This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced reflection on their own experiences with gender, dysphoria, and detransition/desistance.
- Consistent internal narrative about being a desister who identified as a masculine lesbian and grappled with medical transition.
- Empathetic engagement with others, offering advice that is complex and tailored to individual situations.
- Acknowledgment of nuance, even criticizing extreme behavior within their own aligned communities (radical feminism, detrans).
The passion and anger present are consistent with a genuine desister who has experienced harm.
About me
I'm a masculine lesbian who started dressing in men's clothes as a teenager and felt happy. I got confused by online communities that said my jealousy of men meant I was one, which made me frustrated with my own body. I realized my feelings were influenced by internalized homophobia, career-related sexism, and my OCD, not by being born the wrong sex. I decided against medical transition because I was scared of needing constant procedures to feel okay. Now I'm learning to accept myself as a butch woman through therapy and connecting with my community.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a masculine lesbian and always dressed like the men I admired. At first, that made me happy. I remember being 14 or 15 and feeling good when I dressed in men’s clothes. But things started to change when I got more involved in online trans communities. I saw constant posts about "gender envy," where people would talk about wanting to look exactly like certain male celebrities or influencers. It confused me a lot. I started to think that my jealousy and my desire to look like those men was a sign that I was supposed to be a boy, too. Instead of just enjoying dressing masculinely, I became frustrated that I didn’t pass flawlessly. The normalisation of this jealousy-driven behaviour just made me more distressed and angry.
Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings were influenced by internalised homophobia. I felt pressure to be the "Boyfriend" or the "Man" in a relationship from the moment I realised I was a lesbian. I never gave myself the space to explore what it meant to be a butch lesbian, to have a relationship with another woman without trying to force it into a heteronormative box. I thought I was so different from other women, but I’ve come to realise that my experiences are a part of the lesbian community, and there’s a real sense of solidarity there that I don’t want to throw away.
I also have OCD, and I know that played a role. The constant ruminating and anxiety about my gender felt a lot like my other OCD thoughts. I’ve learned that the best way to deal with those terrifying thoughts is to accept them as just thoughts, to say "so what?" and strip them of their power. That’s been a big help for me.
Another big factor was my career aspirations. I want to work in the film industry, which is still very sexist. All my filmmaking heroes were men, and I think, on some level, I didn’t believe I could be a successful, respected director as a woman. I didn't see myself having that kind of career, and I think I mistakenly linked that feeling to my gender identity instead of recognising it as a reaction to societal sexism.
I never medically transitioned. I looked into hormones and top surgery for a while because my dysphoria was really difficult, but I ultimately decided against it for a few reasons. I have other health issues and don’t have the money for such procedures. But more importantly, I became scared of the idea that I would need constant medical "improvement" to feel okay. I saw influencers getting more and more procedures, nitpicking every part of themselves, and it terrified me. I just want to feel happy in my own skin, not feel like I need to be constantly changed. I’ve found that talking to other desisted and detransitioned women, journalling, and therapy have helped me manage my dysphoria in other ways.
I don’t regret exploring my gender, but I do regret how much I internalised the messages from online spaces. I regret that I let jealousy and a distorted view of what it means to be a woman steer me away from accepting myself as a masculine lesbian. I now believe that transition can be the right path for some people with severe dysphoria, and I fully support my friends who are trans. But for me, it wasn’t the answer. My path was about learning to accept that the way I feel as a woman is acceptable.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14/15 | Felt happy and comfortable dressing in men's clothes as a masculine lesbian. |
| Late Teens | Became active in online trans communities; started experiencing "gender envy" and frustration at not passing. Began identifying as trans. |
| 20 | Started to seriously question my trans identity. Realised my feelings were linked to internalised homophobia, career-related sexism, and OCD. Began the process of desisting. |
| Present (Early 20s) | Now identify as a butch lesbian. Managing dysphoria through therapy, community support, and self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/georgeofasda:
Honestly? Just realising that the way I feel towards women is acceptable, and it doesn’t have to be the same way that men feel. I think I was pressuring myself to be a Boyfriend, the Man in the relationship, etc, since the second I worked out I was a lesbian, and never gave myself space to explore it as a woman without wanting to position myself as a more masculine partner and enforce a sense of heteronormativity. Every relationship and person is different though and we shouldn’t have to play by someone else’s rules. And it’s fine to be the person you just are.
That, and being a terribly unconvincing man. I previously thought myself so masculine and alienated from other women, but I am still quite clearly female and I am experiencing life and relationships as a butch lesbian would. I have all these experiences and it is a nice community and sense of solidarity that I don’t want to throw away just to try and conform.
I saw your other post and the comments are setting off alarm bells in my head if I’m gonna be honest. Deciding to transition (even socially) is huge and almost none of them encourage thinking this stuff through and giving it time - something a lot of us here are only just realising the value of now. When I joined this sub I was expecting the members to all be in their 20s, and seeing people go through the process of transition before realising it’s a mistake in high school breaks my heart. It’s clear how much you love your sister and don’t want her to screw anything up, and unlike what a lot of people in the FTM sub are saying, there’s no need to introduce her to any trans communities or commit to one option or another yet. Even if she ends up still wanting to transition down the line, 13 is SO young and she’s got years ahead of her. Hopefully you can try to get through and chat to her about it. Good luck.
I recognise your anger and pain because I know who you’re trying to get at, but I don’t think it’s necessary to generalise a whole group. Having a problem with people who don’t respect the detrans community is one thing, but a lot of those who retransition will be doing so without making grandiose statements about the mindset of every detransitioner, and as long as they understand that there are multifaceted reasons for detransition I think all is okay. Some people who decide to continue with their transition might be dismissive of those who don’t but assuming this is the case for all of them gets us nowhere - it is the same as making generalisations about the reasons and perspective of every detransitioner.
Before I came out I would argue with people on Twitter lol but after telling the first person I wasn’t cis I became reallllly awkward around the subject, even with some close friends (I think there’s two people I’ve properly been able to talk to). People asking me about it is uncomfortable. I am still interested in the subject of gender nonconformity and transness but in an academic way would rather read about it than tell anyone my actual opinion.
This is an example! Basically anything that acts like if you even consider being another gender it’s abnormal and a sign of gender dysphoria. I’m female and the second I even expressed jealousy for cis men (I told a friend I wanted to look like a male actor) I was told I was trans.
People with GD can find other ways to handle it, so don’t worry if you don’t want to transition! Because you think it’s OCD (and you’re saying the thoughts make you anxious/you don’t want to be male) there is a possibility that you’re just obsessing over this and as with a lot of anxieties (OCD or otherwise), they can fade away. Do you have a doctor or therapist you could speak to?
It’s rough being 16, and having all this future ahead of you without knowing what to do with it. Frankly I don’t think many people have a grip on their identity at this time in their life. Keep reminding yourself you don’t have to make a decision, try and do things that make you happy like a hobby or going out into nature (always takes my mind off things!), and try to stop turning the subject around in your mind. There’s no pressure to work out anything.
Honestly I think this is the case for a lot of people. I have known a lot of people who identify as queer in some sense, but I think many of them (in my generation) came to it via tumblr or similar sites. Whereas I had crushes on girls from a young age and it just feels like something I’ve always known.
I struggle with a lot of the extreme behaviour in radical feminist and gender critical communities where some people actively bully trans folks just because they disagree with their views on gender. It is a nuanced topic that needs to be given compassion in order to break down the walls, and I am also still pro transition for some dysohoric people and don't think anyone should be threatened or targeted for their looks just because they identify as trans. That said, not everyone is like this, and I have found a lot of solace with the more reasonable people who post about radical feminism because I finally feel represented, whereas in LGBT circles I'd just agree with others to avoid a fight and feel I'd compromised my feminist morals.
I hope this post isn’t bait! I do think that a lot of people offering alternate treatments for dysphoria are doing so in good faith to help others avoid the financial strain and social/physical hardship of transition. If you’re a desister try talking to other desisted and detrans women with GD and ask how they manage their dysphoria - a lot of them are leading happy lives in spite of it and will be happy to share their tips if you really want advice! I think a lot of women are just resistant as they are afraid they will be branded transphobic for trying to provide other outlets, when it is not necessarily so. A lot of us don’t want to physically transition for reasons that aren’t resentment of transness - I don’t have the money, and have health issues, but fully support my FTM friends - so I would love ways to cope with my GD that don’t involve a full transition, and I’ve found that speaking to other people about how I view myself, and taking small steps (such as journalling reflectively and seeking therapy) has helped just a little. You could always argue my dysphoria isn’t that severe if I am able to manage it so well, but it has been a really difficult journey and until recently I was looking into hormones and surgery to correct it like so many of us here have done - I think the correct path depends on the person though, and for me, transition isn’t viable no matter how much I struggle with my identity. :-) Hope you find the right way for yourself too!
I want to go into the film industry and unfortunately it is still rife with sexism. A lot of my moviemaking heroes are men, but that’s simply because equally or more talented women aren’t really given the chance. :/ I think you could be right - I didn’t see myself having a successful career or having the same cult following a lot of these dudes do.