This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal perspective. The user shares specific, relatable life experiences (e.g., struggles with body image, a detailed personal history with gender norms, a voice recording) and writes with emotional depth and introspection. The narrative of being a "desister" who never medically transitioned but grappled with gender non-conformity is coherent and plausible. The passion and criticism align with the expected viewpoint of someone holding gender-critical beliefs from a detrans/desister perspective.
About me
I was born female and as a teen, I felt terribly uncomfortable with my body and didn't fit the girly stereotypes. I now believe my struggle was with society's narrow expectations, not with being female itself. I learned to see my body as just a shell and to value my inner self, finding peace as a woman who is free to be masculine. I never medically transitioned, and as a therapist, I see a system that rushes people into treatments without exploring root causes like trauma. I'm grateful I found self-acceptance without changing my body, and I'm now a happy adult comfortable in my own skin.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started in my teens, though the concept of being trans wasn't something I knew about back then. I was born female and never felt like I fit the stereotypical idea of a girl. I hated my breasts and my curves; I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I was more at home camping, wearing flannel, and drinking bourbon than I ever was shopping or getting my nails done. I'm also bisexual, and I think a lot of my discomfort was tied up with not fitting into a neat box and struggling with society's expectations of what a woman should be.
If I had been a teenager in the last decade, I absolutely believe I would have wondered if I was trans. The feelings were there: the puberty discomfort, the low self-esteem, the sense that my body was wrong. I didn't have a word for it then, but I think now it would have been called dysphoria. Instead, because that option wasn't presented to me, I had to find another way through. I had to learn to love my own personal brand of woman.
I came to believe that male and female are just physical states, nothing more. The idea of a separate "gender identity" never made sense to me. It felt like it was reinforcing the very stereotypes we should be breaking down. Why should liking bugs and bourbon make me less of a woman? Why should enjoying skirts and baking make me more of one? I am just me, a balanced person who happens to be female. I don't believe we need more women who fit a feminine stereotype; we need more women who are free to be whatever they want to be without it threatening their female identity.
Learning self-acceptance was a long process. I started by changing how I saw others. I’d people-watch and play a game where I’d decide if each person was ugly. I realized almost no one was. Everyone has unique qualities, and that’s what makes them interesting. I started to apply that same kindness to myself. I realized I am not my voice, my face, or my chest. Those are just parts of a physical shell. I am my past, my future, my mistakes, my triumphs, my kindness, and my love. I am a complex inner world that is so much more than a body.
I never medically transitioned. I never took hormones or had surgery. But I understand the pull, and I understand the pain that leads people down that path. From my perspective as a therapist, I see a system that is failing people. There's immense pressure to provide only affirmation, and therapists who want to explore deeper issues like trauma, dissociation, or body image often can't for fear of losing their jobs. People are being rushed into medical treatments without addressing the root causes of their discomfort. I worry deeply about the damage that is being done and I want to be ready to help people recover when the tides eventually turn.
I don't have regrets about a medical transition because I didn't have one. But I do regret that our culture has become so narrow in its view that it tells young people, especially girls who don't fit a stereotype, that their discomfort means they were born in the wrong body instead of encouraging them to expand what it means to be a woman. My journey was about finding peace with myself as a female person, without changing my body. I found a way to embrace all parts of myself, and I found a partner who loves me for exactly who I am. It was a hard road, but I'm grateful I walked it. I just am. I'm me.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Teen Years | Experienced significant discomfort with puberty, developing breasts, and curves. Felt I didn't fit female stereotypes. |
Young Adulthood | Developed self-acceptance strategies, like "people-watching games," to combat low self-esteem and body image issues. |
36 | Solidified my perspective: I am a female who rejects gender stereotypes and the concept of gender identity. Found peace without transitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/gendercriticalsw:
I definitely don't believe in gender identities. Male and female are physical states, nothing else. I've been a long time advocate for slowly breaking down traditional sex-based roles and expectations in our culture, and I continue to question people's ideas about what females or males "should" be or do or wear or like. I'm a female who likes camping and bugs and grilling and drinking bourbon (neat, please) and wearing flannel shirts. I'm also a female who enjoys crafts and Disney movies and wearing skirts and baking and everything purple. That doesn't make me "non-binary" or "gender fluid". It makes me a balanced woman who doesn't let sex-based expectations dictate what I do and don't like. I feel like the whole concept of gender identities goes against all of the progress we've made towards building acceptance and appreciation for balanced people and less strict sex-based expectations, it doubles down on the idea that things, sports, clothing, even emotions belong to one sex or the other. And that makes me sad.
"I just am. I’m just me." This is what you hold on to. You aren't your voice. You aren't your face. You aren't your chest. Those are just skin and bones and organs and things. That's not you.
You are your past. You are your future. You are your mistakes and your triumphs. You are your masculine parts and your feminine ones, too. You just are. You're you, no matter what the world sees, and that you has learned a whole lot and seen a whole lot in a mere 16 years. And you've survived a lot. And that's beautiful and amazing.
Hang in there and keep learning and doing and being. There's more beauty to the world than anything our eyes can see.
Self acceptance and self compassion are hard to find, but worth the effort! You are more than your biological sex. You are more than your physical body. You are your abilities, your kindness, your love, your spectrum of emotions, your complex inner world, your hopes and dreams... <3
Yes yes yes! This is what I find most upsetting about the current trans culture. It's reinforcing society's "gender norms" and making it seem like anyone who doesn't fit into those norms is likely trans. I've worked with tons of young children. They nearly ALL like sparkly things, playing in the dirt, role playing with kitchen sets and tool sets... etc, regardless of their sex. Some people fit typical "feminine" norms very well, and some people are very "masculine", but most of us fall somewhere in the middle but end up hiding parts of themselves in order to fit society's expectations. Do you! Experiment with your masculine and feminine sides! <3
We don't need more women who wear dresses and makeup and act super feminine. We need women who will allow themselves to be whatever they want to be and not let that stand in the way of their female identity. I'm a female (non-trans, but not very girly, and I hate the word "cis") and I wear makeup maybe twice a year, tops. I wear dresses/skirts a couple of times a month at most. Mostly, I wear comfy pants and flannel tops or some kind of sweater. I don't do heels (unless I'm out latin dancing- I feel very feminine doing that. Even then, my heels are pretty small because I don't want to break my ankles). Being a woman is not a set of stereotypes, it's whatever you want it to be. It's a priviledge and a curse. It just is.
Clinical social worker (therapist) here. There are lots of us who don't think this is ok, and don't think hormones and surgeries should be treatment for mental illness. But the people that want those "treatments" can easily find the people who are vocal about providing them. I don't write letters, but I am obligated to refer clients to someone who does, if that's what they want. I know the same is true in the medical world. It's a strange, backwards world at the moment, and I hope people start seeing that soon and change course. :(
Honestly, you sound like you're about in the range that I am, and I've never been on hormones. I just have a low female voice. I made you a clip so that you can compare. https://www.speakpipe.com/voice-recorder/msg/v5pi959eyt3smiw6
As a young adult, I started playing a "game" with myself. I'd people-watch, and I'd ask myself, for each person, if I thought they were ugly. I started looking at people and considering their unique qualities, and I'd think, "She's got big ears, but I kinda like them. She's definitely not ugly." or "He's got pimples, but there's not many, and they'll go away, and he's got a pretty hot face otherwise. Not ugly." or "She's a bit overweight, but her style is super awesome and I can tell she puts a lot of time into herself. Not ugly." The occasional "ugly" person would be someone who obviously does not try at all to care for themself and doesn't carry themself well or wear clothes that even come close to fitting. 1-2%, maybe. And then I'd think about how other people might see me, if they were playing the game, too. The game didn't get me to love my body or have great self-esteem, but it helped. I stopped worrying about how others might see me because I started looking at myself more like I looked at others.
I honestly feel like if I had been a teen sometime in the last decade, I would probably have wondered if I was trans too (I'm 36 now, so trans issues weren't a thing when I was a teen, we were just girly girls, butch, tomgirls, "athletic types", goth girls, skater girls, etc). I'm bi. I still struggle with trying to accept/appreciate my breasts (I'm a 30E, so there's no hiding them) and my curves (I have what my mom always called "birthing hips". I don't ever want to give birth.). I have no idea if that would be dysphoria, as it wasn't a term I ever really knew existed until recently. I've never wanted to get pregnant or have a child in any way (even though I love kids), I've never been the girly girl type and am waaaaaay more comfortable camping and hiking than going shopping or getting my nails done (which I've only done once, because my mom paid and I was curious). But I never considered the option that I could ever be anything than a woman, so I just learned to love my personal brand of woman, and I found a partner who thinks everything I am is amazing (which definitely helps, except that he really likes my boobs, and I still am very uncomfortable with them). I've found a way to embrace my meager feminine side by getting into latin dance- I love wearing makeup and girly dresses when I go to social dance events about once a month, it's very strange- and I wear whatever I feel like the rest of the time, which is pretty neutral in general. I don't know what I'm trying to say except that you can be a girl/woman/female however you want to be. :) And things do get easier. I don't know any woman who 100% likes her body (or even 75%), but it does get easier to love yourself as you get older and care more about all sorts of other things.
Another therapist here. It hurts my heart so much to hear so many people hear feeling like therapists can't help. There are a lot of therapists who don't agree with the "affirmation only" model, but, like you said, we risk losing our jobs and our licenses and getting blacklisted in our field for suggesting anything but affirmation right now. There are a few therapists speaking out against "affirmation therapy", but they are people who are fully licensed, private practice, with a lot of experience. These are therapists who can afford the risk. I'm not there yet. If someone came to me specifically because they had gender issues and said out-right that they didn't want to be affirmed, I would honestly still worry about treating that person because we're in a culture of witch-hunters right now. The only thing I can do is tell people with gender identity issues that I don't feel that I have the right training to help them, and refer them to someone who specializes in gender issues... which I know will be "affirmation therapy". Which sucks. In the meantime, I am doing as much training as I can on trauma, dissociation, and body image... because I have a feeling that eventually the tides will turn and there will be a lot of people needing a lot of therapy to recover from all the damage they've done to themselves and I want to be ready to help as soon as I am able to do so openly.