This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's story is highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent. They describe a complex personal history of desisting due to abuse, vocal cord issues, and the social experience of being misgendered, which aligns with known detransitioner narratives. Their tone is passionate but measured, and they express a mix of confusion, self-reflection, and progress, all hallmarks of a genuine person.
About me
My transition started because I was being abused and I thought becoming a man would make me strong enough to escape. I lived as a guy for years, but it was just a way to avoid my trauma and disconnect from my femininity. I've since stopped and realized I missed out on learning how to be comfortable as a woman. Now, I'm in therapy working through the abuse and my confusing feelings about my identity and sexuality. I don't regret my path because it brought me here, but I see now it was an escape that created more problems than it solved.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was messy and rooted in a lot of pain. I was being abused by my stepmom, and I felt like if I was trans and became a man, I could become a new person who would finally be strong enough to stand up for himself against the abuse. A big part of it was also that I didn't want to be anything like her, which made me struggle to connect with my own femininity. I thought transitioning was my way out.
I identified as non-binary for a little while at the start, but it quickly shifted to me wanting to be seen as a full guy. I socially transitioned through all of middle school and high school, but I never took hormones or had any surgeries. Looking back, wanting to look masculine or pass as a dude wasn't something I actually wanted; I just didn't know how to be a woman in a healthy way.
After I desisted, I realized I had missed out on so much. I never did traditionally feminine things growing up, and I'm just now, as an adult, learning how to do makeup. I feel a lot better now that I've stopped obsessing about gender, but I still have a lot of confusing feelings to work through.
One of the hardest things has been my sexuality. I consider myself straight, but I tend to objectify women in my thoughts, and it's really confusing. I don't understand why I still sometimes think of myself as male in a sexual sense, and I don't have any real interest in dating or having sex with women outside of fantasies. It's something I'm trying to figure out in therapy.
My voice is naturally deeper because of a vocal chord paralysis issue, which led to a strange problem after I desisted. For a while, people kept mistaking me for a trans woman (MtF), because I looked feminine but had a deep voice. It was frustrating because I just wanted to be seen as a woman, not as anyone in transition. Since I've grown my hair out, it happens less often.
Therapy has helped me a ton. I'm working on seeing other women as normal people and not letting the abuse from my stepmom overshadow my thoughts about all women. I want to have more female friends and finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't regret my transition in the sense that it was a path I had to walk to get here, but I see now that it was a choice made for all the wrong reasons—escapism, trauma, and low self-esteem. It didn't solve my problems; it just added new ones on top.
I still have friends who are trans and non-binary. Just because deciding to transition wasn't the right choice for me doesn't mean I think badly of them. We're still friends.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11-12 | Started identifying as non-binary, then as a transgender boy. Socially transitioned in middle school. |
| 13-17 | Lived socially as a male throughout all of high school. |
| 18 | Realized my transition was based on trauma and a desire to escape. Stopped identifying as trans (desisted). |
| 19 | Began therapy to address the abuse, trauma, and confusion around my identity and sexuality. Started trying to embrace femininity, like learning makeup. |
Top Comments by /u/gerbils29:
Eh, I'm fine with it. I have some non-binary and trans friends. Deciding to transition wasn't a good choice for me but it's not like I'm going to think badly of them or not want to be friends with them because they're part of the LGBTQ community. I met a few of them through that, actually, and we're still friends even after I desisted.
Interesting. I tend to objectify women more, and as a woman myself it's really confusing and I don't particularly understand why I have these thoughts, especially since I consider myself straight. I really don't want to sexually objectify women and I don't understand why I still think of myself as male in a sexual sense after desisting. I don't have interest in dating or having sex with women outside of fantasies. I'm not sure how to bring this up to my therapist though.
I thought about picking a neutral name when I thought I was nonbinary, but I just ended up with Helen since I liked it. I never went on T or anything but I do have a deep voice because of some vocal chord issues. People used to mistake me as a trans woman a lot for some reason, but since growing my hair out more people usually read me as female now.
anyways OP: not an overreaction imo and disregard whatever stupid shit is coming from "sArAh". anyways when going through detrans you at one point surrounded yourself at one time with transgender ideology and topics so it can feel odd or even personally insulting when people insist or ask these questions because you have personal ties to it (think, "you see it if you look for it" but more of an experience-based thing). but i sadly dont know the intention behind the people that were mistaking you so they couldve actually just been "curious". though personally id be upset if someone insisted or said i "look" like one. theres no good way to explain that one.. anyhow, FTMTF can often be mistaken as MTF because of our fem appearance but deep voice, except you mentioned not ever medicalizing, so maybe you have a naturally deeper voice? regardless i hope the mix-ups and mistaken projections do go away for you! much love
Yeah thanks. I transitioned for a lot of bad reasons but wanting to look masculine or pass as a dude was not something I actually wanted as I realized once I started desisting lol
My voice is pretty weird due to vocal chord paralysis so I'm not sure what I would sound like without it, but my voice is naturally deeper. I'm not sure if I need to wear makeup or anything so people will stop mistaking me as MtF, but I just feel like I missed out on being feminine for so long. Most people have asked me just in curiosity or they're trying to be nice, I've never had anyone be rude to me over it so that's good, but since I desisted I'd like to just be seen as a woman and not be seen as MtF or FtM.
Yeah I'm in therapy and that's helped a lot. I did write some of this down to talk to my therapist about next time I see her. I'd love to have more female friends, I never really did traditionally feminine stuff since I lived as a male from middle school to my senior year of highschool, I just felt like I missed out on that stuff. Just learning how to do makeup now lol. I want to see other women as normal people without letting my abuse by a woman overshadow my thoughts about all women in general. And it's just confusing too since I've been living as a girl again.
Haven't done much meditation but usually I fall asleep or get bored lol.
Similar thing happened to me. I was being abused and I felt like if I was trans, I could become a new person who would stand up for himself against the abuse and "be a man". I was abused by my stepmom and that also made me struggle to connect with femininity by not wanting to be like her. Not much changed and I just ended up being more miserable by obsessing about gender on top of the abuse, I feel a lot better now that I've desisted.