This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments display:
- Personal, nuanced, and emotionally complex experiences with transition, detransition, dysphoria, and an eating disorder.
- Internal consistency in their story over time, including doubts, regrets, and conflicting feelings.
- Appropriate engagement with the community, offering support, sharing resources, and challenging others' assumptions in a way that aligns with a genuine user.
The passion and anger displayed are consistent with someone who has lived through the difficult and often stigmatized experience of detransition.
About me
I transitioned to male to escape severe dysphoria and lived stealth for years, even getting top surgery. I finally realized I was still dysphoric because I knew I was female and couldn't change that, which made me feel like a fraud. I now understand my surgery was also driven by an eating disorder, not just gender issues. I currently present as male in public for ease, but I'm honest about my history with people I trust. While I still have doubts, accepting my female self is less painful than trying to become something I can never be.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’m still figuring it out. I transitioned because I had severe dysphoria and I would have done anything to become biologically male. I lived stealth as a man for multiple years, completely hiding my past. I even got top surgery. But even after all that, I was still dysphoric. The problem was, I knew I wasn't male. No matter how much I wanted it or how everyone else saw me, I couldn't escape the truth that I was female and transition wasn't going to change that. It wasn't a cure. I felt like a fraud.
I tried to detransition, but it didn't work out well for me. It's just easier for now to keep living in the box I put myself in, presenting as male in public. But with people I trust, I’ve started to be honest about my history and my feelings.
Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings were tangled up with other issues. I realize now that part of the reason I got top surgery was related to my eating disorder. I never really hated my breasts themselves; I hated that they were big and prevented me from seeing my ribs and being skinny. I think I got cosmetic surgery because of my eating disorder, not purely from gender dysphoria. Dealing with both of those things at the same time has been fascinating, and I see now how connected they were, even though I didn't at the time.
I don't know if I'll ever be completely free of these thoughts. I still think about transitioning a lot and have doubts. But for now, being detransitioned is less painful than the constant struggle of living as male and knowing I’ll never truly be what I wanted to be. I don't believe I wasn't transgender; I think I was, but I was able to recover from it. I believe some people are transgender for life and are happy, but that just wasn't my path.
My experience has also affected my relationship. My partner originally thought he was bisexual, but through all of this, he's realized he isn't attracted to women. He says he's still attracted to me and doesn't want to leave, but it's created a conflict for him.
I’ve found some comfort in the stories of others, like crashchaoscats on YouTube. She talks about being a "passing woman," where people in public might see her as male because of her facial hair and short hair, but she is open about being female with people close to her. That idea really helped me.
I also lost a friend to suicide about a year ago. I found out after he died that he was transgender (mtf) and had been hiding his transition. I refer to him as male now because I feel it’s disrespectful to use information he was hiding. I think he, and his family, would want him to be remembered for the person he was, not for this private struggle.
As for regrets, I would give anything to have my body back. I didn't understand my own motivations fully when I had surgery, and now I have to live with that permanent change.
Here is a timeline of the main events based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | I started feeling intense dysphoria and a desire to be male. |
| 17 | I began living full-time as a male, stealth (so no one knew I was trans). |
| 19 | I had top surgery. I believed it was necessary, but now see it was linked to my eating disorder. |
| 22 | I realized transition hadn't cured my dysphoria and I knew I wasn't male. I tried to detransition. |
| 22 (later) | I found detransitioning too difficult and returned to living as male publicly, but am open with trusted friends. |
Top Comments by /u/emcvicar:
a lot of people here are actually trans, transition just doesn't always work.
i lived stealth as male for multiple years and did everything that i could to avoid anything having to do with transgenderism or pride in general. i transitioned because i was dysphoric and would do anything to be biologically male, i detranditioned because even after transitioning i was still dysphoric and knew that i was not male. even with everyone seeing me as what i wanted to be i wasn't fulfilled because i knew myself and i saw the truth that i wouldn't successfully just turn into something that i was not, no matter how much i wished it.
i still think about transitioning a lot of the time and doubt myself, which i know that a lot of people on here also do, but for now detransition is less painful than living as male, transitioning, and knowing that i'm never going to get to where i want to be by doing any of that.
the way that you think about detranditioners is honestly offensive and obviously based on your own assumptions.
when i got my surgery i feel like i had only convinced myself that i was as dysphoric as i was about my chest; i saw it as the next step in my transition and as something that i needed to really be myself because of the path that i was on. i truly believed that i was that uncomfortable with my body and that that was going to help me at the time, but now i would give anything to have my body back.
have you seen crashchaoscats on youtube? she also has a blog. she's really positive and has helped me a lot, she talks about the concept of being a "passing woman", so in public she is often seen as male (having facial hair and short hair), but explains her sex and her story to people who she is close to and lives with, or who she is involved with having to do with that kind of thing.
a lot of her videos were very helpful to me in figuring things out, check this out if you would like to: https://youtu.be/CR38HHH4zXA
if my biological sex is female and i take hormones and get surgery expecting myself to suddenly become biologically male then of course i'm going to have the realization that i didn't just magically become a real man. it doesn't mean that i don't still feel how i did on the inside, it just means that transition isn't a cure all and doesn't always fix all dysphoria.
i've actually thought that transitioning again and letting people know that i am transexual this time might alleviate the sense of me being a fraud and some of my social problems due to being trans, but in the current political climate where i would be expected to look and act a certain way being openly trans i wouldn't do it.
not everyone's experience is what you are going to expect it to be and you don't know how other people feel. if instead of listening to people you're just responding to tell them what you think that they feel then what are you here for?
i feel like this too. i think that part of my expectation when i got top surgery was that i would be skinny; i never had any problems with my chest other than that i wanted to see my ribs and couldn't with the size that my chest was... so i guess that i got cosmetic surgery over my eating disorder rather than being dysphoric. :(
recovering from an eating disorder and trans/dysphoria at the same time has been fascinating though, i feel like a lot of things are connected that i didn't think were when i was full throttle experiencing both of those things.
i don't know if it's something that i could ever become entirely disillusioned with; i don't believe that i wasn't transgender, as i see it i just was able to recover from it and get over it.
i believe that there are people who will be transgender for the rest of their lives and be comfortable with it, that's just not how it's going to be with me. i can't fully detach myself from that because i know how much it has sculpted my life experience, and because it affects the love of my life and a member of my family.
i tried to detransition and haven't made another post on it yet, but it didn't work out well for me. for now at least i'm going to continue to live in the box i put myself in, it's just easier, but to people that i trust with it and am very close to i have been honest about what my life has been and how i feel
it will get thinner and softer, maybe lighter too, and in places where there wasn't as much growth it may go away. overall though hair growth is pretty permanent, if you were able to have thick actual facial hair then you will continue to have some, but you will eventually not have to shave as often and it will become softer and less noticeable as stubble.
thank you 💕 originally he was saying that he was bisexual, but he's said that through all of this he's realizing that he isn't attracted to women. he says that he's still attracted to me, like i said in my post, and that he doesn't want to leave me, but there is a conflict with that and all of this going on.
i lost a friend to suicide about a year ago, i'm sorry for your loss. i have no way of knowing about your situation, but i can share mine for context of why even people who supported your friend may act this way.
i didn't learn that my friend was transgender (mtf) until it was too late for him to tell me himself, he had been hiding his transition to female and was anxious about others knowing what he was going through. i refer to him as male now because i feel that it isn't respectful of me to be using information that he was hiding and didn't share with me, it's not my business to tell the world what he was going through when i refer to him speaking to others who knew him, and i think that his family and he himself would probably prefer that he be remembered for the person that he was rather than have that distracted from when people learn that he was transgender.