This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex narrative about the user's struggle with their partner's transition. The internal conflict, specific personal details (like counseling, support groups, and sexual orientation), and the raw emotional tone are indicative of a genuine person in a difficult situation. The user's perspective is consistent with that of a desister's partner, not a detransitioner themselves.
About me
I'm struggling with my partner's transition to female, as I'm a straight woman who fell in love with a man. I feel I can't share my grief or fears without being seen as unsupportive, so I keep quiet and hope she reconsiders. I'm mourning the future we planned together and my biggest hope is that she can learn to love herself as she is. It's a constant battle to see her as a woman when she still looks like the man I married. I love her deeply, but I honestly don't know if our relationship can survive this.
My detransition story
My partner’s transition has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, unable to share my true feelings without being seen as unsupportive. If I try to gently question anything or suggest maybe this isn’t the right path, it’s immediately taken as me being against her. So I’ve learned to keep most of my concerns to myself, hoping that maybe she’ll come to a different conclusion on her own, even though I fear that if that happens, it will be after she’s already gone through with medical transition.
I’m trying to get support for myself. I go to a support group for spouses and I see a counselor. My own counselor is trying to understand, even if she doesn’t fully get my partner’s gender issues. I’ve also told a few close friends, but no one in my family knows. Before all this, I’ll admit I was pretty judgmental about gender issues, but this experience has really forced me to learn and change my perspective.
The hardest part is the grief for the future we had planned. I had such a clear, amazing life imagined for us, and this has thrown a huge wrench into everything. I had no doubts about our life together before this. I’ve never been attracted to women, and I love my partner, so I’m stuck in this painful place. I’m even part of an online group for partners of trans people, but I feel like I can’t be completely honest there either, because my fears and sadness aren’t always welcome.
I look at my partner and it just makes me sad. She was an amazing person before she came out. She has never loved herself. From what she’s told me, no one ever loved her enough growing up, and I feel like I’ve loved her more than anyone else in her life. I wish so much that she could see the incredible person she already is, without feeling like she needs to dramatically change her body. My deepest hope is that she finds happiness, whether that’s as a woman or not. I want to stay her partner, but I honestly don’t know if I can remain attracted to her as she transitions. That possibility breaks my heart.
It’s also confusing for me personally. I have a really hard time seeing her as the woman she says she is. Right now, she still looks like the man I fell in love with, just with longer hair and no beard. Not many other physical changes have happened yet. I got yelled at recently for referring to her as “him” when talking about the past, so now I always use “she,” even if it doesn’t feel real to me. I can be respectful and try, but it’s a struggle. I love the person I knew as “him,” and I hope I can learn to love “her” in the same way, but I just don’t know. She knows all of this. She knows I’m straight, she knows I’m unhappy about the transition, and she knows there’s a real chance I won’t be able to stay in the relationship.
| Age of My Partner | Event |
|---|---|
| (Age not specified) | Partner came out as a trans woman. |
| (Age not specified) | Partner started growing out hair and removing facial hair. |
| (Age not specified) | I began attending a spousal support group and seeing a counselor. |
Top Comments by /u/fearandworry:
I literally can't tell her anything like this though, or it's me being unsupportive. If I try and sway her in the opposite direction, it's me not being encouraging or supportive. So I just kinda hope she can come to this conclusion on her own, but I know if it even happens is will be post transition.
Edit: She also likes her counselor so I know she doesn't want to try and find another one.
Thank you. I am going to a support group for spouses and see a counselor. It's just really hard. I had such an amazing life imagined for us but this threw a wrench in our plans. I had no doubts before this. But I have never been attracted to women, but I love my partner. I am also a part of the /r/mypartneristrans subreddit but can't always be 100% honest there either.
I'm happy that you learned to accept yourself for who you are, even if it took you going through that experience for you to find out. I wish my SO could do the same. She was an amazing person prior to coming out. She never loved herself, no one ever loved her enough growing up, I feel like I've loved her more than anyone in her life. I wish she could see herself as the amazing person she really is before dramatically changing herself. It's incredibly sad. In the end, no matter what happens, I just hope she is happy. I would like to remain her partner, but not sure if I can remain attracted. It makes me so sad.
I am. She doesn't 100% understand my partner's issues with gender but she is trying and is definitely there for me. I haven't told many people in my personal life about this, only a few friends. No family. I attend a support group for spouses too. But it's still hard. I feel like I have to keep in so much of my concerns or else I'm unsupportive and/or against transgender people. Tbh, before all of this, I was not understanding of gender issues and was judgmental, but I have come a long way.
Well I have a hard time seeing my SO as the person she feels like she is. I got bitched out by her recently for referring to her as "him" for the time before she came out. so yeah now I say she, even if I don't see her as a she. She still looks like "him," to me, just without a beard and longer hair. Not a lot of other changes have happened yet. But I can be respectful and try to see and talk to her as a "she." It is really hard and confusing. I do love "him," and hope I can love "her" the same way when she becomes more of a female, but idk if that's possible.
Edit: She also knows how I feel about all of this. She knows my sexuality, she knows I am unhappy about all of this, and she knows it is possible I won't be able to remain in this relationship as this transition continues.