces regardless of what anyone thinks. It was scary at first to go into women's changing rooms, but I've found that people don't really care—they might look twice, but no one has ever said anything or made me feel unsafe.
I don't really believe in gender identity anymore. I've never met anyone who can explain why they are a gender without falling back on stereotypes about gender roles, biological sex, or sexual orientation. I'll still respect people's pronouns, but the whole idea that everyone has a gender identity doesn't make sense to me.
I don't blame myself for transitioning. I thought it was the only option I had at the time. I also don't blame the people who supported me; they were likely just trying to be kind and I was probably the first trans person they knew. My mom was actually critical of my transition at the time, and I didn't take it well then, but I appreciate her honesty now. I'm trying to be more receptive to criticism because other people can sometimes see things you can't.
My goal now is to live my life focusing as little as possible on gender and other people's expectations. I've got a long way to go, but I'm growing into a more authentic and happy version of myself. I'm not going to change back into the person I was before I transitioned; I'm different now and I'm comfortable with different things. I'm just going to keep evolving.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Started identifying as transgender and began socially transitioning. |
| 23 | Started taking testosterone (T). |
| 24 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 25 | Began to detransition; stopped taking testosterone. |
| 27 | Felt fully settled into my identity as a detransitioned butch lesbian. |
Top Comments by /u/earthseaelephant:
The overall change in life satisfaction over time is so very small it's hardly a positive result. It also doesn't have a control group of people who don't transition, or even a comparison with cis youth to see how their life satisfaction changes over time. This study says nothing
This is arguably a much nicer way of putting it, thanks. Ultimately I don't want to blame myself for transitioning when I thought that was the only option at the time, because that won't fix anything either. I just hope to grow from this as a person and be more honest towards myself as well
First off I think it's normal for anyone to have doubts about HRT and this is not a good indicator per se of if you should transition. Maybe it's not even possible to know for sure whether transitioning would be a good choice.
I find it interesting you talk about women friends parading you around to show off how inclusive they are. This was one of the things that i realised during my transition that put me off a lot.
Although I can imagine dating as a "straight man" would open you up to these roles and expectations where you can't show emotion or be sensitive and you might think that lesbian relationships don't suffer from that. I don't think that is true but I also don't think you need to be in a "lesbian" relationship to have a sensitive healthy relationship. Not all women want some alpha male and you can create a relationship you like with someone who loves you regardless of whether you transition or not.
I think a large part of what makes transitioning hopeful is the idea that once you physically change, things will get better and you will become better or more loveable. The hard part about detransitioning is learning to accept yourself right now, without any changes or hopeful prospects. I hope you get there too
Also a lesbian and detransitioner. My shame for being lesbian and my desire to be GNC definitely added to me thinking I was trans for a long time. Now happy as a butch lesbian and allowing myself to change and find out new things about myself without judgement :)
I have the same issue, pretty much everyone thinks I'm a dude without me trying at all. I can imagine it feels difficult to go into female spaces of feel like you belong there. I usually try to make a comment about me being female when I meet people, but most of the time they just think I'm a dude.
I'm in the process of learning to just exist, not assume or worry how people might perceive me, because that is their business. I've been female since birth and me looking masculine will never change that, and so I belong in women's spaces regardless of what people think.
I used to be scared of going into female changing rooms, but I've noticed that people don't really give a shit - they might look twice because they think I'm a guy, but no one has ever made a comment about it or made me feel unsafe. I hope this will be the case for you too if you do decide to go into women's spaces
Definitely agree that truth at the expense of being kind is not actually helpful, but I believe you can often be both at the same time. When I came out as trans, many people were telling me how I was doing better and how they had "always known" (even though they barely knew me). I don't think that gave me the space to actually be honest with myself also and to deal with my doubts about transitioning in a healthy way. You start to believe what you hear about yourself. I'm not saying the outcome would have been different per se, but I think it would have been healthier.
I don't think I'm ever getting implants, mainly because I don't trust them to completely be safe, and I would always know they weren't really mine. I do miss my breasts but I mostly miss having feeling in my breasts. Soeven if they looked similar, I have barely any feeling in my chest, that is something I will never get back. When I detransitioned I decided that I never wanted to do something cosmetic again just so that I would fit a certain picture. To me, getting breast implants is part of that.
It is tough but I found that it's best to be kind but clear. You are not a man and so this person does not need to call you he/him. Someone cis/not trans would undoubtedly correct this person as well, so it is not weird to do so. If anything, their reluctance to remember even the most basic information about you makes them weird. I try to force myself to correct the misgendering as soon as possible, as I found that waiting or letting it slide can cause even more problems. Good luck and cheers from another butch detrans woman :)
I can't tell you what the root cause of your issues is, but if you have an eating disorder it might be valuable to address this first before trying make a decision on your transition. Eating disorders, body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria all cause increased focus on your body and how it looks. Therefore healing from your eating disorder might alleviate your dysphoria to a more manageable level and this might be worth exploring.
Anything regarding being "really" trans is super difficult to really know and this might also change if you're in a different place in life. But regardless of whether you ID as trans, you don't have to dress more feminine, especially if it gives you panic attacks. I detransitioned and didn't change jack shit about my appearance, and might never do.
Thanks for saying this, my mom is also seemingly happy I am detransitioning. I want to live my life going forward focusing as little as I can on gender and other people's expectations. Definitely got a long way to go but I'm hoping I will grow into a more authentic and happy version of myself :)