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Reddit user /u/freshanthony's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 13 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
internalised homophobia
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
homosexual
started as non-binary
sexuality changed
This story is from the comments by /u/freshanthony that are listed below, summarised with AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the extensive comment history provided, the account "freshanthony" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The comments display a high degree of internal consistency, emotional complexity, and personal narrative depth over a multi-year period. The user identifies as a desisted butch lesbian, detailing a coherent journey from being immersed in "queer ideology" to a critical reevaluation of gender identity, all rooted in specific personal experiences (e.g., attending a queer youth group, social pressure, internalized homophobia, trauma). The language is nuanced, self-reflective, and shows a genuine evolution of thought, which is inconsistent with automated or impersonated accounts. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the genuine trauma and disillusionment described.

About me

I'm a masculine female who started feeling deep discomfort with puberty, which made me feel like I'd lost my physical freedom. I found community in a queer youth group where I adopted a trans identity and believed my feelings of alienation meant I wasn't a woman. After nearly a decade, I discovered writing by detransitioned women and realized my dysphoria was rooted in trauma and being a lesbian in a misogynistic world. I lost almost all my friends when I stopped believing in that ideology and accepted myself. I never medically transitioned, and I now live freely as a butch lesbian, having traded a confusing ideology for self-acceptance.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was a teenager, feeling deeply uncomfortable with the changes of female puberty. Getting my period and developing breasts felt like a betrayal, something shameful I had to deal with, a feeling that was heavily influenced by my mom's own discomfort with femininity. I was a tomboy and loved sports, but when my period started at age 11, the pain and the new expectations placed on me made me feel like I was losing my physical freedom and abilities. I came in last at a track meet because of the pain and felt like a joke on my team.

I found community in a queer youth group when I was 13. Almost everyone there was female and identified as trans or non-binary. I was taught that good, progressive people don't question someone's gender identity and that attraction should be based on identity, not anatomy. This ideology felt right because it explained the deep alienation and body dissociation I was feeling, which I now understand was rooted in trauma, internalized homophobia, and the general misogyny of the world. I had a massive crush on a female friend there who used he/him pronouns, and that social pressure led me to believe I must be attracted to men and should identify as pansexual. I had five gay female friends in high school and four of them transitioned.

For nearly a decade, from my teens into my early twenties, I fully believed in this system. I practiced forcing myself to "see" people as their gender, which really meant pretending they had a different body than they did. I policed my own attractions, feeling guilty when I was attracted to a butch woman only to realize she was a cis woman, and my interest would vanish if I found out she was actually a trans man. I thought this made me a better, more enlightened person.

The turning point came in my early twenties when I stumbled upon writing by detransitioned women online, something that was never discussed in my social circles. Reading a personal essay by Max Robinson was a revelation. It was the first time I’d ever heard that not feeling like a woman could be a result of trauma, and that it was okay to acknowledge the reality of biological sex. My whole belief system shattered. I realized that the idea of "seeing someone as their gender" was asking me to rewrite reality in my own mind, and that my attraction was, and always had been, to female people. I am a lesbian.

This realization was traumatizing in itself. I felt manipulated and angry that I had been socially pressured into beliefs that obscured my own sexuality and made me feel broken for being a masculine woman. I lost almost all of my friends. One longtime friend, a trans man, confronted me and said I was transphobic for not being open to dating trans women. That friendship ended. I felt isolated, but also free for the first time.

I never medically transitioned, but I seriously considered top surgery because I have a lot of sensory issues and discomfort with my breasts. I researched it heavily and learned about the high likelihood of permanent nerve damage, numbness, and chronic pain. I realized that trading one type of physical discomfort for another, potentially worse and permanent, was not a solution for me. My health and ability to live my life is more important than how I look. I also learned that taking testosterone can start a cascade of health issues, sometimes necessitating a hysterectomy due to uterine atrophy, which is a serious surgery with its own risks.

My thoughts on gender now are that it’s not an innate identity someone is born with. I don't believe people are "born in the wrong body." I see gender dysphoria as a form of body dysmorphia, a way to cope with deep pain, trauma, or discomfort with societal expectations. For me, that pain was from being a masculine lesbian in a homophobic and misogynistic world. I don't use the labels "cis" or "trans" for myself anymore; I am simply a female person, a butch lesbian. I believe people should do what they need to survive, but I am deeply critical of the ideology that pushed me to misinterpret my own reality and my body.

I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to where I am now, but I regret the years I spent lost in an ideology that caused me to distrust my own perceptions and my body. I benefited from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a trans identity but about helping me find my own path. My life has greatly improved since I left those beliefs behind and accepted myself as a female who is masculine and gay.

Age Event
11 Started menstruating. Experienced a significant loss of athletic ability and social standing on sports teams due to pain and puberty changes.
13 Joined a queer youth group. Was introduced to and adopted transgender/non-binary ideology. Began identifying as pansexual.
13-23 Strongly believed in transgender ideology. Socially identified as non-binary/queer. Felt pressure to be attracted to gender identity over sex.
Early 20s Began expressing masculinity more openly, which intensified my feeling that I must be trans.
23 Discovered writings by detransitioned women online (Max Robinson). Experienced a paradigm shift, realizing my dysphoria was linked to trauma and internalized homophobia/misogyny.
23 Stopped believing in transgender ideology. Realized I am a lesbian. Began the process of desisting. Lost many friends over this change in belief.
Present Live as a butch lesbian. No longer use cis/trans framework. Focused on managing sensory issues with my body without medical intervention.

Top Reddit Comments by /u/freshanthony:

144 comments • Posting since September 30, 2021
Reddit user freshanthony (desisted female) discusses the impact of trans-inclusive ideology on lesbian spaces, arguing it creates taboos around discussing female bodies and preferences, and makes it difficult to advocate for same-sex attraction without being labeled hateful.
87 pointsJul 24, 2024
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The thing about it is even when there aren’t specifically trans women around, the lesbian social scene is bent towards their comfort. It is taboo to mention things about male or female bodies, and when it’s not taboo, it’s still a risk unless you REALLY know who you’re talking to because you never know who’s going to start simping for predators.

in online dating, it is anywhere from uncouth to hateful to publicly say you’re only seeking females.

I don’t really think most trans women are predatory. Many of them think they should be in lesbian spaces because they really think they’re lesbians even if i think they need a wake up call. But it’s hard to give them that wake up call because they’re told that lesbians wanting our own spaces is an expression of hate and is personally about them. I think the predatory ones are driving the ideology and social rules ultimately, because otherwise it simply wouldn’t be a big deal that trans women aren’t invited into lesbians’ beds.

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted female) explains how the 'TERF' label is used as a silencing tactic against women, using the history of the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival as a key example.
73 pointsSep 27, 2024
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This fear you’re experiencing is the result of a purposeful campaign to shame and silence women and gay people. to avoid being called a terf people will go to great lengths. My advice is to try to find a way to take the bite out of the word, because it’s honestly extremely EXTREMELY silly. Most things you hear about “terfs” are utterly made up.

Consider Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival, where for actual decades people who’d never been escalatingly screamed at Lisa Vogel and eventually, any musician who played the festival and any camper who admitted to attending. EVEN THOUGH the festival NEVER banned ANYONE; it simply was that the stated intention of the festival was that it’s for females and about females, so you yourself could choose how to respond to that fact. So what exactly did these “terfs” do? They refused to change the intention of the festival. How evil. No they weren’t doing fucking panty checks. (There was 1 time a trans woman was asked to leave in i think 1991 and lisa vogel stated that was against the spirit of the festival and was a mistake.)

It sucks to get called a terf but try to put it in context. It’s a way to get women to shut the fuck up and stop centering their own experience. Not ok. Find the rebellious spirit within you that can give you strength to push back against this ridiculous harassment.

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted female) comments on reading 'Whipping Girl' and questioning why a male author was defining womanhood in a chapter about the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival.
67 pointsJun 18, 2024
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i feel you….i was in it too….i remember when i read Whipping Girl by julia serrano (i was in high school) there was a whole chapter on why trans women should be allowed at michfest and there was a line something like how can the hormone-reduced trans woman genetalia be considered more manly than a trans man? and i remember a small voice in the back of my head wondering, why does a male get to define womanhood? but i ignored it. honestly why the fuck was there even a chapter about michfest L O L.

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted) explains the dangers of medicalizing a child, advising against puberty blockers due to risks to bone health and the permanence of a path to lifelong medicalization.
66 pointsJan 12, 2022
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Ultimately just don't medicalize your son. Puberty blockers, encouraged by the trans community so often especially to young boys to supposedly take away the traumas of male puberty for a trans child, are dangerous to one's health. Natural puberty brings things we need in adult life like bone health, which can be harmed sometimes permanently by puberty blockers.

Your son can be whoever he wishes to be. However you are primarily in charge of his medical decisions now. It doesn't seem like he's said he wants to transition, he's said he wants to be a girl or grow up to be a woman right? Transition doesn't work for everyone and it's dangerous to start him on a path of lifelong medicalization when he's so young.

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted female) comments on the link between a desire for top surgery and the subconscious wish to return to a familiar, pre-pubescent body from childhood.
63 pointsMay 7, 2024
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I’ve often thought of breast amputation like this. Most of us as children were flat chested. How do you really know if you desire to be a male or have a male chest vs attempting to return to a familiar body from childhood? Yet it RARELY see it mentioned. thanks for posting

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted) explains how pressure to accept trans women as sexual partners led to their rejection of gender identity ideology, after reading a detrans lesbian's essay about relationship abuse.
57 pointsDec 10, 2021
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I relate to what you're saying. I'm outcast from many of my old friends, female observed people who are now trans, who weren't trans when we met.

I saw on another comment you said the pressure for lesbians to accept trans women as sexual partners caused you anger and caused you to read radfem stuff, I went through the same thing. It was actually this issue specifically that led to my "aha" moment that I don't believe in gender identity. I read a personal essay from a young 20s detrans lesbian (who'd had surgical and hormonal intervention beginning in her teens) about the relationship abuse she experienced from a trans woman, and how not being able to name to herself or to others that her partner was male left her lost and confused with nowhere to turn. She was able to free herself once she realized the concepts of male and female are real, not just foolish tools to "invalidate" and oppress trans people.

I had been identifying as a lesbian for a few years by the time I read this, and in my definition of lesbian I was inclusive of trans women and not inclusive of female trans people. My system was shocked when I realized I'd been manipulated into having this belief, manipulated into being sexually open to males through this ridiculous loophole that gender identity presented. I really believed in trans ideology through my youth, practiced forcing myself to "see" people "as their gender" even if signs of their natal sex were present. I realized how much this didn't make sense. What did it mean to see someone as their gender, except to pretend that they have a body that they don't? And why was I being encouraged to do that? Yet still, people kept insisting one's gender was not about one's body -- yet I was supposed to pretend they had a body they didn't, to be respectful? IDK, I found it all quite traumatizing to realize none of this rang true for me but I had been socially pressured into these beliefs.

I'm bored of my own voice so i'll stop there but here to talk if you want

In a Reddit thread on a detransition-focused subreddit, the user "freshanthony," who has the flair "desisted female," references the term "autogynoandromorphophilia (AGAMP)" and humorously challenges others to "say it 5 times fast." This exchange highlights the use of complex terminology like AGAMP within detrans communities and suggests a degree of skepticism or amusement about such jargon. The post has a score of 56, indicating notable engagement or interest from the community. The context of the detrans subreddit shapes the discussion by providing a space where detransitioned individuals can critically examine and discuss terms like AGAMP, possibly in ways that differ from other online spaces.
56 pointsOct 13, 2024
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autogynoandromorphophilia (AGAMP)

who can say it 5 times fast

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted) explains that a partner who dismisses gender dysphoria by projecting their own preferences shows a deep lack of empathy and respect, arguing this is not a single issue but evidence of a relationship where one doesn't feel sexually safe.
48 pointsApr 11, 2022
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"My girlfriend told me she would love to get these kind of compliments so she doesn't get what's the problem with it for me." So your girlfriend sees others as extensions of herself and her own experience, imo. She is showing a lack of empathy or understanding that others are different than her and need different things. Especially concerning bc you are her loved one. All you should need to say is that you don't like those comments and she should stop immediately. A healthy partner would not need to know why you don't like those comments in order to stop.

You deserve better.

Also saying this is the only problem is ultimately your brain attempting to compartmentalize what is going on. This is not ONE problem. This is evidence of a deep lack of respect and perhaps empathy on the part of ur gf. That comes up everywhere in your relationship even if you're not ready to see it. You say this happens "multiple times a day." That's not "one problem." Your relationship can't be perfect if you don't feel sexually safe with her.

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted) discusses the gaslighting and erasure of biological female experiences within the trans community, questioning the conditional agreement on the sameness of cis and trans women.
47 pointsNov 28, 2021
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God I truly have no idea. There is so much gaslighting left and right, and it depends how you ask the question and to whom. I feel often so upset because if you try to bring up the erasure of bio female experience everyone just gaslights you.

I think the way you phrased it, "the experiences of cis women and trans women are no different" maybe wouldn't be agreed with, but "cis women and trans women are the same" maybe would be, though they essentially say the same thing. I feel like so many people just believe whatever it is that puts biological males first, and that's conditional depending on the situation. IDK.

Reddit user freshanthony (desisted) explains the increased awareness of detransition, linking it to mainstream media coverage, a rise in people identifying as trans, and the resulting anxieties within the community.
45 pointsJan 27, 2022
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A combo of things imo....even 2 years ago the word detransition was a whisper more than it is now. 6 years ago I'd never heard the word or considered the concept. Now, it seems like even mainstream people may know the word-- there's articles in big publications, featuring interviews with sometimes prominent doctors or activists. I also think so many more people began to identify as trans and that trend is continuing, so for many of them there's gonna be a come down aka detransition. So some are here bc they're realizing transition wasn't for them, some are here bc they're transitioning and having obsessive worrying doubts about detransition (bc detrans people are more known than ever I think this anxiety is out of control in many trans people and some of them respond by lurking or harassing this sub), some are here to lurk and obsess tho they have never considered transition, some are here bc a loved one transitioned...etc