This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally raw, and internally consistent over time. They describe specific personal experiences (e.g., height, HRT effects, genital function, passport change), express complex and evolving emotions (anger, grief, hope), and engage with the community in a supportive, nuanced way. Their passion and anger align with the expected sentiment of a genuine detransitioner who feels harmed.
About me
I was a gay man who started transitioning at 19, hoping it would solve all my problems with self-esteem and past trauma. I felt a panicked urgency from online communities and became obsessed with the fantasy that becoming a woman would erase my pain. After a year and a half on hormones, I felt worse, not better, and was crushed by the reality that I could never actually be female. I've since detransitioned, changed my ID back to male, and my body is slowly recovering from the medical changes. I'm now learning to accept myself as a gay man and am finally dealing with the underlying mental health issues I was trying to escape.
My detransition story
My entire transition journey feels like a period of my life where I was desperately trying to escape from myself. I started when I was 19, which I now believe is way too young to make such a permanent decision. I was a gay man who had just come to terms with that at 18, and it was an emotional relief to finally accept it. But I had also always had a secret wish to be a girl, and the online trans communities I found made that seem not only possible, but like the ultimate solution to all my problems.
Looking back, I can see how my mental state set me up for this. I was badly bullied in school for being gay, which gave me a lot of trauma and incredibly low self-esteem. I developed what felt like an OCD-like addiction to the internet, constantly researching transition. I became obsessed, watching timeline videos and scrolling through trans women on Instagram for hours. It was a form of escapism from my real-life pain. I had this fantasy that I’d wake up looking like an Instagram model with long hair, big breasts, and perfect makeup, and that all my problems would be solved. I even fantasized about meeting my old bullies and having them think I was hot. It’s embarrassing to admit how deep into that fantasy I was.
I was heavily influenced online. I read posts from older transitioners who said things like, "every day your body is becoming permanently more masculine," and that if you start after 25, there's no hope of passing. This filled me with a sense of urgency and panic. I felt like I had to start immediately or I'd ruin my chance at ever being happy. I now think that's utter bullshit. A lot of them seemed to be living vicariously through younger transitioners.
I started hormones and was on them for about a year and a half. The physical changes happened, but mentally, I felt worse, not better. Everyone said HRT would make me feel calmer, but it made me feel groggy and weird. Instead of relieving my dysphoria, transition made me feel more dysphoric and more uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m 6'4", and the constant anxiety about never being able to pass as a woman was destroying me. I spent so much energy worrying about my height, my voice, and my presentation. I felt like I was tricked into the whole thing.
The moment I realized I had made a terrible mistake was devastating. It felt like being crushed under a concrete block. I woke up to the reality that I would never be a woman and that I had medically altered my body for a fantasy. I was left with small breasts that I now hate and have to hide under jumpers, and I have genital dysfunction—a "limp dick" and worries about my fertility. Looking at my naked body in the shower fills me with deep sadness and regret.
Deciding to detransition was the braver decision. I changed my ID back to my birth name and male sex marker, and getting my new passport was a huge relief. I stopped HRT, and my body is slowly reverting. My testosterone levels are apparently back to normal, my breast size has reduced a bit, and my genitals have mostly returned to their previous size. My male sex drive is coming back, which gives me hope. Mentally, I feel calmer and less stressed. Not having to perform femininity every day is liberating. I can just be me.
I’ve come to understand that my discomfort during male puberty wasn't necessarily a sign that I was meant to be a woman. I talked to a counsellor about it, and she suggested that maybe it wasn't about the body changes themselves, but a general fear of growing up. I think I just wanted to retain an androgynous appearance that fit my identity as a feminine gay man, not necessarily become a woman.
I don’t regret realizing I was gay; that felt true and right. I deeply regret transitioning. I think my story is a lesson in addressing underlying mental health issues, trauma, and low self-esteem first, before considering something as drastic as medical transition. I worry about the long-term health effects of the hormones I took, as we know so little about it.
Now, I’m trying to rebuild my life. I’m focusing on small steps: going swimming, doing yoga, and joining local groups to get out of the house. I’m dealing with a lot of depression, but I’m moving toward acceptance. It feels almost like recovering from PTSD. Time is healing the wounds. I hope to eventually date and find a gay man who is understanding of my history. I believe I was always meant to be a gay man, and I’m finally, slowly, learning how to be one.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 | Finally accepted that I was gay. |
| 19 | Started my medical transition (MTF), began hormones. |
| 20.5 | Stopped hormone therapy after 1.5 years. |
| 21 | Decided to detransition, began process of changing ID back to male. |
Top Comments by /u/ella_97:
I relate so much to this, I am a detransitioning mtf and definitely relate to transition making me more transphobic than I was before I started. I want to slap my younger self and be like 'get off tumblr and live your life in the real world, you were so attractive before and now you've ruined it!' Feel free to PM me if you want to talk/vent to someone about detransitioning although I can't directly relate to the ftm experience.
Some more background: I am 21, and started my transition when I was just 19, way too young in my opinion. I feel a big problem with the internet trans community is older transitioners encourage people to start as young as possible and I think a lot of them live vicariously through those who transition at a younger age, even though everyone is jealous of the trans kids who get on puberty blockers (which again is super controversial because 'how can a child know they're transgender' blah blah blah). I definitely remember reading BS by people who transitioned in their 40s like 'every day your body is becoming permanently more masculine, male puberty continues into 20's and 30's, I wish I'd started in my teens or twenties, once you get past 25 there's no hope of passing'. It's all such utter bullshit! What I personally would tell anyone considering it is: get your education and career started first, then go and seek lots of therapy to see if it's really what you want. Can you picture yourself developing breasts? Do you like being referred to as a she? Do you want to have to go through the stress of having to present female every day for work?
What makes me particularly sad is when I accepted I was gay at the age of 18, I cried because I had finally accepted what I had spent my whole life repressing. I knew that I always secretly wished I could be a girl, but...I can't! I'll never be a woman so why am I putting myself through thsi???? Everyone knows the statistics: 80percent of kids with gender dysphoria grow up to identify as homosexual. They grow out of it they grow out of it they grow out of it they grow out of it.
No shade but this is a sub for people who are detransitioning, you telling me about how successful your transition has been and how you tested the waters properly doesn't make me feel better about the fact that I rushed into it. Also I'm like 6'4, less than 1 percent of cis women are over 6 feet tall. Passing was never really something that was going to happen for me, and I feel like I was tricked into this whole thing tbh.
I was talking with my counsellor about this and how I felt that my discomfort with so many changes of puberty was a big indicator of being trans, and she responded with 'maybe it wasn't necessarily the body changes but just a general fear of growing up' which I think is true for many people as the pressures of growing up and being treated like an adult are scary and confusing for pretty much everyone.
I definitely had a lot more reservations about developing male secondary sex characteristics than other boys my age but that didn't necessarily mean I wanted to go through female puberty either, I just think I wanted to retain an androgynous appearance befitting a feminine male identity as opposed to developing into a typically masculine man.
I relate so much to the trauma of realizing that transition wasn't the right path for you. If initially discovering that I was trans felt like being hit with a ton of bricks, then realizing that I'd made a mistake felt like being crushed under a concrete block.
I think something that's not talked about/understood in trans circles is how much an individual's environment can influence them. I believe there are many individuals whose gender identities are influenced by the people they encounter which makes them more or less likely to transition than if their situation was different.
Thank you for saying that :) I remember when I was still figuring things out I would constantly seek reassurance on reddit about height and then followed all these tall girl blogs and stuff and it was such a waste of time and energy.
There is one trans woman in particular who is like 6'5 and replies to almost every post about height on asktransgender telling people to 'just own it' and that she is completely passable and never gets clocked which I just...don't believe. I think a lot off trans women pretend that they are passing to make them feel better and it's incredibly draining. Going to social events now as a boy, not having to wear makeup or care about my voice, feels so liberating and I can feel my confidence starting to slowly improve. I just wish I didn't get as far in the process as I have, as my genital function in particular was pretty much the same as a cis man until this year.
I stopped HRT after 1.5 years. Had hair removal but not FFS. Initial body changes were menopausal symptoms for a few weeks and then a reduction in breast size and my genitals pretty much growing back to their previous size. In terms of mental changes, I began to feel a lot calmer and less stressed out about everything, especially after getting some of my ID's changed back again after already changing them once. I still struggle with a lot of depression but it was definitely the right decision as transitioning was having a very adverse effect on my mental health.
I completely disagree that the relationship between LGB and T is superficial. Gender non-conformity is linked to both LGB and T people and historically and culturally throughout the world the two groups are linked. To 'drop the T' would be a massive slap in the face to all the trans people who've fought for gay rights throughout history such as Marsha P Johnson. Regardless of how you feel about medically transitioning (which I agree is problematic in the sense of these medical and cosmetic procedures only existing for the last half century and with little long-term research), trans people deserve the same human rights and access to opportunities as everyone else. I personally want to see more LGB people do their part to support the trans community. I mean as much as the people on this sub want to complain about toxic ideologies in the trans community, I'm sure most if not all of us have sought out support from LGBT charities that have campaigned for the rights of sexual and gender minorities. Also, there are the non-binary and genderfluid people who often straddle the lines between the two communities of LGB and T.
Not saying it wasn't the case for you (or me for that matter), but I don't know as a general rule how much internalised homophobia is a factor in people transitioning. In general though it is much easier to be gay than trans so even if an individual might have a warped sense of transitioning being a way of dealing with their internalised homophobia, I don't see that as a reason to separate LGB from T.
Arguably, that would be a reason for more inclusion because understanding between the two groups would help people to be more secure in themselves and their own personal manifestation of their gender identity and sexual orientation, because it is a very nebulous and personal thing for each individual to discover.
I hear stories of people getting on HRT within a few weeks of realizing that they're transgender which is just insane to me.