I understand you so deeply just from your post I have been through very similar. I started social transition at 13 but my parents protected me from any medical changes until I became of age and moved out (I could’ve never imagined at 15 that I’d be thanking them at 22). I was on T and ready for top surgery by 19 all up in the trans community and I just felt empty. But I knew it was my truth. Until around 19 I stopped supressing the fact that I did like men and realized I could embrace the things I once hated. I felt it was a race I wasn’t going to win because I always wanted to be a cis guy. I grew up looking up to men and the women in my life were not the best role models. I always wanted to be a cis man and that wasn’t what was happening, so I felt I could never meet my own expectations, have a family the way I wanted to in my head. So I stopped transition, got of T, and slowly started to learn self love, acceptance, I found this wonderful community. It was really rough but you are so strong. I promise there is life after this and YOU are so brave and awesome for who you are, your soul is what matters. Your journey brought you here and you made no mistake, you will get through this a stronger and happier you. In my experience, Walking into a restaurant for the first time and being called whatever and not being upset by it was empowering, I felt like I kicked dysphorias ass lol. Just living and breathing and not caring about what you look like or how people will perceive you is fantastic and freeing and of course I’m just speaking about my personal experience. We put so much weight on gender we forget the little things that make us - us. We are all so special. I am so different than I was when I was 15, now I’m 22. Sorry for the long post but I truly feel grateful that you reached out to this community it helps a lot to know there’s people who understand. I say the medical community is completely uninformed about what we go through as trans people - really what we go through as individuals. We are all here for you, stay strong friend.

This. It’s such a hard pill to swallow, truly. I almost killed myself many times over the same thing. I used to self harm. I Started my transition socially at 11 years old coincidentally after entering the youth LGBT community in my area (mostly online). A few of my 15 year old friends had already been on hormones, had top surgery, I looked up to them. I was convinced that transitioning and going on hormones and getting top surgery was my truth. My parents wouldn’t allow me to and they protected me. Never thought I’d thank them. I still feel the same, I still like the same clothes, I still have my personality, I’m still the same person, but my dysphoria is now completely gone after accepting this at 21. I would say that if I had been taught to love and embrace myself by society, the media, all of the things I was seeing on the internet - not just my family because they did try that approach - I would have been able to accept being a woman at a younger age. It boils down to the fact that when we first look into being transgender especially as children our mindset is so narrow that it’s hard to look dysphoria in the face and say “this is not my forever. I can still love myself despite my current discomfort.” It was always waiting, waiting for hormones, surgery, then I’ll be happy. I’m so glad more people are just accepting that we are who we are and we’re beautiful! I love you all

When I was younger I was told by my close group of young trans friends (we were all 13-17 yrs old at the time) that if I told people I liked men, they likely wouldn’t believe I was a legitimate trans man. I was told that surgery is the only avenue to alleviate gender dysphoria, and fed a toxic mindset. It turns out even after detransition - I am now female identifying and very happily in love with a man.

I won’t over explain but that community mindset got me into a very miserable 10 year transition and engagement with a woman I wasn’t truly happy with before now because I wanted to “fit the mold” - that ended after many teenage years of social transition and a year on T as a young adult. Essentially had to start my life over and it was rebuilt more genuinely with better people. I am so happy I detransitioned at age 21 and I never even thought I would be comfortable with female pronouns or my birth name but use both now without so much as a flinch.

That is just my story but I want you to know you are on the right path regardless of pronouns or the way you dress. I say give it time, patience, care for yourself - Time will tell for you personally, I do applaud you for removing yourself from a toxic environment I wish I had sooner than later. You are loved and valued as you are and so is your man. There is nothing wrong with cis men unlike what I was taught at a young age by that community as well. Stay blessed friend and best of vibes to you and your man ✨💕

Hi friend your story reminds me of my own, hopefully my experience can give some insight in this difficult time. Transition is not the only way to overcome dysphoria, and as other comments stated I found that dysphoria is a normal part of the human experience I once thought meant I needed to change my physical body to alleviate.

I felt the same way as you stated in the beginning of the post, and personally eventually had to force myself to accept that detransition was for my betterment (getting off t, throwing out my binders, men’s clothing, etc) I knew how unhappy all of it truly made me and felt like I was in too deep or it might be “easier at this point to stay transitioned and continue w my medical transition” I was very wrong. I am eternally thankful I did not go through with top surgery as I was so sure of my entire childhood. Detransition was the best thing that has ever happened to me - I was diagnosed w Gender Identity Disorder (way back when they used that term) as a young teenager and as I got older Gender Dysphoria was on the forefront of my life as I allowed it to take over every aspect of my life.

Dysphoria truly had the power over me that I gave it as an individual, and I found detransition not only alleviated my dysphoria after a short time but eventually it went away completely and I was left with peace and comfort in my female body. This was not easy to accomplish but I knew it was best for my health and well-being personally. Something I never thought I’d feel and was completely opposed to for many years was being “the girl I was when I was born” again. That girl was valuable, she was worthy of love, beautiful, and coming back to that was healing.

I did not want to live life as a cis woman, and yet I am happiest this way. It turned out what I wanted and what made me happiest were two completely different things and I never could have guessed following my heart would deceive me but following my unhappiness and conviction to detransition set me free. As we get older and our frontal lobe continues to develop - I’m now 23 - things may come into the light we did not realize. These doubts you are having remind my of my first steps toward detransition - I even had opposition and doubt from my supportive family that I had to stand firm in my decision with even though there was that tiny doubt in my mind that I’d feel like a “freak” when I detransitioned (not true detrans women are beautiful and whole)... lost many friends, too, but comfort in my natural skin was worth overcoming the hardships. Love and comfort to you friend, you’re much stronger than anyone even yourself can imagine and you are worthy of peace and satisfaction in your skin

I’m right here with you. 11 years later everything went perfectly but it made no difference, life is about perspective and that is everything. I was so dead set on full transition for years, as a child I used to pray for god to make me a boy when I woke up the next morning. I took finding the trans community as a sign that this was what I needed and went full force. It’s worth noting I’m high functioning autistic and was influenced heavily by the tumblr community I was involved in, a girl I was in love with that rejected me because she liked men, told me her friend was trans and I should get in touch. Then we talked every day and I eventually convinced myself that this was a sign. Years after I forced everyone to go along with my transition, and call me male. I had a page in the yearbook about my transition in HS. So much of my identity was based on this. I have so many friends in the community and pushed so hard for all of this for a long time. My family was totally against transitioning bur just wanted me to be happy after I insisted for 8 long years. 2 years on T now. Looking back I truly wasn’t happy with my life or myself and I saw all the boys around me being treated the way I wanted to be treated. I was abused in school. I think now, if only I had never been on the internet as a child or got involved with communities and people that wanted to change me but not embrace me. If only I saw myself as a work in progress and learned to embrace my femininity. If only I had learned to embrace and love myself as a woman. Fast forward now, I pass as male and have a beard, I’m handsome and look like the men in my family. I was engaged to a woman. I started a life around this. I got everything I worked for and wanted but lost myself in the process. All of it wasn’t enough because it’s the farthest from me I’ve ever been and it took deep intensive perspective changes, eye opening experiences, and thought for me to realize that I needed to stop my medical transition and get off T....I was getting cysts all over my body, the voice change, fat distribution, metabolism, it all felt right...I liked looking like this for a while...but it felt fake. Having sex with woman caused me to become even more depressed and develop major bottom dysphoria when I previously had none. I hated injecting myself with T as well, worst part. Anyway - friend - I wish you blessings in your future. I may have shared a bit but your story inspired me to think honestly with myself. We all go through such trying times but go through them so we can come out a better person, knowing more, loving more.

Wow you are so amazing. I relate to your story so much especially in childhood, I used to make fake accounts online pretending to be a boy and not admit it to anyone even when they found out. Then I met a trans guy and it changed from there a lot. I forced my family and friends to go along with my social transition and didn’t turn back for years. I was on testosterone and ready for top surgery by 20 and at 21 I decided my end goal, to be a cis man, would never ever be fulfilled. I ultimately could never live up to my own expectations. And detransitioning has been the best decision I could have made for my sanity. Getting off of T was the best decision. I am so blessed to even be alive to have not taken my own life. Your strength is amazing and you are loved and made perfectly from the beginning. Sending you massive blessings

Amen my voice has never been the same, hitting my natural notes is strained, and it feels like I have a “ghost” range so to speak, like I used to have vocal abilities that disappeared, and the notes I expect to naturally hit no longer show. I used to falsetto flawlessly and it’s gone these days only a year on T (it’s been a year off of T as well so far) voice changes are permanent. I’m sure if I did vocal coaching or vocal exercise I can regain some of my range but it is what it is. Your voice is beautiful OP but I feel you on the straining I’m a musician with a lot of passion and the straining has hurt me a lot personally

Sis we’re so alike in many ways. I love your posts and perseverance and perspective. That little girl was never “wrong” to begin with like I thought for all that time, she was beautiful smart and worthy of nurturing. It’s so great we get to nurture ourselves now, this journey is so great for our strength as women to be built up further.

That means so much to me ✨You’re the only you on earth, one of a kind - there is always hope, friend. While T definitely deepens the voice, it isn’t a permanent change for everyone that can’t be trained and controlled. And even after T if a voice is still rather deep, though we may be used to our original range, our voices are special and unique. I saw another person post themselves singing something from Les Miserables in this group and it was so raw and perfect. Our journeys make the voice that much more special 💕

Wow this is beautiful. Me too, girl. So much love. I literally rejoice when I get my period now 😂 that was the MAIN reason I wanted to start HRT I hated it. But my body cleaning itself out has never felt so right. Being a woman is beautiful, not a curse like I thought for so many years.