This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account does not show serious red flags for being inauthentic.
The language is nuanced, empathetic, and consistent with a genuine person offering thoughtful, personal advice. The user acknowledges their own lack of personal experience in one comment, which is not typical bot behavior. The advice focuses on therapy, self-reflection, and coping strategies, which aligns with the passionate but concerned perspective of a desister or ally. There are no indicators of automation, copy-pasted rhetoric, or agenda-driven trolling.
About me
I was born male and my gender confusion started in my early teens, driven by a deep need to escape myself that I now understand as autogynephilia. I almost medically transitioned because I believed it was the only way to be happy, but I realized my desires were a form of escapism from my real problems. I found a therapist who helped me address the root causes of my dysphoria instead of affirming it. I never took hormones and I am so grateful I avoided making a permanent mistake with my body. I've learned to accept being male and that my true issues were internal, not my physical self.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was very young, but it really took off in my early teens. I was born male, and for a long time, I struggled intensely with feelings that I now understand were related to autogynephilia (AGP). This wasn't just a sexual thing; it felt like a deep, all-consuming need to be female, and it was wrapped up in a lot of confusion, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
I spent a huge amount of time online, and I was definitely influenced by what I saw. It seemed like transitioning was the only answer presented for these feelings. I started to believe that becoming a woman was the only way I could ever be happy or feel "normal." I thought it would solve everything. I socially transitioned for a while and seriously considered taking hormones. I was convinced that was the path I had to take.
But something didn't feel right. I started to read more, including stories from people who had detransitioned. I realized that my desire to transition was coming from a place of escapism. I was trying to escape from myself, from my own body, and from the pressures I felt. I also had to be honest with myself about the role porn played in escalating these fantasies and driving my dysphoria.
I decided to seek therapy, but I was very careful to find a therapist who wouldn't just automatically affirm a transition. I needed someone who would help me dig into the underlying reasons for these feelings. That was the best decision I ever made. Through non-affirming therapy, I was able to work through the AGP, the internalized issues, and the root causes of my dysphoria. I learned that it was possible to manage these feelings without changing my body. I learned to separate sexual fantasy from what I truly wanted for my life.
I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgery. I am so grateful for that. I was able to stop before I did any permanent damage to my body. I know now that I am male, and that's okay. My body isn't the problem; the problem was the way I saw myself and the unhealthy coping mechanisms I had developed.
I don't regret exploring these feelings because it led me to a much healthier place, but I absolutely regret ever thinking that medical transition was the right path for me. It would have been a terrible mistake for my life. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a lot more complicated than just a binary choice, and for many people, like me, the feelings are symptoms of other psychological issues that need to be addressed first. Transition was presented as the only solution, but for me, it wasn't a solution at all. Finding the root cause was.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | First began experiencing and exploring gender-related feelings and confusion. |
| 16-17 | Seriously considered medical transition, was socially transitioned for a period. |
| 17 | Began to question this path, sought out alternative viewpoints and detransition stories. |
| 17 | Found a non-affirming therapist and began working on the root causes of my dysphoria. |
| 17 | Stopped social transition, decided against medical intervention, and began healing. |
Top Comments by /u/foxtrail87:
I just want to say this, and since I know tone doesn’t carry well online, trust that I say it gently and with a lot of care: you are 16 years old. Your adult life hasn’t even yet begun, and is still a little ways away. You haven’t gone too far down any road. You are right in the middle of the time of experimenting and changing.
Nothing you chose at 11 years old has to be for keeps.
I know it’s almost impossible to understand this now, because I was once your age and remember it, but — sooner than you realize, your social world at 16, and the things you think are all-important and limiting now will be a distant memory.
Right now it feels like your entire world, which makes it scarier to imagine changing how you exist in it. But believe me, it is fleeting. And you have all the space you need to evolve and change direction for your life, when the one you are on is no longer serving you.
Good luck.
I say this gently: before anything else, you should read a lot, including many voices who have found alternate methods of dealing with gender dysphoria, and seek professional mental health counselling. Look for an even-handed counsellor who won’t just rush you through the transition process but who will actually work carefully with you with a focus on really figuring out what’s going on with these feelings and the healthiest way to approach it.
I have no personal experience, so this is just a voice of someone who does care. I really do recommend seeking a qualified therapist who is able and willing to work with you understanding that you want to find ways to alleviate dysphoria without transition.
This is possible. Many people have healed and found stable coping strategies. The trick is that many therapists now either tend to rush to supporting transition, or are just afraid of being seen as insufficiently supportive.
So I think the key is to screen first. Identify some therapists or counsellors that seem like a good match. When you contact them, tell them upfront that you are experiencing dysphoria with AGP elements and you want to explore managing this without transition. Ask if they are able to support you within those parameters.
I’m a believer that there are almost always issues underlying AGP and gender dysphoria that are too complex and deep-rooted to try slogging through them alone (though some people can). It’s so important to have someone you trust in your corner that can help you uncover what those are.
It may also be useful to identify triggers for those feelings. For a lot of men with AGP, porn plays a large role in driving the escalation of dysphoria. That may not be the case for you, but if it is, stopping porn use may help.
Good luck. This is a process. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Nobody is ever “too far gone.” I say this gently: you are male. The hormones didn’t change that underlying fact. It’s okay to let your body go back to just being itself without medical intervention. Remember, people detransition after years on hormones, and even many serious surgeries. You will be okay if you decide to stop. The breast growth can be dealt with if it bothers you.
I know it’s hard, but it’s also more than okay to sit down with the people close to you and say “you know what, I thought I knew what I wanted, but after going a little way down this road it isn’t right for me. It’s not what I thought it was.” And then to do the same publicly.
Things change, and so do our experiences and perspectives. You are young. Your adult life hasn’t even really begun. You have your whole life ahead of you. What you choose at 17 does not have to control the rest of your life.
In any event, I hope you can find a counsellor who can help you work through your feelings and understand a little more of what happened. And this community is a great resource to sort those feelings out with people who have gone through similar. Good luck.
It may be worth spending some more time just quietly observing and breaking down some of these feelings.
For instance, when you say you’d want to be male to feel “normal,” what do you think “normal” would feel like, and how would it be different than how you feel now? What all underlying feelings are being represented by that word, “normal?” Is it possible what you’re picturing it feeling like is an idealized state of being, and not one that’s attainable?
Once you have a sense of that, consider whether there are other ways to integrate those underlying needs or feelings. I just get the sense you’re investing a lot of mental energy into trying to place yourself into some kind of specific social context — hence this strong desire to see your own expression reflected in others — and that’s feeding back into anxiety over your gender expression when you can’t.
But I think there’s maybe a lot of room there to just spend some time understanding where those needs come from. How do you think finding other women that express themselves like you would change how you see yourself — and are there ways you can give yourself that same acceptance without that?
I agree with others that I think you need to sit down and think through what you really want. Don’t just do it online — it’s very easy to get bounced between different views online. Start with working to understand what underlies the desire to transition. Compare the expectation (what you thought or hoped would happen) to the reality. Ask yourself questions designed to peel back those layers until you get a sense of what you really want for your life.