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Reddit user /u/elderbeetle647's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's comments are nuanced, empathetic, and draw from a consistent personal history as a cis lesbian who questioned her gender. The language is natural, emotionally varied (from passionate to supportive), and references specific, believable life experiences. The account exhibits no behavior inconsistent with a genuine desister or detransitioner.

About me

I started questioning in my late teens as a lesbian who felt immense pressure to justify my existence. I thought I might be a trans man and took testosterone, which gave me some permanent changes. I realized my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with the stereotypes and sexualization forced on women. Through therapy, I understood my journey was fueled by internalized homophobia and a desire to escape that pressure. I am now a woman, comfortable and secure in my identity as a lesbian.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started in my late teens, and looking back, it was a confusing time. I was a lesbian who felt a lot of pressure to explain and justify my existence. People always wanted to know "why" I was the way I was, and I agonized over not having a good enough answer. I think a lot of my questioning came from a place of low self-esteem and feeling like I didn't fit the mold of what a woman, especially a lesbian woman, was "supposed" to be. I felt scrutinized and put in a box.

I started to explore identifying as non-binary for a while. It felt like a way to escape that pressure. I had a lot of support from my friends in exploring my expression, which I was incredibly grateful for. That social support was a lifeline. Eventually, I thought maybe I was a trans man and I started taking testosterone. I was on T for a while.

Being on T did change my body. I got hairier. After I stopped, some of that hair went away, but not all of it. It was a permanent change I had to learn to live with. I came to realize that my discomfort wasn't really with being a woman, but with the expectations and stereotypes forced on me. I had a lot of puberty discomfort and I think I hated the idea of my breasts because of what they represented in terms of being sexualized and judged, not because they were inherently wrong on my body.

I stopped taking hormones. I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me back to myself. I needed to go through that process to understand that I am, and always was, a woman. I don't regret the social transition or the support I had from friends; that was vital. But I do have some regrets about taking testosterone because of the permanent physical changes. I benefited immensely from therapy that wasn't about affirming a trans identity, but about unpacking my internalised homophobia and my struggles with self-worth.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's a deeply personal feeling, a gut thing that's hard to explain. But I also think we live in a world that puts immense pressure on people, especially young gay people, to conform to a narrative. For me, transitioning was a form of escapism from the difficulties of being a masculine lesbian. I'm comfortable now saying I'm a lesbian woman. My sexuality didn't change; I just understand it better now.

Age Event
20 First started seriously questioning my gender identity and sexual orientation.
21 Began identifying as non-binary and explored social transition with a new name and pronouns.
22 Started taking testosterone (T).
23 Stopped taking testosterone. Realized I was a cis lesbian and began detransitioning.
(Present) Living as a woman, comfortable with my identity as a lesbian.

Top Comments by /u/elderbeetle647:

5 comments • Posting since March 9, 2020
Reddit user elderbeetle647 comments on a post about post-detransition hair concerns, advising the OP to seek help for suicidal thoughts and reassuring them that body hair on women is natural and exists on a wide spectrum.
13 pointsMar 9, 2020
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Please if you're seriously contemplating suicide, get help. Call a hotline, find a therapist, reach out to a friend.

As for the hair, I can't say if it will go away. I was on T for a while. Since then some of the hair has gone away, some hasn't. For reassurance, hopefully, my gf is naturally super hairy and I love it! Hairier than some guys, for sure. She's even got some on her feet! Just realize that there's an enormous spectrum for body hair on women - we're just told we have to be hairless to be women but that's a lie. Beauty comes in all forms.

Reddit user elderbeetle647 (Cis lesbian) explains to a parent of a questioning teen that understanding the 'why' is less important than providing support for social transition, sharing perspectives from their diverse friend group.
11 pointsMar 9, 2020
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Cis lesbian who went through a period of questioning her gender here. I have afab friends who are trans men, some who are nonbinary, some who are cis.

The first thing is that you don't really need to understand why she feels the way she feels. It's hard to accept but important. I couldn't explain to this day why I'm a lesbian even if I wanted to. I just am. Or even why I feel like I'm a woman (and that's a question I've agonized over in the past). It really just comes down to a gut feeling of what is right.

The shared, casual consensus in my friend group is that supporting any expression or social transitioning is incredibly helpful at a young age. Hell, any age. Kudos to you for being so open minded and encouraging. Those of us who had that support loved it more than anything, those of us who didn't wish we'd had it more than anything, wherever we ended up on the spectrum. Things like hormones are a much more fraught topic and there's no easy answer. Some people regret taking hormones as a teenager, others owe their lives to it.

You're doing a good job. I'm sorry I don't have better answers for you.

Reddit user elderbeetle647 explains the pressure on LGBTQ+ people to justify their identities, advising a parent to avoid rejection and support their questioning 15-year-old without rushing to permanent changes.
5 pointsMar 9, 2020
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I think you're doing a great job and your love and desire to know your daughter really shine through.

I'll admit, I get worked up about this topic because of my personal experience, so take it all with a grain of salt. I faced major rejection because my family "didn't see the signs" and so they thought I was just being dramatic, doing it for attention, etc. They are self proclaimed progressives and LGBT-friendly, but really alienated their own child and over 20 years later that rift still hasn't healed. I felt comfortable and safe coming out to them and was really shattered when it went so poorly.

Why are you the way you are? If you're straight - prove to me you're straight. Try too hard and I might think you're really gay. Explain how you got there. Step by step. I'm not actually asking you that, obviously, there's no real answer. Non straight, non cis people are forced to justify our identities in a way that straight, cis people never are. I'm quite femme, and I still get, "well you don't look like a lesbian". Or even worse, "you must have been abused and that's why you're a lesbian" or "you just haven't had the right dick yet." (I've heard them all). What a shitty shitty thing to say to somebody! I know a trans woman who dresses masculine and is a car mechanic. She's great. Just saying.

I'm absolutely not saying your child is trans. I have no way of making that judgement call. I personally feel it's too early for them to really know, but their feelings still matter. I'm just saying that straight and cis people get to (for the most part) express themselves a million different ways. Everybody else is really pressured to tell a very particular story in order to be believed, and we're not given that flexibility without a fight. We've gotten better at accepting that for some people, but once the "trans" or "gay" label starts flying, all of a sudden everybody scrutinizes every little thing to see if it's "true" and has a pretty fixed, pre-existing notion of what "trans" looks like or "gay" looks like. Coming out can put us in a different social straitjacket.

I only encourage you to be mindful of that reality as you move forward. And physical, permanent changes (eg hormones, surgeries) you should rightly be very wary about and are probably best off postponing. It's only natural to explore gender expression, identity, attraction, etc. at this age. Now that trans and other LGBT identies have more visibility it's an option kids have to consider and latch on to. I didn't even really know the word lesbian until I was 20, so I think generally this is a good thing, but we are still learning the nuance of it and some people are definitely jumping on "trans" in particular when it's not really who they are.

I'm sorry I keep giving you more questions than answers 😄. My one answer would be to be there for her no matter what. Don't use rejection as a tool of disapproval. Even if you don't understand or even agree with what she eventually settles on.

Reddit user elderbeetle647 suggests investigating endometriosis as a possible cause for undiagnosed, crippling menstrual cramps, based on friends' experiences with the condition and difficulty getting a diagnosis.
5 pointsMar 9, 2020
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I don't really know details of your situation but have you looked into endometriosis? I have several friends who have it and deal with crippling cramps all the time. They've also had to go through several doctors just to find out what was wrong in the first place. Just thinking because you said the tests went nowhere, that the cause of your cramps was still undetermined, that you might benefit from seeing another doc. Good luck and all my best wishes!

Reddit user elderbeetle647 comments on the media's focus on heavy topics like suicide rates and violence, questioning where the idea that being trans is presented as easy comes from.
4 pointsMar 24, 2020
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Thanks for calling that one out. I feel like any article discussing trans issues that I come across almost invariably mentions something super heavy like the suicide rate, discriminatory legislation, violence, etc. Where do people get this idea, that being trans is presented as so easy??