This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts display a highly personal, nuanced, and internally consistent narrative about their experience as a desisted female. The writing is emotionally complex, self-reflective, and contains specific, relatable details about body image, social anxiety, internalized misogyny, and the struggle to accept being a gender-nonconforming woman. The account spans years and shows a natural evolution of thought, which is difficult to fake convincingly. The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with the genuine pain of someone who has grappled with these issues.
About me
I never felt like I fit in as a girl, and I desperately wanted to escape the pressure and judgment that came with being a woman. I almost transitioned because I thought becoming male would fix my deep self-esteem issues and social anxiety. Reading detransition stories was a wake-up call that made me realize my problem wasn't my gender, but my inability to accept myself. Now, I'm a gender non-conforming woman, and I've found peace by building a life where I'm valued for who I am, not how I look. I'm relieved I never medically transitioned, as my journey was really about finding self-acceptance, not changing my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. I never felt like I fit in as a girl, but looking back, I think a lot of that was because I was a tomboy and I felt like an ugly girl. I hated my breasts and felt my body was all mismatched—like I had a short female body shape but a masculine face and arms. I just wanted to cut my hair short and wear comfortable, masculine clothes. I remember being so upset that "boy" clothes never fit me right; neckties were too long, men's jeans were awkward, and some haircuts just made me look like an "ugly girl" instead of a boy. It felt like there was no winning.
A huge part of this was that I desperately wanted to escape being perceived. Growing up, I was a mousey, awkward kid who didn't fit in with other girls. I was bullied for not being feminine enough, and even attempts to dress more femininely were met with ridicule. It was humiliating. I realized I didn't want to transition to male because it was a "superior" gender; I just wanted to fade into the background and exist without being commented on, good or bad. The attention that comes with being a woman felt like a double-edged sword.
I spent years online, deep in fandom circles, pouring over transition timelines. I was so envious of people, especially those who had the transition results I thought I wanted—a thick beard, longer eyelashes. I wanted to be that elvish, boyish-looking person. I almost came out as trans, but something stopped me. Right around that time, it seemed like every alternative woman I looked up to online was coming out as non-binary or trans. Seeing that happen so suddenly made me jealous and also suspicious. It felt like a trend, and it made me step back and question if this was really what I needed.
What really helped me decide against medically transitioning was reading stories from detransitioners. I read about people who had gotten the "perfect" transition results—everything they thought they wanted—but still detransitioned because it didn't fix their underlying problems. That was a massive wake-up call for me. I realized my issues weren't really about gender; they were about self-esteem, social anxiety, and a deep discomfort with puberty and my developing body. I had a lot of internalized misogyny and felt like the worst thing you could be was an "ugly woman." I also struggled with depression and anxiety, and I think a lot of my fixation on transition was a form of escapism from dealing with those feelings.
I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgery. I'm grateful for that now, as I know I would have regretted it. Instead, I focused on self-acceptance. A big turning point was getting a new job and starting a serious relationship. Getting out of my head and into the real world—making connections and feeling valued for something other than my appearance—made the obsessive thoughts about gender fade. My partner, a straight man, has been incredibly supportive. He helped me challenge my poor self-image by simply seeing me as a woman, even though I don't conform to society's standards of femininity.
These days, I identify as a gender non-conforming (GNC) woman. I still dress androgynously because it's what I feel most comfortable and like myself in. I've had to make peace with the fact that I will never be a feminine woman, and that's okay. My style is just my style; it doesn't have to be tied to my gender. I still get misgendered sometimes in public because of my short hair and clothes, and it can be annoying to be singled out, but it doesn't distress me like it used to.
I don't regret exploring transition, but I am so relieved I didn't go through with it. My journey was never really about being a man; it was about wanting to be a person first, free from judgment and the constraints of stereotypes. I’ve learned that happiness doesn’t come from changing your body to fit an ideal, but from finding peace with who you already are.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Felt like a tomboy, disliked feminine expectations and clothes. |
| 15 | Finally allowed to cut my hair short for the first time. |
| Late Teens | Mother passed away; struggled with autonomy and self-image. Began deeply researching FTM transition online. |
| Early 20s | Socially presented as masculine/androgynous; intensely researched HRT and surgery. |
| 24 | Nearly came out as trans but decided against it after self-reflection and reading detrans stories. |
| 25 | Started a new job and a new relationship; began to focus on self-acceptance as a GNC woman. |
| Now (31) | Comfortably living as a straight, gender non-conforming female. |
Top Comments by /u/goodbyegodzilla:
I agree completely. A young queer AFAB she/they coworker asked me my pronouns when I first started at work 100% because I had short hair.
They did not ask the other people that joined after me that were more gender conforming for their pronouns... just me, because a woman having short hair now is nonbinary unless proven otherwise. I get they're trying to be accommodating but I hate being singled out for physical appearance reasons.
Your thought process sounds a lot like the incel blackpill (?) ideology where you’re deciding there’s nothing you can do to be wanted/valued because of your genetic lottery not making you a stereotypical giga Chad.
I think you need to be kinder to yourself and improve your perceived conceptions of women / other people. I could have written the exact same thing you wrote but with the genders flopped a few years ago and I would have believed it 100%- but that ideology didn’t help me and just gave me something easy to blame for my unhappiness with myself. People aren’t treating you sub human because you were not born a super model, it’s because you’re a very unpleasant person to be around and it’s up to you to work on yourself.
I recommend avoiding 4chan / incel sides of the internet and maybe getting a hobby that lets you take pride in something that has nothing to do with how you look? Create something, meet people that enjoy the same thing, and try to build up some self worth that isn’t based on tearing down strangers.
Edit to add: I didn’t want to transition to male because it’s the “superior gender” I wanted to exist without being observed- I specifically wanted to fade into the background. I grew up a mousey tomboy girl with little agency that didn’t fit in with my female peers. To be able to escape the comparison to stereotypical femininity / beauty was godsend. I felt so much freedom being an odd small man thing no one paid attention to than I did an being an odd girl that family/friends always commented on about not being more feminine. I do think transition is definitely “the grass is always greener” situation for a lot of people.
Incredible detransition, I literally would have thought you were two different people if I saw you before and after at different times. In the first pic you remind me a lot of the cool gnc alternative/goth girls I looked up to in school when I was growing up. :) Keep on keeping on
This! At my old cashiering job I was the only worker a young hip AFAB coworker asked my pronouns for because simply I was AFAB and short hair. It was humiliating to be singled out publicly and even though I know it wasn’t their intention it makes it feel like their’s something wrong with you and you you dress / act.
I feel all of this!
There was an Am I the Asshole post the other day that got locked and removed very quickly after it was posted. It was a 17 year old guy asking if it's ok that he's upset that his girlfriend (who he is in a romantic relationship with) tells other people she's gay (and he said she means it in a attracted to girls way not a umbrella term for LGBT+.) He wonders why she can't call herself bi instead. Someone legit commented he was an asshole for policing her identity.
Its nuts! I felt so bad for that guy. His girlfriend is either stringing him along, severely suffering biphobia, or is too online to admit she's in a hetero relationship and he gets told he's oppressing her identity.
It's actually one of the reasons I desisted.
I spent years thinking about it, researching, presenting masculine, picking apart all my childhood troubles with my natal sex, being bullied by friends/family for not being more feminine, being upset when people thought I was a lesbian just because I presented masculine etc etc etc just trying to make sure this was what I needed to do "to live my truth" and finally find happiness.
I was about to "come out" to friends/family and suddenly like all of the alt women I knew and looked up to came out as some kind of trans/nb, one in my perifory identifying as fairygender, as well as quite a few celebrities coming out.
It just.. made me jealous that all these people could claim something like that with all their heart when I was struggling to do it and I've been sitting on this for nearly my entire life. It felt unfair and I still feel something about it all but I'm happier with the life I'm living now of trying to be at peace with being a woman.
I was ftm but I heavily relate to this. My dysphoria had roots in my social anxiety, gender nonconformity, and “failure to launch” and just felt like I wasn’t a person.
The moment I got my license and a job and started making real life connections and feeling like I was doing something of value even if it was small... I was able to stop obsessing and met my partner through online dating and now feel content.
Not OP, but I think this is a really enlightening way to view AGAB, thank you! You can’t choose the eye / hair color you’re born with. It doesn’t say anything about who you are. It’s just what genetics you were randomly assigned and there’s something really peaceful about letting that just be.
My advice is be prepared for it to not be as big a deal as you think it is- I think that's what shocked me when I told by partner who is also a straight male. I was more upset about it than he ever was LOL like I didn't believe him that it didnt matter.
He basically just said "you are a woman to me even though you dont conform to society's ideas of femininity" he like.. couldn't see what about me I thought was so mannish that I had to become a guy over and honestly that upset me at the time because it felt like he was invalidating my experiences but he was actually just challenging the poor self image I had of myself as a woman.
Straight female deisister here.
I think I was so attracted to men, very online in fandom circles and lonely IRL, and wasnt ever able to be comfortable in performing femininity (always felt too ugly and awkward to be what a girl was supposed to look like) that being a man was ideal because there would be less scrutinity on how well I matched female beauty standard AND since I'm attracted to men, looking like a man made me feel more attractive / better about myself.
I feel like such an incel for this, but it was like if I couldn't have a boyfriend, I would become my own boyfriend. And beyond that, in online fandom circles, being a cis female interested in slash is villified nowadays, even though women championed and pioneered fandom and zines and we're so integral to fandom history. If you like slash nowadays, you're a dirty fetishist unless you claim some kind of accepted label in your profile that designates you as not female.
Currently I'm in a long term relationship wity a cis man. I still struggle with... Idk it feels like my body is all mismatched, just the way I'm made. Short female body shape, male arms, hands, and face ? I would like to be able to dress more feminine but when I wear dresses I feel like the whiplash between my face and body is too much and I become so self conscious that it's easier and more comfortable to still be 24/7 androgynous target wear. I would like to get married one day and I worry about how I'll never be comfortable in anything other than oversized tshirts.
Kind of all over the place, but I hope other people reply to your post because I like hearing other straight female journeies.