You didn't betray other women. I know it's a controversial topic on certain parts of Reddit, but elective top surgery has been a thing for plenty of GNC women who don't identify as trans. Doesn't make you any less female. Good luck to you on your journey! Going back to she pronouns is weird at first, especially if people still think you're male, but it does get easier!

It is incredibly frustrating. Especially since there is next to no vetting for medical transition in many places and GNC people often get pressured into moving along the conveyor belt and pushing aside our doubts because "everyone has them." I think most of the hate comes from the fact that we're just the beginning. The number of detransitioners is only going to increase with all the attacks on "gatekeeping," not to mention all the children being pushed into it.

I thought dysphoria wasn't necessary for being transgender and suggesting as much is horrible, horrible gatekeeping. So how would that "erase trans people?" and why is it any of their business if those of us who would like to cure dysphoria have options?

You're not in a gay relationship by the standards of almost any religion or denomination that would care about it, so I wouldn't be concerned on religious grounds. Regardless of how she identifies or if you go along with it or not, a male is always going to be a male. 16 is way too young for making any remotely permanent life decision other than maybe where to apply to college, let alone this kind of surgery. The adults around her have abysmally failed her in so many ways if this is the only option she can think of to resolve her suicidal ideation, and that's honestly heartbreaking.

Your S.O. desperately needs to be in therapy with a professional who understands detransition and can provide counseling that's both empathetic and knowledgeable on these issues. You're taking a lot on your shoulders that you can't and shouldn't have responsibility for at your age, and your S.O. is doing the same. Surgery isn't going to fix the problems a trans person is trying to escape. Not with their home life, not with society, not with themselves. I pray she gets the help she needs from a compassionate professional and is able to live a happy and fulfilling life as herself.

It's your life, you don't need to apologize to anyone. I don't personally feel any kind of way about transition, other than it not being the right answer for all trans people. For me personally, transition only temporarily helped with dysphoria. I had it living as a guy, I have it living as a GNC woman, but considerably less so now that I've explored other avenues of treatment. I'd just caution you to avoid the false binary of HRT/no treatment whatsoever that we're often pushed into. There are other treatments for dysphoria and they might be worth exploring before you transition, or at least alongside it.

Honest discussion and screening for comorbid mental health issues that could be aggravating or, in some cases, imitating dysphoria. Of all the detransitioners I know, I would say at least half detransitioned after getting treatment for another condition, such as BPD. It's treated as if dysphoria always presents in an entirely distinct way, regardless of what mental health issues a person may have. In many of these situations, political correctness is resulting in substandard care and malpractice because as soon as gender identity is brought up, practitioners are afraid to apply the same diagnostic criteria they would use for any other patient.

Having a bit about local groups for detransitioners, if any exist, would also be helpful. When you say you've decided to detransition, your entire social network can disappear overnight, so that real-world support matters greatly.

I can't say with MTFs as I've honestly not known any personally that I would consider fully passing, which seems a bit easier for FTMs. Most of the FTM detransitioners I know did pass fully or most of the time, but that's just anecdotal. It would be interesting to see some actual numbers, but passing is such a hot button topic it would probably be difficult to form a study like that.

You realize a number of butch women have been getting "top surgery" long before the trans movement was a thing, and there are plenty of women who get mastectomies for medical reasons and don't choose to opt for reconstruction. Are they mutilated? That's just one surgery and one example, but you can be critical of the medical community's approach to trans healthcare without being a huge jerk to detransitioners. Like we don't have enough to deal with.