Not detrans, just commenting to say that this absolutely is something I also would like to hear. Personally I've been questioning for several years and identified as trans for a couple of years but didn't transition because I wanted to be sure I wasn't making a mistake. After reading this sub and several gendercritical subs I've started to heavily lean towards desisting for the rest of my life, since it seems even people who have been "absolutely sure" can later realize they made a mistake.

Think less of your identity and more of the consequences. Think of the worst case scenario, and if anything could be worth that. Think of the sacrifices and all the things that could go wrong.

There's a chance you will lose everything. Family, friends, anyone you know might want to cut contact. It could be no one, or just one person. Or it could be everyone. Is losing everyone worth it?

If you transition and pass, and go stealth you will be a man. No more free passes for being a woman. You will be expected to need no one and have no feelings or emotions. Feeling sad? No more people asking if you're all right and consoling you - you'll have to man up, conceal your discomfort and push on. Anxious about something? Don't show it, it's a weakness. Feel exhausted and need a hug? You can't need reassurance or physical comfort - you have to be stone.

Women will see you as a man. No more being greeted by people on the street - they will see you and avoid you. No people sitting next to you on the bus - you're a threat now. No more spontaneous conversations. No more lighthearted gossip and casual conversation - you're a man now, not a person.

Want a partner one day? Too bad - the overwhelming majority of people want their man to be male. Not an almost-equivalent, but a man with the male parts he was born with. Identical parts cannot be created with the medical tech we have now - even the best ones are artificial prosthetics. Also, you're probably shorter than males in average, and your bone structure for example in your hips will never change. You might become an almost-man but not male. Most people are not interested in in-betweens.

Any surgeries you might have cpuld go wrong, too. Top surgeries ALWAYS result in at least some loss of sensation. And the majority of bottom surgeries have at least some complications, for example things like fistulas. Hysterectomies aren't harmless either, as they can lead to nerve damage or damage to the pelvic floor (which might lead to things like incontinence or even organ prolapse).

Also, transitioning is meant to treat dysphoria but in many cases IT IS NOT AN OUTRIGHT CURE. Your body will never be the same as a natal male's, and you will remember that for each and single day of your life. Many transitioned people will need therapy for long periods in their life. Changing your body will not change everything, and you will never forget that.

Are you really ready to face all that? Everything? There are so many risks, so many things that could go wrong. So many things that could and will make it even worse for you. You will have to sacrifice EVERYTHING, and there's no guarantee of success or happiness.

Are you absolutely sure you will be strong enough?

Your chromosomes don't dictate how you "have to" look or wear your hair or dress or whatever. Keep doing what you're doing, be a non-conforming woman if that's what makes you the most comfortable you can be. Flaunt your not being conventionally attractive! Make it your thing, do it blatantly! Wear shorts with hairy legs, don't use makeup, wear your hair short, anything YOU feel comfortable presenting. Everything that people throw at you, throw it right back at their faces. That's how I have been able to survive for almost 30 years as a female who would rather be a man. Eventually people will no longer even care, as they learn that just is what you are.

If I could go back, I'd still have the surgery (I needed that for physical as well as emotional reasons) but I would have remained a GNC woman and sought ways to empower myself in that.

It's actually nice to see someone see who feels surgery was the right thing. To me, getting rid of my breasts might even be all I need to feel my body is something I can live in. Not having breasts might make having a relationship next to impossible ( I'm 95% attracted to men, and I'm very much aware most men like their women with boobs), but I won't be ever able to be with anyone with the body I have now. People already acknowledge my non-conformity in regards to my sex, so 90% of my discomfort is due to my body and most of that is due to my chest.

It's literally pretending to be a man in an outrageous way.

It's not that for me. It's the only way for me to feel even a bit comfortable in my body. I HAVE to conceal my feminine features as completely as possible. It's not a show or a performance. It's not about being special either. It's about feeling less suicidal, it's about not wanting to carve pieces out of my body. It's about making sure people call me handsome instead of beautiful. It's about being the one to hold open the door and carry the heavy things instead of being the one guys do things for. It also seems to be something guys seem to hate...

Bah. I'm not a christian, and that is very much a conscious decision. Religious morality or doctrine, of ANY religion, has absolutely no place in my life, and it will never have. I have read the bible many times, and I reject it. I don't believe in sin. I don't even believe in good and evil - there are simply different reasons for people to make different decisions, and people have different points of view on things. It's all shades of gray, not black and white.

I also don't think sex is bad, or that anything about it is bad. As long as everyone (regardless of gender, or number of participants, or the acts being performed, or anything) consents to everything, it's all good to me. I wish I could enjoy it the way most people can, but my discomfort with my body makes it impossible as I will be disgusted by myself. That's why it would be a "necessary evil" - not because the act itself is evil, but simply because it is something I don't enjoy but might be required to do if I want to be in a relationship

I'm a little confused on what you mean by "N'o more free passes for being a woman".

People tend to let you off the hook easier when you're a woman, almost regarding you as an overgrown child. You get help and support and extra resources just because of your gender. All that will be gone if you become an man in others' eyes. No more support, no more sympathy, no more help. You'll be on your own 100% of the time.

I don't think it's a good idea to chose how I want to be comfortable based on how future partners and strangers will think of me.

You say that now. But when you start getting shunned in the public because women fear men, and after decades still can't even get past first date because "oh, you're not really male...I'm sorry but I don't want to continue seeing you"? It's reality, and it's ugly but that's how it goes. You do not live in a bubble, and how other people regard you affects every aspect in your life. You have to be prepared to live your whole life completely alone. No friends, no family, no one to talk to, no one to console you when you're sad or sick, no one to fall asleep to and no family to come home to. Only you and the solitude you brought upon yourself with your own choices.

some choose to have top surgery while continuing to live as female.

Unfortunately this is not legal in my county. Only binary trans people with a transsexuality diagnosis can have top surgery.

isolate the most problematic issue

I feel like I have to wear an uniform I hate every second of my life. Except that uniform is my body, and I can't take it off the way I could remove clothes I don't like. I'm especially averse to someone being attracted to the parts I despise the most (my chest and general body shape), to the point I'd rather just not be with anyone. I also avoid being photographed as much as possible, only look in the mirror to assess if there's something I could do better to hide my shape and never ever look at myself naked (I even shower with my eyes closed). I just can't coexist with my female features and it is a big restriction on how I live.

I was just told that I should never, ever use the word "butch" unless I'm a lesbian. I mistakenly used it in my original post and had to hurry and remove it! It's the "deleted" part in one sentence, it originally said "straight bu***" (not censored) since I had seen some women refer to themselves as that and hadn't known it was insensitive towards butch lesbians.

I'm specifically NOT looking for butch communities. The main thing and problem here is my almost exclusive attraction to men. I wonder how anyone like me could ever find a partner, since most of the things that straight men apparently like in women just don't apply to me at all! And I understand that having a partner who doesn't want to be refered to as woman (female is fine), is NEVER going to let you see their chest bare, only wears men's clothes and generally acts more masculine than feminine is not something most men would be interested in at all.

I wish I could be like you, just learn to live with it. Actually, I don't even want to really "transition", I just wish I could have a body I don't feel panic having. I was refused anti-depressants because my MDD has been classified as moderate recurrent and the worst episodes usually happen when I also have PMS. But since "it's just your hormones" the only thing I could get would be estrogen pills, which would treat my PCOS as well which would make me less hairy (which I don't want).

Fuck, just having to talk (or write) about this makes me feel like jumping out the window.