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Reddit user /u/goodnewsbees's Detransition Story

female
trauma
depression
influenced by friends
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
doesn't regret transitioning
only transitioned socially
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

This account appears authentic. The user's comments are highly personal, emotionally consistent, and show a nuanced, evolving perspective over a four-year span. The depth of shared trauma and self-reflection is complex and doesn't read as scripted or bot-like. There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity.

About me

I started identifying as non-binary as a traumatized, autistic teenager because I was desperate for a community and an identity. I thought about taking testosterone because I believed it would make life easier for someone like me, a tall and masculine woman. Thankfully, I only changed my name and pronouns socially, which helped me realize I wasn't a man. Working through my deep-seated trauma and PTSD in therapy was what finally allowed me to feel comfortable just being myself. Now, after five years, I understand my discomfort was rooted in trauma and internalized misogyny, and I am at peace identifying as a woman.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I was a really lost kid. I grew up with a mom who was addicted to meth and an absent father. I also went through a lot of trauma, including being raped multiple times as a pre-teen. When I hit puberty, I gained a lot of weight from eating to cope with my feelings, and that’s when I started to feel really uncomfortable with my body and how people saw me. I felt dysphoric, but I now see it was all tangled up with the trauma and just the general discomfort of growing up.

I was a tall, butch girl from a family of tall, bearded men. I was already six feet tall and got mistaken for a man sometimes depending on what I wore. As a teenager, I was deeply traumatized and also found out I was autistic. I felt like I was scrambling to build an identity for myself. A lot of the girls I was trying to be friends with were starting to identify out of womanhood as non-binary, and they seemed to find a real sense of community, self, and connection in that. I wanted that too. I was yearning for that belonging. So, I started identifying as non-binary.

I used that identity for about five years. I genuinely believed in it; it wasn't a manipulative thing. I think I, like a lot of female and autistic people, was just trying to find a place to fit in. Looking back, I can see I also internalized a lot of misogyny. By saying I wasn't a woman because I was gender non-conforming, I was perpetuating the idea that to be a woman you have to act a certain way. We live in a misogynistic society and it's hard not to internalize that.

During that time, I strongly considered medically transitioning. There were times I was so frustrated, like when women would stare at me in public bathrooms, that I thought about taking testosterone. I thought navigating the world as a man would be easier than navigating it as a gender non-conforming woman. It wouldn't be automatic respect, but just less of a hassle. Passing would have been easy for me because of my height and build. But I never identified as a man, only as non-binary.

I'm glad I took things slowly. I tried out he/him pronouns and a new, more masculine name first. That social transition was really important because it helped me figure out that I wasn't a man. I'm actually happy with the name I chose back then; it's masculine-leaning but neutral, and I never felt connected to my birth name. I'm a desister, not a detransitioner, because I never medically transitioned. I think socially transitioning should always be the first step. If you're not sure after changing pronouns and clothes, you definitely shouldn't start hormones, which have lasting effects.

What really helped me was working with a therapist who knew about trauma and C-PTSD. Dealing with the root of my problems—the childhood trauma, the PTSD, and understanding my autism—is what ultimately made me okay with just being a person. It made me okay with being a woman. I had to treat my depression first instead of starting testosterone in the middle of all that chaos.

I don't regret socially transitioning because it was a necessary step for me to figure things out. But I do see now that a lot of my feelings were related to trauma, internalized misogyny, and a desperate need for community. I benefited hugely from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a gender identity, but about digging into the real reasons I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin.

Here is a timeline of the main events:

Age Event
Pre-teen Experienced sexual trauma and began to gain weight, leading to body discomfort.
Teenager Diagnosed with PTSD and autism. Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by friends and a search for identity. Started social transition (name/pronouns).
Late teens / Early 20s Considered medical transition (testosterone) but decided against it after social transition clarified my feelings. Engaged in trauma-focused therapy.
After 5 years of identifying as non-binary Stopped identifying as trans/non-binary and began identifying as a butch woman (desisted).

Top Comments by /u/goodnewsbees:

7 comments • Posting since March 2, 2020
Reddit user goodnewsbees explains why social transition (pronouns, names, clothes) should be the first step before medical transition, based on their experience as a desister.
16 pointsMar 31, 2020
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That's a good point. I also wonder about that. It seems dangerous to use hormones when you aren't sure because there are long lasting and potentially detrimental affects. It makes much more sense to test out changing pronouns and names and clothes - things that don't have lasting affects but can help people suss out if they are actually trans. I'm a desister and trying out he/him pronouns helped me make sure that I'm not a man and I'm happy I went that route, and the route of treating my depression first, instead of starting T while I was in the middle of all of that. Socially transitioning should always be the first step and if you aren't sure after socially transitioning then you definitely shouldn't medically transition.

Reddit user goodnewsbees explains the distinction between a desister and a detransitioner, noting they are a desister after identifying as nonbinary for 5 years without medical transition.
12 pointsMar 4, 2020
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I consider myself a desister and not a detransitioner because I didn't medically transition/just socially identified as nonbinary for 5 years. My perception of it is that all detransitioners are desisters but not all desisters are detransitioners. I don't see the need for word re-id but could understand why someone would choose to use it.

Reddit user goodnewsbees comments on a pattern of abuse within the trans community in the Pacific Northwest and Southeastern US, citing personal experiences with ex-partners who engaged in gaslighting, sexual coercion, and manipulation, often stemming from their own past abuse.
6 pointsMay 13, 2020
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That's a pattern I've noticed in the trans community in the PNW as well. I have an AFAB nonbinary ex who was a bit abusive (gaslighting and sexual coercion), who is very popular in the queer scene and who told me right before we broke up that they like manipulating people for fun. I know that they were sexually abused by a much older trans woman and some of her friends when they were a teen in the SE US. I have a different ex who is a trans woman who was abused by a trans man and who went on to have some pretty awful bordering on abusive behaviors towards her nonbinary and trans partners. It seems like every trans person I know, as well as every cis person adjacent to the community, has been abused or mistreated by someone within the community.

Reddit user goodnewsbees (desisted female) explains that identifying as trans was a misguided but non-manipulative search for self, community, and connection, driven by trauma, autism, and internalized misogyny.
5 pointsFeb 20, 2024
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I don't think I was manipulative when I was trans, I genuinely believed in most of it and was just yearning for a sense of self, community and connection - I think that's true for most trans people, especially female and autistic trans people (I'm both). Like yes, I did perpetuate misogyny by identifying as trans and saying I wasn't a woman for being GNC but lots of women perpetuate misogyny in all sorts of ways and in general they aren't bad people for doing so, we just live in a misogynistic society and internalize misogyny from a young age and its hard to get away from that when it's so normalized. When I started identifying as trans I was a deeply traumatized autistic teenager and a lot of the teenage girls I was trying to be friends with were identifying out of womanhood and seeming to find community and connection and a sense of self in that and I wanted it too. It was misguided but not manipulative.

Reddit user goodnewsbees explains how early trauma, including a parent's meth addiction and sexual assault, led to weight gain, gender dysphoria, and a PTSD diagnosis, and recommends trauma-informed therapy.
4 pointsJun 17, 2020
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I also grew up with a mom who was addicted to hard drugs (meth) and an absent father. I was also exposed to sex at a young age, just hearing my mom have loud sex and not having to see it but also being raped multiple times as a pre-teen. I gained a lot of weight around puberty because of eating to cope with my feelings/trauma and started to feel dysphoric then as well. It all messed me up, I was diagnosed with PTSD and autism in college shortly after I started identifying as trans and I think it's all connected. For many years I felt like I was scrambling to build an identity for myself and to understand myself and my discomfort with being perceived and it was rough and is still rough sometimes. I highly recommend working with a therapist knowledgeable in trauma/C-PTSD because that's ultimately what made me okay with being a person.

Reddit user goodnewsbees explains why, as a 6 ft tall butch woman, she considered transitioning to access male privilege and avoid the difficulties of being gender non-conforming.
4 pointsMar 2, 2020
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I'm a desister, I identified as nonbinary for 5 years and strongly considered medical transitioning at various points primarily because of the benefit of male privilege. I'm a 6 ft tall butch woman from a family of tall bearded men and already get mistaken for a man in certain outfits so passing would have been easy for me if I had gone on T. Even though I never identified as a man, there were times where I was so frustrated by things like having women stare at me in women's bathrooms that I considered transition because navigating the world as a man certainly would have been easier than navigating it as a gnc woman is. I don't think it would lead to automatic respect, especially during the time-span where I wouldn't be passing - just less of a hassle in certain areas of life.

Reddit user goodnewsbees comments on keeping a chosen name after detransition, suggesting talking to loved ones for ideas or choosing what feels best, like Taylor or Stevie.
3 pointsMar 31, 2020
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I enjoy the name I chose when I was identifying as trans - it's on the masculine side of gender neutral and I didn't feel at all connected to my birth name. I recently saw a youtube video by Elle Palmer about how after she started detransitioning she wasn't sure about going back to her birth name and her family started calling her L as a nickname so she went with it as a first name. Perhaps talking to your loved ones about what names they think could fit you would be helpful? Or just go with whatever feels best for you. Taylor and Stevie are both cute names.