Reposting this cause I accidentally replied on the wrong account lol

I often have to deal with the same sort of things, being detrans too. I've found that being defensive makes them assume I am a TERF or whatever, so I avoid doing that. Instead, I call them out and ask them directly: do they think that being a detransitioner (desister in your case) means I am not allowed to engage with media about my experiences? Do they have other books about detransition that they think you should be reading instead? You're a desister, you have a right to read about people who went through the same things that you did, but you are instead being called transphobic for reading what little material there is out there on the topic. If that book is so bad, then what are they doing to provide alternative resources for detransitioners/desisters? Etc etc

Make them unable to ignore the fact that they are trying to silence detransitioners, an oppressed group. Make them uncomfortable. Take the focus off of trans people and address the fact that YOU are a desister and YOU are being silenced. Don't talk about trans people at all, talk entirely about your own experiences. They can't say detransition doesn't happen if they are face to face with someone talking about what it was like going through it.

Remind them that it is very much nothing to do with you that only people who seem interested in talking about the topic also seem to be anti trans, and maybe if there were more resources which don't ignore your experiences, you wouldn't be reading it. They are part of the problem by not acknowledging detransitioners, and make them aware of that fact.

I just realized that having dysphoria doesn't mean you have to be trans

This sounds similar to what I'm getting at. I don't think I ever really thought this specifically, mostly because I consider "trans" to imply dysphoria and "cis" to imply a lack of dysphoria. For this reason, I don't really identify as trans but I don't see myself as cis either. Both imply certain experiences. I usually just describe myself as detrans.

Yes. Hating "girl toys", skirts and dresses, is something that should not be seen as a sign of anything because like, it's just patently obvious that not all men like only sports, cars, and being aggro while hating the colour pink, dolls, and clothes. Women generally aren't the inverse either. Not adhering to these stereotypes is the norm.

It's also normal for women to feel uncomfortable with the changes that happen during puberty. I actually haven't met a single woman who didn't feel uncomfortable with it. Unfortunately, most tv shows that depict female puberty are written by men who have no idea what it's like, so they end up showing male puberty as weird and gross, meanwhile they think female puberty is a beautiful metamorphosis as if we aren't going though wild hormonal changes too.

Not feeling like you fit in with other girls is such a typical experience that people make fun of it (because people make fun of women for everything ig). See: r/notlikeothergirls.

BPD also makes me think you will regret it, since the symptoms include a very unstable sense of identity which is very likely to cling to any tiny label which would give you a sense of self. The trans community is full of this kind of stuff that is appealing to people with little sense of self.

I experienced all the things you described here, but ultimately, it only went away after years of not focusing it. It can't go away if you make it your whole life by transitioning. You're signing up for spending your entire life terrified that someone will clock you. The dysphoria will not go away like this. It just means you'll knitpick every tiny feature. You may not currently fear that people might clock you because of your height, how you walk, and your personality, but transition will bring you to be self conscious of every tiny thing. It isn't fun. Seriously consider if it's worth it.

Edit: also my experience with depression was that it was at its peak when my GD was at its peak. This sounds like what you're experiencing here too. This doesn't really apply with BPD since it's not something that's episodic like depression. GD made me hate my body and myself, far more than I ever did before being aware of GD. Even though before I was gender nonconforming, I didn't hate myself nearly as much as I did in the trans period. I did often feel like it was unfair that people gave me so much shit for not conforming, but as far as I'm concerned, that's their problem and not mine. Accepting myself as gender non-conforming and knowing I don't have to change myself for anyone has made me far happier than being trans ever did.

Haven't read the book, but watched the documentary. It felt pretty biased, largely due to Matt Walsh's gross traditionalist/conservative views, but it addresses something very important. I just wish someone I could actually respect had made it.

I went online shortly after it came out to see if anyone else could provide a good answer to the question, and nope, more tautologies & circular reasoning.

However, I have never been a person to follow trends, so this whole denial thing is made more difficult because I don't really care about being special or different

You really shouldn't rely on this as proof that you definitely wouldn't regret transition. I haven't actually seen many people who transitioned and detransitioned for this reason, so it's not really a good indicator. I think that the trans community horribly misrepresents what transition is. It's not a matter of discovering that you are trans and going onto hormones because people say that will help with dysphoria. You could have dysphoria and decide that transition is not the best way to deal with it, for example.

Hormones should be seen only as a way to get specific changes to happen, and you should only start on hormones if those changes are something you want. Be realistic about what the effects of these hormones will be. Find before and after pics of people who look like you before hormones.

You should really think about whether the changes that hormones cause are something that you want, and whether you are willing to put up with the side effects to achieve that. Do a LOT of research into the side effects, including for puberty blockers if that's something you're looking at. Many of the side effects are not minor and could lead to you feeling like you have ruined your life. For example, you may not want children now, but later, after taking hormone treatment that leaves you infertile, realise that you do. You can permanently damage your body and there are multiple possible side effects that will leave you in constant pain. Seriously consider whether these are risks you are willing to take. Remember that you can always just leave it until later in your life. You can also try seeing if therapy will help and leave transition only as a last resort.

The fact that you only started to feel discomfort with your genitals recently does seem to tell me that this is a phase, and though I am not a man, I felt similarly during puberty. It also seems like it's a pretty normal experience for men to feel grossed out by the changes they see during puberty. I'd strongly recommend not making any permanent decisions (this includes puberty blockers) until you've given it at least a couple years to see if it subsides by itself.

As for gender expression, there is absolutely no reason for your interest in "women's" clothing to be considered abnormal. Anyone can wear dresses. It says nothing about you as a person. You could decide you're not actually trans and still wear dresses. Sure, some people might look at you a bit weird, but they just don't know how to have fun

It was definitely like this for me. One of the big things was that i wanted bottom surgery but phallo is literally like they sewed a shitty hotdog to your crotch. Not to mention the graft scars. I can't imagine getting that and not feeling like I had been mutilated. I'm also very short and felt like I wouldn't be able to pass like that. So I felt like no matter what I did, I woyld never achieve the body I was after.

I am critical of gender as a concept, so in the literal sense, yes. But I don't agree with the vast majority of what people who call themselves gender critical believe, so I don't think the term is an accurate label for my beliefs. There's so much stuff I just can't get behind, mostly because I believe everyone should have the right to do whatever they want with their own body, so long as it doesn't hurt others. This seems at odds with most GC beliefs

I don't have much to say in response except that you are absolutely incorrect that dysphoria never leaves. For example, I used to have dysphoria, but I no longer do. There is also research out there that around half of teenagers who experience dysphoria grow out of it.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is awful and unfair. Pushing someone into transition like that is so wrong on so many levels, and the person responsible shouldn't be just getting away with it. Is there anything that can be done to hold that trans woman accountable?

People like that need to be pushed back against so that they don't keep pushing teenagers into making massive decisions like this.

I think body modification is fine. But like you need to be 18+ for a tattoo, you should be 18+ for HRT/SRS/etc. I also think more research needs to be done into properly distinguishing dysphoria that can be treated without transition from treatable dysphoria or other disorders that can mimic it. Finally, there needs to be a lot more oversight, so that you can't just go to one appointment and walk out with HRT. EVERYONE should be getting all relevant information and a full differential diagnosis screening.

Honestly I don't think changing your body to fit a social role ever ends well, though. People should be doing it because they want the physical changes, not because they hope people will treat them differently if they look a certain way.