This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user's posts display a highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally complex narrative of their detransition/desistance experience. The writing is inconsistent, self-reflective, and contains specific, lived details (e.g., duration on HRT, changes in chest size, voice fluctuations, personal coping mechanisms) that are consistent with a genuine human experience. The user also shows a capacity for empathy and offering tailored advice to others, which aligns with a real person navigating this difficult topic.
About me
I started thinking I was a guy when I was 13 and began taking testosterone at 18, but I stopped after about seven months because it was too expensive and draining. I liked some of the permanent changes, like my deeper voice, but I realized the discomfort with my body was still there whether I was on hormones or not. Now, I just live as an androgynous person and find safety in being seen as male sometimes, but I feel most comfortable thinking of myself as a masculine lesbian. I've let go of trying to fit a label and see gender as a bit of a performance that I don't have to participate in. I'm just me, a female who doesn't quite fit the mold, and I'm focusing on more important things in my life.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, but I’ve reached a point where I just try to let it go. I’m female, that’s my sex, but I don’t really “feel like a woman” and I’m tired of trying to figure it out. I started thinking of myself as a guy when I was 13. I started taking testosterone when I was 18 and was on it for a bit less than a year, maybe seven or eight months. I stopped in February of that year, just because I was too depressed to keep up with the pharmacy trips and doctor's appointments. It was expensive and I just didn't have the energy. Stopping the hormones was what made me start questioning everything.
I never related to other girls and I’ve always been a tomboy. Even now, I don’t fit in with other girls. When I was on testosterone, I liked some of the changes, like my voice getting deeper, my face getting sharper, and my shoulders broadening. I still like those things about myself now. My chest stayed pretty small, an A or B cup, even when I gained weight, which I was happy about. After I stopped hormones, my body fat redistributed back to how it was before, but my voice has stayed a bit deeper, just raspier, like I have a cold.
The body discomfort is still here. It was there when I was on T and it’s here now. I hated my breasts then and it's still complicated now. I like looking androgynous. If I wear a binder, I’m still seen as a man in public, and honestly, that can feel safer because of misogyny. Being perceived as male feels safer on a subconscious level. But when I can't be bothered to bind and someone calls me a girl in public, it feels weird and almost frightening.
I’ve realized that spending time in lesbian communities online and thinking of myself as a lesbian woman feels more comfortable. I’m still not sure about my sexuality, but if I had to pick a label, that one feels better. I think a lot of masculine women have similar experiences. I’ve come to see gender as a bit of a joke and a performance. I get a kick out of confusing people. Someone will say, "Here's your drink, sir... or maam?" and I find it hilarious. But if someone directly asks me what I am, it makes my skin crawl. I usually just laugh and say, “Well, what do you think?” to turn the awkwardness back on them.
The whole process of letting go of labels has been freeing. I try to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that much. I’ll worry about whether people see me as a man or a woman, and then I tell myself that most people aren’t even thinking about me. I just try to dress how I want and focus on having more important things to do than stress about how I look. Public bathrooms are still stressful, so I just avoid them.
I don’t regret my transition because it got me to where I am now, and I like some of the permanent changes. But I’m glad I stopped when I did. I think my initial desire to transition was linked to a lot of things, including trauma. When I was on T, my sex drive went up and I developed some fetishes that personally disgusted me. I think that was linked to being assaulted as a kid. Thankfully, when I stopped T and went on antidepressants, that sex drive and those feelings went away.
Overall, I’ve just settled into being me. I don’t have a label. I’m female, but I’m just me. The concrete things in life are more important than the abstract idea of gender.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started identifying as female-to-male (FTM). |
| 18 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 18 (after 7-8 months) | Stopped testosterone (around February). Began seriously questioning my transition. |
| 19 (present at time of comments) | Living androgynously, no longer using transition-related labels. |
Top Comments by /u/emoratboy:
oh god yeah 💀 i am absolutely mortified of it. it developed when i was getting the sex drive increase from t then died (along with my sex drive) as soon as i got off it and into antidepressants. thank fucking god i am honestly personally disgusted by those fetishes. i did only enjoy it when i was aroused then, too, and when i wasnt the thought made me uncomfortable. have been assaulted as a kid too. im pretty sure development of kinks like these is linked to trauma
dont really look like breasts to me imo, esp if youre wearing a shirt i dont think it would be anything noticeable ppl will likely just assume youre chubby if they notice the volume on your chest. also you might get some size reduction if you stop too. i went through the opposite in that when i took testosterone my chest stayed an a/b cup even though i gained weight up to the number where i would have gotten d cups if i wasnt on hrt. fat redistribution is one hell of a drug
edit: should add i was on hrt for just a bit longer than you, been off since february, my fat distribution is about the same it was before i went on it now
i dont know about surgery, but i can tell you for a fact that if you was on t for just that time, your voice will definitely lighten and soften. i did i think 7??? 8 months of it? and i do have a much deeper voice and had to strain it to be more comfortable with how i sound for a while, but ive been off t since february now and i sound pretty much like my old self, just a bit more raspy like if i had a cold. its not the same, but it does change
i just said my opinion??? to me they look like a chubby guys chest. ive had plenty of chubby males in my life and they had similar looking chests to theirs. besides having testosterone back in your body is bound to take away the more "pert" look and even reduce its mass. my chest has looked like that when i was chubbier and on t and because of chronic pain i wouldnt bind all the time but could still pass. sports bras would be enough to compress a lot of volume from these as well. op hasnt taken hormones for very long so its very likely still mostly reversible too, as i said happened to my own chest changes going from an estrogen-based body to a testosterone-based on then back to estrogen-based
you are stating your opinion. it is not the reality. every comment in this post is an opinion. mine is my opinion, yours is your opinion, anyone else who comments here will be stating their opinion as well. none of us are holding any objective truths in when the question is something as complex as human gendered presentation. the post is about fluctuations in chest size according to hormonal changes and i felt, i have the opinion, that my experience could be compared to op's as i have experienced the chest sized fluctuation, just in the inverse way of theirs, and wanted to let them know that testosterone entering a body that has experienced breast growth due to estrogen, no matter their sex, can have its chest change both in decrease and increase. i am not saying you are not allowed to comment anywhere, simply that the way you are interacting with me is coming off as extremely rude. state your own opinion and go like every other commenter, dont hop onto someone elses opinion just because you disagree. op is looking for advice and not petty debates in their post, tagged explicitly as an advice request. if they had stated they only wanted males to comment in this, i wouldnt have said anything, but they did not.
now out of respect for op and my own sanity, i will be blocking you
been kinda going through that too. im just an year younger than you and i thought of myself as ftm since i was 13 and took hormones for a bit under an year. i initially detransitioned just because i was too depressed to go to the pharmacy to get my shots and endocrinologist appointments were expensive- then started questioning things. im still seen as a man in public if i wear a binder and such, and even though im off hormones i like having a sharper face, deeper voice, broader shoulders etc. ive never been feminine either and never related to other girls. despite all of that in caring less about the whole passing thing and being treated as a girl online + spending time in wlw communities i did realize it feels so much more comfortable to think of myself as a lesbian woman... im still not sure of my sexuality but if i do label myself im really considering going for that.
its a weird spot to be in. a lot of lesbians ive known actually transition as if they were ftm, but still identify as lesbians through the whole process. being gnc is really complicated and always being seen as a woman just kind of... sucks lol because of mysogyny and the dangers it poses. i still feel weird being called a girl in public when i cant be fucked to bind, like almost frightened, the truth is that being perceived as male can make life feel much safer in a subconscious level.
i dont really have a set answer to give you regarding that but like . i dont think its that uncommon of an experience. lots of masculine women in the past and even now do live being socially perceived as men. if it feels right for you to identify as a lesbian woman privately but live as a man socially, i dont think its bad. as long as youre comfortable with it
🤝 same here. i was lucky i realized it wasnt right for me less than an year on taking hormones. i started questioning myself while i wwas still on them and i have no answer until now. personally i settled on calling myself female because its my sex, but i wouldnt say i "feel like a woman" or whatever, i just got tired of caring too much about it. i dont really have a label anymore, i dont care how people refer to me, the body dysphoria is still here and was here when i was on t but, mostly i just try to avoid thinking about it. but the whole process of just... letting it go and not thinking about gender identity much anymore has been pretty freeing for me, i can just Be. if you feel like no label really fits you you could try and drop them altogether to see how it feels maybe.
hey your voice kinda sounds like mine :D 1st clip sounds more masc, but im both of them you have a pretty androgynous voice imo. if you go out looking more feminine in appearence i doubt anyone would even question if youre cis or not. at most theyll guess youre older than you actually are. in my experience ive actually been complimented for having a deeper voice too? my moms friend says i "would make a good storyteller" lol
i do still stress out about it, i just try and remind myself that in the end it doesnt actually matter that much- ill worry whether people are seeing me as a man or a woman in public then be like well. does that really matter right now? most people arent thinking about themselves rather than thinking about me you know. i dress however i want and make sure i have plenty more to do rather than stress out about how i look. its still awkward sometimes because i look very androgynous looking and sounding but thats how i prefer to be in appearence perdonally so i would say trying to look however feels best for you is also important. i think i just started seeing gender as kind of a joke and a performance at the same time- ill be told "wow i cant believe youre 19, you look so young for a boy!" and play along with it. ill be told "wow your voice is so deep for a girl, you sound so much older" and play along with it. just act like ive heard it one million times and all. gender doesnt have to be stiff, it can be just however youre seen in the moment, i would argue its even safer to live like that rather than correct people all the time. public bathrooms are still stressful when you look like you could be either so i just end up avoiding them altogether :') i havent really found an answer to that. sometimes i go back into anxiously searching for myself but i think the overall thing is realizing that the concrete is more important than abstract- idk what my sexuality is either but if i like a boy and he likes me thats fine. if i like a girl and she likes me thats fine also. will a label matter in the moment? maybe if they ask me, but saying you dont really care about labels when the question comes up is a good way to eventually not care about it i would say. idk how possible any of those specifically things are for you but the point is, cliche as it seems, to kinda fake it til you make it with not caring about gender
...okay? would you see some random guy with man boobs on the street and immediately assume hes a woman because of that? all i meant to say is that it would not make it impossible for op to be seen as male if they wish to and that going back to having more testosterne in their system will likely make them look smaller and less "female breasts-like". if op wishes to have a fully flat chest again they may have to get surgery but i just wanted to say that In My Opinion it did not look like something that would make being seen as male completely impossible