This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- A consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally complex narrative of questioning, transition, and detransition.
- Self-contradiction and uncertainty, which is common in genuine human accounts of this experience (e.g., "i still am questioning myself and really truly want to live as male... but i know deep down its not the truth").
- Specific, lived physical and social details about the effects of testosterone and the social experience of passing.
- A clear personal stake and passion in the topic, aligning with the warning that users in this space can be "very passionate and pissed off."
About me
I was born female and my deep discomfort with puberty led me to believe I was meant to be a man, so I started testosterone. I loved the changes at first, but I soon felt controlled by the hormone's effects and the exhausting performance of masculinity. A relationship with a masculine man made me feel safe enough to explore my feminine side, revealing that I wasn't male at all. I now see my journey was tangled with a need to escape myself and a misunderstanding of my attraction to women. I'm terrified and confused, but I'm leaning toward accepting myself as female again.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, painful, and full of questions I still don't have all the answers to. I was born female, and for a long time, I was deeply uncomfortable with that. I hated my breasts and felt a general sense of wrongness with my body, especially during and after puberty. I never felt like I fit in with other girls and my interests always felt more masculine. I thought the only logical explanation was that I was supposed to be a man.
I started identifying as a trans man. For me, it was never a non-binary thing; it was a straight shot from female to male because that’s what made sense to me at the time. I was very influenced by what I saw online, where it seemed like the only solution to this deep discomfort was to transition. I begged for testosterone for years and was finally able to get it.
I was on testosterone for two years. At first, it was everything I wanted. I loved the changes. My voice dropped, I grew facial and body hair, and people only perceived me as male. They would refuse to believe I was even trans if they found out. I felt more confident being seen that way. But after a while, the delusion began to wear off. Testosterone is a beast. My anger and libido became something unimaginable. Body hair grew in places I didn't even think it could, and my facial hair came in patchy. I started to feel like my hips looked unnaturally proportioned. My voice changed rapidly and sounded odd to me, full of vocal fry. I began to realize I didn't relate to males as much as I thought I would because I didn't grow up as one.
I also started to see how high-maintenance being an attractive man is. It’s constant shaving, worrying about your hairline, your height, your physical strength, and feeling like you can't show emotion. It’s not easy. And you’re never satisfied. Even if you pass, if you do one thing slightly feminine, people will make fun of you. It’s a constant performance.
A huge turning point for me was getting into a relationship with my current boyfriend. He is super masculine, and he likes when I display feminine traits. He still respects me and uses he/him pronouns for me because that's what I asked for, but his masculinity makes me realize I am not male at all. He makes me feel safe and protected, and that allows me to slink into being more feminine. I wonder if part of my fear of detransitioning is about embarrassing him, because if I'm male, we are a gay couple, and that comes with its own set of challenges.
I’ve also faced a lot of reality checks in dating. I am attracted to women, but I’ve come to realize that I am a female who is attracted to females. It might look “straight-passing” if I’m seen as a man with a woman, but straight women are not into me once they discover my biological sex. I’ve been told, “I really would date you if you had a penis.” It’s a harsh truth.
Now, I’m stuck in this terrifying place of not knowing who I am. I feel stupid and ashamed for the path I took, and I’m still uncertain about the future. I don't want to tell people I'm female because I'm not sure that's how I want to live my life, but I also know deep down that living as a man isn't the truth. I’m terrified of the confusion and the judgment. I never got surgery, and I’m so grateful for that now because I know I would have regretted it. I lost a lot, but I didn't lose everything.
I don’t have a clean answer about my regrets. Part of me misses the confidence I felt when I passed as male, and part of me knows it was built on a foundation that wasn't real. My thoughts on gender now are that it’s incredibly complicated, and for me, it was tangled up with low self-esteem, a need to escape myself, and a misunderstanding of my own homosexuality. I was a female who was uncomfortable with the pressures of being a woman and who liked women, and I thought becoming a man was the only way to solve that. I now know it wasn’t.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Started feeling intense discomfort with my female body during puberty, hated my breasts. |
| 19 | Began socially identifying as a trans man. |
| 21 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 23 | Stopped testosterone after 2 years. Began seriously questioning my transition. |
| 23 (Present) | Currently detransitioning and questioning, living in a confused state but leaning towards accepting myself as female. |
Top Comments by /u/ghxstb0y:
No dysphoria = no need for surgery. Preferring a flat something doesn’t mean you should do an action that is costly, harsh on your body, and you will most likely regret. Most of the time people lose full sensation in their chest and nipples. Wear binders, try a skin safe tape.
this was the same mindset i had at your age. thinking nonbinary or anything else made no sense because dysphoria is feeling bad about your sex characteristics and wanting to be the opposite. what only made sense is female to male or male to female. i have never denied my biological sex. i was annoyed with “trans mascs/trans men” wearing skirts and still claiming to be men.
i was on testosterone for 2 years and people really did only perceive me as male. people refused to believe i was trans if it somehow got discovered.
the thing is, you will never feel satisfied. even if you pass as male. even if your mannerisms are seen as masculine if you do one thing slightly feminine people will make fun of you. being a man truly is not easy. nor is being a female, but you have to realize how high maintenance it is to be an attractive male as well. constant shaving/trimming of facial hair, worries about hairline, worries about height, worries about physical strength, not being able to show much emotion, ect.
testosterone is a beast. i begged for it for years and truly did enjoy the affects, until the delusion began to ware off. your anger and libido will be something unimaginable. body hair will grow in places you didnt even think it could. who knows if your facial hair will look good or patchy. your hips will begin to look unnaturally proportioned to you. your voice will change rapidly sounding odd and vocal fried. you will realize you dont relate to males as much as you thought because you did not grow up as one.
and…in my opinion, you are gay. you are a female with a female. it might look “straight passing” but i guarantee straight cis women will not be into you. ive been desired by straight women but when they discover my sex they are no longer attracted to me. ive been told “i really would date you if you had a penis.”
as hard as life as female might be i really cannot recommend transitioning, especially medically. i still am questioning myself and really truly want to live as male and “pass” again but i know deep down its not the truth.
there are plenty of people who are not attracted to facial and/or body hair. if my significant other shaved his face it would take me a day or so to get used too, but id still certainly find him attractive. do what makes you happy.
edit: fuuu sorry just saw it said male replies only :(
ignoring the flair because EXCUSE ME??? there are billions of women who are flat chested and dont make cleavage even in the tightest of shirts or the pushiest push up bras. you are valid. you matter. you were born a female so you are a female, end of story.
well i was answering the question of what i would lose if i detransitioned, not the reason i did transition in the first place. i understand what you are saying but…my brain refuses to make a logical explanation of why i feel more confident as “male”. i just DO.
realistically gonna be stuck at 1 for awhile because telling others is just off the table for me. i feel stupid, ashamed, and im still uncertain. i dont want to tell people im female when i am not sure thats how i want to live my life. trying to talk people about it is pointless because nobody can even BEGIN to understand the struggles of dysphoria and the general mental confusion i have rn. its terrifying not knowing who you are :/
you can still be depressed as a trans man, whether you pass or not. what makes you think being a male will change your depression level? as i said you might have male mannerisms but if you have any feminine interest at all it can “ruin” the whole façade. even just being a more polite person can out you lol. you dont sound happy how your dating pool will change. even though it doesnt matter now because you are literally a child, it will affect your future and self esteem.
this is genuinely a concern i have for myself. im ftm debating going back to f. i know i really started deeply questioning myself more when i got with my current boyfriend. he is super masculine and likes when i display feminine traits. he still respects me as male even though he obviously knows im not. he still currently uses he/him with me because its what i still prefer. i just wonder if i am scared to embarrass him because if im male we are a gay couple. i also think because how much he protects me and makes me feel safe, i can slink into being more feminine. his masculinity really makes me realize i am not male at all.