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Reddit user /u/fhebewwww's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 19 -> Detransitioned: 25
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.

The comments display:

  • Personal, nuanced experience with detransition (e.g., discussing voice changes, surgical outcomes, and specific emotional struggles).
  • Consistent perspective on the complexity of the issue, avoiding extreme or hysterical language.
  • Empathetic engagement with other users, offering practical advice and shared experiences.
  • Human-like introspection on topics like social anxiety, body discomfort, and the human condition.

The user's tone is passionate but measured, which is consistent with a genuine member of the community.

About me

I was born female and my deep discomfort with my body started when I developed breasts as a teenager. I thought taking testosterone and having surgery would free me, but it just gave me a new set of problems and I deeply regret it. I now use prosthetic inserts to feel normal in public, but I still struggle with pain and regret. I’ve learned that my issues were rooted in trauma and anxiety, not my body, and that medical transition isn’t a solution for that. I’m now focused on healing my self-esteem from the inside instead of trying to change my body to fit in.

My detransition story

My whole journey with transition and detransition is complicated and rooted in a lot of pain that I was trying to escape. I was born female and from a young age, I felt a deep discomfort, especially when I hit puberty and developed breasts. I hated them. They felt alien and wrong on my body, and that feeling was intense. Looking back, I think a lot of my issues were tied to low self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression. I had a really hard time in middle school; my group of female friends was toxic and full of backstabbing and bullying. It made me deeply distrustful of women and I wanted to separate myself from that entire experience. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere.

I started to believe that if I changed my body, I could outrun that discomfort. I thought taking testosterone and getting top surgery would free me from the feeling of being trapped in my own skin. I lived as a man for several years and even identified as a gay man for a while, which I now see might have been connected to some internalized homophobia from my past. But the truth is, I never really fit in with men either, because I wasn't a man. The discomfort never really went away; it just changed. I traded one set of problems for another. I realized that just having a body is uncomfortable. Life is filled with pain and there's no outrunning the human condition. Taking T and having surgery didn't free me, it just adjusted the discomfort to my body's new parameters.

I got a double mastectomy where they removed my nipples, resized them, and grafted them back on. They left some tissue behind to shape my chest. Now that I’ve been off testosterone for many years, I’ve had some tissue regrowth on the sides that doesn’t look like breasts, but I get cyclical breast pain with my period cycle in that area. I deeply regret my surgery. I want reconstruction, but I've heard that some surgeons won't do it for detrans women, which feels like discrimination. For now, I use post-mastectomy bras with silicone prosthetic inserts that my insurance covered. They look and feel real under clothes and are a saving grace for helping me feel normal in public, even though it's hard to take them off at the end of the day.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's not a simple solution to deep-seated problems. For me, a lot of it was about trauma, anxiety, and trying to find a place to belong. I don't think the trans community is a malicious cult, but it can be misguided and pushy about medical interventions, and people like me got swept up in that. I’ve learned to handle my intrusive thoughts about gender by acknowledging them and letting them pass, like leaves in the wind, instead of latching onto them. I don't believe HRT should ever be used as a suicide deterrent; emotional stabilization has to come first.

I don't fit in perfectly anywhere now. I have a hard time knowing if other women see me as a woman or as something else. My perception of myself impacts how I think others see me. But I'm learning that the work is internal. It's about healing my self-esteem and social anxiety, not changing my body to match an idea.

Age Event
13 Started puberty; intense discomfort and hated developing breasts.
15 Toxic friendships with girls in middle school; became distrustful of women.
19 Started taking testosterone and began living as a man.
22 Had double mastectomy (top surgery) with nipple grafts.
25 Stopped testosterone. Began identifying as a woman again.
29 (Present) Experiencing tissue regrowth and cyclical breast pain; using prosthetic inserts.

Top Comments by /u/fhebewwww:

9 comments • Posting since December 10, 2021
Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) explains that HRT should not be used as a suicide deterrent, arguing that emotional stabilization must come before any medical transition.
27 pointsJan 8, 2022
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Also, stating that this is the only option or the will kill themselves. if you are that emotionally unstable, stabilization needs to happen first . There’s always more to it than just , change my gender or I will kill myself. In no way should HRT be a suicide deterrent.

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) explains her struggle to fit in with men or women, linking it to childhood bullying by female friends and current anxiety about being perceived as an "other."
20 pointsDec 28, 2021
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Yes and I did not fit in with men at all, either. I don’t feel like I fit in well anywhere and it’s because of social anxiety, self esteem, etc. i feel like it ties into my childhood as a young girl I had a group of female friends but some of them were very toxic and horrible backstabbing bullying within my friend group. I became untrusting of women and wanted to separate myself from that. But I didn’t fit in with men because I wasn’t a man, lol. When I read this post it made me think of middle school as how absolutely aweful it felt as a girl in every way. These days I have a hard time knowing if other women see me as a women or trans or a strange “other” I think the hardest part is.. my perception of myself impacts how I think others perceive me. And it’s hard to rely believe that women aren’t just being nice to me while seeing me as an effeminate man.

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) explains how fluctuating gender expression can be a survival skill and a reaction to societal pressures, not necessarily an identity issue.
18 pointsDec 16, 2021
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My guess is that would have less to do with your identity and more to do with societal pressures, expectations and trying to find your place again. Atleast, that’s how it’s like for me. I’m ftmtf, I’ve noticed my voice and mannerisms can change a lot depending on my environment. When I’m around women by voice comes out lower than when I’m talking to men... like as if I need to be more “tough” around other women and need to be sweet and tender and cute around men. Around men my voice goes up a register. Around gay men I probably seem more flamboyant because I lived as a “gay man” and knew the dynamic in that group. Especially since you live in a country that is dangerous for lgbt, it sounds to me like a survival skill. You are the same person in all scenarios and like a chameleon looking for a safe way to interact with different groups and attitudes

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) explains that medical transition doesn't eliminate discomfort, it only changes it, and that suffering is an inescapable part of the human condition.
13 pointsDec 17, 2021
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“Let me let you on a secret: you don't have to cut off your body everything that makes you uncomfortable.”

How do I wish I understood this sooner! I’ve realized that just having a body is uncomfortable, to me anyway. Life is filled with pain and discomfort, there is no outrunning that. Taking T and having top surgery did not truly free me from the discomfort, it just adjusted the discomfort to my bodies new parameters. Simply being born means you are cursed to suffer. I don’t mean this negatively. Just we can’t run from the human condition.

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) discusses options for breast reconstruction alternatives, including insurance-covered prosthetic inserts, after surgeons refuse procedures for detrans women.
9 pointsDec 28, 2021
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I’m sorry you are struggling, I whole heartedly relate to these feelings. That concerns me a lot that the surgeons said they don’t do reconstruction for detrans women? Is it really just straight up discrimination? Because I’m want reconstruction too and that’s aweful. Maybe look into post-mastectomy bras, They have pockets and you can get silicone “prosthetic” inserts that are very realistic. My insurance actually covered the external prosthetics but you can also buy them online. They feel and look real when wearing clothes, they’ve been my saving grace. It sucks to take them off but atleast when I go out in public I feel like I look normal and can fill out my clothing. And if they were felt through a shirt I think they would’ve very believable

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) explains how to handle gender-related intrusive thoughts using mindfulness and redirection techniques from anxiety management.
8 pointsJan 8, 2022
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I think what is most important is being aware of it and using thought stopping and redirecting techniques. Don’t beat yourself up after each time you have a thought like that about gender, instead, practice acknowledging it and redirecting your thoughts somewhere else. I get a lot of intrusive thoughts due to my anxiety disorder and that’s the most peaceful way to handle intrusive thoughts, I think. Let it be like leaves floating passed you in the wind, you see that you thought that, it was silly and now it’s gone.

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) recommends "peer warm lines" as a resource for severe distress, explaining they connect you with a peer support specialist who has personal experience with mental health or substance abuse issues.
7 pointsDec 13, 2021
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Many states if you’re in the US have “peer warm lines” I would look that up in your area. It’s for before you are in crisis, you can call or sometimes text and speak to a peer support specialist that has been through mental health or substance abuse issues so they are often more helpful than textbook psychologists. Good luck

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) comments on chances of breast regrowth after mastectomy, sharing that despite having some glandular tissue left, her own regrowth resembles "dog ears" and not female breasts, but causes cyclical pain.
6 pointsJan 8, 2022
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I’m not sure about it all scientifically but from my personal experience, I had a double mastectomy where they removed the nipples, resized and grafted my half nips back on. But with mine they did not remove all the mammary glands/tissue, they left some to help shape the chest. I’ve been off T for many years now and have had some re-growth on the sides that are similar in appearance to “dog ears”, they do not look like breasts. I get cyclical breast pain with my monthly cycle and it’s always on the sides/under my armpit area. I can feel in my “boobs” when I’m ovulating or going to start my period soon. I’m not sure if that is helpful at all- I’d say it’s possible to have regrowth, but you mentioned all the glandular tissue was removed. So I guess it really depends on how good of a job your surgeon did. Editing to clarify- I doubt there could be growth that looks like female breasts.

Reddit user fhebewwww (detrans female) comments that calling the trans community a "cult" is a hysterical overreaction, arguing it's misguided and pushy on medical interventions but not a malicious, brainwashing cult.
5 pointsDec 10, 2021
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I think there is an overuse of the word “cult” .. it is a loaded and powerful word that strikes up images of highly secretive and darkly manipulative people brainwashing you to give up your autonomy. Malicious.

That is not what the trans community is, the trans community can be plenty misguided and can be pushy about medical interventions and people like us have been sucked up into that ideology and lost ourselves within it. But to frame that as a brain washing cult is ridiculous. We can take an honest look at the faults of the community and the hurt we feel without using such hysterical language. It comes off like satanic panicky.