This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "girlmayor" appears to be authentic. The user explicitly and consistently identifies as a gender-critical feminist who is not a detransitioner or desister. They are an observer participating in the subreddit.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account. The comments demonstrate:
- Self-awareness: They clearly state their non-detransitioner status and question if they belong.
- Complex, nuanced opinions: Their comments are lengthy, personal, and show internal reflection.
- Consistent viewpoint: Their gender-critical perspective is stable across all posts.
- Adherence to sub rules: They acknowledge when their comments might be too political for the sub's purpose.
This is a real person engaging with the community from a specific ideological perspective, not a detransitioner.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started with puberty, tied to a dread of society's expectations for women. I struggled with anorexia for years, feeling like my body was just "meat" and that being female was a trap. I now see my rigid thinking was linked to autism and OCD, and my real struggle was with oppressive gender roles, not my sex itself. I never medically transitioned, and therapy that helped me love my body and challenge those roles was what I truly needed. I'm now sad to see the same cycle of body hatred I experienced being offered to young people as a medical solution today.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep discomfort, but not with my body itself. I was born female, and for me, the dread of "becoming a woman" was tied to the expectations that came with it. I had anorexia from the time I was 12 until I was 30. I felt like meat, like my breasts were just pieces of meat, and I had a profound sense that being female mostly sucked. It wasn't that I felt like a man; I just felt like a person in a body that happened to be female, and I hated the box that society was trying to put me in.
I was never formally diagnosed, but looking back, I see a lot of myself in the autistic and OCD experiences others share here. My thinking was very rigid. I was deeply depressed and anxious, and my self-esteem was on the floor. I think a lot of my struggle was with gender roles themselves—these prisons or corsets that tell you how to be. I wanted to break free from that, not from my sex.
I was influenced a lot by what I saw online. In my day, it was pro-anorexia forums; for kids today, it seems to be trans forums. The feeling is eerily similar: a community that offers an identity and a solution to your pain, but one that might not actually address the root cause. I see now that my desire to escape my female body was a form of escapism from the pressures and trauma of living in a world that often treats women poorly.
I never medically transitioned. I only ever transitioned socially in the sense that I rejected feminine stereotypes and tried to live as just a person. For a long time, I identified as gender critical. My primary concern has always been that young people, especially young girls who are uncomfortable with puberty, are being pushed toward a medical path when what they might really need is help loving themselves and fighting against the confines of gender roles.
I don't regret not transitioning. For me, the answer wasn't to change my body to fit a stereotype. The answer was to realize that my body is just my body. "Feeling female," for me, is just reacting to the way the world treats me. I benefited immensely from non-affirming therapy that helped me deal with my eating disorder and my underlying issues, rather than affirming a new identity.
My thoughts on gender are that it's largely a set of oppressive social rules. I wish we had a world where a born-male person could be as flamboyant as Prince or David Bowie without anyone questioning his maleness, and where a born-female person could be whatever she wants without feeling like her body is wrong. I believe everyone should be able to be who they are, no matter what parts they have.
I don't have regrets about a medical transition I never had, but I have immense sadness that the cycle of body hatred I experienced is repeating itself for a new generation, just with a different name and a different set of medical interventions.
Age | Event |
---|---|
12 | Developed anorexia and a deep discomfort with female puberty and societal expectations. |
12-30 | Lived with an active eating disorder, feeling a deep disconnection from my female body. |
30 | Began recovery from anorexia through therapy that addressed the root causes of my distress. |
40 (2018) | Participating in online communities, reflecting on my experiences and seeing parallels in the current trans trend. |
Top Comments by /u/girlmayor:
I hate to say this but it’s also totally possible that this is a TRA posing as a GC radfem in order to make us look evil. I know it sounds paranoid but this has actually happened to me, guy I was debating created a sock puppet who was like an evil TERF caricature.
None of that matters really. This is monstrous. I am so terribly sorry you had to read this. Please delete and do not think any more about it.
Oh man that’s the million dollar question.
If you do, you need to know that many people will consider you part of a hate group which they call TERFs. If your friend is caught up in the trans activist community, he or she may accuse you of hate speech, threaten you with violence and accuse you of contributing to trans suicides. TRAs do it even to the detransitioned people sharing their experiences here. Any doctor or therapist who raises these issues is blacklisted as a “gatekeeper,” which is why it’s kind of sad that doctors who capitulated are now being sued.
There are a fair number of people with concerns about the trans trend, but publicly sharing these opinions can result in the loss of your career, friends and reputation. So they tend to stick to private, invite-only spaces.
The thing I always want to say to people is that being female is not all it’s cracked up to be. Actually it mostly sucks. I think being a person in general mostly sucks. I don’t know if there’s any real way to answer this, but how do you imagine it being different? If you woke up female. What would be better about your life? I’m sorry if that’s a horribly insensitive question and inappropriate for this sub but I wonder about it literally all the time and I think I could actually get a straight answer here.
I think we can get there. I’m 40. There have been massive cultural shifts even in the 20 years since I left high school. The current huge gender non-conforming movement has happened pretty much all within the last 10 years. When my dad was a kid guys weren’t even allowed to have hair past their ears.
I think one thing that would help is if men had a movement of their own, one that was not MRA poison. A real men’s movement devoted to fighting the cultural proscriptions on males. To redefining every way in which men relate to their bodies and themselves. Pretty much like feminism did for us.
Hello and thanks again for the thoughtful response. It’s the first time I’ve ever just come out and asked and I expected anger and I’m grateful you weren’t.
Unsurprisingly because I’m GC, my first thought reading what you wrote is that being cute, pretty and finding nice clothes aren’t high priorities for me, so I think it’s interesting that that’s where you lead off when you think of being a woman. I’m not all that pretty myself, I know many men who are much prettier than I am! And at this point I’m okay with that. The primary reward for prettiness is, as you say, leering guys who will insincerely feign affection for you until they get what they want. Plus defining yourself as a pretty girl means a lifetime of insecurity and heartache, because you’re constantly seeking validation from others, you can’t get that validation any other way. And when your looks start to fade? Brutal.
Anyway, when I think of “womanhood,” I think of my grandmother, quilting. So a pretty big contrast there. :) But the fact that you listed them makes me think that those things — dressing up, looking cute, feeling sexy and attractive — are important for YOU, and IMO thats awesome! Decoration and spectacle make life interesting! The men I most adore (I’m straight) are David Bowie and Prince and Oscar Wilde. I wish there was more room for men to express that side of themselves. Not just for their sake but for MINE, for purely selfish and prurient reasons. I would love it if there was all of a sudden a trend of beautiful peacock men enacting the male version of eye-catching beauty.
I completely believe you that being a guy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I wouldn’t want to try and live up to masculinity standards any more than I do feminine ones. I read /b/ and it’s just this incredibly tense and hostile masculine atmosphere, everyone trying to one up each other, everyone trying to prove how badass they are and how few feelings they have. I imagine every single one of those guys beating me up in the boys locker room. At this moment I have a prison doc running in the background and men’s prison is honestly fucking terrifying. It feels like with manhood you are always having to prove something. I’m sure there are many other terrible things about it but that jumps out at me.
Being socialized as a woman sucks too, in all kinds of ways you wouldn’t expect. I won’t go into them but basically this is why I’m GC: gender roles SUCK. They are prisons, they are corsets. Everyone should be able to be who they are no matter what parts they have. The world would be such a more interesting place if we had that freedom.
So the last part, where you said you want to be you, to feel right, I don’t think I can totally understand it because I don’t have dysphoria, but I appreciate you trying to explain it to me. It must feel awful to always feel wrong and to feel like you are not YOU. You also said your brain's idea of being female is in all likelihood nothing like actually being female. I would go one step further and say even I don’t know what it’s like to actually feel female. I feel like a person in a body that happens to be female, you know what I mean? The only way I’m cognizant of being female are the physical things you mentioned, reproductive stuff, the ability to bear children which is a pretty awesome starting power but of course not all females have it or want it. For the most part I experience “feeling female” as “reacting to the way the world treats me as a female” If that makes sense. But that’s me and I don’t want it to seem like I’m attacking your feelings. I’m trying really hard just to be honest and open and have a real conversation and listen and learn. Trying not to promote any kind or political position. I hope I succeeded. :) It was really helpful and great reading your thoughts; thank you.
So I am gender critical, not detransitioning, and maybe I don’t belong here. If so please tell me; most of you are dealing with immense pain already and I don’t wish to add to it.
I would like to say, at the risk of politicizing the personal which is exactly what you just asked us not to do, that in my experience most gender critical people are not actually hateful, and that for many of us, our primary concern is exactly what you are reporting here. Many of us had kids being pushed as you were and felt powerless to stop it. I am not asking you to like gender critical people, but you might consider that you were fed some propaganda about us as well.
Ok that is as close as I’ll come to pushing an agenda here. Will just listen from now on. Thanks for sharing your story.
I’m sorry to call you out, but this is exactly what they’re talking about. You are willing to support people, but only as long as they agree with your opinion. Not every detransitioner is opposed to transitioning; not every detransitioner feels they were railroaded. As a gender -critical feminist I basically agree with you, and we are more than welcome to talk about our beliefs...on the GenderCritical sub. Not here. Unless someone specifically asks, that doesn’t belong here.
This is one of the reasons that I as a non-detransitioning woman visit this sub. It’s not to proselytize, it’s because it actually helps ME. I was born in 1978 and was anorexic from the ages of 12-30 and I could see myself saying absolutely everything she said here. The dread at the words “becoming a woman”. The feeling like meat, that your breasts are meat. Amazing to hear from someone else. Sad to hear it from someone so young almost 30 years later. Have we made no progress since then?