But what if they hate it when they are young, like I did (so I fattened up and tried to be invisible), and then become adults and come into their own as a woman(like I did) with all the bullshit trappings(push up bras, miniskirts, heels) and THEN, when they are 40(which I never expected to live long enough to see) they wear comfortable shoes, pants and plaid shirts and barely groom and are content. Not diminishing dysphoria but is anyone getting any encouragement to manage it without drastic measures? That survey that was was posted here awhile back about the ways people cope was interesting. Only 4 percent said nothing helped.

You can always go back. Do it. Sooner is better. Life is short and you only have one, so live it the best way you can. Feeling like you are wearing a costume can be very stressful. I am a hereto female and dressing up in makeup and a mini skirt and heels feels the same way for me. It’s just not me. So I wear nice pants and comfortable shoes. Find your comfort zone whatever it is. Best of luck.

Find a therapist that specializes in body image and/or addiction. Ask them questions about GD and if they want to know more, send them GC articles and stories about desistance. I’ve sent my trans ID 14 year old to see this kind of therapist bc she knows NOTHING about GD but can still address the issues of self hatred and the obsessive nature of my trans ID kids. She was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and put on meds. I think this slowed down the intensity of the need to transition but it will take years for her to reach the conclusion that you have reached. You are a woman and, despite what some parts of society tell us, there’s no right or wrong way to be female. I’d also recommend some exposure therapy: get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Try situations you want to avoid that push the envelope (when you feel strong enough), and maybe it will show you that you can handle more than you think. I’m trying to get my kid to love her body again and it’s so hard to see such a beautiful person suffer. I’m sure you are not ugly. I know you have gone through so much and I think the NHS needs to put more energy into trying to help people heal their insides rather than change their outside. Listen to your instincts. They will guide you.

I’m in the same boat. My 14 year old got the haircut, was binding (unbeknownst to me), got rid of her “girl” clothes, secretly told her close friend group to call her he/him pronouns, and self harming. I think it all feeds the GD. The more we gave the more she wanted and it seemed to dominate her life. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in July and has been on meds which has made a HUGE difference. I never allowed the binding or pronouns but the hair and clothes seemed harmless enough. Now, I wish I hadn’t let her buy male clothes bc I think psychology it reinforces her perception that she’s a boy. She still self harms(mostly if I am too direct with the truth about transitioning) and that is very upsetting. The thing about this experience that baffles me is how similar all the stories for FTM teens are. No history(she’s rewritten hers) of wanting to be a boy, or interest in boyish activities. Reading that the exact same experience is being had by thousands is heartening and also totally disheartening because this dominates our lives. The fear of irreversible medical procedures is paralyzing. I am slowly trying to remove the clothes from her closet and hope that replacing them with subtly different options will help. Thank you to this board for existing.

Homeschooling isn’t a place to hide. My kid got the idea from and fell madly in love with a homeschooled trans kid. They met through a friend. She’s going back to regular school now and has dropped my kid for another new identity/friend group. Mine was left betrayed and broken by someone who may or may not have desisted. Nowhere is safe.

Regardless of my personal opinion about Mermaids, to willfully mislead the public by using a similar enough website name that would normally link to information about the health effects of transitioning/support for destrans/questioning the medicalization of children who think they are trans/a more gender critical approach rather than the affirmative model used by Mermaids is disingenuous.

Please wait. Especially if you are having doubts. There are too many stories about people proceeding in the face of doubt and regretting it. Surgery is no joke. T is permanent after a certain point. I think you need to focus on accepting who you are now and getting comfortable with your discomfort. I know it’s not easy but I feel like the devil you know is usually better than the one you don’t. Take care.

I think the UK event is trying to get the voices of the detrans community heard. I’m not sure how the majority of the sub members feel about transition per se but many have expressed feeling misled or betrayed by an overly affirmative medical approach. I have a 14 year old grappling with her identity and it seems that she views transitioning as a way out of all her negative feelings about herself. I’ve heard this from many FTM desisters and detransitioners and my hope for a conference like this would be to prevent others from going down the same road. The prevalence of underlying depression and anxiety in girls like mine deserves attention, not affirmation.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I’ve take razors away, tacks, the Swiss Army knife that we got her when she was ten. It’s devastating. But it’s what we do to protect our kid. I hope you are doing well and that you can love yourself, scars and all.