This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's detailed, personal narrative of their transition and detransition is highly specific, emotionally complex, and internally consistent. It reflects the nuanced and often contradictory feelings common in such experiences. The writing style is natural, with personal asides and a raw, passionate tone that aligns with a genuine individual processing trauma and ideological conflict.
About me
I started as a gender non-conforming kid, and puberty made me hate my female body. For ten years, I was convinced I was a man and started testosterone at 21. After a year on T, my body dysphoria vanished, but being seen as a man made me feel ashamed and ridiculous. I realized my discomfort wasn't from being female but from internalized homophobia and the fear of being a masculine lesbian. I stopped transitioning, accepted myself, and though I still deal with depression, I'm finally at peace with who I am.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a kid. I was always gender non-conforming. When I hit puberty, around 11 or 12, I started feeling a deep discomfort with my body that just got worse and worse over the next decade. I didn't understand it at the time, but I now see it was a mix of hating the changes of puberty, internalized homophobia, and a lot of anxiety and depression. I hated my breasts and my hourglass shape. I remember being 16 and feeling so distressed I cut my own eyelashes to cope.
For ten years, this feeling was constant. I was convinced it was gender dysphoria. I would daydream about having surgery so I could finally start living my life. I identified as bisexual from age 16, but I realize now that was confusing too. I was attracted to girls and to trans men, but the idea of being with a man made me uncomfortable. I told myself that discomfort was dysphoria and it would go away once I transitioned.
I saw three different professionals—two psychologists and one psychiatrist—and they all diagnosed me with gender dysphoria. I felt so much hope when I finally started testosterone at 21. I thought it was the solution. At first, some things got better. I lost a lot of weight, which in hindsight was a sign of my ongoing eating disorder, but my endocrinologist didn't flag it. After about a year on T, my body dysphoria just vanished. It was strange, like suddenly losing the sense of cold. I didn't feel that physical pain anymore. I even started to see my hourglass shape as a positive thing.
But I still dreaded the idea of living as a woman. So I pushed forward. I socially transitioned, asking people to use a masculine name and pronouns. Everyone was supportive, but every time I was called by that name, I felt a deep sense of shame. I felt ridiculous being seen as a man around other men; I couldn't relate to them at all. When my beard started to grow, I hated how it looked. I had wanted this, I wanted it to be permanent, so why did I feel so disgusted?
I started planning surgeries: top surgery, a hysterectomy, and even voice surgery to make my voice deeper. But I became terrified of the complications and the scars. I was hyper-aware of my body again, just like when I was a teenager. I hit a point where I asked myself the hard question: if I couldn't transition, would I kill myself? And for the first time in ten years, the answer was no.
That was the turning point. I went back to the gender clinic and told them I was struggling. I realized I wished I could just have a breast reduction and a hysterectomy and stop T, but the thought of living as a woman held me back because of the shame. I took one last shot of T and then emailed my endocrinologist to pause everything.
The next two weeks were filled with terrible anxiety as I tried to imagine a life as a woman, something I'd refused to consider for a decade. The final piece clicked into place when I thought about my sexuality. I finally accepted that I was never going to be attracted to men. I was only attracted to women. The moment I accepted that I was a lesbian, the last of my discomfort with my breasts disappeared. The dread of being a woman turned into excitement. I realized my "dysphoria" was probably caused by internalized homophobia and misogyny—the fear of being a masculine woman in a world that isn't kind to them.
I don't regret exploring transition. I needed to go through it to understand myself. But I am glad I stopped. My depression is still there, but getting on escitalopram and moving out of my parents' house helped my mental health enough that I could finally see clearly. My experience in online trans spaces was also complicated. I saw a lot of pressure to silence certain conversations, especially from females who talked about their experiences, and it created an environment where I felt I couldn't be fully honest.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11-12 | Puberty started, began experiencing intense discomfort with my body. |
| 16 | Identified as bisexual; struggled severely with body dysmorphia (e.g., cutting eyelashes). |
| 21 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 22 | Body dysphoria disappeared after ~1 year on T. Began social transition but felt shame. |
| 22 | Hated beard growth, became anxious about planned surgeries. Decided to stop T. |
| 22 | Accepted my homosexuality (lesbian); last remnants of body discomfort vanished. |
Top Comments by /u/einsofist:
One big reason why being a terf is considered the biggest threat to trans people, despite having nothing to do with afab trans persons, and men in general being much more dangerous. When terfs are the biggest danger you can do anything to them. You can report them to a fascist governament, you can get them fired, you can dox them and threaten their homes. And being a terf is a threat that hangs over every female in trans spaces. You can’t ask why trans women are always the face of the community and the power behind every event, say trans men experience more rapes or ask why trans women talk so much about porn and “cis women also have agp” while trans men do not. You have terf tendencies and need to make that space safer for trans women (stop talking about your experiences with other females in your situation). Do not acuse trans girls of rape, because it did not happen. Don’t you know trans girls (age 31) are always left out in parties? while everyone wants to sleep with theyfabs? Like MRAs, they claim to have many problems (caused by other men) but they only ever talk about dating. Like MRAs, this should be fixed by women.
I was between 14 and 16 when i got my first rape threat because i said i experienced misogyny growing up as a girl. Which means transfems have male privilege and that makes me a terf. I was shocked because i didn’t think i deserved what to was dishing out to transphobes. Like anyone else in this situation I claimed that just because afabs experience misogyny doesn’t mean amabs were privileged, despite the fact this doesn’t make sense. But but but! Because having privilege means feeling good, or something like that. So if you feel bad about being a man you don’t have male privilege anymore. Oppression is not an objective thing with measurable effects, it’s just how you feel about yourself.
I was on tumblr while the mogai stuff was being developed so I remember when afab privileged was the more common noun for transmisogyny-exempt. If lobotomy is not financially viable to you, you can become a transandrophobia guy and do the mental gymnastics i did before, while still being considered suspicious. If you are really nice some transfem will say “we really need to listen to our brothers” and everyone will praise her and everything will stay the same.
But love every transfem you know, or something like that…
It is clearly misogyny. But I wouldn’t say “just”. Being only given horrible options is a lot of stress to put on a teenager. I’m sorry, i hope you can change your environment in the future. Women from all paths of life do make good lives for themselves everywhere
I don’t think there are warnings signs that one might detransition. I had consistent, overwhelming dysphoria that restricted my daily life, for a decade since puberty. I never doubted my trans identification. Was gnc since early childhood. Daydreaming of surgery so I could finally start living. Was only able to start t at 21, already fully capable of making decisions. And yet…
After stopping t i also had a sore throat for several days. This has now happened multiple times and my voice gets higher by a few hz afterwards. It’s just the inverse of taking t and it’s normal. Please don’t push things inside, it will not help you in any way.
Many things had to happen. Got out of my parents house and took escitalopram. This made my mental health much much better, even though i still have depression. this didn't do anything by itself but would pave the way for self acceptance. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria by 2 psychologists and 1 psychiatrist. I had a sense of hope for the future.
Lost 11 kilos when i got on t. (The endocrinologist should have flagged this as an ed sign but she didn't. I struggled on and off with EDs) After one year i didn't have body dysphoria anymore. It took me a hell of a time to realize what was happening. My emotions are very physical and it seemed strange that i couldn't feel the pain of dysphoria all of the sudden. It's like suddenly losing the sence of cold. I still didn't like the look of my breasts and didn't want anyone to see them. But my voice didn't seem wrong anymore. I thought my hourglass shape was actually a positive.
I still dreaded living as a woman. I very much still felt dysphoria at the thought. So i decided to continue transitioning to be able to pass as a man. I asked to up my dose so i could have effects faster. I was excited to finally be called the name i had so carefully chosen. I was ansious to change it legally and finally feel like it's "me" and not just cope. I started socially transitioning. Everyone took it positively, but everytime i was called by my masculine name i felt very ashamed. I felt ridiculous being around men as a guy, and i couldn't relate to them at all.
My beard started growing and i hated it. Even though i wanted to be able to grow a full mustache. I thought it looked disgusting. I pondered if i just needed to get used to it, or if it's because it's patchy. Maybe most men hate their beards, after all they mostly shave. I wanted this, i wanted it to be permanent. Why do i not like what i thought i wanted?
I started to get very worried about complications of top surgery. Or of even having visible scars, something that didn't use to bother me before. I felt ridiculous saying my new name out loud. I passed to strangers but i felt ridiculous. I thought that i need to remove fat from my hips and have fms. I started seeing a voice therapist to make my voice deeper and had glottoplasty scheduled. So now i would have that on top of the mastectomy and hysterectomy. I was so hyper aware of my body and general appearance. The last time i was this dysphoric was when i was 16 and needed to cut my eyelashes to cope. I hated my female body but also hated the masculine changes and i couldn't understand why.
I asked myself, if i couldn't transition would i kill myself? And for the first time i said no. I started researching detransition and saw someone talk about some trans men that don't even take their shirts off after top surgery cause the scars being them dysphoria because they remind them of being female. I realized i was going down this hill before even starting.
I went back to the gender clinic to tell them of my struggles. When thinking of how to explain myself i realized that i wished i could have a radical breast reduction and hysterectomy and stop t, but my dysphoria over thinking of living life as a woman is what held me back. I had one last t injection and email my endocrinologist that i wanted to pause and think.
I had a sence of relief that i didn't need to have so many surgeries. But i also felt the shame of being a masculine woman. The next 2 weeks where a hell of anxiety as i navigated the possibilities of womanhood that i spent the last decade ignoring.
My sexuality was the last straw. I promise in the end it becomes relevant. I called myself bi since i was 16 because i liked both cis girls and trans men. I thought i must like men in general but i must not be trying hard enough. I was uncomfortable with the idea of having a wife one day even though i only like vulvas. I was uncomfortable thinking of having sex with men, but i always attributed this to dysphoria and it would go away once i pass. But now it's not going to happen what do i do? There is no alternative, i just wasn't attracted to them. When i accepted that i was never going to have sex with men my last discomfort with my breasts disappeared. This was very surprising. The idea of being a lesbian actually seemed exciting. Over the next 2 months my dread over thinking of myself as a woman disappear, along with my discomfort over having a gf/wife.
So my dysphoria, which i and 3 professionals could not differentiate from other people's gender dysphoria, was probably caused by homophobia, misogyny or fatphobia.
If you agree that it is ok for adults to transition why do you think he is too young? You admit that you don’t agree with being trans, so maybe you shouldn’t be opinionating on his feelings. You are not just an outsider, but a biased outsider. Blair white isn’t the definition of trans to which everyone must be judged against. Would you actually be transed by your parents? Are they so trans friendly? That’s quite a rare find.