This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on this limited comment history, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates nuanced, empathetic, and detailed advice that is consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister perspective. The comments show personal investment, emotional understanding of the issues, and a coherent, non-repetitive writing style. The advice to avoid medical intervention and critique of gender ideology aligns with common, passionate views held by real people in that community.
About me
I started as a teenager who felt I didn't fit in with other girls and hated the changes of puberty. I was influenced online to believe my discomfort meant I was a trans man and I socially transitioned for years. I almost started testosterone but stopped because a gut feeling told me it was wrong. I now see my struggle was with society's expectations of women, not with being female itself. I've accepted that I'm just a lesbian woman who doesn't conform to gender roles, and I'm finally at peace with myself.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I never felt like I fit in with other girls, and I was really uncomfortable with the changes my body was going through during puberty. I hated developing breasts; it felt like they made me a target and forced me into a role I didn't want. I spent a lot of time online and was heavily influenced by the communities I found there. I started to believe that my discomfort meant I wasn't really a girl, and that the solution was to transition.
I came out as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. My friends at the time were all very supportive and affirming, which felt good, but I think it also pushed me further down a path without ever questioning it. Looking back, a lot of my feelings were tied to other issues. I had really low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. I think I also had some internalized homophobia; I’m a lesbian, and I found it easier to think of myself as a straight man than to accept being a gay woman. It felt like an escape from the pressures and expectations placed on women.
I socially transitioned for a few years, using a different name and pronouns. I even got a prescription for testosterone, but I never started it. I came extremely close to injecting my first dose, but I stopped myself at the last minute because I had a gut feeling it was wrong. I’m so grateful I did, because that was the beginning of me waking up.
What really made me realize I’d made a mistake was my relationship. I had a boyfriend who I thought loved me for me, but when I started to question my transition and talk about detransitioning, he ended things. He said he was only attracted to me as a man. That was a huge shock. It made me see that his love was conditional on me being trans, and it forced me to confront the reality of what I was doing.
Detransitioning was awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't the end of the world. I stopped everything cold turkey. I was lucky that I hadn’t done any permanent damage. My body went back to normal, and I didn’t have any serious health complications. The hardest part was dealing with the social fallout and explaining myself to people.
Now, I see my experience differently. I think a lot of my struggle was with gender roles and sexist expectations, not with my body itself. I didn’t have true dysphoria; I just didn’t like the box society tries to put women in. I’ve learned that you can be a woman and have short hair, wear men’s clothes, and be gay. There’s no wrong way to be a woman.
I do have some regrets. I regret the time I lost and the mental energy I poured into something that wasn’t real. I regret how I worried my family. But I don’t regret the journey because it brought me to a place of self-acceptance. I’m finally okay with who I am: a gender-nonconforming lesbian woman. I benefited from stepping away from affirming spaces and just thinking critically for myself.
My thoughts on gender now are that we’ve made it way too complicated. There’s nothing wrong with being straight or cisgender. It’s okay to just be yourself without having to find a special label for every single feeling. The pressure on young people to identify out of being cishet is a real problem.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and developing breasts. |
| 16 | Spent a lot of time online, influenced by trans communities. Came out as non-binary. |
| 17 | Came out as a trans man. Socially transitioned with a new name and he/him pronouns. |
| 18 | Got a prescription for testosterone. Almost injected first dose but stopped at the last minute. |
| 19 | Realized I was detransitioning after a breakup. Stopped all transition efforts. |
| 20 | Fully accepted myself as a gender-nonconforming lesbian woman. |
Top Comments by /u/feduplesbian:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is indeed a contagion with teens/pre-teens. The term "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria" (or ROGD) might be worth googling, there is some new research coming out about this. It is basically the new trend for young girls to get into, much like eating disorders in the 90s.
I would not get her a binder or use any "reaffirming" behavior (allowing her to use a boy name or he/him pronouns, etc). But I would also not push against her too far. Kids at that age will be rebellious for the sake of rebellion. The moment you try to "forbid" trans behaviors, the more you play into the "evil parents who are oppressing the poor innocent trans kid!" narrative that she has already imagined in her head.
She can cut her hair if she wants, she doesn't have to shave her legs or pits, she doesn't have to wear make-up. I would just make an effort to "de-genderize" your language around her and call her out when she says sexist things. For example, if she says "I want short hair like a guy" you should tell her that hair is just hair, and that women can have short hair and men can have long hair. The length of your hair is not tied to any specific sex and nobody should feel constrained by pointless gender roles.
Most girls in her position are trying to opt-out of womanhood and all of the gender roles and sexism, which I think even us older women can understand. It's not fun to constantly be reminded that you're an object to a lot of people, that you're considered 'lesser than' because of your biology. I'd bring up feminist issues when appropriate (women's access to healthcare, bodily autonomy, domestic abuse, etc) and make sure she's thinking critically.
I'm sorry to say that she will likely be in this phase for years. You might feel like nothing you say is working or getting to her, but you'd be surprised at how deeply kids listen at this age, even if they roll their eyes and complain to their friends about you. You can plant the seeds that root her in reality while she explores with gender nonsense.
Getting her involved in some physical activities that get her using her body instead of thinking about how it's being perceived by others is also a good idea.... though perhaps easier said than done in the current global situation.
Also, I know that binders may seem "harmless" but they can cause deformities if worn too extensively. It's simply not safe.
Best of luck, friend. This subreddit will be invaluable to you, I'm sure.
Congratulations! I'm happy to hear that you are feeling positive. As a fellow gender-nonconforming gay, I welcome you back into the fold. There's nothing wrong with you as you are. You are needed in this world and you belong!
Also, I'm glad you didn't inject using a contaminated needle. It's just not a good idea. Good on you for following the best practices. It's a good reminder to anyone here who is using injectable hormones.
As far as I've read, you should be able to quit E cold turkey without any adverse affects. (If you still have your testes intact, I mean, which I'm assuming you do.) You may experience some mood swings as your hormones take some time to adjust, but nothing that should be threatening to your health.
Hello again. I'm so sorry to hear about how things have gone with your boyfriend. You must be feeling gutted right now. You hit the nail on the head when you said "I didn't think his love was conditional on me being trans." What a terrible thing to realize, and I'm sorry that you have this to deal with.
But, it sounds like something that needed to happen. You're going to be OK. Be kind to yourself and respect yourself. You know what you need to do, and I know you can do it.
Best of luck!
Most people are not 100% happy with their body. It doesn't sound like you have dysphoria. Which is a great thing!
You are allowed to wear whatever clothes you like, and style your hair however you'd like. Lots of women have short hair and wear traditionally 'masculine' clothes. So what? Hairstyles don't define your identity. Liking short hair doesn't mean you must "Be a man on the inside" or something like that. It's a profoundly sexist narrative that's being pushed these days.
You're not "being a woman" wrong. In the future, you may wish to make modifications to your breasts (getting a breast reduction, for example). This is not that uncommon. But I would leave any major, irreversible decisions until you're at least 25, since your brain is still developing until then.
Not trans or detrans but let me tell you something. Doing "stupid" things is part of growing up. I made stupid choices at your age that almost had lifelong legal repercussions. And I wasn't a "stupid" kid by any metric.
You're in a great position right now. Sure, detransitioning could be awkward or uncomfortable, but that's about the extent of the "damage." There's no rush to do so, in my opinion, but I would hold off on hormones or any medical procedures until you're older. You have a lot of development ahead of you that might change how you feel completely.
Also, it's really sad that the "Q" part of the LGBT community has created this culture amongst the youth that there's something "shameful" about being straight or cis. There's nothing wrong with being a straight woman. The OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of people are "cishet" and there's nothing wrong with that!
The "indentity-fication" of every minor aspect of personality, attraction, sex drive, and style is a huge problem. Now every cishet girl is ashamed to be cishet and has to identify as a "femme presenting trans masc demisexual gay boi" or whatever.
Don't be ashamed of who you are or who you're attracted to. There's nothing wrong with it.
Also, if you haven't seen any of her videos, I would recommend checking out "GNC Central" on youtube. She's an FtMtF detransitioner who also has a lot to say about being a GNC woman. She's a lesbian and not straight but you might find some interesting content from her.