This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
Key points supporting authenticity:
- Consistent, nuanced perspective: The user consistently identifies as a cisgender woman who considered transition (a desister) and offers thoughtful, personal anecdotes.
- Engages in good faith: Comments are detailed, responsive to others' posts, and show empathy and reasoning. They even acknowledge the sub's rules by stating when they, as a non-detransitioner, cannot give direct advice.
- Natural language: The writing style is conversational, includes personal asides, and shows a natural variation in tone across different topics.
The passion and criticism toward certain transgender topics are consistent with the views of some genuine desisters.
About me
I started questioning my gender online when I was 23, and my friends pressured me into transitioning, which felt more about them than me. I took testosterone and had top surgery, trying to solve deeper self-esteem and body issues. I realized it was a mistake and stopped, but I'm now left infertile from the permanent changes. My journey taught me that my discomfort wasn't about being the wrong gender, but about learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I believe just wearing what you like and being yourself should be enough.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was complicated and deeply personal. Looking back, I see now that a lot of my feelings were rooted in things other than being born in the wrong body. I never had a strong sense of gender identity to begin with. As a woman, I’ve always just worn what was comfortable, which for me is often men’s shirts and jeans. I like feeling comfortable, not masculine. I do enjoy dressing up in a skirt sometimes and feeling feminine, but that feeling is just a simple joy, not a profound sense of "gender euphoria." It’s more about liking how I look in that moment, not a 24/7 state of being.
I think my experience of shaving my head is the closest I’ve come to understanding what people call "euphoria." It felt incredibly liberating and freeing, a powerful act of taking control over my own body, especially since my family had always placed so much importance on my hair. But that was about self-expression and autonomy, not about changing my gender.
A huge part of my story involves the influence of my friends. I was in a very vulnerable place, and they orchestrated a kind of intervention about my online activity, ambushing me in person to pressure me about my identity. It wasn't done with care or concern for my well-being; it felt like they were more interested in scoring "woke brownie points" than in helping me figure out what was right for me. I can't blame them for my decision to transition, but the way they handled it was shameful and humiliating, and it pushed me toward something I wasn't completely sure about.
I also spent a lot of time online in trans communities, and I became hyper-aware of the concept of "passing." The hard truth I observed is that most people who transition after puberty don't pass without extensive and expensive cosmetic surgery, and even then, it's not guaranteed. This digital world, where photos can be easily edited, creates a distorted reality that doesn't match up with everyday life. This awareness added another layer of doubt for me.
Ultimately, I came to understand that a lot of my discomfort was more related to general body issues and low self-esteem rather than a specific gender identity. I think it’s crucial to explore other possibilities, like body dysmorphia, with a professional before making permanent changes. For me, transitioning was an attempt to solve deeper problems that it couldn't actually fix.
I don't regret my journey because it led me to a place of greater self-understanding, but I do regret the permanent changes I made to my body. I am now infertile, and that is a profound loss I have to live with. My thoughts on gender now are that it is often made far more complicated than it needs to be. For most people, myself included, just being comfortable in your own skin and wearing what you like should be enough without having to change your entire identity.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
23 | First began questioning my gender identity online. |
24 | Friends confronted and pressured me about my identity. |
25 | Started socially transitioning and using a new name. |
26 | Began taking testosterone. |
27 | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
28 | Realized I had made a mistake and stopped hormones. |
29 | Began the process of detransitioning and reverting to my birth name. |
Top Comments by /u/follow_her_lantern:
Everything about the way you described the confrontation was in bad taste. Waiting until you all met in person so that he could drop it to the others when you weren't even in the room, to then gang up on you, was shameful and done with the intention of humiliating and pressuring you.
If your friend cared about confronting it in a way that was reasonable, he would have reached out to you one-one and said something like "hey, I don't want you to do anything that isn't right for you, but I am concerned about your online activity" and gone from there. Not orchestrate an ambush regarding an isolated post so that they can live with the gratification of making you say "yes".
You're right that you ultimately can't blame them for your transition. But you have a right to be upset over the way they prioritized their woke brownie points over their friend being in a clearly compromised state of mine. I don't know if they ever explicitly encouraged you to be trans, but that ambush shows that it wasn't you they were really thinking of.
I'm not in a fair position to tell you how to combat these feelings, but I do want to say that you shouldn't be mad at yourself for "confusing everyone". It's not an actual burden for your co-workers to call you by your post-trans name just because they're accustomed to your trans name, especially since you spent time away from there. That's like getting mad at a woman for changing her last name for her marriage, then switching back after a divorce.
It's really lousy of them to think that they have to "understand" you, not just honor face-value requests like name and pronouns. It isn't appropriate, but this town sounds like the type of area where collectivism is everything, so no one thinks anything of [thinking they] know about other people. Your trans and post-trans identities were and are beyond their sphere of learning, so instead of keeping their confusion to themselves, like any mature person who realizes that your identity isn't their business, they express this frustration with themselves through actions towards you.
Again, I can't tell you how to actually deal with this issue and your self-loathing (I haven't lived it so it wouldn't be right of me, and sub rules specifically say that non-detrans people can't give advice), but I hope that your next work environment is more receptive of you, and that you find people who are fine with you the way you are.
I get that you mean well, but the "personally, I don't care about chest size" statement is making this unnecessarily about men. I think OP would agree with me when I say that her issue is more than just thinking that guys will never find her hot again. Nevermind the fact that we don't even know her sexual orientation (without hypothetical lurking).
Women have to live with our bodies everyday regardless of what men think, so we're capable of having opinions on it that purely stem from what we think and feel. OP is coping with the effects of an invasive surgery and the grief she feels over it. Let this issue be about OP alone, not about men.
I can't speak for trans people, but as a woman who was always cis-gender, while I do enjoy feminine things, I can't say that I would have likened it to euphoria, although I can't be certain what "gender euphoria" feels like exactly, although I have my speculation from past experience.
I spend most days wearing men's shirts and jeans for around the house, or tank tops and jeans/sweat pants. I don't do it to be masculine, I do it because it's comfy (plus I don't go out much), but I like wearing skirts and dresses when I feel the occasion to, and I feel happy when I twirl in them, and looking feminine feels good (especially since I take joy in these things more than I used to). But I don't think "OMG yes!!! I totally feel like a girl right now!" And like, I might feel good when I first step out in public in an outfit I like, but I'm not gonna spend every minute of my day consciously focusing on the fact that I look or dress a certain way while I'm out.
I am going to be possibly audacious enough to say that my feelings from the time I shaved my head might be more comparable to gender euphoria. Although I maintained short hair for some years now (I had a grown-out pixie), it felt very freeing to have all my hair gone. Liberating. Heck, it took 4 years after I initially wanted to cut my hair short before I finally did it for the first time (ear-length), and the women of my family love placing emphasis on my hair for its natural color. For all their wanting, the person in charge was still *me*, and that felt kickass. Even though I needed to clean it up with clippers (which my brother courteously bought for me) and had little tufts of hair where the scissors just wouldn't cooperate, so I looked like a lunatic, I felt what I would truly describe as euphoria in general.
Since I never was a trans woman, the aforementioned paragraph is just speculation on what gender euphoria might feel like. But to tie it back to your main point, I speak for myself when I say that any sense of joy I feel from looking dressing up in any sense isn't a 24/7 period of ecstasy. And I don't think my feminine and image-conscious family members do either, they just take joy in looking nice.
I realize this is a lot of paragraphs about me, but I hope it helped in some way
Even though you didn't ask me, I would say that most can't pass. There are some Isee online and think "maybe they're trans? Maybe not idk" but not as often as those who simply don't. The ones that don't register at all are few and far between.
The reality is that most will need cosmetic surgery on the face to not be immediately obvious, and of course most people can't afford that. And even then, there's no guarantee. Caitlyn Jenner has all the money in the world, but you can still tell that she's a trans woman. Is she valid? I don't have an opinion on that. But there are definite sex-based differences in anatomy that can't be erased because one took HRT for X amount of years.
Also, digital editing is a thing. I can't say how many do/don't edit their pics to feminize their features, but plenty of apps make it easy to tweak your face. And of course, one can take it farther if she wishes.
It's not my place to tell you if you should transition or not. I also can't tell you the likelihood you'll pass since I don't know what you look like and act like now. But to answer your question, most men transitioning after most or all of their adolescence don't pass, and it's likely most women would be able to immediately tell you're trans unless you have the money to shell to make it less overt.
And even then, what with voice, possible mannerisms, and closer inspection, it would probably be self-evident eventually. Of course, there are many who wouldn't care or be supportive.
Again, it's not my place to tell you what to do. Maybe you'll decide the extent of how much you'll probably pass is enough for you. Maybe you don't care either way. Maybe you have really effeminate features, so it will be easier for you. I hope I helped though
"When you look into what gender therapists ask in order to diagnose gender dysphoria and how that contrasts with what an average therapist asks about"
Could you please give some specific examples? I'm curious about this because I never heard this specific assertion before.
I'm not saying your post definitely proves this, but how much thought have you given to the possibility that you have body dysmorphia? From what I understand, the feelings surrounding it are very overwhelming, so I'd imagine you have considered or talked about it with a professional before.
But in case not, here's a link that gives a table and quick overview of what it means. Basically, it means that you think your body is "incorrect" in some way or another. It is not included to sex-based body parts, though it can be. But of course, it's also wise to talk to a psychiatrist about it.