This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's perspective is complex, nuanced, and internally consistent over time. They identify as a desister, express personal experiences (e.g., embarrassment, confusion, relationships with trans friends), and show self-reflection about their own biases and the limitations of their perspective as a desister. The writing style is natural, varied, and engages deeply with the philosophical and personal aspects of the topic, which is not typical of inauthentic accounts.
About me
I'm a male who started exploring gender because I didn't fit the masculine stereotype, and I mistakenly thought that liking feminine things meant I must be trans. My social transition felt like a performance, and I grew tired of needing constant validation for an identity that didn't feel authentic. A friend helped me realize I could embrace femininity without changing my identity, which was a major turning point. I now understand my discomfort was with society's rigid gender roles, not with being male. Today, I am a gender nonconforming male who is focused on just being myself without any labels.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started because I was a male who didn't fit into the masculine norm. I enjoyed femininity and felt more comfortable with it, but the message I kept getting from the world was that if you're a male who likes feminine things, you must be trans. It felt like a new, modern kind of sexism, like saying wearing a dress makes you a girl. I fell into that way of thinking and for a while, I identified as non-binary.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition was entirely social. I changed my name and asked people to use different pronouns. But the further I went, the more I felt like I was in a performance. I was tired of feeling like I was lying to people and making them lie to me. I just wanted to be my authentic self, and this felt like the opposite. The constant need for reassurance from others that my identity was "real and valid" started to feel like a major red flag, like even I was skeptical of what I was doing.
A big turning point was when a friend told me, "you can still identify with women without being one." That really stuck with me. It made me realize that I could embrace the feminine parts of myself without having to change my identity. I didn't need a new label; I just needed permission to be a gender nonconforming man.
I started to see that a lot of my discomfort wasn't with being male, but with the rigid boxes society tries to put everyone in. I hated the expectations that came with being a "man." I think a lot of my initial feelings were tied to this societal pressure and a low self-esteem, not some innate identity. I began to watch my YouTube habits change as my beliefs shifted. I went from watching affirmative trans creators, to more critical ones, to detrans voices. They all started to feel a bit "culty" and obsessive to me, and I couldn't relate to any extreme side.
I don't believe there are "real" or "fake" trans people. I see transition as a method, a treatment for dysphoria, not an identity. For some people, that method works and they are satisfied. For me, it wasn't the right path. I don't regret exploring it because it taught me a lot about myself, but I am glad I stopped before any permanent medical changes.
Now, I see myself as a male who is gender nonconforming. I'm comfortable with the word 'male' because it describes my sex, but I'm still uncomfortable with the word 'man' because of all the cultural baggage it carries. I think gender is a social construct—the roles and expectations society places on our sexed bodies. My goal now is just to be myself, without needing a special label for it. I believe the conversation should be about gender expression, not gender identity. It's healthier and doesn't require drugs, surgeries, or new identities to just let people express themselves how they want.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Began to socially transition to a non-binary identity, changing my name and pronouns. |
| 21 | A friend's comment ("you can still identify with women without being one") sparked my questioning. |
| 22 | Began to desist, stopping the use of my chosen name and pronouns and re-identifying as male. |
| 23 | Felt fully settled in my decision to desist and live as a gender nonconforming male. |
Top Comments by /u/eyesclouds:
how profitable this whole gender scam is in especially in America, where “healthcare” is rooted in rampant capitalism.
Yep. European 'progressive' countries are rolling back gender affirmation, hormones and surgeries in favor of psychoanalysis and therapy. Yet Americans call anyone 'fascist' for having skepticism and not converting children.
Wake the f*ck up.
I'm worried with how transition is being thought of as an essential part of your being, instead of a method for aiding dysphoria. It's a social therapy and treatment, not an identity or counter culture. It's being marketed and sold as a lifestyle, like being punk or goth.
Those who don't see themselves as strictly identifying with masculine and feminine idealisms (ie: most people) are being pressured to see themselves through the trans lens. I was told that my gender nonconformity made me trans, and I was pressured to go further. The only thing that makes you trans is transitioning.
people now think they are trans when they are not
My only push back, I don't believe there are "real" trans people. There are people who transition resonates with, but that doesn't make them any more or less "real" than we were. We weren't "fake trans" as many of the detransphobes say. I understand what you mean, but it's a distinction worth mentioning.
'Nonbinary' is just the trans ideological framing of gender nonconformity. It is not real in the sense that it exists, it's just a concept of self.
Most of us here are not going to advocate for another trans identity. You should feel encouraged to be as gender nonconforming as feels authentic to yourself, without feeling an obligation to see yourself as 'trans' again.
These articles are always written in a way that views trans bodies as negative or not equal to cisgender bodies.
Oh, shut the f*ck up...
I agree with the end part about political moralizing and the culture war. I'm just tired of detrans articles (and detrans voices) being talked over by trans moralizing every time we speak. Like, "Ok, ok, it's super duper important to hear detrans voices, but also? Remember these voices don't matter and trans people are real and valid. <3"
Oh, hell...
Trans people represent a decimal percentage of the population. How would it be even remotely appropriate to assume someone is trans and uncomfortable with their sex just for being nonconforming? Banned from a butch space because trans people always come first... What is this world coming to.
No, I don't believe in 'actual' 'real' trans people. I think that's an essentialist understanding of gender identity.
I see transition as a social and medical method, and I do trust there are people who are satisfied with this method. That's as 'genuine' a trans person as I can describe.
I see trans identity as a momentary interpretation of very real phenomena, like gender dysphoria and nonconformity. It's a multifaceted issue, not easily summarized with 'who you are inside'. How you relate to society is contingent on the current conditions of said society, and I don't think the mainstream understanding of gender explore this enough.
You have to wonder when a person is more focused on pronouns and semantics, whether it’s at all about them living their ‘authentic selves’, or if it’s become about validating a literal concept. They talk more about the language than their lived experience, and that worries me. Some of them don’t seem like they’d be gender nonconforming at all if they didn’t have to prove their gender is ‘real’…
I understand. I have a nonbinary best friend. Despite my desisting, we have never talked about my new feelings on sex and gender. I'm too afraid to talk with them about it. I'm also similarly embarrassed by them. The fake voice they put on for others, the clothes that don't fit, the angry fits when being misgendered by perfectly normal people..
Update us if you do end up discussing it with them.
Totally, my post is odd, I'll admit that. I'm humoring an unusual perspective.
After desisting, I spent a year telling myself "it's their fault." But you know what? I did that the entire time I was trans too. Where does the self victimizing end? We're all responsible for navigating our own lives. I'm worried holding onto that resentment and not taking responsibility is it's own sort of hell.
Trans people represent 'less than 2%' of the population, so if detrans being 'less than 2%' of the trans population isn't valid to them, they have a lot to reconsider about how much space they've occupied in the last ten years...
Unfortunately, the political spectacle has totally commodified gender discourse. You cannot voice your thoughts without signaling the political 'sides', left or right. The left has taken the position that trans people are 'real', so any skepticism or regret is antithetical to their narrative of the essential trans person. The right has taken the 'trans is fake and degenerate' position, so you can't discuss detransition with the nuance of gender nonconformity and gender oppression.