This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- Consistent, nuanced, and detailed personal perspectives over a three-year period.
- A clear, personal narrative as a desisted lesbian who grapples with internalized homophobia and societal pressures.
- A deep understanding of the community's terminology and arguments, engaging in complex debates.
- Empathetic, tailored advice that references their own lived experience, which is difficult to automate.
The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I'm a lesbian who started questioning being a woman as a teenager because I felt I didn't fit in and couldn't picture myself in a lesbian relationship. My journey was a social one, where identifying as non-binary felt like an escape from the expectations placed on women. I now understand my discomfort was rooted in internalized homophobia and low self-esteem, not in being in the wrong body. Through therapy, I tackled these root issues instead of being affirmed in an identity that was escapism for me. I'm now comfortable and relieved to say I am a woman, and my body is just my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I’m a lesbian, and I also have OCD. Looking back, I think being gay was a huge reason I first started to question if I was really a woman. I couldn't relate to other women and I had a really hard time picturing myself in a lesbian relationship. It felt like I didn't fit the mold of what a woman was supposed to be. My OCD also played a role, creating obsessions that could completely derail my life, though for me, it wasn't the main driver for my gender confusion—it was more about the internalized homophobia and feeling like an outsider.
I never medically transitioned. For me, it was all a social and internal process. I started by identifying as non-binary, which felt like a way to opt out of the discomfort I felt with womanhood. The world gives women who aren't immediately feminine the option to just opt out, and I took it. I hated the expectations placed on me. I went through a period of really hating my breasts and my female body, but I now see that a lot of that was tied up in puberty discomfort and a general low self-esteem, rather than a true feeling of being in the wrong body.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed now. I don't believe in a mystical internal gender essence. I think that's like a religion—you just have to believe it without any proof. What makes sense to me is that physical dysphoria is a real syndrome, and for the people who have it, medical transition can be a treatment. But for people like me, where the root cause was something else, it's not the answer. I think a lot of the time, especially for males who transition, it's about wanting the freedom to be feminine without being seen as a deviant. Society doesn't have a good blueprint for a feminine man who isn't a stereotype, so the only way to be accepted as feminine is to become a woman. I see so many people who I think would be happier just embracing being a feminine man, a "femboy," or what I like to call a "male princess." They could dress how they want and even take hormones if they wanted, without having to claim they are literally women.
I also think internalized homophobia is a massive factor that doesn't get talked about enough. For me, and for a lot of gay people, struggling to fit into heterosexual norms makes you question your entire self. I see a lot of feminine men who I suspect are dealing with this; they can't conceptualize a relationship between a masculine man and a feminine man as its own beautiful thing, so they feel they have to become a woman to make it make sense.
I benefited from working through these issues in a non-affirming therapy setting. I needed to tackle the OCD and the root causes of my low self-esteem and depression, not be affirmed in an identity that was ultimately a form of escapism for me. I don't regret exploring my gender, because it led me to a place of understanding myself better. But I do have regrets about buying into the idea that my discomfort meant I wasn't a woman. I'm comfortable now saying I am a woman, a lesbian, and that my body is just my body. It's a relief to be on the other side of it.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenager | Began experiencing puberty discomfort, internalized homophobia, and OCD symptoms. Started to feel I didn't fit in as a woman. |
| Late Teens / Early 20s | Identified as non-binary as a way to cope with discomfort and feelings of not belonging. |
| Mid-Late 20s | Through therapy and self-reflection, began to understand the role of internalized homophobia and OCD. Started to detransition socially. |
| Present (30s) | Now identify as a lesbian woman. No medical interventions were ever pursued. |
Top Comments by /u/frolicking_elephants:
I think you're approaching this the right way, being cautious. And maybe you will end up needing to transition. I do believe some people need to.
But you're still operating under quite a few sexist assumptions here. Why is shaving your body hair a girl thing? Women have body hair, and one of the things feminism has fought for for decades is the ability for women to exist in society in their natural state, without being expected to go through ridiculous beauty rituals like shaving and applying makeup every day. The expectation of hairlessness for women is so ubiquitous that women aren't even shown with hairy armpits in shows and movies about being stranded on deserted islands.
All the stuff you've mentioned so far - shaving, makeup, long hair, girly clothes, pronouns and titles - none of that has anything to do with actually being female. Those are all just trappings associated with women, but men can use them just as well. The way autism fits into this is that it can make people feel "othered" in communities they feel they're supposed to have a sense of belonging in. Then when they start transitioning, they can chalk up any lingering feelings of not belonging to their chosen gender to cissexism and being trans, rather than, you know, not actually being a member of that sex.
And I do think plenty of men hate their bodies (it's especially common in the gay community to want to look more androgynous). The big difference there is wanting to get rid of your penis and testicles, which is something you haven't mentioned yet.
Tucutes define it as like this mystical magical internal gender essence that cannot be measured or explained but which must be believed at face value or else. Physical dysphoria is an actual syndrome with transition as a recommended treatment. It's the only thing that makes sense. Tucute beliefs basically require everyone to believe in gendered souls. It's pretty much a religion.
A female person on T, provided they're not intersex, is still female in every cell of their body. If their body no longer causes them dysphoria, it's because they developed enough traits of the opposite sex that they no longer see their body as belonging to their birth sex. That is still obviously someone who struggles with gender dysphoria - they're just treating it and so now it's under control.
It bothers me how many questioning MtF people especially seem to assume that reidentifying as your natal sex means going back to "boymoding". I think it's because western society provides so few schema for feminine men. So many people seem literally unable to fathom the idea detrans men can keep dressing the exact same as they did as a "woman", have the same hairstyle, etc. while still acknowledging that they're male. For women, I feel like there are more socially acceptable ways to be GNC, but for guys the only archetypes are basically "flamboyant gay guy", "80s hair metal rocker", and "crossdressing serial killer".
You realize having X genitals and hormones isn't the same as having personality traits, right? You specifically said "liking X, including having certain hormones and genitals", that makes no sense. Having a certain body has nothing to do with "liking" anything. The inability to make this distinction is why we're in this mess to begin with.
It doesn't sound like you feel you are "really a woman" inside, but rather that you're very feminine in expression and would prefer to be treated as a woman in sexual situations. Have you considered just identifying as a femboy? You could continue to take HRT (or not) without actually identifying as a woman, and I personally think that would be the best move for you.
So just speaking for myself, to be blunt, I do not think it's okay for people with AGP to transition legally. I don't think it's fair to ask us women to accept males with fetishes for being female in our spaces. That doesn't mean you shouldn't dress how you want, call yourself what you want, or take HRT. But please realize that you aren't the only person you're going to affect with this decision.
I also think you should consider how much of this might be internalized homophobia. In my case, being gay was a huge reason I thought I wasn't a woman - I couldn't relate to other women and couldn't really picture myself in a lesbian relationship. I see a lot of myself in your heartbreak (which is the absolute worst btw, you have my sympathies). The fact that your dysphoria is new, worsening, and was triggered by being rejected makes me think that's a far bigger piece of the puzzle than you may be consciously aware of. It sounds to me like this is a combination of breaking through the restraints of masculine gender roles and of struggling to conceptualize a relationship between a masculine man and a feminine man without it feeling like a cheap knockoff of a heterosexual relationship. It's not. It's its own beautiful thing that women will never be able to experience or understand. The same goes for relationships between two feminine men, or a feminine man and a woman - which is absolutely nothing like a lesbian relationship.
The other thing you need to be aware of is that the average length of time between transitioning and detransitioning is seven years, so while it's good you're moving slow, just keep in mind that regret is usually not instantaneous.
Are you seeing a therapist for your OCD? I have it too, and while it wasn't a factor in my gender identity, I have had several other obsessions that completely derailed my life and kicked me into a spiral like this. You need to find a therapist who understands OCD pronto because the only way to get past this is through exposure therapy. The stuff that helps other people on this sub won't help you if the root cause is OCD.
Not sure I love that phrasing. It sounds like rhetoric you'd hear at a conversion therapy camp for gay people. "Attraction to cross-sex behaviors" makes it sound like a sexual thing, which it isn't for most people. Also, behaviors aren't sexed, they're gendered. Anything besides the cold hard biology of male vs female is gender, not sex.
Then why don't you try to be a beautiful feminine man? It's not like it's an irreversible decision to grow out your hair and wear feminine clothes and learn to use makeup. And if you do decide to transition later on, those are all things that will help speed up the process, so it won't even be wasted time and effort.
I know the male equivalent of a princess is technically a prince, but the connotations are so different, I think male princess might actually be the best term for it! Same with ballerina, fairy, mermaid (although merman is closer than prince is to princess), and various others that I can't even name