This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts are highly specific, emotionally raw, and internally consistent, detailing a personal struggle with gender, body image, and mental health (OCD). The narrative of being a desister (choosing not to transition despite distress) is coherent and fits the known experiences of that group. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced significant personal harm.
About me
I was born female and felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. My struggles with OCD, depression, and anxiety made me focus on gender as an escape from my unhappiness. I seriously considered transitioning but decided against it because the medical procedures seemed too extreme and unhealthy. I realized my problems were internal and that changing my body wouldn't solve my deep-seated self-hatred. While I'm still unhappy about being female, I don't regret avoiding medical transition and am trying to accept myself as a woman.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s rooted in a deep unhappiness I’ve felt with myself for most of my life. I was born female, and from a young age, I felt a strong discomfort with my body, especially when I went through puberty. I hated developing breasts and having a curvy shape; it felt completely wrong and foreign to me. This wasn't about wanting to be attractive to others—I've never had any interest in romantic relationships—it was a deep, personal revulsion toward my own female characteristics.
A lot of my pain was tied to my mental health. I have OCD, and I was on medication for it when I was a younger teenager. I also have a history of depression and severe anxiety. I think a lot of my focus on my gender was a form of escapism, a way to try and run from the constant unhappiness I felt. I was also deeply influenced by what I saw online, reading about other people's transitions and thinking that might be the solution to my pain.
For a while, I seriously considered transitioning. I thought about taking testosterone and getting top surgery. But I ultimately decided against it because I saw too many risks and complications. The medical procedures seemed too extreme, unhealthy, and not at all simple. I realized that even if I transitioned, I could never truly escape my biology. My female hormones are a part of me, and trying to separate from them felt impossible. It made me physically sick to think about. I came to the conclusion that I am a woman, and that’s that, as sad as that made me feel at the time.
My low self-esteem and self-hatred were major factors. I don't hate other women; I just hated myself. I went through a phase in high school where I tried to become more feminine to "fix" myself, and it was a disaster. It led me to my first and only real suicide attempt. Leaning into femininity felt like a lie and made everything so much worse.
Joining a military academy actually helped a bit. Being strong and muscular, focusing on my physical strength, made me slightly less miserable. It gave me something else to focus on besides my body hatred. But the underlying unhappiness was always there. I just couldn't help it.
Looking back, I don't regret not transitioning. I think it was the right choice for me to avoid the medical path. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a very personal and often painful struggle, and medical transition is not a simple fix for deep-seated issues like self-hatred, trauma, or mental health problems. I benefited from realizing that my problems were internal and that changing my body wouldn't solve them.
| Age | Date (if known) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| Early Teens | Diagnosed with OCD, prescribed medication. | |
| During Puberty | Experienced intense discomfort with breast development and female curves. | |
| High School | Attempted a "feminine" phase, which led to a suicide attempt. | |
| 18 | Was attending military academy, found some solace in physical strength but remained deeply unhappy about being female. | |
| 19 | Early 2020 | Decided definitively against medical transition after researching the risks and complications. |
| 19 | April 2020 | Publicly affirmed my conclusion to live as a woman, despite ongoing unhappiness. |
Top Comments by /u/fliegenden-andy:
>girls have men fighting over them
I am not interested in a romantic relationship, ever.
>most girls hate girls. Especially the good looking ones
I would not say I hate girls. I hate myself, and think very little - if ever - about other women. I also have no interest in girls being attractive. I am not an attractive woman and have no interest in being so. I am capable of being much more attractive than I am right now if I were to lean into femininity. I am just not interested.
I weigh 145 pounds. I am muscular and strong. I'm literally in a military academy. I am not attractive because I have a "plain" face, dress in fairly shapeless clothing, and don't have a curvy shape to begin with. I went through a short phase in high school where I attempted to fix myself by becoming feminine. My first and only real move towards suicide was in that period. I think of it as a massive mistake.
I don't see much of a parallel between you and me at all, especially since you have never experienced such struggles with your gender.
I can do all of those things. In the interest of being honest, I'll say that it has made me less miserable than I used to be now that I am at a military school. But I am still very fucking unhappy. I don't lie awake at night forcing myself to think about how bad my life is. I'm not stupid and don't want to be miserable. I simply cannot help it. I am being honest with you. I cannot help the fact that I am constantly unhappy because of my body and mind. I just am.
Thanks. I keep trying to do that but it never works. Existing outside of my body is impossible when physical strength matters to me. And female hormones and traits are still present in me. It's impossible to seperate from my hormones. I can't exist in any way other than female. It makes me physically sick.
I don't think we live in a misogynistic society. I think it's completely the opposite: I grew up with two women who showed me exactly what a woman can get away with in our society. If we live in a misogynistic society then why did no one care when my mother would hit me in public? If we live in a misogynistic society then why am I told I must have "provoked" my sister (18 y/o - one year younger than me) when she starts screaming at me and punching me for the slightest mistake I make?
I agree with you that there are a number of major issues with transition. That's why I'm not planning on doing so. If it was an easy, simple, and healthy procedure, I'd transition - but it's not, and likely won't be for years upon years upon years. So I'm not even considering it right now. I'm a woman as it is, and that's that sadly.
I have OCD. I saw a therapist when I was a younger teenager and was perscribed two medications for it. Eventually I stopped taking them, haven't been on them in about two years now. But my main symptoms haven't come back.