This story is from the comments by /u/fell_into_fantasy that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comment history provided, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments display:
- High Consistency: The narrative of a female desister/detransitioner who was on testosterone for several years, had top surgery, and is now navigating life post-detransition is remarkably consistent over a three-year period.
- Personal, Granular Detail: The comments include specific, lived experiences (e.g., specific T dosage, weaning process, changes in body hair, voice training, book recommendations, intimate details of sexual and emotional struggles) that are difficult to fabricate consistently.
- Emotional Complexity: The user expresses a wide range of nuanced and often conflicting emotions—regret, anger, hope, self-loathing, and cautious optimism—which aligns with the known experiences of many detransitioners.
- Evolution Over Time: The user's perspective and advice evolve naturally, showing a process of learning and self-discovery, such as their changing relationship with the term "woman" and their journey to understand their trauma.
The account exhibits the passion and pain described in the prompt as common among this group. There is no evidence of scripted, copy-pasted, or contradictory statements that would indicate inauthenticity.
About me
I started identifying as a trans man in my early twenties, thinking my discomfort with being a woman was a gender issue. I took testosterone for nearly four years and had top surgery, but I grew to hate the permanent changes to my body. I realized my real problem was trauma and society's expectations of women, not my sex itself. I stopped hormones at 27 and have been slowly working on accepting myself as a female through therapy. I’m 31 now and still healing, learning to live with my regrets while building a life I can be proud of.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is complicated, and it’s taken me years to understand how I got here. I started identifying as a trans man in my early twenties. I was a huge tomboy growing up, and I think a lot of my feelings were rooted in not fitting into what society expected of a girl. I also had a lot of trauma from my childhood, especially from my dad, who was very controlling and had really poor views of women. I felt like I couldn’t be myself, and that repression made me think the problem was my gender.
I started testosterone when I was about 20 and was on it for nearly four years. I also had top surgery. At first, transitioning felt like an escape. I thought life would be easier as a man because men are valued more in society. But even a few months into taking T, I remember secretly hating the changes to my face. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror, but I ignored that feeling and kept going because I thought it was just part of the process.
A big turning point for me was around age 27. I started having this overwhelming desire to have a baby, which was shocking because the idea of carrying a child had always repulsed me before. Around the same time, I finally admitted to myself that I was actually attracted to men, not women. I had only dated women before, and I realized I was forcing myself into a sexuality that wasn't mine. I also just got tired of being a "hairy ape." I hated the body hair and the beard. I realized I didn't want to be a man; I had just wanted to escape being a woman because of all the pain and societal crap that comes with it.
I stopped testosterone in January 2021, when I was 27. That was the first step. The actual social detransition happened much more slowly. I’m 31 now, and I still use a male name and pronouns in some settings because female terms feel loaded and triggering for me. I know I am a woman, but accepting that fully is a work in progress. I’ve benefited so much from therapy, specifically with a therapist who understands the trauma behind my transition. We’ve worked on connecting my desire to transition to childhood emotional abuse and a really fragile sense of identity. I was so desperate to be anyone but myself that I latched onto a new identity.
I do have regrets. I deeply regret that I didn't give myself a chance to accept myself first. I regret that I had a double mastectomy instead of just a reduction, because now I’ll never be able to breastfeed. I regret the permanent changes from testosterone, like my deep voice and facial hair. My voice is as deep as a cis man’s, and even though I’ve trained it to sound higher when I speak, it’s a constant reminder. I feel like I wasted my twenties running away from myself.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I don't believe in gender identity anymore. I think it’s a concept that makes people overanalyze every little thing they like or wear. I believe you are your biological sex, and how you express yourself is just a variation on that. A lot of what gets called dysphoria is actually discomfort with puberty, trauma, internalized misogyny, or just not liking the stereotypes forced on your sex. Reading books like "Reviving Ophelia" and "Come As You Are" helped me see how much my struggles were shared by other women and were a product of our culture.
Life is harder now in some ways. I’m in this in-between space where people sometimes think I’m a trans woman or just can’t figure out my sex. Dating is really hard; I’m a straight tomboy and I worry my flat chest and deep voice make me unlovable. But it’s also better because I’m finally being honest with myself. I’ve found community in women’s spaces, like my CrossFit gym and hockey league, and that has been healing. I focus on my hobbies and building a life I can be proud of, even with the permanent changes. The grief is still there, but I’m learning to live with it.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 20 | Started identifying as a trans man and began testosterone. |
| 21 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 27 | Stopped taking testosterone (January 2021). |
| 27 | Began to realize I was attracted to men and experienced a desire to have children. |
| 27-31 | Slow process of social detransition; started therapy to address trauma. |
| 29 | Started laser hair removal for facial hair. |
| 31 | Present day; living as a detransitioned female, using she/her pronouns in some contexts, still working on self-acceptance. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/fell_into_fantasy:
I hear you. We can’t control what other people do and say…but it’s still infuriating. This person doesn’t have a fucking uterus. They have NO IDEA what it is like to be in so much pain it is uncomfortable to lie down, to hug the toilet bowl, to have to put our lives on hold for up to a week every month. We really, really don’t need more men trivializing our medical issues.
All I see are a bunch of women who are so uncomfortable with their own femininity and womanhood that the only way they can express it is by disconnecting from themselves and claiming that they are men. It’s actually really sad to me that being a woman is so undesirable and traumatic in society that this is the route some of us have to take. (Source: I wasn’t quite a femboy but I was only able to express myself in feminine ways once I had achieved the safety of being a man.)
“It's the fact I rejected my body so radically that I felt I needed to have someone surgically remove parts of it.”
I feel this so hard. I think that’s often the part people don’t understand. I don’t know about you, but it almost felt as if I was dissociating into this other version of myself. I was so uncomfortable with myself that it seemed better to make permanent changes to my body that I ultimately didn’t want than to accept who I actually am. But that’s the problem with permanent changes—even though I see things so much more clearly now and am very certain of who I am, I feel like I will always be in this kind of limbo because my body and my voice aren’t and never will be me again. And while the years pass, I can’t shake this anger that I ever transitioned in the first place, that I might never have a family because I wasted those crucial years running away from myself.
All that to say, you’re not alone.
You haven’t fucked up your life. In my experience, a lot of those desires got progressively stronger over the years until I couldn’t deny them any longer. They ll are definitely worth some attention.
The term “whorey housewife lifestyle” really stuck out to me. That has nothing to do with being a woman and is actually quite degrading. I’d also be confused if my identity was based on ill-informed stereotypes.
Because our ideologies are completely opposite. Many of us no longer believe in gender identity. For the most part we are not the TERFs the trans sub thinks we are, but I remember when I was trans. Any opposition or questioning of my beliefs was transphobic, problematic, and needed to be eliminated.
Sometimes it feels that way. I publicly “came out” at work (in a school) because I needed people to understand that I am not a trans woman. Ever since then my principal has trouble looking me in the eyes. She is pressured by the department to implement SOGI education at the school and I worry that my presence threatens that for her.
I hope I’m just projecting, but something feels off.
Yeah, I love this sub. I think we all have a lot of feelings so I know I’ve said things that might have come across a bit harsh, but on the whole all the people I’ve interacted with have been so insightful and are just trying to figure themselves out…just like trans people.
It’s not for nothing! You gathered the information you needed and made a responsible decision. Unless the people around have been in your specific situation, they have no idea what they’re talking about. Eventually this will be just a tiny blip in your life.
Yeah. I don’t think it’s intentional but there’s definitely been a shift in the group in the last year or two. I don’t mind sharing my experience and being a cautionary tale, but I come here to give and receive support from other detrans people. It’s the only place I have that and it doesn’t feel the same when people who don’t have the same experience as us start taking up too much space.
Thank you so much for coming to this space to share your story. I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering that you’ve experienced and continue to experience. No 16-year-old is capable of understand lifelong changes, regardless of whether they find medical transition to be helpful.
What I have learned is that every time I share my story or work through my own childhood trauma, I am finally, actually loving myself. Life feels harder now in this weird, unrecognizable, in-between space, but I know that I am living for me and holding that little girl who was in so much pain tight tight tight. You’ve got this.