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Reddit user /u/furbyclown's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 18
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
regrets transitioning
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is internally consistent, emotionally nuanced, and includes personal, reflective details about their own desistance (e.g., realizing their struggle was with societal treatment of their femaleness, not their sex itself). The passion and criticism align with the expected viewpoint of a genuine desister.

About me

I started believing I was a man as a teenager because I felt something was wrong with me. Online communities reinforced this, but they silenced my doubts and created the very dysphoria I was trying to escape. I realized my real struggle was with the pressure I felt to fit a mold as a female, not with being female itself. When I stopped identifying as trans, the dysphoria went away and I found a huge sense of relief just being a woman. I don't regret exploring my identity, but I now see the ideology as a harmful delusion that offers no real cure.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager, around 15 or 16. I was really struggling to connect with who I was. I felt this deep sense that something was wrong with me, that I was discordant. Life just felt off. I started to believe, completely and 100%, that the reason for this feeling was because I was actually a man trapped in a female body. It was an easy explanation to grab onto for all my confusion and unhappiness.

I never medically transitioned, but I did socially transition for a while. I was deep in online communities that reinforced this idea. I saw it everywhere; if a lesbian was masculine and had a hard time in relationships, people would say her problem was that she was actually a man. I saw feminine gay men get the same treatment. It felt like the community was medicalizing androgyny, pushing people to change their bodies to fit a heteronormative ideal instead of expanding what it means to be a man or a woman.

I had a lot of questions and doubts even back then, but voicing them was dangerous. I was called transphobic and TERF-adjacent by my own friends for simply wondering about things. It was a very cult-like mindset; you weren't allowed to question anything. That frustration, of having my observations ignored, started to build up.

Over time, I had a slow realization. My issues had nothing to do with being born female. The problem was how I had been treated for being one, and the internalized pressure I felt to fit a certain mold. My identity as trans had actually created the dysphoria I felt, not the other way around. When I finally went back to living as a woman, the dysphoria went away. There was a huge sense of relief. I no longer had to agonize over "passing" or how people perceived me. I just am a woman. I don't "identify" as female; I just exist as one. I'm not the most feminine person, but that doesn't make me any less of a woman.

I don't believe "cis" is a real thing in the way people say it is. You are your sex. I think nonbinary is more about choosing to distance yourself from restrictive gender roles, which is understandable, but it doesn't change your sex. A feminine male is still a man, and a masculine female is still a woman.

I don't regret exploring my identity because it gave me a lot of insight. But I absolutely regret buying into the ideology. I now see how harmful it can be. I read that in very tolerant countries, transitioning doesn't actually decrease suicide rates in the long term, which shocked me because that's supposed to be the entire point. It seems to only offer temporary relief from the feelings of dysphoria.

My heart breaks for people, especially young people, who are going down that path now. I don't hate them; I've been there. I just have seen firsthand that it's not a cure. I feel like we're encouraging a harmful delusion. I believe in finding healthy outlets for those feelings—through creativity, fashion, roleplay, anything that doesn't involve irreversible procedures. You don't have to destroy your body. You can be proud of who you are, as you are.

Age Event
15-16 Began to believe I was a man trapped in a female body. Started social transition.
16-17 Was deeply involved in online communities, began to have serious doubts but was silenced.
18 Realized my struggle was with how I was treated as a female, not with being female itself. Stopped identifying as trans. Dysphoria disappeared.

Top Comments by /u/furbyclown:

14 comments • Posting since January 24, 2024
Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) discusses the double standard where lesbians face backlash for refusing trans women, while gay men face less scrutiny for refusing trans men.
186 pointsFeb 1, 2024
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The fact that women are expected to be accommodating and accepting of transbians when gay men are allowed to refuse is very insulting to me. To be clear, I don’t think gay men should passively accept trans men into gay male spaces— that’s a whole issue of its own. But it’s unfair the way that women are treated like they’re worse than hitler for exhibiting “terf” rhetoric while gay men can just say whatever and nobody really cares because they’re men; they can say what they want. Why aren’t women allowed to say no? Trans women flip the fuck out every single time whereas usually trans men are just like “oh well” and search elsewhere… it’s the same way with sports, too. Men aren’t expected to include biological women in their sports, they aren’t expected to let them into locker rooms. Why are these things only forced upon women?

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) advises against top surgery, urging OP to listen to their doubts and work through trauma instead of making an irreversible decision.
77 pointsMay 4, 2024
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Please don’t do it. Spare yourself the agony.

The dysphoria you feel is completely real. I think many of us understand what you’ve been going through & have been there ourselves. I think it would more productive in the long run for you to focus on working through the trauma without the added stress of surgery. This is an irreversible decision that may have serious consequences, the fact that you’re having doubts is honestly a good thing

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) explains how her identity created her dysphoria, not the other way around, after realizing her struggle was due to how she was treated for being female, not her sex itself.
35 pointsFeb 14, 2024
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I don’t think anyone is really “cis.” You are your sex because you were born that way. There really isn’t much more to it. I don’t “identify” as female— I just exist as one. I’m not certain that you can really feel female to begin with. You can feel feminine, sure.. I’ve had my trans friends angrily explain to me that I only desisted because I am clearly cis and that’s why nothing helped me, even though I fully 100% believed I was trans the entire time. Was their identity struggle more real than mine? I had started to believe that I was secretly a man, and that’s the reason why my life felt so discordant and wrong. It was an easy explanation for me to accept at the time. I hadn’t experienced much transphobia or started medical transitioning, it was mostly a mental struggle as I was desperately searching for why I couldn’t connect with who I was as a person. Somewhere along the line I realized that my issues had nothing to do with being born a female, but in how I had been treated for being one. When I went back to living as a woman my dysphoria went away. It seems that my identity created the dysphoria and not the other way around. Theres a sense of relief that I no longer have to agonize over “passing” or how others perceived me— I pass perfectly well as the female I was born as. Maybe not the most feminine female, but nothing to gawk at. Now I have a stronger understanding of my issues regarding the female experience, and I can acknowledge that lacking femininity doesn’t mean I’m not a woman. Overall, I’m grateful for the insight I gained from my time as a trans person.

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) comments on the Pope's statement, agreeing that gender ideology is a societal issue but expressing concern he may view gay attraction similarly as "breaking the natural order."
33 pointsMar 2, 2024
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I want to agree, like i see what hes saying and I respect it, but im afraid he views gay people in the same light for breaking the natural order or whatever. I believe same sex attraction is a natural human thing but gender ideology is a societal issue

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) criticizes medical professionals for financially benefiting from and downplaying the lifelong consequences of irreversible gender-affirming procedures on youth.
24 pointsFeb 24, 2024
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“These articles are always written in a way that views trans bodies as negative or not equal to cisgender bodies.”

Spoken exactly like someone who benefits financially from doing unnecessary, irreversible medical procedures on young people. I’m so tired of the way they virtue signal and manipulate. Maybe “trans bodies” are being spoken of in a negative context because it’s something these people will have to live with for the rest of their lives…

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) advises exploring creative outlets for gender feelings, suggesting video game avatars, art, or fashion instead of medical transition.
21 pointsApr 26, 2024
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You are what you are, you like what you like— But it doesn’t mean you have to jump into trying to be the opposite sex, contrary to mainstream opinion… You just have to find a healthy outlet for those feelings. Maybe you can channel your feelings towards the opposite sex into a creative pursuit, or some form of self expression? What is it about the opposite sex that you identify with? Can you express your feelings through cosmetics and presentation?

If thats not an option, would you feel comfortable projecting all that you desire onto a smaller, easily customizable avatar or doll? Such as making a female character in a video-game, writing a character sheet for tabletop roleplay, or simply drawing the woman you envision? … etc

For example, I like to play simulation/dress up games like the Sims and create male characters … It may sound silly, but making up little stories for male characters has effectively lessened my desire to actually be one. It’s an outlet for my ‘male’ side, though I am really not male at all. I am a woman with an active imagination. Perhaps you are in a similar situation, searching for an outlet for your feminine side.

You don’t have to destroy your health and body trying to become what you’re dreaming about. Theres something behind your thoughts and feelings that doesn’t have to be repressed or pushed down. Maybe you have an eye for fashion, or an appreciation for aesthetic sensibilities. There are so many things to find alluring in the feminine, in fashion, makeup, and style. I firmly believe everyone should be allowed to enjoy those things regardless of birth sex. However, the female experience is not defined by beauty, or softness, or all that is lovely… very far from it…

It may be impossible to become the opposite sex, but you can certainly bring your vision to life in other ways. Please consider it. And don’t give up! I know you can find fulfillment in this life. Be proud of the person you are now, as the sex you were born as. You are already beautiful. I believe in you.

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) recommends Andrea Dworkin's "Women Hating" to a user feeling alienated from womanhood.
21 pointsFeb 18, 2024
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Im sorry if im no help, but i think you should read Women Hating by andrea dworkin. heres a link to a pdf

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) comments on the reality of nonbinary identity, suggesting it's a societal response to gender roles rather than an innate trait like biological sex, and that gender nonconformity doesn't necessarily change one's status as a man or woman.
20 pointsFeb 13, 2024
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I don’t think it’s “real” like male and female are, but in the context of today’s society I wouldn’t blame someone for choosing to distance themselves from the blue/pink dichotomy. Gender nonconformity is absolutely real— though I’m not sure if that makes someone “nonbinary” or if its an individual choice to identify as such. I’m more inclined to believe that, for example, a male with feminine qualities is still just as much of a man as any because he was born one.

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) explains how gender roles and pressure to be heteronormative are leading some lesbians to use HRT, arguing the LGBT community mistakenly medicalizes androgyny.
17 pointsJan 29, 2024
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I think it’s just plain ol’ gender roles contributing to a more serious phenomenon of people using HRT to be more heteronormative. Maybe they feel that being a masculine woman is causing them unhappiness, so the options are either to become more feminine to fit the ideal for women or become more masculine to fit the ideal for men (even if they don’t identify as one). The LGBT community seems to think that medicalizing any sort of androgyny is a good thing, even if it conforms to the restrictive gender roles that they’re supposed to be against

Reddit user furbyclown (desisted female) explains the phenomenon of pressuring young people and gender non-conforming individuals to transition, citing examples of teen medicalization and online "egg-cracking" culture.
12 pointsJan 24, 2024
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Whats the point in commenting this? It’s just false. I personally know people who started medical transition before 18. There was just a recent post about testosterone side affects from someone who was only 14, and endless posts about mastectomies people got in their teens. Theres a whole phenomenon of people suggesting that feminine gay men and masculine lesbians aren’t really men/women and that they’d be happier if they transitioned. Under a yt video of a masc lesbian talking about how her gf left because she realized she was straight and that it really affected her trust in others. Everyone in the comments was saying things like “oh honey it sounds like you’re not a woman at all” “cant wait for that egg to crack” like implying that her gender is the problem thats causing her to have bad luck in relationships