This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The account shows strong signs of a genuine person:
- Consistent, Detailed Narrative: The user provides a highly specific and consistent personal timeline (starting transition at 14, medical transition at 18, surgery at 19-20, detransitioning several years later) with intricate details about their physical changes, emotional state, and ongoing medical procedures (electrolysis, planning reconstruction).
- Complex Emotional Journey: The comments reflect a nuanced and evolving perspective, including grief, regret, self-reflection, and eventual acceptance and moving forward with life (mentioning a fiancé, grad school, future kids). This emotional depth is difficult to fake convincingly.
- Practical, Grounded Advice: The user offers practical tips (e.g., on electrolysis, choosing a therapist, insurance battles) that stem from lived experience, not just ideological talking points.
The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with someone who has experienced significant personal harm, which aligns with your note about detransitioners often being "passionate and pissed off." The account does not raise any suspicion of inauthenticity.
About me
I started transitioning socially at 14 and medically at 18, believing it was my only path to escape misery. I had top surgery at 19, but serious complications and a deep feeling of being perceived as male made me realize it wasn't right for me. I stopped testosterone and came to understand my dysphoria was a symptom of other issues I needed to address in therapy. I deeply regret my surgery and am now saving for a difficult reconstruction. While life is much better now and I'm engaged, I still struggle with the permanent changes I made to my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated. I started my social transition when I was 14. I came out at school, was part of a trans friend group, and told my parents. I think a lot of my feelings back then came from a place of deep discomfort, some trauma I hadn't dealt with, and the social world I was in. I never really stopped to question why I felt I needed to do this.
When I was 18, I started taking testosterone. I believed at the time that if I had dysphoria, it meant I was truly trans and that medical transition was my only path to avoid a miserable life. I didn't get proper therapy to examine these feelings; I just went through an informed consent clinic. About two years later, just before I turned 20, I had top surgery. I had some heavy doubts before the surgery, but I pushed them aside because I thought it was the necessary next step to be seen as valid. People even told me I could "just get breast forms later" if I missed them, which I now see was terrible advice.
The surgery itself had serious complications. I developed pulmonary edema from being intubated and was coughing up blood for hours in the hospital. The recovery was difficult, and I was left with massive scars, no sensation in my nipples, and "dog ears." But the bigger complication was in my mind. About six months after surgery, I started to feel a deep regret. I had been identifying as nonbinary, but I was passing as a cis man all the time. Being perceived as male made me realize that this wasn't right for me. It started a spiral where I had to dig through all my original reasons for transitioning.
I realized my transition was a way to escape my problems, not solve them. I had a history of periodically wanting to be feminine—I'd buy makeup and feminine clothes and then feel sad that I felt I couldn't wear them. I hated binding and never liked using packers or STPs. I even remember trying on a dress that looked good right before my surgery and feeling really conflicted, but I dismissed it. I now see that my dysphoria was a symptom of other issues, not a condition that required changing my body.
I stopped testosterone after about 2.5 years on it. My body changed some after stopping—my body odor went back to normal, my mood stabilized and I could cry more easily, and my facial hair got a little thinner but is still there. My period came back after 5-6 months. I’ve been off T for about three years now.
My view on gender has completely changed. I don't believe in an innate gender identity anymore. I think the culture in some trans spaces can encourage dissociation and avoid dealing with underlying issues. The focus on "dysphoria = must transition" is harmful. For me, once I dealt with my other problems, my dysphoria went away. I see now that not wanting to be a woman is a normal feeling many people have, but permanently changing your body and taking on all the social and medical challenges of being trans should be an absolute last resort.
I absolutely have regrets. I regret not examining my feelings more deeply before making permanent changes. I regret my top surgery the most. I'm now saving up for a breast reconstruction, which is an even more involved surgery, and fighting with insurance to get it covered. It's a long and demoralizing process. My mastectomy was covered 100% with barely any questions when I was 19, but now that I want reconstruction, I'm being treated like I'm insane and require therapist letters and face all sorts of roadblocks.
Life now is much better, though. I’ve done a lot of therapy, which helped tremendously. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who I met before I started the reconstruction process, and he's been completely supportive. We plan to have kids in a few years. I’m finishing up laser hair removal and just living my life. My fiancé and I treat my past like a weird college phase where I had an identity crisis and did some body modifications. It does get easier with time, but I still struggle with self-consciousness about my chest. I’m looking forward to my reconstruction surgery and finally feeling complete again.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Socially transitioned at school and with friends. |
| 18 | Started testosterone. |
| 19 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 20 | Began to regret surgery about 6 months later. |
| 20 | Stopped testosterone after 2.5 years. |
| 23 | Off testosterone for 3 years, engaged, planning reconstruction. |
| 24 | Currently saving and planning for breast reconstruction surgery. |
Top Comments by /u/graysonlevi:
It took me about six months after surgery to feel regret and it's been rough since. I'm saving for a reconstruction, planning for silicone implants. Another commenter has a great perspective on embracing the flat chest, for me personally it's just not possible. I'm terrified of more surgery since I had complications the first time and I've developed some medical anxiety but it's what I have to do to feel complete. It's definitely not an easy decision and I'm glad it'll take me a hot minute to save up so I have more time to get mentally ready for another recovery process. I'm coming up on 2 years post surgery in December so I've had a chunk of time to get used to the flatness. At this point it just makes me feel masculine and male which is horrendous and breast forms just feel silly. I'm just dealing with it until I can save enough money.
Mine has also been going absolutely awfully. I did a consult with option A who wasn't sure if the hospital would approve the surgery since at the time it was Catholic. They took 5 months to decide they'd do it, made me come back in for a second consult that cost $200 and then decided to require a therapist letter. By the time I found a therapist, it took 6 months for her to feel comfortable writing it. Then I lost my job and lost my health insurance, which I had no coverage for 9 months up until very recently. I decided to look into a different surgeon after the terrible time with the first one and the first thing required is a letter from a therapist or psychologist because it's "gender related". Tbh I don't understand why they can't just have me sign a waiver that I won't sue instead of jerking me around and treating me like I'm insane.
The whole process is bullshit. My mastectomy required a letter that I got in 4 sessions and was scheduled super quick even though I was 19. Absolutely no sense of concern or tiptoeing and it was covered 100%. Now I get to try and figure out how much reconstruction will cost and see if it's even covered 🙄
I struggled for a very long time post mastectomy, and this year I was finally able to figure out the logistics for a reconstruction. I was similarly very demoralized over the cost and challenge associated and it took a couple years to get everything together but my insurance is covering everything. Of course that doesn't mean there is no cost but it's affordable for me. My mental health is already much better. It's a long process that is NOT easy but the logistics of everything can come together. It's worth trying whenever you have the spoons, to find a surgeon that you like and start the process of figuring everything out. No matter what you choose I hope you feel better about everything. Therapy also helped me a ton in processing everything.
Of course, so tbh I was fully expecting for the prior authorization to be denied. I submitted a therapist letter that basically said that I had surgery before, have been treated for anxiety with meds and counseling, and the surgery was in my best interest and what I wanted. This was submitted to my surgeons office before the consultation. My surgeon then wrote her own letter basically saying it was medically necessary. I'll take a look at that in a bit and let you know if anything stands out but I think it was stated that it would be a gender affirming surgery. The prior auth took about a month and had some sticking points where they needed more info and had to change around what procedure they billed for. But I got incredibly lucky in having it covered, especially without having to appeal anything.
So my opinion is that gender dysphoria is a symptom, not a condition in and of itself. Transition is a choice that people can make but is not a treatment necessarily. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria before having surgery, though it was not required for starting hormones before that through informed consent. The risks and effects were explained to me. When I was 18 I really didn't care about the possibility of changing my mind and believed in a lot of harmful and inaccurate ideology that led me astray.
If you have doubts like this, you really shouldn't go through with it. Before my surgery, I had some similar experiences and thought it was necessary as a next step and to be seen as "valid". I had heavy doubts but was reassured that I could "just get breast forms if you miss them later on". I wish I had thought about it a lot more and given it more time because I severely regret it. One of the most damaging things I now have to deal with is that my insurance covered top surgery and explicitly won't cover reconstruction. Reconstruction is an even more complicated and involved procedure and now I have to try to save upwards of 10k to even dream of having it done, not to mention the impacts of taking time off of work and having student loans I have to pay. Top surgery is a lot more common, a lot more approved of both medically and socially. I know people will tell you that doubts are normal. To some degree, maybe. But this is a life altering decision with no real undo. Recovery is very difficult and complications are very normal. Personally I developed pulmonary edema while in the hospital and was coughing up blood for 6 hours. Recovery was very difficult and I have massive scars now with damaged sensation, no nipple sensation and dog ears. It only took me 6 months to fully regret my surgery. All this is just to say that I hope you take time to think deeply about it and delay.
I’m upset that I have to be perceived as a man to exist in my natural state as a woman. (Yes, it is natural now, it may not have been but I would need it artificially removed now for it to no longer be there.)
I don't agree. Taking cross-sex hormones that are manufactured is about the furthest from natural. Just because your facial hair didn't disappear after returning to your actual natural hormones doesn't mean it's natural now. Tbh it sounds like you're having internal conflicts over your decisions. You chose to present with a male characteristic and that was acknowledged. Like others have said, you kinda have to pick one way to think about it. Either make changes to avoid that dissonance or make your peace with people perceiving you however it makes sense to them. You can't control others' perception, but you can control your reactions or your presentation. At some point you need to accept that you made a choice to take T and that changed how you'll be gendered by others. It sucks but it is what it is.
I made it out of transition alive
This is the biggest silver lining imo for us detransitioners. It's easy to get caught up in grief, sadness, and regret but choosing to feel the relief and happiness of being free is the best way to move forward. Best of luck going forward.
Honestly, journaling is one of the best things you can do. That way it's mostly your own thoughts and feelings. One thing I would say from a detrans perspective: try to find some space to contemplate gender and transition neutrally. Trans perspectives on exploring gender are going to assume you're trans and some detrans perspectives will want you to assume you're cis. Imo it's best to look at it neutrally, if you look at transition as just a thing and evaluate it like a different medical treatment or social label, where does that leave your feelings on it? I don't personally believe that it's helpful or productive to ruminate on "am I a man or a woman" or to "seek your truth". Journaling can let you get all your current thoughts and feelings out and dissect them.
I can paraphrase for you but not copy paste, sorry. The therapist letter laid out my counselors endorsement for me to have the surgery, her name, experience, and how long I had been seeing her, a brief timeline of my journey, a diagnosis of gender dysphoria now, my other diagnosis and that it's treated, and basically a statement that I'm competent to make the decision to undergo the surgery.
The surgeon's letter was a recommendation for surgery including details of the surgical plan and a timeline as well.
Also it was coded as for "transsexualism", "history of personal sex reassignment", and "acquired absence of breasts" per the surgical notes. And it was specifically identified as gender affirming in both notes, though they did also clearly specify that I am female and detransitioning.