This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user's writing is highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and shows a consistent, evolving internal struggle with gender identity, body image, and mental health (ADHD, possible ASD). The narrative is complex, self-critical, and lacks the repetitive, agenda-driven language of a bot. The user identifies as a desister (questioned but did not medically transition), which aligns with the stated experiences of confusion, social media influence, and finding peace in accepting their female body. No serious red flags for inauthenticity were found.
About me
I started questioning my gender at 18 during the pandemic lockdown, when I fell into an online rabbit hole of trans content. I now realize my confusion came from anxiety, ADHD, and internalized issues, not from actually being male. I never transitioned, and I'm grateful because I see now I was just trying to escape my problems and my female body. Today, I'm learning to accept myself as a woman and focus on my real mental health. I'm finally finding peace by understanding that my body is just my body, and I am enough as I am.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been confusing and difficult, but I feel like I'm finally finding my way to a place of peace. It all started during the pandemic lockdown. I was 18, isolated at home, failing my classes, and spending way too much time online, especially on social media like Twitter. I fell down a rabbit hole of trans content. I started reading everyone's stories and, for the first time, began to seriously question my own gender. I’d always been a girl and never thought about it before, but suddenly I felt a lot of anxiety and pressure to find a label that fit me.
I started to think maybe I was a trans man or non-binary. I was desperately trying to find a community and feel like I was part of something, anything. I even caught myself trying to invent memories from my childhood to fit the typical "trans narrative" I saw online, because I felt like I had to have a reason for feeling so mixed up. The truth is, I never had any childhood indicators. I went to an all-girls high school and actually enjoyed it. I never felt discomfort during my puberty. This was a new and sudden feeling.
A lot of my confusion came from a place of deep insecurity and other issues I’ve always had. My doctor told me I have severe ADHD and that I might be on the autism spectrum. I now realize these conditions make me hyperfixate on things and get obsessive, intrusive thoughts. Gender became my new obsession. I also struggle with body image issues; I have a very feminine, curvy body, and sometimes I hate my breasts or think my face isn't feminine enough. I conflated these self-image problems with gender dysphoria.
I also realized internalized misogyny and homophobia played a big part. I'm bisexual, but I noticed I had a warped view of lesbian relationships because the only representation I'd seen was oversexualized porn made by men. Part of me thought life would be easier if I were a straight man. I also consumed a lot of anime growing up, and the male characters were always so much cooler and better written than the female ones, which gave me a really distorted view of what it means to be a man or a woman.
What really helped me was stepping back and getting regular therapy—specifically not a gender-affirming therapist. I needed someone to help me challenge these thoughts, not just affirm them. I started to understand that my desire to transition was a form of escapism. I thought it would be a magic solution to all my problems: my depression, my anxiety, my low self-esteem. On my bad days, I’d think, "If I were a man, I wouldn't be sexualized, life would be easier, and I'd finally be happy." But on my good days, which happen about every two weeks, I don't think about gender at all. I feel great about my body and myself. That showed me that my gender distress wasn't consistent or inherent; it was tied to my mood and mental health.
I never medically or socially transitioned, and I'm so grateful for that now. The effects of testosterone actually repulse me—the idea of more body hair and a deeper voice doesn't feel like me at all. I see now that I was looking for a way to hide my female body, not actually become a man. My goal is to learn to exist as a woman on my own terms. I’m trying to see myself as a human being who happens to have a female body, not someone who is defined by society's expectations of what a woman should be.
I don't have regrets about transitioning because I never went through with it, but I do regret all the time and mental energy I spent obsessing over it. I'm learning to accept that my body is just my body. There's nothing wrong with it. The problem is how people look at it and the pressures they put on it. When I'm alone, I can love my body. My focus now is on treating my ADHD and anxiety, and learning to live my life without getting caught in these obsessive loops. I'm just a person, and that's enough.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
10 | Started watching anime regularly, which influenced my views on gender. |
13-17 | Attended an all-girls high school. Enjoyed puberty and never felt gender discomfort. |
18 (2020) | COVID-19 lockdown began. Became isolated and spent excessive time online. |
18 (Early 2021) | Began intensely questioning my gender, consuming trans content online. |
18 (Apr 2021) | Realized my gender obsession was linked to ADHD, anxiety, and other issues. Started non-gender-affirming therapy. |
18 (May 2021) | Understood my feelings were based in escapism, internalized misogyny, and homophobia, not innate dysphoria. |
19 (Present) | Working on self-acceptance, focusing on mental health, and learning to exist as a woman without labels. |
Top Comments by /u/get0tits:
omg thank u !! youre 100% right i always have this weird perception of my body, in my head it looks much fatter and uglier than it really does because when i look in the mirror i think it doesn't look THAT bad.
about the fictional male characters, i never thought it could be a signal but I'm a huge fan of anime and its been the main source of media i consume since I was probably 9 or 10, so I have this really weird distorted views on being a guy.
Internalised misogyny and gender roles : !! thats true and i dont know how to get out of it. the thing ive told myself was to simply be a woman on my own terms or simply exist as a human being/person that happens to have a female body. It helps a lot instead of constantly hyper examining my body in a female POV. Its not just a woman's body its also a human body if that makes sense.
Internalised homophobia: yeah im bi! and so i know i like men and have enough "healthy/normal" roles around me to feel comfortable with my attraction to men (although the over exposure of myself in social media where it constantly talks about women getting killed/raped by men is just 2 much for me) but when it comes to girls .. i want to be with a girl! but the only exposure of wlw ive ever had around me was literally just porn, i dont watch porn at all but the only lesbian shit ive seen was either overly sexual which is why i tend to think i dont want to contribute to that so the best way would be to a man even though i dont want to be a man.
And yes a history of abuse, unfortunately it comes with my story as well. I think all of that made me feel robed of my own body if that makes sense?
And, ROGD i just read about it like an hour ago, its true! ive spent the last year during pandemic even up til today confined at home and constantly online within the trans community which fuelled my desire to have a goal (Transition) and belong in a community.
About dysphoria, i would say i have self images issues which conflated with gender roles/identity but I don't think I feel weird with people viewing me as a girl. Its just I have a problem with what it means to be a girl.
Thank you again and sorry for ranting so much !! it definitely helped me
Yet I dont feel like a woman at all.
I never for a moment feel at peace I watch myself through the eyes of others.
There's a lot to unpack here, and as you said, you should definitely go to therapy and avoid gender therapists. Those two lines I took from your post are, at least for me, very clear. When you transition youre supposed to feel at peace and feel like yourself, yet it seems youre anxious and tired of "acting like a woman", youre forcing yourself through this role and you dont seem to enjoy it one bit, it also seems like underneath, you still feel like a man.
You should consider going off estrogen until you figure things out. It doesn't look like it benefits you one bit. Also, remember, just because you dont feel connected to the typical manhood doesnt mean youre not a man (you could be non binary though). Men can be beautiful and feminine and not one bit masculine, just like women can be masculine without being labelled as "a man in denial". And masculinity in men isn't ugly or to be feared. I personally think its beautiful to be masculine (without being toxic). There's nothing wrong with that.
The only people who are going to label you as misogynist are irrelevant people you shouldn't deal with. If those people you have around you stop supporting you just because you expressed/started to detransition, then they were probably only around you because you were trans.
And hormones don't necessarily calm down aggression and anger issues. Sure they can be kind of a push but in the long term, they don't affect your nervous system that much. What does cure anger issues and aggression is long term therapy and CBT.
But remember, seek help from a professional, it's better. Maybe you'll figure out you weren't trans at all or maybe you'll realize you were trans and just rushed in things too fast, who knows. The only way to be 100% sure is to go off E and go to therapy, see what makes u feel more at ease and comfortable.
yes! I'm AFAB and I don't identify with the traditional gender roles people have of girls which is why very recently i've had gender dysphoria/anxiety about it. I used to dress pretty basic nothing special, nothing too masculine or feminine but since we're still on lockdown and i've had an over exposure to social media for more than a year, all the girls i ever saw were basically insta girls who are usually very feminine and wear revealing clothes, makeup etc. which there's no problem with, especially if they enjoy it but then it makes you think how unworthy you are of a girl if you don't do all of that.
And sometimes, my personality tends to be naturally more masculine and sometimes feminine, it kind of jumps from masc to fem so that got me even more confused because i thought, well where do i stand? If im more masculine than feminine then it would be easier to transition and be completely masculine (which makes no sense because there are some days where i feel completely in the feminine).
Gender roles are reinforced in us in such young minds and it subconsciously affects us. For example, around men that I've first met, I tend to act very feminine and polite, i adjust my posture (it comes very natural to me) but around girls or women, I'm a little more let go and relaxed and my mannerism tend to be more masculine. Also I'm bi so that probably has something to do with it.
Same for my gay/bi male friends. They act very femininely around me or their friends but when they're around strangers or other men, they switch to a more masculine demeanour and they also tell me it comes very naturally to them.
So i definitely think too much social media can lead you to develop GD (without being trans) and deep insecurity and makes you think if youre more fem as a guy, then you must be a trans woman which makes no sense to me.
Obviously, I dont know your whole story but I can tell you if youre just more feminine and have "women mannerisms" that does not make you a woman at all. If it did, then I can assure almost everyone would be trans because not everyone fits in the society's ideal. Usually people who act exactly like what the society excepts from them are usually the most insecure actually. Men can be soft, polite, sweet and feminine. You don't need to identify as a man for now but you can exist as a man without feeling like one. You can have a male body and still present however you want.
for me, its thought i was trans although it barely lasted a week. never transitioned socially or online personally. I never considered myself trans, but thought I was if it made sense. I had started to apply the narrative "if you think so much about gender you must be trans/if it brings you anxiety then you are trans" even though there are 182525945 factors that could make you anxious about that.
Stopped applying that narrative and looked into deeper issues I had carried with me for years. Gender dysphoria never applied to me, never throughout childhood or puberty, only very recently when i had an overexposure of social media. You could say I had ROGD, although very little, if not no dysphoria. I would say social dysphoria if that were to be a word.
youre on detrans forum which means at least 95% of the people here have permanently detransitioned meaning youre going to hear stories about people who thought transition was the solution and it turned out it wasn't.
If you go on trans reddit, then most of the stories will be trans people who feel better because of their transition because transition for real trans folks is life saving.
The only answer to your question "is there anyone who should transition" is well, trans people.
Your user flair and the fact that youre here is pretty telling to me that youre still unsure of transitioning. One suggestion almost every detrans tells questioning youth is look for the roots of your dysphoria, past sexual abuse, trauma, dissociation, other potential disorders such as anxiety, if youre on the spectrum (autism, Asperger) or if you have severe adhd or ocd, eating disorders, internalized misogyny (ftm detrans mostly) or internalized homophobia (which can you lead you to think its better to transition and become "straight" to not live as a gay person).
All of those factors can lead you to think youre trans when in reality, it was just a way to escape your problems and yourself.
Trans people who have continuous and early childhood gender dysphoria should, well transition, especially if the feeling persists in adulthood.
If you suddenly develop gender dysphoria or a feeling of discomfort out of the blue when youve never felt it during puberty or childhood, i would definitely suggest you to go to regular therapy (avoid gender affirming therapists, you need someone to challenge you) and talk about the possible roots of that sudden dysphoria.
I don't know your age and predicament, but this forum is still detrans! So most people here would tell you to not transition unless youre 100% and youve gotten non gender affirming therapy to make sure youre actually trans.
Hope this helps!
Okay, so you're attracted to very masculine men and you seem to think the only way to attract heavy masculinity is by transitioning into a woman, because heavy masculinity = straight men. Again, I don't know your whole story as i'm trying to understand based off your few lines.
There are plenty of very masculine gay men who often pass as straight because they don't fit in the typical image of the gay man everyone has.
I dunno, if that's your sole reason onto why you socially transitioned, you might want to reconsider.
The way they talked about cis people was...less than civil. I remember wanting to be trans to feel a part of something, I didn't want to be the majority, the "oppressor". So, I made the choice to convince myself I'm actually a trans dude.
If you said so yourself that you convinced yourself you were trans because you didn't want to be seens as the oppressor/majority and you wanted to be apart of something youve probably just talked yourself in your transness.
You might be uncomfortable by being referred to she/her pronouns but thats because youve spent so much time convincing yourself you were a man, so anytime you're about to refer to yourself as he/him prns try to correct yourself in your head. It might seem silly and hard to do but your brain will eventually get used to it.
Also, mostly just get therapy. If youve spent so much time thinking youre trans when your only reasons to identify as trans were to special and fit it, youre just not trans, especially if you have no gender dysphoria.
You didn't even medically transition so honestly, not everything is lost. And no cis woman truly feels like one until her late twenties anyways its pretty common so no worries, we've all been thru this anyways.
If you want i have pinned posts that could help you feel comfortable with your AGAB! Another thing is to cut off your online community for now, if you want to avoid trans media and really focus on what you want
I really can't tell you who you are but from what I've read, you were pretty young when identifying as a trans man and anyone and everyone can change their minds when they grow up as you start to see things differently and have a wider perspective.
The red flags I've picked on:
Now I see myself with my short hair and flat chest wearing sundresses,makeup and earrings, dressing pretty for dates with guys... feminizingmyself.
Okay so, if you see yourself a tiny more feminine as before and if you feel comfortable with the level of femininity you're imagining yourself with .. its totally okay. You don't need to do anything about it and try to lock it away. Also, you mentioned you were bisexual so as of now, dating men that like women as a trans man would be hard because they're *mostly* attracted to femininity and dating as a trans man towards gay/bi man is, a bit harder as well since male gay culture tends to be very phallocentric but obviously that doesn't mean you won't find ANY guy that wouldn't mind any genitalia you have but in general, from what ive heard about detrans females was the dating part was hard with guys (as in they were girls liking guys or felt like women liking men). If its a natural thing to you to feminise yourself when trying to attract men, you might not want to go pursue medical transition.
I like my profile pictures to be my favorite male anime characters that I see myself in. I like being masculine and sporty. I like being seen as a boy... but now I don’t mind being seen as a tomboyish girl.
Now, about the anime guy profile pictures i can completely relate, although for me, it switches between anime girls and guys, it doesn't necessarily have any subconscious to it. Also, I watch anime as well and i think we can both agree on the fact that anime female characters are extremely badly written for the most part and are also designed in a very sexual way. I've been watching anime since I was 10 so that definitely fucked my perception of girls as it was the only media I ever consumed. So I'm wondering if your situation could also stem from that? Since you don't look like the anime girls and anime male characters tend to be insanely cooler, you're more prone to identifying like them? And then you said you didn't mind being seen as a tomboyish girl ... Well there's your answer. You just don't mind so that means you're also comfortable being seen as such. Being seen as a boy and completely passing is already hard a as a trans man, you would need to commit 100% and you're also a patient for life when you commit to that decision. So definitely do think about that.
I never felt pretty growing up. I hated my long and thick curly hairbecause everyone at my school had straight hair, and mine would getpicked on. I had a darker complexion, while everyone else was lighter. Iwas taller and more muscular, while everyone else was short and apretty thin. I would get bullied for my looks on top of already hatingmyself, on top of being an outcast. Now I’m 19 and an adult... I feelgreat about myself! But seeing myself as a girl, I know I’m not theshort-haired girl with a soft face and rosy cheeks and small nose-although I wish I was. I’m tall, I’m square in shape, my jaw andcheekbones are sharp... but I’m starting to feel okay with it now.
Okay while there is a lot to unpack here, it seems to me that you simply grew to hate yourself and your looks because they were not deemed girly enough and so you probably thought that since you're pretty masculine as well might as well identify as a boy right? And just going on T to make things easier. Then you mentioned you feel great about yourself and that is when you're not even on hormones. Keep that in mind. Gender dysphoria doesn't necessarily come from being trans it could lead to something else and you already being three years in the community could've led you to think you have GD because you've always wanted to be a man. Also wanting to be a man is different from actually feeling like a man on the inside and wishing to look like one because it matches how you feel. Wanting to be a man as a girl could stem from internalized misogyny and homophobia (if you like girls), feeling unworthy of being a woman because you don't look like the insane standards people have of girls.
Lastly, if your trans friends reject you because you don't label as trans, then they were only around you because you identified as a trans man. You don't need people like this in your life. Keep people that don't give two shits if you're trans or detrans.
I don't like putting labels on other people but I can definitely tell you to simply be yourself. If you enjoy masculinity then go for it. If you also like the girl tomboyish look, also do it. There is no need to transition unless your GD gets so unbearable you can't get out of the house. You don't need to label yourself, there is a constant pressure for people on trans online media to always label ourselves within all the stupid micro labels. The truth is you don't need to and the more labels there will be, the less you'll fit in any of them. It just won't be enough for you (if you have this need to fit somewhere). Literally just be yourself. If you're okay being referred to as a girl, sister, girlfriend (even if you don't see yourself as such) then don't transition. Literally don't. You don't need to feel like a woman in order to simply exist as one. You can be a human that happens to live inside a female body and then present yourself as you want.
This turned out long but I hope it helped :)
OMG AAAAH i love this post so much, im so glad you feel better! I'm literally in the same position as you and the only thing being is that I haven't transitioned and I don't think I will because the effects of T actually repulse me (more hair, deeper voice) but at the same time, they would cover my lack of womanhood (which is funny because I have a very curvy body and my face is pretty feminine).
But since I've been so conditioned to think women have to be exactly like society have to be and I'm already insecure and very impressionable and you can easily get in my head, I'm scared of being just slightly GNC or more masculine. Its crazy because long term, I don't see myself as a man I just see myself as...well myself. So it's pretty contradictory.
I see transition as a way to cover my female body and hide myself in it, kind of like an envelope to protect myself and to not get sexualised etc. etc.
But there are some days where I'm super confident and happy in my body and gender (when I'm not in a depressive episode) but my brain for the past few months due to lockdown and over exposure to trans content convinced itself that happiness can only come from transitioning.
This post made me very happy :)) I have a question: how would you define womanhood now that you've detransitioned? Is it something you're still struggling with or have you tried to contextualise it? For example, to rationalise my thoughts, I usually think of myself who's inside a human body that happens to be a female body.
"I am also romantically attracted to guys (but quite ashamed of it, I guess) which might help explain that. I had heavy body dysmorphia since forever, even though lots of people seem to find me at least somewhat attractive."
"I am completely fine with my current male-ish socialization"
Okay, so these two parts kind of stood up to me, especially when you said you were quite ashamed of being gay (but now presenting as straight). Internalized homophobia for sure, which happens with detrans ftm that are gay, it sometimes come to mind that being gay is bad and oversexualised within the general media, so being straight would be easier.
Body dysmorphia is another factor that might lead detrans people to think theyre trans when in reality, its just self image issues.
To put it plainly, gender dysphoria is basically the clash between how you view yourself in the inside and how people view you outside. You might be a girl but people treat you and talk to you as a guy, which is where the heavy discomfort comes in, especially with puberty. Lots of trans kids/pre teens might think their puberty will be exactly like the opposite sex only to find out it wouldn't. If that's something you felt, definitely look into that and if you transitioned to ease that dsyphoria, why are you thinking of detransitioning?
Obviously, I can't tell you whether what you felt is gender dysphoria or not. You know yourself better!
You mentioned you enjoyed the effects of E, but what i noticed was the effects you enjoyed were mostly effects that aren't necessarily needed with E. In other words, I think you were looking for the aesthetic of looking more feminine/softer, without actually being a woman/passing as such. You can shave as a guy, take products for your hair not falling, if not wear wigs if you like the androgynous look and body odour can be dealt with showering and stuff. You don't necessarily need fem hormones to achieve that.
My body dysmorphia has been getting worse and worse, I have been thinking about plastic surgery a lot recently (which I find ridiculous when I am in a better mood).
If your body dysmorphia has gotten worse after transition, that's another red flag. Transition for real trans folks is supposed to be reaffirming that their new appearance /change is how they've always wanted to look. If you feel worse and even more self conscious while transitioning, maybe you didn't make the right decision. And also, something i've noticed: you only think about surgery when you feel bad and anxious, but when you're in a better mood you seem to think its ridiculous and you ask yourself why you even thought about that in the first place.
That's your self image issues acting up. I don't know, but are you perhaps on the spectrum or have OCD/ADHD? I'm asking because that's exactly what's happening to me, I can't seem to stop thinking about gender when i get in a bad mood and i'm anxious but whenever I talk myself out of it, I realized how futile it was to panic about that. In other words, it's all in my head and ADHD with intrusive thoughts does not help at all.
I don't know your whole life situation and I'm definitely not pretending that you're not trans at all, but I suggest maybe get off the hormones and see what's best for you. You can always go back on them, identify as trans, non binary, whatever, everything is up to you, everyone has their own stories and don't try to build a false narrative to fit someone else's trans journey.
Also, seek therapy, best is non gender affirming therapist (basically someone who doesn't specialize in gender). Sort out your body dysmorphia and internalized homophobia, it might help you a shit ton into seeing whether you're really a trans woman!
I wish u the best x