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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's narrative is highly personal, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over several months. It details a specific and complex journey of medical transition (4 years on testosterone), regret, detransition, and the ongoing challenges of social and physical re-adaptation. The language includes natural hesitations, self-doubt, and personal reflections that are difficult to fabricate consistently. The account expresses common detransitioner concerns (voice, facial hair, social acceptance) in a genuine, non-formulaic way.
About me
I started thinking I might be a boy at 13 and began taking testosterone at 17. I convinced everyone I was completely sure, but I was secretly full of doubts the entire time. After four years on hormones, I stopped and am now living as a woman again. I deeply regret the permanent changes, like my deep voice and facial hair, and I wish someone had encouraged me to wait. I'm learning to find beauty in being a woman, but it's a difficult process.
My detransition story
My name is [redacted], and I am 21 years old. I want to share my story about my transition and detransition because I think it's important for others to hear.
I first started thinking about being trans when I was 13. I came out and got a lot of support from people, which felt good at the time. Looking back, I never actually had the thought that I wanted to be a boy until this whole topic came into my life. I started seeing a psychologist who specialized in transgender issues in mid-2018, when I was about 15. When I was 17, I started taking testosterone. My mom agreed to it back then.
My main reasons for wanting T were my voice and my chest. I hated my high, feminine voice and I couldn't identify with my breasts. I wondered if maybe I just didn't like their size or something, but at the time, I felt sure that changing my body was the answer. I also changed my name officially at the beginning of this year. I chose two names; the first one was more masculine, but the second one is gender-neutral. I find myself missing being called by that neutral name because it just makes me feel like a human with a name, not wrong in any way.
For a long time, I told everyone, and myself, that I was 100% sure about being a trans man. But now, thinking back, I realize I lied. I was never completely sure. There were a lot of phases and moments where I doubted it, but whenever I talked to someone about being trans, I would say I was definitely FTM with no doubts. I don't know why I did that. Maybe I was afraid people wouldn't want to be around me or listen to me if I showed doubt.
I was on testosterone for four years. I just stopped it about three months ago. Now I am living as a woman again, but I feel unhappy with some of the permanent changes. I regret taking T for so long. My voice is deep now, and it's ruined for me. It frustrates me, especially when I hear other women speak. I know there are women with deep voices who never took T, but it's still hard because it's not what society expects. I'm trying voice training with an app to sound more androgynous, since I know I can't get my high voice back. I'm also dealing with facial hair growth, which I hate. I shave and I'm looking into saving up for electrolysis, even though it will take years.
I never hated being called a woman because of how society treats women, and the same goes for being called a man. The way people are treated based on their gender was never a factor for me in figuring out who I am. For me, it was more about discomfort with my body during puberty.
I am starting to feel more comfortable being a woman from day to day. It can be so beautiful, and I'm realizing how much I enjoy it. But it's a process. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to talk about womanhood after rejecting it for so long and changing my body. I felt that especially on International Women's Day this year. Coming to this community and reading other stories has helped me feel less alone and hopeless.
My thoughts on gender have changed a lot. I don't believe that dysphoria instantly means you're trans. I see that now with my partner, who also had huge dysphoria and wanted top surgery. They've started to feel more comfortable in their body without any medical transition, and they're starting to be okay with being seen as a woman. Dysphoria can be caused by something else, and you don't always need to transition to get over it.
I do have regrets about my medical transition, specifically taking testosterone for so long and the permanent changes it caused. I wish I had been more honest with myself earlier and that someone had asked me to wait or consider if it could be something else. But I can't change what happened. I can only try to make my life now and for the future better.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
My Age | Event |
---|---|
13 | I first came out as trans. |
15 | Began seeing a transgender-specialized psychologist (mid-2018). |
17 | Started testosterone injections. |
21 | Officially changed my name to a masculine one (early 2024). |
21 | Stopped testosterone after 4 years of use (approx. January 2025). |
21 | Began living again as a woman (early 2025). |
Top Comments by /u/greenishdaze:
Feel you! Always said that I was always 100% sure about being trans, wanting to take T etc. but now, thinking back, I lied. I even lied to myself. I never was completely sure. There were a lot of phases and moments I doubt it. But as soon as I talked with someone about the trans topic in general, I said am def FTM without any doubts. Idk why I did that. Idk why I couldnt be true to myself. Was I afraid people don't wanna have to do something with me anymore or won't listen to me anymore then? Idk. I just wish I'd have been honest to me more early. But I can't change what happened and what I did. I can just try to make my life now and for the future better. U aswell. Don't be to harsh on urself. It's all a complex thing
Thank you so much for this post!! Am still at the beginning of living as a woman "again" and sometimes feel like I don't have the right to feel like a woman and talk about womanhood at all after rejecting it for so long and having done so much wrong stuff to me and my body.. especially today on woman's day.. So again, thank you so much. It feels so nice and encouring coming to this place and instantly feeling not alone and completely hopeless anymore! Happy woman's day to you too, you're wonderful!! 🫶
damn.. even my partner is starting to feel more comfortable in their body and they had huge dysphoria. Am not sure which pronouns are right rn for my partner honestly, but I feel like they might come to the same conclusion as me: she, a woman. (They told me they start to feel more comfy when someone calls them a woman, still out of respect I'll use they here.) So, since we met they always felt disgusted by their breasts, felt dysphoric bout them and always said how desperately they want a mastec, even jealous of my mastec (am kinda jealous of their breasts lol). Well, in the last weeks they started to stop using a binder cuz of health. A few days ago they told me that I don't need to look away anymore, I am allowed to look at their breasts, it's also okay to touch. I asked if this means that they feel more comfortable in their body and the answer: yes. No medical transition at all in their case. Dysphoria was there, but it seems to get less and seems it was caused by something else - not by being trans. You don't need to transition to get over dysphoria. It may be that some people need it, okay. But others just don't. Dysphoria doesn't instantly mean you're trans and I believe that's something everyone needs to learn.
Thank you for sharing ur story. I can feel a lot of this. I regret taking T for damn 4 years.. My voice is ruined but I really wanna save up money for a VFS even when this is going to take years.. I've outed myself aswell with 13 and got a lot of support but there was never someone who said „wait, maybe it could be omething else!“ I also never had the thoughts to want to be a boy.. til this topic plopped up the first time in my life. Now I am living as a man but unhappy. Wish I would‘ve realized it earlier. Anyway, am glad u found urself. I wish u the best for the future!!
It‘s not your fault they decide to transition. If it‘s wrong or right.. well, they have to know it. I absolutely get you, I know so many people who identify as „trans“, and I „helped“ them all. Idk if I really helped them with talking how I feel and telling them how my transition went and so on. But I've never told them they are trans & should do transition. That‘s on them, not me. Same goes for you! You prob did not tell them they should transition aswell. It‘s not your responsibility what others do, even when it may be wrong for them. Especially when they're already in it.. most won't listen and need to realize it themselves.
Without you, they prob would come to this point anyway, how others already said.
It‘s honestly always so nice to see other detrans females who where as long as me or longer on T. Am on T for 4 years, should get my next shot next month but will talk with my doc that I wanna stop it. How are you dealing with ur voice and facial hair, did it get a bit better?
Am just figuring out what fits best for me. I just asked some time ago here what I could use. For the start I went with a cheap mastectomy bra with cheap silicone prostheses which u put in pockets of bras. I've also got some others bras (with pockets!) which u can hide better under different clothes, cuz the first bra I got reminds me a bit of a binder cuz of the shape and all. Also since the protheses are cheap they might not be the best but still doing a good job, I feel comfortable and they seem natural to me. Yet I don't feel like they are right to go under people with them (but that might also just bc it is a small fear in general of me, am always scared what people could think and am scared they notice it's fake). Anyway, another person linked the protheses they are useing daily when I asked back then. I still have to wait til they arrive (in may :‘)) but they're basically like the ones I have now just better quality and all. I truly hope that these ones will give me the encouragement to wear in public aswell then.
Btw OP, you look very great and beautiful! I could've never guessed your boobs are fake! :)
honestly this is making me kinda afraid that I‘ll may come to the conclusion I've made a huge mistake. Never had anything against detrans ppl, they‘re valid like everyone else. Especially obv. cuz I might think I could be too.. but the more I think of it and fear it might be really the reality for me aswell.. after doing such a transition already.. Idk how to deal with all that. Finding another psychologist who is good is going to be hard as hell at my location (I can't go to my old one anymore aswell)
feel you so much, being a woman can be so beautiful and I just noticed how I love and enjoy being one from day to day more. Tho, I can‘t relate with the voice part since my voice dropped bc of T and I hate it completely. Ur mentioning of liking ur high voice makes me happy and sad at the same time. Am happy for you!! Am sad my voice isn't that high anymore.. Still, am happy to be a woman.
I wanna stop transitioning, at least I wanna stop with T. Yes, it definitely is the thing that I'm just afraid that people won't accept and see me as a woman because of my deep voice. As said, I know my bf, friends and probably also my family would deal good with that but the rest of the world and workplace in future.. I guess I might really need to look for someone professional who could help me with either just accepting how my voice is now or to look what other option could be possible for me. Thanks for ur response! It‘s helpful knowing there are other women out there with deep T voices and having to change their name&s*x back :‘)