This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the user "graybutch" appears to be an authentic account and not a bot or a troll impersonating a detransitioner.
There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity. The comments display:
- Personal, Detailed Narrative: The user shares a consistent, multi-faceted, and emotionally complex story spanning years, including specific medical details (e.g., blood pressure changes, cholesterol issues, vaginal atrophy), personal reflections on identity, and interactions with family and partners.
- Internal Consistency: The timeline and details (e.g., being on testosterone for ~8 years, detransitioning around age 29, having top surgery) are repeated consistently across many comments over several months.
- Emotional Complexity: The tone ranges from supportive and compassionate to frustrated and blunt, which aligns with the note that detransitioners can be passionate and angry due to their experiences. The user expresses a mix of regret (over some effects of testosterone) and lack of regret (regarding top surgery), which is a nuanced and common sentiment.
- Community Engagement: The user interacts with others' posts, offers advice, corrects misconceptions, and discusses subreddit dynamics, demonstrating a genuine engagement with the community rather than just posting repetitive propaganda.
The account exhibits the hallmarks of a real person sharing their lived experience.
About me
From a young age, I insisted I was a boy, and puberty was awful as my developing chest felt like a violation. I transitioned to male as a young adult, taking testosterone for eight years and having top surgery, which I don't regret. But I grew exhausted from the medical routine and hiding my sex, and I stopped testosterone after serious health problems emerged. Now, I live as a butch lesbian, accepting my female body as a simple fact, and my dysphoria hasn't returned. I've found peace by rejecting the idea that you need to change your gender just to break stereotypes.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. As soon as I could talk, I was saying I was a boy. When I hit puberty, it was awful. I felt like my body was betraying me, especially my chest. I had a huge chest and it caused me a lot of pain, both physically for my back and mentally. It felt like my brain had a map of a body that was flat-chested, and having breasts felt like a violation. I never let my partner see me without a shirt on, ever.
I started socially transitioning online when I was about 12 or 13, and as soon as I was able to as a young adult, I started medically transitioning. I was on testosterone for about eight years, from around age 20 or 21 until I was 29. For the first several years, it felt great. I felt like I was finally presenting myself in a truer way. I was stealth, meaning I passed as male and didn't tell people I was trans, and I even moderated a Facebook group for trans people. I had top surgery a few years into my transition, which I don't regret. It completely eliminated my chest dysphoria.
But around the eight or nine year mark, something shifted. I suddenly felt completely exhausted by the whole process. I was tired of being on hormones, tired of injecting myself every week, and most of all, tired of hiding my biological sex. The thought of having to pretend to be male for the rest of my life felt like a huge weight. I tried being out as trans instead of stealth, but I hated that just as much. At the same time, I got my annual bloodwork back and it was a disaster. My cholesterol was terrible, my red blood cell count was too high, and my blood pressure was dangerously high. My doctor, who is a trans specialist, told me I had the body of a 60-year-old man at 29. He said I needed to either go on statin drugs or stop testosterone. I wasn't going on serious heart medication at my age, so I chose to stop T.
Going off testosterone was tough at first. I fell into a depressive state. But after a couple of months, my mental health actually improved significantly. My anxiety and depression, which I now realize testosterone had been making worse, got much better. Physically, my blood pressure dropped to a healthy level and my resting heart rate improved a lot. I also had issues with vaginal atrophy that caused bad cramping during sex, and that cleared up after stopping T.
Stopping hormones meant I would start to look female again, and that led me to detransition completely. I decided to reclaim my identity as a butch lesbian. It's been a freeing experience. I don't really "identify as a woman" in a deep sense; I just accept that I am female, the same way I accept that I have dark hair. It's a fact of my body. Surprisingly, even though I'm being read as female again, my dysphoria hasn't come back. I think after top surgery, my brain's "body map" felt aligned enough for me to find peace.
I don't have any trauma in my past that influenced my transition, and I wasn't influenced by friends or online communities. I was a very stereotypical trans person. My thoughts on gender now are that we've gone backwards. We used to tell people who didn't fit stereotypes to just be themselves, but now we often tell them they might be another gender. I think people should be able to wear what they want and act how they want without it meaning anything about their sex.
I don't regret my journey, but I do regret some of the permanent changes from testosterone, like my facial hair, which is annoying to manage now. If I had to do it all over again, I would still get top surgery because my chest dysphoria was so severe, but I wouldn't go on testosterone. I benefited from therapy, specifically CBT/DBT, which can help manage feelings of dysphoria without necessarily transitioning.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Childhood | Vocalized that I was a boy. |
| Puberty | Experienced severe discomfort and dysphoria, especially regarding breast development. |
| 12-13 | Began presenting as male online. |
| ~20-21 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| Mid-20s | Underwent top surgery. Dysphoria significantly decreased. |
| 29 | Stopped testosterone due to serious health complications (high cholesterol, high blood pressure). |
| 29 | Began the process of social detransition, reclaiming a butch lesbian identity. |
| 30 | Living as a detransitioned female; health metrics improved, no return of dysphoria. |
Top Comments by /u/graybutch:
I hear you.
Your body hair may thin out and soften on its own. Some of us have gotten lucky in that regard and our body hair reacts to E the same way an MTF person's hair often does, in that it becomes far more sparse and light. Then it's easier to shave. If that doesn't happen, laser can make a big difference. You will likely have to laser your face if shaving isn't working for you, though. Electrolysis also works.
Your fat will almost definitely redistribute to a female pattern. Breasts can vary, unless you got top surgery.
As for bottom growth, that's irreversible unfortunately, but clitoromegaly isn't all that rare in women, especially women with hormonal disorders.
Your voice may be able to be trained professionally.
Some of these things may take years to reverse, but then again, so did getting some of those changes. Try to remember that there are plenty of women who have hormonal imbalances, PCOS, etc. who have all those changes, too, but they're still women. Consider this... if you wouldn't recommend they transition because of those changes, why tell yourself to keep living as someone you're not?
You'll find yourself in good company here. A lot of us are struggling with irreversible changes. I personally find it helpful to focus on the changes that are likely reversible instead of focusing on all of them at once.
Best wishes.
Testosterone exacerbated my mental health issues, specifically depression and anxiety. I actually thought it was helping for some reason until I started taking it sporadically, then quit completely two months ago. My medication dosages are all the same, the only difference is I'm off testosterone and I'm already feeling so much better.
I'm sorry. It seems like a lot of doctors think going on hormones will make those problems better. For me, T exacerbated my mental health issues (especially anxiety). I think that's the case for a lot of us, unfortunately.
On the other hand, you have people here disparaging medication as if you're a bad person for seeking psychiatric help, even if it's completely unrelated to transition. So brace yourself for those replies.
I don't think anyone who says that really wants to go down that road with me. I was definitely trans--if I wasn't, no one is. I was a walking stereotype.
Some of us weren't, though. Some of us were led to believe we were trans by medical "professionals." Some of us had something else going on.
I mean... I detransitioned and don't regret my top surgery. I'm butch and am in good company; many of us have done it. I had DI myself. I had no hesitation, though. I really felt like I *had* to at *least* get a serious breast reduction. I had a huge chest and severe dysphoria over it. It was awful. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have done it.
I really don't want to identify as a straight man, but I feel like that's basically where I'm headed at this point. I want to keep being part of the queer community. I don't really think I want to date straight women, and I hate looking like a straight couple (or worse, a straight single man) in a queer space, especially one that's mostly for queer women. As I pass more and more, I feel like I want to do things to signal/remind people that I'm not a cis man.
Those are some of the thoughts that were going through my head not long before I decided to detransition... just a heads up. At the 10 year mark, being seen as a straight man really sucked. And like your partner, my partner is a lesbian, and it felt very weird to be seen as a straight guy in a relationship with a lesbian. It took many years for that to start feeling weird, but it happened.
Actually, a lot of what you're saying was going through my mind in the months leading up to my decision, if I'm being honest.
If you have any hesitation, I would reschedule. You can always make the choice to do it later. But reversing top surgery can be expensive, and with DI you'll always have the scars (which you can get tattooed over, but, still, they're there).
I don't see detransitioned and reidentified as interchangeable. Many of us (FTMTF) in particular don't "identify" as women even after detransitioning, nor do they "identify" as cis, because they refuse to "identify" with their oppression. They don't "identify" as women any more than they "identify" with having fingers or noses. They just are women.
This is a pretty good article that explains it. It is GC-leaning (not sure where you stand) but explains where a lot of people with that mindset are coming from: https://medium.com/@luciab/i-dont-identify-as-a-woman-i-am-a-woman-6459366ddb8b
I can't speak at all for MTFTM though (nor am I trying to speak for all FTMTF people).
I had to quit at ~8 years in after my annual bloodwork. My cholesterol was horrific, RBC was way too high (and the only option to treat that is to go off T or do regular HUGE therapeutic blood draws), blood pressure was awful, resting heart rate was awful, etc. At 29 I had the body of a 60+-year-old man. My doctor wanted me to go on statin drugs (at 29!!) or go off T. I chose to go off T.
I also suffered from severe cramping before and after orgasms, and really bad acne. The cramping and acne have cleared up since going off T.
My blood pressure is now 100/70 and my resting heart rate is in the 60s, which is a MASSIVE improvement.
The first 6-7 years were "fine," it's like when I stopped being extremely young it caught up to me. It was definitely the T causing these problems; I'm otherwise very healthy and take good care of my body. Not obese, etc. I haven't had another round of bloodwork yet, but I am in January. I'm expecting things to be much better considering my blood pressure and resting heart rate.
Edit: I think it's interesting that this is getting downvoted. I'm not even telling OP not to go on T, just sharing what happened to me. If you don't like THIS post, why are you even here?
You're 16... losing your mind is part of the teenage journey, unfortunately.
You sound a lot like me just a couple of years ago. I have no sexual trauma either, etc. Maybe this'll help, maybe it won't, but I was sure I would never want to live life as a lesbian, and I felt like that right up until I was almost 30... I love being a lesbian now, specifically butch.
I found myself suddenly exhausted by transitioning. I was sick of being on hormones, sick of hiding my biological sex (I was stealth, but tried being out too and hated that just as much even though I live in a very progressive state), sick of having to reassure myself all the time that I was a "real man"... transitioning can be pretty exhausting and around the decade mark I was feeling completely tired of it. The thought of having to deal with those feelings for the rest of my life was a lot to digest. I had a pretty easy transition, too. Supportive family, supportive partner (who fortunately supports me detransitioning; she was with me before I started), supportive area, good insurance that covered everything...
Not long after, I had my annual bloodwork done and found out testosterone was destroying my body. My doctor (a trans specialist) wanted me either on statin drugs or off testosterone. I chose to go off testosterone.
Now I was not only exhausted, but I couldn't even be on T anymore. I called it quits and decided to reclaim my butch identity. I was worried dysphoria would flare up again (it's been gone since top surgery) but it hasn't.
Since you haven't done anything medical yet, I think the path of least resistance would be to cancel everything and tell yourself you will allow yourself to revisit these ideas in two years. Don't worry about socially detransitioning and all that right now. Just give yourself time. Especially time away from trans social media. Go on a social media detox. Go get CBT/DBT for dysphoria, if you have it. The important part is to back away from the cliff (the cliff being medical transition and irreversible changes).
Are you afraid of what people will think?