This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user describes a nuanced, personal, and emotionally complex struggle with gender dysphoria, body image, and societal expectations. The language is highly specific, self-reflective, and internally consistent over time, focusing on a desire for self-acceptance and future goals like motherhood. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with a genuine desister's experience.
About me
I started socially transitioning because I felt a deep discomfort with being a woman and hated my body. I realized my masculine presentation was a barrier to my true desire for motherhood and a balanced partnership with a strong man. I never took hormones, and I'm grateful I avoided permanent changes. Now, I'm learning to see the woman in the mirror and accept her, incorporating small feminine things into my style. I've settled on identifying as a masculine woman and am finally making peace with my femininity.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been a long and confusing one, but I’m finally starting to find some clarity. It all started with a deep discomfort with being a woman. I hated my breasts and felt completely disconnected from the person I saw in the mirror. I felt like a subpar woman and an even more subpar man. I was constantly uncomfortable in my own skin, and the way I dressed to feel better only gave me temporary comfort. That comfort would disappear the second I looked in the mirror and still saw a woman staring back at me.
I think a lot of my struggle came from a place of low self-esteem and a fragile sense of my own femininity. I was sick of feeling like I had to be the strong, domineering one in my relationships. I kept attracting partners who lacked drive and let life pass them by, and I felt like I was the only one who cared about protecting us. I realized I didn't want to be in a constant, toxic competition; I wanted to be with a strong man I could respect and trust, a true partner where we shared the burden of life evenly. This desire for a real partnership made me understand that my strength was necessary for motherhood, but so was my partner's strength for fatherhood. My façade of masculinity was a barrier to that.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I only transitioned socially by changing my presentation to be more masculine. But I began to see that this was creating a huge disconnect between the future I truly wanted and who I was pretending to be. I realized I wanted to bear my own children and have a family, and that my instant gratification from presenting as masculine was not a good substitute for that long-term goal. Transition is permanent and costly, and I started to see it as a potential financial trap within a crony capitalist system that would milk me dry.
My path now is about trying to overcome the roadblock in my head that prevents me from being truly comfortable. I'm trying to learn to look in the mirror, see a woman, and be okay with that. To love her. It’s a process of gradual acceptance. I’ve found that incorporating small feminine things helps, like wearing tropical shirts, floral patterns, a simple bracelet, or painting my nails. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to these important realizations, but I am grateful I stopped before making any permanent medical changes. I’ve benefited from stepping back and thinking deeply about what I really want out of my one life. I’ve settled on identifying as a masculine woman, and I'm working on being open and trusting, finally accepting my femininity instead of fighting it.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 20 | Began experiencing intense discomfort with being a woman, hated my breasts and felt disconnected from my body. |
| 21 | Started socially transitioning to a more masculine presentation to cope with dysphoria. |
| 22 | Realized my masculine presentation was creating a disconnect from my future goals of motherhood and family. Began the process of detransitioning and working on self-acceptance. |
| 23 | Settled on identifying as a masculine woman, focusing on gradual acceptance of femininity and working towards my long-term life goals. |
Top Comments by /u/getemkiwi:
Personally, it was my goals in life being incongruent with transition, as well as all that money having better use (imo) than spending countless days in hospitals, being dependant on a crony capitalism based system instead of my friends and family or myself seems like a mistake, as a system like that would milk me dry before telling me that I was in fact wrong about transition, then proceed to crumble my remaining finances like a plague.
I have no idea how it is for you, but I settled on 'masculine woman' pretty easilly after that realization paired with my want of bearing children in my own family.
As far as I'm concerned, prolonged thought about such irreversible things isnt an option, its a necessity. We only have one life, and its better to live with as few and as soft regrets as possible. Im sure you'll find what youre looking for, the answer is already deep within you- whatever that answer is. :)
Thank you, its honestly nice to know that theres other women like me that struggle with these things. Thanks for the bit about gradual acceptance of feminine things, I constantly feel like it has to be a 'this or that' presentation, not a gradual and more comfortable transition, which of course nakes things even worse half the time, haha. I'll keep this in mind.
Thats just it- it causes me discomfort to be a woman at all, and the comfort I get from my current method of dress dissapates when I look in the mirror and still see a woman. Im trying to look in the mirror and see a woman, and be okay with that, and love her, but something about my mannerisms, clothing, and the people I surround myself with makes me uncomfortable, like I should be treating that woman like a woman. So even though it is what is comfortable, it feels like it isnt whats right. Its a hard thing to explain, but I feel like a subpar woman and an even more subpar man.
Im glad that what you've got is working for you, though, and I wish you all the best. Thank you for the food for thought <3
Thats just it- Im afraid that presenting the way I do is going to create problems for what I want out of my life. More of how it is is that I want to overcome this roadblock in my head that prevents me from being truly comfortable in my own skin, seeing someone that I love and know is truly me when I look in the mirror. (No unfriendliness taken or meant :) )
I dont know if this helps at all, but I get it. Not to the same extent, per se, but I've never been all that feminine either, and it causes some issues for me, mainly the kinds of men I attract, maybe thats just where I live, etc. But, id reccommend trying tropical shirts and florals with jeans, or neutral short summerdresses with jean shorts or khaki shorts. Overall, just do patterns and soft or bright colours, maybe try ankleboots or paint your nails your favourite color, slap on a bracelet or necklace, etc. Those are just options ive found that work for me when im feeling particularly uncomfortable about my more masculine dressing. In the end, whatever works works. Hope that helps!
Maybe I dont have much room to talk, being a chick whose never done anything regarding transition aside from simply having dysphoria, but- I dont think you should go ahead with it. Im in a period of my life where the changes I've done to my presentation have altogether denied me my femininity and caused a disconnect between what I want with my future, and who I want to be. I seem to have losg my oneness with myself. Its really a way of life we're talking about here. Im trying to accept my discomfort in my skin and try to move forward, I'd suggest the same for you. Try thinking of it like this- just because we immediately like the results of something or an item we've bought doesnt mean its useful, we will most likely regret our purchase when we could actually use the money for something better. Same here- instant gratification is not a good substitute for long term gratification. (No, transition isnt instant, and for some it is not a waste of money, but transition is permanent and costly. If you're having regrets, back up now before its too late, silicone tits feel nothing like the real stuff. 🙃)
Yes, and, I got sick of domineering over my past partners, im still sick of it. The lack of making their own desisions, and even the few desisions they made being bad ones, lets just say it surely doesnt bode well when my partner doesnt have marketable skill or the drive to succeed, letting life pass them by in favour of video games, drugs, and bad company. It was a pretty ugly feeling to have to be what seemed like the only person to care about and want to protect them, even if you included themselves in the equation. That attitude just doesnt hold up when it comes to kids- if you cant muster the ability to protect yourself or your partner, then you shouldnt be responsible for children- and that goes for BOTH parties. Im in need of a man that protects himself as well as me, a man I can respect and trust with my life, a man that knows I'll go to bat for him and respects my authority. To use some biblical wisdom as you have, Im talking more about resiprosity, neither fully taking the yoke, but both sharing it evenly. I feel my burden is just too heavy to be evenly yoked with a man like those I seem to attract.
In short, YES! My strength is necessary for motherhood, but so is my partner's for fatherhood, and I need to become more accepting of my femininity to not be in a constant and toxic pissing contest that comes from my own problems regarding my fragile femininity and unwillingness to be open and trusting of a stronger man to have my best interests at heart.
That right there is what tells me that something needs to change, that my façade of masculinity really needs to dwindle, not my strength, and I'm trying to find a way to be comfortable in my own skin, to respect that woman in the mirror before its too late. I've got some reflecting to do, and some uncomfortable desisions to make.
I really appreciate the attitude you're suggesting, and I'll keep it at heart. Protection is an importang thing when it comes to something as precious as human life. Thank you for the advice <3