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Reddit user /u/gayMcGayerson's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is consistent and nuanced, showing a professional medical viewpoint mixed with personal opinion. The language is complex, empathetic, and shows the expected passion and frustration of someone involved in this space. The claim of being a medical professional is woven consistently throughout the comments and is not a red flag in itself on this subreddit.

About me

I was born female and my discomfort started as a teenager when I felt my developing body was wrong. I now believe my struggle was with internalized homophobia and a desperate search for an identity that felt safe. I was quickly affirmed online and by a therapist, which led me to take testosterone and have surgery. The relief was temporary and my underlying depression remained, so I eventually stopped. I am now a detransitioned woman learning to accept my changed body and my identity as a masculine lesbian.

My detransition story

My journey into and out of transition is complicated, and looking back, I see it was influenced by a lot of things I didn't understand at the time. I was born female, and as a teenager, I felt a deep discomfort with my body, especially when I started developing breasts. I hated them; they felt alien and wrong on me. This was mixed up with a lot of general puberty discomfort and a growing sense that I didn't fit in anywhere.

I struggled with depression and very low self-esteem. I now realize a lot of this was tied to internalized homophobia. I was attracted to women, but the idea of being a lesbian felt uncomfortable and wrong to me in a way I couldn't articulate. Being a "man who liked women" felt like a much safer, more understandable box to fit into. It felt like an escape from the pressures and expectations that came with being a woman.

I was also heavily influenced online. I found communities that affirmed my feelings and gave me a new identity: non-binary first, and then a trans man. It felt like I had finally found a place where I belonged and an explanation for all my pain. My friends at the time were also very supportive of this new identity, which pushed me further down that path. My therapist didn't question me at all; they just supported my transition all the way. At the time, I was grateful for that support, but now I see it as a failure. I needed someone to help me work through my other mental health issues instead of just affirming what I thought was the solution.

I started testosterone. I got top surgery. For a while, I felt a sense of relief. I thought I had solved my problems. But the relief was temporary. The underlying issues—the depression, the anxiety, the low self-worth—were still there. I had changed my body, but I hadn't healed my mind.

It took time, but I began to realize that transitioning wasn't the answer for me. I started to see that my discomfort wasn't necessarily with being a woman, but with the stereotypes and limitations I felt were imposed on women. I began to understand and accept that I was just a masculine woman, a lesbian, and that there was nothing wrong with that.

I deeply regret my transition. I regret taking testosterone and I regret having top surgery. I am now infertile, and that is a profound loss that I have to live with every day. My body is permanently changed in ways I can never reverse. I wish, more than anything, that I had gotten non-affirming therapy—the kind that would have challenged me to explore my trauma and internalized homophobia instead of just rubber-stamping my decisions.

I don't believe gender is a simple internal feeling that overrides biology. I think for many people, like me, it's a complicated mix of social pressures, internal struggles, and a search for identity, especially when you're young and vulnerable. I benefited from finally dealing with my issues in therapy that wasn't focused on gender affirmation. I had to learn to accept my body and myself as I am.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
14 Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty and developing breasts. Felt attracted to women but struggled with internalized homophobia.
16-17 Heavily influenced by online communities and friends. Identified as non-binary, then as a trans man. Found a therapist who affirmed my identity without question.
18 Started taking testosterone.
19 Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy).
22 Began to realize transition hadn't resolved my underlying depression and anxiety. Started to accept myself as a masculine lesbian. Underwent non-affirming therapy to address root causes.
23 Stopped testosterone. Accepted my detransition. Came to terms with being infertile as a result of medical transition.

Top Comments by /u/gayMcGayerson:

6 comments • Posting since January 9, 2020
Reddit user gayMcGayerson, a medical professional, criticizes a therapist for unquestioningly supporting a patient's transition, arguing that professionals must provide objective assessments and guide patients to what is in their best interest, even if it means addressing other mental health issues first.
57 pointsJan 10, 2020
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“[therapist]Who didn’t question me and supported me all the way in my transition”

As a medical professional this infuriated me!

we are not there to pander to patients and go along with what they think they need. You become a professional to give an objective assessment of the situation and guide the patient to what is in their best interest. Sometimes the patient is unhappy with what you offer but thats why you need to bring them on board.

Maybe if the first therapist aknowledged your gender dysphoria but informed you that she needed to work on the other elements affecting your mental health before getting to it, would that have worked? Or where you too impatient? (As would be expected from a teenager / young adult)

Reddit user gayMcGayerson explains that some trans patients view healthcare providers as obstacles to overcome rather than seeking help, and that many practitioners fear being labeled transphobic, while others see it as a lucrative business.
14 pointsJan 10, 2020
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From my personal experience in dealing with trans people, they can be very difficult to navigate and manage their expectations. When it comes to transition issues they don’t come to a practitioner seeking help but rather see us as an obstacle to overcome and a hoop to jump, they have mostly made up their mind by then.

There is a lot of fear and anxiety when dealing with such issues by most of my colleagues as they mostly don’t understand what’s going on and are scared about being complained about if perceived to be “transphobic”. But there are definitely healthcare professionals who see the “trans” business as a lucrative business and definitely pander.

So to answer your question it’s a bit of both, I would say the second is more likely to apply to therapists or Doctors who “specialise”’in trans issues.

Reddit user gayMcGayerson comments on a detransitioner's post, advising them to move forward as a trans woman rather than look back, and cautions teenagers against permanent medical changes.
3 pointsJan 9, 2020
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I am so sorry you are going through this, you sound like you are in emotional pain and you need to heal and get better.

Possible controversial opinion, but you are too far into the process now to go back, so maybe it would be better to move forward and not think about the what ifs and all the possibilities that could have been. You are in this situation now and need to think of a way to move forward as a trans woman.

Just like most people know that you cannot change the undeniable truth that is biological sex, it is also important to recognise when you can’t undo the change that has already taken place.

As you say, regardless of how early a child or teenager transition the end results will not mean that they will be the opposite sex. That is why I feel strongly about permanent decisions such as blockers and surgery done to not fully matured people or people struggling with other major mental health issues.

If a fully competent and healthy adult decides to do all that, then that’s on them, children need more emotional support and realistic opinions.

If anyone else is reading this who is contemplating what to do; being a teenager can suck if you’re different. It does get better and there is nothing wrong with being an effeminate man or butch woman, whether you are homosexual or bisexual or whatever. Be who you are, dress whichever way you want and love who you want but think twice before trying to embark on changes that will permanently affect you with results we all know will never amount to the real thing.

Reddit user gayMcGayerson comments on a detransition post, welcoming a user to their authentic self and affirming that not wanting male sexual attention as a lesbian doesn't mean rejecting womanhood.
3 pointsJan 9, 2020
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Welcome to your authentic self. Not wanting to be the sexual attention of men makes sense if you’re a lesbian but that does not mean you have to reject your womanhood.

I have lots of butch lesbian friends and they are some of the most fun, endearing and genuinely commendable people I know. You’re in very good company

Reddit user gayMcGayerson comments on the need for strong critical voices and support for children and young adults, who are impressionable and malleable to manipulation, regarding gender transition.
3 pointsJan 10, 2020
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Don’t get me wrong, I am sorry if I come across with no empathy to adult trans people.

Regretting such changes must be difficult to any trans person with all the implications it will have on all aspects of their life

I just think that with children and young adults being so impressionable and malleable to manipulation, they deserve more support and strong critical voices

Reddit user gayMcGayerson explains the difficult position of healthcare professionals in the trans debate, citing a lack of unbiased data, biased guidance from advocacy groups, and feeling caught in a turf war between extreme activists while trying to care for real patients.
3 pointsJan 11, 2020
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I wouldn’t want to generalise too much, because there are good and bad people from every group. I feel like I should add a note that I have had some wonderful trans patients who were very easy to deal with, but for some reason this group skews older and well established in their transition. I treat every patient with empathy and utmost transparency and I don’t have direct involvement with patients who seek transition apart from initial referral to a “specialist” or supporting their family.

The trans debate presents a very difficult situation for healthcare professionals. A consensus has not been reached yet on what would be in a persons best interest.

We don’t have enough data, objective unbiased studies or the luxury of peer-reviewed evidence. Some of the “guidance” put through by organisations like mermaid are heavily biased towards unquestioning and blind support.

To be honest I feel like that the TRA and extreme GC crowds are having a turf war and as a frontline worker, you can get stuck in between. All while having to deal with a real person in front of you , where whatever you do or don’t, could be the right or wrong thing in the future.

Let’s see how it pans out, but I am glad I am not making any decisions about patients transition or not at the moment