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Reddit user /u/gayergaygay's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 23
female
took hormones
regrets transitioning
depression
homosexual
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user shares detailed, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal experiences with detransitioning, medication effects, and social dynamics that are consistent with genuine lived experience. The language is natural, and the perspectives, including being a desister for social reasons, align with known detransitioner narratives.

About me

I started considering transition as a young butch lesbian because I felt pressured when my presence made women in restrooms uncomfortable. I tried testosterone twice, and while it greatly improved my mental health, I had to stop for social reasons. The withdrawal was devastating and left me suicidal both times. I found peace by building a life focused on friends, hobbies, and my career, instead of my gender. I now see my struggle wasn't with being born female, but with society's narrow view of what a woman can be.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was always a very butch lesbian, and even before I knew what transitioning was, people would sometimes mistake me for a man in women's bathrooms. Making women uncomfortable just by being myself in those spaces really hurt and played a huge part in pushing me to think about transition. It felt like there was no place for someone like me.

I started testosterone twice, and both times I was on it for about six months. The effects on my mental state were significant. On T, my patience, concentration, confidence, and decisiveness all increased. My depression, anxiety, and irritability decreased. It definitely helped me feel better in that way. I mainly detransitioned for complicated social reasons; if it weren't for that, I probably would have stayed on testosterone.

Coming off testosterone was really hard. I went cold turkey both times. The depression hit me like a freight train and I was suicidal for a couple of weeks. I was somewhat prepared for it, so I scheduled a vacation and went to my aunt's farm. Being there with the animals and having a lot of physical work to do kept me busy and helped me get through the worst of it.

A big turning point for me was realizing that constantly thinking about my gender identity wasn't helping. I found that I was happiest when I built a life that had nothing to do with gender. I focused on making good friends, picking up hobbies, concentrating on my job, and going to the gym. Having a fun, constructive life outside of all that rumination is what finally allowed me to think clearly.

I don't regret exploring transition, and I recognize that testosterone had some real benefits for my mental health. But I've come to see that my struggles were less about being born in the wrong body and more about the pressure to fit into a narrow idea of what a woman should be. The idea that only feminine, straight women belong in women's spaces is harmful. I'm still the same butch lesbian I always was, and I'm learning to be okay with that.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
Teenage Years Started being mistaken for a man in women's restrooms due to my butch appearance. This discomfort pushed me towards considering transition.
22 First started testosterone.
22 (6 months later) Went off testosterone cold turkey. Experienced severe depression and suicidal thoughts, managed by staying with family on a farm.
23 Started testosterone for a second time.
23 (6 months later) Went off testosterone cold turkey again, experiencing similar mental health challenges.
24 Shifted focus away from gender identity, concentrating on building a full life with friends, hobbies, and work. This brought clarity and peace.

Top Comments by /u/gayergaygay:

5 comments • Posting since December 11, 2023
Reddit user gayergaygay (detrans female) comments that focusing on hobbies, friends, and career, rather than ruminating on gender, is key to finding your true self.
24 pointsDec 11, 2023
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What are the things you like to do, such as hobbies and all? I found that keeping constructively busy kept me the happiest. Make some good friends, pick up a hobby or two, focus on college/university/job, maybe hit the gym.

Ruminating on gender identity never helped me. It was only when I developed a fun life that had nothing to do with my gender that I could think clearly about my gender identity.

Reddit user gayergaygay (detrans female) discusses how being a butch lesbian made women uncomfortable in restrooms, arguing that excluding non-feminine women from women's spaces is harmful.
20 pointsDec 13, 2023
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If you were attracted to women in any capacity, it would be a hard NO.

While I do think OP should use the men's restroom or gender-neutral, single-stall bathrooms if they're not a woman, I don't think whether or not OP is attracted to women is a factor here. I have always been very butch and very lesbian. I have always been thought to be a man in female bathrooms before I even knew what transitioning was. I have made women uncomfortable in the past before, by simply existing in these spaces and this type of experience had played a huge role in pushing me toward transitioning.

I think the whole idea that only feminine and straight women belong in women's space is quite atrocious and very harmful.

Reddit user gayergaygay (detrans female) explains how taking testosterone for 6 months increased her patience, concentration, confidence, and decisiveness while decreasing her depression, anxiety, and irritability.
7 pointsDec 13, 2023
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On T for 6 months (twice).

Increased:

  • Patience
  • Concentration
  • Confidence
  • Decisiveness

Decreased:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Irritability

In my case, it was definitely due to testosterone. I mainly detransitioned for social reasons, if it wasn't for complicated social dynamics I'd have stayed on testosterone.

Reddit user gayergaygay (detrans female) explains her experience quitting testosterone cold turkey, advising others to prepare for severe depression and suicidal thoughts, and recommends getting a therapist and informing a PCP beforehand.
7 pointsDec 11, 2023
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I went cold turkey twice. During both periods I was on T for 6 months-ish. Depression hit me like a freight train and I was suicidal for a couple of weeks, but I was somewhat prepared for it and knew it was coming, so I had scheduled a vacation and went to my aunt's. They had a farm and cats and dogs in the house, so it was quite relaxing and there was a lot to do on the farm that kept me busy.

I'd suggest be prepared for the mental health impacts. If you don't have a therapist, maybe get one before you quit. And also ensure your PCP is aware that you're quitting, you'd want your levels monitored regularly after you quit.

Reddit user gayergaygay (detrans female) comments on the unhealthy nature of a parent grieving a child's transition "like they're dead," citing their own experience with a Cluster-B parent.
3 pointsDec 22, 2023
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Yeah I got a Cluster-B parent too and that's probably why the grieving-like-you're-dead comment rubbed me the wrong way. I somehow don't quite think that that particular manifestation of stress/concern/sorrow can ever be healthy and functional. And even if that were how I felt as a parent, I'd not mention it to my child....

I'm glad we could somewhat understand each other. Hope you have a good rest of your week!