This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "glitterbrained5" appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Empathetic and nuanced advice consistent with a personal history of detransition/desisting.
- Personal anecdotes (e.g., autism, PTSD, using a binder, family abandonment) that are specific and varied.
- A consistent, supportive, and passionate tone that aligns with the expected perspective of a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I was born female and my distress began with puberty, as I found the development of my body to be overwhelmingly distressing. I was convinced by online communities that my discomfort meant I was a trans man, leading me to take testosterone and get surgery. I now see this was a form of escapism from my autism, internalized homophobia, and other struggles. I stopped testosterone and, while my surgery helped a sensory issue, I regret my medical path. I now live peacefully as a woman, understanding my journey was about self-acceptance, not changing my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, painful, and, in the end, a huge learning experience about myself. I was born female, and my discomfort started around puberty. I hated the development of my breasts; it felt wrong and uncomfortable in a way that was deeply distressing. I now believe a lot of that was tied to my autism—the sensory feeling of them was overwhelming and I just wanted them gone. I also struggled with a lot of anxiety and depression, and I had very low self-esteem.
I found a lot of my initial community and ideas online. I started identifying as non-binary first, and that felt like a safe middle ground. But the influence of friends who were transitioning and the content I saw pushed me further. I became convinced that all my discomfort—with my body, with social expectations, with everything—meant I was actually a trans man. I thought testosterone and top surgery were the answers that would finally make me feel comfortable and whole.
I was also dealing with internalised homophobia. I'm attracted to women, and I think on some level, identifying as a straight man felt easier than accepting I was a lesbian. It felt like an escape from the pressures and expectations placed on me as a woman.
I did get top surgery. At the time, I was sure it was the right thing to do. I was so desperate to feel better that I didn't stop to question if I was treating the root cause or just the symptoms. The surgery did relieve the intense sensory discomfort I had, but it didn't solve the deeper issues. I also took testosterone for a short time, but it made me feel terrible—both physically and mentally—so I stopped.
My real turning point came when I finally stepped away from the entire conversation about gender. I was so stuck in a cycle of confusion, constantly asking myself "Am I trans? Am I not?" I was spiralling. I decided to just stop thinking about it altogether. I threw myself into a hobby that required all my focus, something completely separate from identity. That mental break was everything. It gave me the space to decompress and remember who I was outside of this one, all-consuming issue.
During that time, I also benefited from non-affirming therapy. My therapist helped me untangle my gender feelings from my autism, my OCD, my past trauma, and my low self-esteem. She didn't push an agenda; she just helped me understand myself. I realized that my desire to transition was a form of escapism. I was trying to escape the parts of myself and my life that I hated by becoming someone else entirely.
Now, I live as a woman again. I don't regret my top surgery because it solved a genuine sensory issue for me, but I deeply regret ever taking testosterone and getting so medically involved. I regret that I was influenced so heavily instead of being encouraged to look inward. I now see that my discomfort was never about being born in the wrong body; it was about struggling to live in a world that felt overwhelming and being a person I didn't know how to love.
I don't think gender is a fixed, internal identity for everyone. For me, it was a collection of external pressures, internal struggles, and a desperate search for a solution to my pain. I'm at peace now. I wear a binder sometimes because I like the compression feeling—it's comforting for my autism—and I don't see that as a gender thing anymore. It's just a sensory thing that makes me comfortable. I’ve learned that self-expression doesn’t need a label. You can just be.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started puberty; began to intensely hate breast development and feel general discomfort. |
| 19 | Came out as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends. |
| 21 | Identified as a trans man and started testosterone. |
| 21 | Stopped testosterone after a few months due to negative mental and physical effects. |
| 22 | Underwent top surgery. |
| 23 | Began to detransition after a period of stepping away from gender focus and through non-affirming therapy. |
| 24 | Now living as a woman, understanding my journey was linked to autism, trauma, and internalised homophobia. |
Top Comments by /u/glitterbrained5:
I'm gonna be completely real with you. When I was feeling this exact same way, my solution was to just completely stop thinking about it altogether, and get a hobby. For me, I needed something very mentally stimulating that took up 100% of my brainpower and focus. For you, maybe something active and outdoorsy, or artistic and crafty, would be better. I don't know. But transition and detransition are both such mind fucks, I actually just needed space away from that headspace altogether to decompress and get back in touch with the other neglected aspects of myself. Also, since I wasn't getting anywhere with thinking about it, and just ended up spiralling into endless confusion and misery, focusing on my hobby provided relief. It was a distraction from all the darkness, and that time of just pure enjoyment and happiness was SO helpful in re-regulating my mood, so that I was more able to actually think through things like my personal style with a clean-slate-brain, in a more relaxed state of mind.
You look very young. It's ok to not have everything gender-expression-wise figured out right now. You can step away from this, focus on other areas of yourself and your life; your personal style and self-expression will still be there when you are ready to explore it again. You don't have to figure out the answers right now. It's ok to just let it be, and exist in the shades of grey for a while. You don't need a label or a distinct, single answer of who you are to be yourself.
Wish you the best on your journey ❤️
Your decisions can change and change again with time; it's ok for you to not feel sure. However, it's great that you are listening to yourself, and actively making choices that support what you need right now, even when it feels scary, uncertain, and/or hard. Gender confusion, in every form, is always so hard <3
But hopefully it helps knowing that you can trust yourself enough to know that if this is the wrong decision for you, you will figure it out in time, since you are actively listening to yourself and responding accordingly. People like you, always figure out their truth and find their peace in time.
Sending you some good vibes :)
You should sue whatever doctor put you on testosterone you didn't even want by selling it to you as the cure for PCOS while you were in a vulnerable and desperate state. WTF?? You deserve compensation and reparations for what's been done to you.
PS: I would believe you. You are still a woman ❤️
I don't have this experience but I do have PTSD and was also abandoned by my family when I needed them. Even being on the other side of it - no longer acute symptomatically and having been lucky enough to semi-repair things with my family - life is never the same again. It truly is hell. It takes years and years to rebuild. I don't even know what to say, I just feel you, and I deeply feel for you. Knowing that both cases like yours and cases like some of the others on this sub are all caused by the same root cause: senseless hate - transphobia, homophobia, freedom-of-expression-phobia, etc - is so upsetting, I don't even have the words to express it. What a stupid reason for you to have to lose your life/happiness, just because of hate.
Sending love ❤️
Why don't you get a binder? I'm not trans and I like wearing a compression top some of the time. It's not medical and I'm safe with it. Sometimes I have bad dysphoria days (even though I no longer have any desire to transition) and also sometimes I just like wearing it because, as someone who also has autism, I like the feeling of the compression around me. It feels like a tight hug, and I wear a hoodie over, and it helps with my anxiety and I like the way it looks. It's totally ok to engage in some things that are associated with transition if you like them, it doesn't mean you do or don't have to go all-in.
I think for you, the most helpful thing for your current anxiety will be to let go of the idea of "being" trans or "being" not trans, and simply be. If you don't like your chest, wear a binder, and see if it makes you feel better. If you want to use a nickname that's male or gender neutral, go ahead and do that. Self-expression doesn't have to be so rigid, where you must be x thing if you present y way, or where everyone who is z must do/have/look x specific thing. Also, it takes time to figure yourself out - you're supposed to have a period of at least a few years where you just experiment freely to figure out who you are and what you do and don't like, before you have enough data points that you're ready to put a label on it.
You're only 22. Give yourself some time. Being yourself is supposed to be fun, actually - it's ok to just have fun and experiment without any pressure to already know exactly what you are. After all, isn't the whole point of doing an experiment to discover the unknown results?
Also, I'd recommend maybe trying again to look for a therapist. It just seems like you could use someone supportive to talk to.