This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the comments provided, this account appears authentic.
There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The comments display:
- Personal, detailed experiences with binding, therapy, family dynamics, and internal conflict.
- Emotional nuance and a clear, evolving perspective on their detransition/desistance process.
- Consistent ideology that aligns with common detransitioner narratives, including critical views on gender socialization and the external pressures that influenced their trans identification.
The account reflects the passion and justified anger mentioned in the prompt, which is typical for users in this community.
About me
I'm a masculine female who grew up in a very religious home, and my discomfort wasn't with being a woman but with the shame and danger I felt about being a lesbian. I thought becoming a man was an escape from that fear, and I even hurt my chest from binding too much trying to look male. Therapy helped me see that my dysphoria was really a reaction to my upbringing and the way the world treats women, not a need to change my body. Now, I've stopped identifying as trans and am learning to accept myself as a lesbian. I'm focused on healing my connection to my body instead of trying to escape it.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition started from a place of deep discomfort, but not with who I was. I was uncomfortable with the world and my place in it as a masculine female.
I was born into a very conservative, religious Muslim family. From a young age, I absorbed the messages that being a woman meant being less than, and that being a lesbian was something shameful and wrong. I now see that a lot of my initial feelings about being trans were tangled up with this internalized homophobia. It wasn't long after I got into my first relationship with another girl that I started to think I might be trans. The idea of being seen as a lesbian made me incredibly uncomfortable and unsafe, especially at home. The idea of being a "straight guy" felt like an escape hatch from all that shame and fear.
I also had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem. I hated my breasts and felt a strong disconnect from my body, which I now understand was a form of dissociation. I started binding my chest, almost every day, and often for way too long—sometimes 8 to 12 hours at a time. I was so anxious I wasn't even breathing right. This caused me real physical harm; I have a protrusion on the front of my chest, mostly on one side, and it still causes me pain pretty often.
For a while, I convinced myself that to be a "real" trans guy, I had to reject everything feminine I ever liked. I reasoned my way out of my own past, trying to prove that the labels "trans" and "male" fit me, and that "cis" and "female" did not. It was like I was trying to build a new person from scratch by throwing out all the old parts.
A big turning point for me was therapy. It wasn't a therapist who affirmed my trans identity; in fact, I had one who had a terrible idea that my parents would accept me as trans because then I'd at least be "straight" in their eyes. That was a complete failure. But therapy in general helped me start to unpick why I felt the way I did. I began to understand that my dysphoria wasn't some innate need to be male. It was a reaction to my upbringing, to the way society treats women, and to the constant fear I felt. I don't want to be male; I just want the safety, respect, and autonomy that men are given. Feeling like shit because people see me as female doesn't mean I need to change my body; it means the way the world treats females is wrong.
I finally realized that transitioning was presented to me as a solution to all my problems—my discomfort with puberty, my internalized homophobia, my depression, my anxiety—but it wouldn't have fixed any of them. It would have just created new ones. Watching other detransitioned women tell their stories was huge for me. Seeing how similar their experiences were to mine, and how medical transition didn't give them the peace they thought it would, made me feel so much less alone and sure of my path.
Now, I am working on accepting myself as a woman. This is the body I'm in. My breasts are a part of me, and while I might not always like them, hurting myself to get rid of them isn't the answer. My goal is to stop dissociating and to feel present and safe in my own skin. Desisting isn't a switch I flipped; it's a commitment I've made to myself to work through my distress instead of trying to escape it. I don't regret exploring transition because it led me to this deeper understanding of myself, but I am so relieved I didn't pursue medical interventions. I'm just a masculine woman, a lesbian, and I'm learning to be okay with that.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenager | Experienced significant discomfort with female puberty and developed hatred of my breasts. |
| 18 | Entered my first relationship with another female; intense discomfort with being perceived as a lesbian began soon after. |
| 19 | Began to socially identify as a trans man. Started binding my chest daily, often for 8-12 hours. |
| 20 | Underwent a period of intense anxiety and sought therapy. A therapist unsuccessfully tried to get my conservative religious parents to accept my trans identity. |
| 20 | Began to critically question my trans identity, realizing it was linked to internalized homophobia and a desire for male privilege/safety. |
| 20 | Committed to the process of detransition/desistance after therapy and hearing stories from other detransitioned women. Stopped identifying as trans. |
| 20 | Accepted myself as a masculine female and a lesbian, focusing on healing my dissociation and body-related distress. |
Top Comments by /u/girlfriendbread:
About the socialization part: I’ve heard the narrative from trans activists that you absorb the messages of the gender you identify as. Which basically means trans women are socialized as women which is.... not at all how any of that works. I think they just want to never acknowledge that they have anything to do with their biological sex, even their socialization isn’t about the sex they’re born and perceived as.
I accept myself as a woman. This is the body I’m in and I’m learning not to dissociate every time I feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or ashamed of myself or my body. Not liking my breasts will not change the fact that they’re there and they’re a part of me and hurting myself to get rid of them isn’t something I want to put myself through anymore. I think being in therapy was a big part of me detransing. I wouldn’t say I’m entirely desisted yet, but I’ve made a commitment to work towards that and try to overcome it instead of going along with it and doing whatever it takes to quiet it for a bit. That never worked well anyway. Dysphoria is a form of distress and it’s a reaction to my upbringing and current relationships and life circumstances and to the society and it’s gender roles and the way men treat me and and and.... Overall I would say that desisting is more of something I’ve committed myself to working at as opposed to something I was able to switch on/off. Certainly a process
Were you actively thinking about being a tomboy and how that’s who you are? I found myself reasoning my way out of liking or having liked anything not typically masculine when I saw myself as a trans guy because I needed to prove to myself that the labels trans, guy, masculine, etc fit me and the labels “cis”, woman, girl, feminine did not.
I think that i resolved this thought of “am i actually trans” by thinking about whether I identify with men. I don’t relate to them or see myself in them. I don’t want to be male. I simply want to be safe and masculine, neither of which make me male or trans. My dysphoria doesn’t arise from an essential need to be male, it’s entirely a product of what males and females are allowed in this world. Women are not given respect, bodily autonomy, safety, etc. so it doesn’t feel good to be female and look at my female body and think that others perceive me as female. It makes me feel like shit sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I want to be male. I just want to have what they have.
This is also related to internalized homophobia. I started to think I’m trans not long after entering my first relationship with another female. And it made me very uncomfortable to be perceived as a lesbian. But of course it would!! I live in a homophobic household, in a homophobic society. And I’ve internalized all the horrible things that were said around me about lesbians and masculine women and gay people generally. And it’s not safe to be perceived that way here. And I didn’t feel like i fit a lot of the ideas about lesbians. So why wouldn’t i jump at the opportunity to be a “straight male”?
By understanding all this, and a lot more, I can see there was nothing about my desire to transition thats authentic or intrinsic. Transitioning seemed to be (and was given to me as) the solution to all my problems.
Feel free to ask me anything else.
I was binding almost daily and often for longer than recommended (like 8-12 hours) for under a year. Not sure exactly how long. I also had intense anxiety at the time so I was breathing wrong the whole time. The protrusion is at the front of my chest and mostly on one side. There’s pain kind of often honestly. Hope you’re okay or getting better slowly at least.
I don't believe misogyny itself is based on gender conformity and adhering to gender expectations and norms. Misogyny can make that a more dangerous thing, but that's not what it is. I think misogyny mainly affects the women you're calling bio women. I don't think it affects trans women unless they are perceived as female. I do think that the part of misogyny that sees femininity as inferior is related to the gender expectations on men and the harassment of effeminate or gender-nonconforming men. I think misogyny is mainly about womanhood, regardless of gender conforming behavior. Very feminine women are subject to misogyny.
My parents violently refused to accept me as trans, but we have a fine relationship now that they’re in as much denial as they could be of me as a lesbian. They’re very conservative, religious Muslims, and a therapist a few years back convinced me that she could make them accept me as trans and that they’ll be relieved that I’m at least “straight”. 0/10 would not recommend. Nowadays my concern is how to avoid having an arranged marriage 🙃
I don’t believe anymore that i need to experience medical transition to be 100% sure it’s not a good solution. One thing that helped a lot was watching other detrans women talk about their experiences, which were so so similar to mine, and how medical transition did not entirely resolve their dysphoria or make them feel whole and complete and okay the way they thought it would. I really recommend you watch those videos and read their stories and see how they line up with yours. Give yourself a lot of time and don’t do anything drastic before then, including any kind of medical intervention