This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "gynkohaze" appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account.
The user's comments display a consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally raw narrative about their experiences with abuse, transition, detransition, and the associated trauma and social challenges. The writing is nuanced, self-reflective, and contains specific, lived details (e.g., hormonal effects, changes in social treatment, personal medical history) that are difficult to fabricate consistently. The passion and anger expressed are consistent with the stated context of someone who has experienced significant harm.
About me
My journey started because of trauma from men, and I thought transitioning would let me escape being a woman. I lived as a man for two years and was treated with so much more respect, which confirmed my fears about misogyny. After stopping testosterone, I had to face the harsh reality of being a woman again, including the constant harassment and danger. I now have complicated feelings about the trans community, especially when I'm attacked for sharing my story. I'm learning to accept my female body, even though dealing with my natural hormones and body image is still a daily struggle.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition is deeply tied to a history of trauma. From a young age, I was a victim. I had an abusive dad, a creepy gym teacher, and sexually disturbed male classmates. As a teenager, I was groomed by older men, and as an adult, I felt like men could somehow smell my history of abuse on me. I think a huge part of what I thought was "dysphoria" was actually a deep resentment towards my female body. I hated being seen as an object for nonconsensual sexual fantasies. This was all mixed up with an eating disorder I’ve struggled with.
When I first started identifying as trans, I think I was trying to escape being a woman in a world that felt violently oppressive. I lived as a stealth trans man for two years, and honestly, life was easier. People treated me with so much more respect. My opinions were taken seriously, I made more money, and I was given more opportunities. It confirmed my worst fears about how people treat women. But living as a man was lonely. My male friends weren't affectionate and we never talked about our emotions, which was really hard for me.
I was on testosterone for four years. When I first detransitioned, I looked really strange. I had just shaved my head after a bad breakup, my body shape was masculine, I had a lot of upper body strength, a masculine face, and of course, my voice was deep. I’ve been off testosterone for two years now, and no one bats an eye. My body shape came back, I have curves again, my face is fuller and softer, and my hair is long. I’m lucky that I pass as a woman all the time now, though I have a husky voice that sometimes makes people wonder on the phone.
Detransitioning meant facing the harsh realities of being a woman again. The difference in how I was treated was shocking and heartbreaking. I suddenly experienced all the sexual harassment and violent misogyny that I had conveniently forgotten about. I couldn't have friendships with men without them sexualizing me, even guys I’d known for years. The constant danger is exhausting; you always have to be on guard, carry pepper spray, and avoid walking alone at night. It’s a reality I don’t think someone who transitioned to female later in life can ever fully understand, because they were sheltered by a male identity for so long.
My sexuality has been a journey too. I am straight, and I’m grateful for my cis bisexual boyfriend who sees me 100% as a woman and barely ever thinks about my past. Before him, I dated guys casually, but finding someone who wanted to settle down was hard. I also have a desire to connect with women who love women, to surround myself with more women and get involved in lesbian spaces, as I am attracted to women as well.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about the trans community now, especially online. The way some trans people talk to me on the internet is more aggressive than any transphobia I experienced when I was living as a man. I’ve been called transphobic just for talking about being bullied as a detrans person. I saw a friend comment on a video of a detrans woman talking about being molested, saying "most trans people do the work before they transition," and it felt like a vile thing to say. It’s this kind of detransphobia that upsets me more than anything else. It triggers a dreadful feeling in my chest and I have to distract myself.
I also get really bothered by jokes like "the prettiest women have penises." I understand they're just jokes, but they trigger so much universal female trauma for me. I was shamed for my vagina from the time I was born, shamed by boys in middle school when I got my first period, and sexually harassed from a very young age. These are experiences shared by so many women, and those jokes feel like they erase that weight and history.
Now, I have to deal with my natural female hormones again, and it’s tough. My periods are awful and make me feel dangerously suicidal. I’m certain that my severe reaction to hormone shifts heavily influenced my desire to transition in the first place, even though testosterone just made my mental health worse. I have to constantly remind myself that the suicidal feelings are hormonal and will pass.
I struggle with body image no matter what. When I identified as a man, I thought I was too small and soft. Now, as a woman, I sometimes feel too large and rough. I just can’t win. But I’ve learned that if you truly believe you look like a woman, you will start to actually look like one, to yourself and others. The placebo effect is quite real.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | Started identifying as transgender. |
| 16 | Began taking testosterone. |
| 20 | Stopped testosterone after 4 years; began detransition. |
| 22 | Present day; have been off testosterone for 2 years. |
Top Comments by /u/gynkohaze:
I mean... I was a stealth trans man for two years of my life, everyone thought i was a cis man and treated me as such. Much easier than being a woman in my experience. People treated me with so much more respect, people took my opinion seriously, i even made more money and was given more opportunities. Now that I've detransitioned and people see me as a woman again, how differently i was treated was shocking, and heartbreaking. It confirmed all my fears that pushed me to transition in the first place, people hate women, even other women. I don't care if i get downvoted for this, it's true.
I just went on her page because this video made me cry. I experienced something similar that definitely affected my desire to transition, or maybe even started it. I love her videos. However i pulled up this exact video on my TikTok app and i saw someone who i know IRL in her comments section saying "most trans people do the work before they transition, i feel truly sorry for you". I feel like mayyyyybe it was well intentioned, I'm not sure, but it made me so upset, it's an absolutely vile thing to say on that video. She was talking about being molested and my friend was like "yeah well most people would have that figured out before hand, but sorry that happened". It's not even true....
Im especially fragile about detransphobia, it makes me more upset than literally anything else i see on the Internet, which sucks cause it's everywhere. I instantly got that dreadful feeling in my chest and I'm just trying to distract myself by watching YouTube videos and smoking weed.
To anyone seeing this, if you could, i would really appreciate a nice reply to this comment. Kinda spiralling over one stupid comment🫠 i hate TikTok
I know exactly what you mean. Especially in my early detransition, i thought a lot about that "in between state" i was experiencing. Around men, i felt feminine. Around women, i felt like an imposter, a hulking, sweating, shoulders-too-wide of a woman.
It's interesting, cause when i was still identifying as a man, i felt it too. I thought my voice was too high, frame too small, face too soft, too short, feet too small, etc...
Now it's my voice is too low, frame too large, face too rough, too tall, feet too big....
I just can't win lol.
I try to distance myself from them (tbh mostly the T part of it). Just the way trans people talk to me on the Internet has me baffled and it's way more aggressive than most the transphobia I experienced from cis people as a trans person. If I'm experiencing all that on the Internet, I am automatically wary of how trans people IRL will treat me, what do they say on the Internet to/about detrans people? What do they say when they can hide behind a screen?
Obviously an overgeneralization, but I am cautious nonetheless.
Yeah, most of the time they get those honors "first female navy seal" when they came out AFTER becoming a navy seal or something like that. So they joined as a man. Came out, then got the cred for being the first woman.
I get really annoyed when people make jokes like "remember ladies, not ALL woman have penises", or, "the prettiest women have penises". I understand it's just jokes but it really triggers so much universal female trauma in me. Generations of women in my family being abused by their husbands, every single one of my female relatives having a history of being raped, being shamed for my vagina from the time i was born, being shamed by boys in middle school when i got my first period and was unprepared and got blood all over my pants. Having high school boys sexually harass me and my friends when we were 5th graders and taking advantage of us not understanding. These things most girls have experienced, in fact i assume a vast majority. Every girl I've talked to (including me) has admitted the first time they were sexually harassed was from ages as early as 3. To say the prettiest women have penises makes me riled up, because i have been taught to be ashamed of my body, of my vagina, for my whole life. It's a joke. I get it. They want to cope with their own shit. But there is so much weight behind it.
I understand there was no malicious intent, and they were probably just trying to relate to me. But it doesn't change the fact it hurt my feelings. I don't hate NB people by any means. I just want to be perceived accurately. But I don't really have control over that. Just wanted to vent.
Yes. Agree 100%. Being a cis woman and being MTF is a completely different experience. And people will treat you differently whether it's conscious or not, based on how they perceive you (cis or trans). I honestly don't think MTF people can ever truly understand the traumas of growing up female in a world that violently and harshly oppresses women. They of course experience oppression and violence, but in a completely different way. And i see a lot of trans women who have just come out getting themselves into dangerous situations that seem so obvious to me, but since they have been protected and sheltered by their male identity for so long, they don't presume danger. It's not their fault if they are assaulted or hurt in any way. But for a lot of people I've met, they truly don't understand what it means to be perceived as a woman. It means danger. Everywhere. Always be on guard. Always carry pepper spray or a knife. Don't walk alone in the dark. I've met mtfs who say "no i won't need pepper spray, I've never been hurt before". You will.
Yeah it definitely sucks in different ways. I get feeling misunderstood with emotions as a man as well. When i went stealth, my male friends weren't affectionate at all and we never talked about our emotions, which was hard for me.
What you're saying about being flooded with messages on dating apps and stuff is nice at first, but it becomes creepy and dangerous just as quickly. I couldn't have friendships with men without them sexualizing me, guys I've known for years as well. With extra attention comes street harassment, hell, harassment everywhere. And likely sexual assault as well. Not saying that doesn't happen to men, because it certainly does, but when I detransitioned i all the sudden experienced all that sexual harassment and violent misogyny again that i had conveniently forgotten about.
Hey, im glad to hear you're alive. I'm sorry to hear you're not living. I feel similarly about my life lately too.
When you went viral i was mad--not mad at you, but mad at the response. I've rage quit the internet a few times too, and usually for the same reason. I can post all kinds of controversial stuff and usually get away with it, as soon as I mention I'm detrans (not even say anything about it... literally just mention it) people go berserk and tell me to either hide that fact or get off the internet entirely, along with a bunch of other bullshit that doesn't even make any sense.
I also understand not wanting to be an activist or be lumped with them. People have put that label on me a few times which is bizarre, i feel like people put that label on anyone who is any type of minority on the Internet and it feels kinda backwards. I just wanna exist yanno, lol.
If you're looking for advice or encouragement, what i can offer is this: the internet has a short memory. I went viral a while ago (not detrans related, but something just as touchy) and i recieved a ridiculous amount of hate and even threats, a bunch of trolling, people making fun of me, blah blah... I felt like my world was shattering in a million pieces and every time i heard my notification sound i tensed up. It even triggered a pretty bad psychosis episode (I'm schizo) because the high number of views triggered bad paranoia and feeling like everyone was watching me. Well, turns out barely anybody cares or remembers that now. It's a relief. I know it feels awful and people are so cruel on the Internet. But before we all know it i don't think people will be talking about it anymore. It's kinda a weird way to think of it, but someone's gonna do something to piss off the trans community even more than your video and they're gonna focus on that until the next one shows up. 🤷🏻♀️ All communities on the Internet are a hive mind. I'm not sure if that helps at all. I hope it does. It's what i kept having to remind myself when I went viral.
Fwiw, your video actually meant a lot to me. I am always glad when i see people talking about transition in a more nuanced way, and detransition, because its so heavily censored and sometimes i forget there are others like me. The backlash (is it backlash? or straight up relentless bullying?) was really personal for me. I like to think i have thick skin, but when it comes to this topic i absolutely do not. I have to do exactly what they tell me to do... shut up and don't talk about it, or they'll bully tf out of me until i delete the specific media or my whole accounts. I do think people are seeing how bad people are treating you though, and detrans people in general, and i hope that'll make this a more "socially acceptable" thing to talk about. It'll take time. Again, I feel your pain. I really do.
Much love friend ❤️ I'm glad you made this post. I'm glad you're seeking support. 🥰
When i first detransitioned i was 4 years on t. Trust me... I looked so strange. I also had just shaved my head because I had a bad breakup, lol i did a Britney spears. ANYWAY. my body shape was pretty masculine, lots of upper body strength that was visible, masculine face, and my voice of course. I've been off t for 2 years and no one bats an eye now. Every once and a while people will wonder about my voice, but even that is rare now considering how feminine i look. I got all my shape back, i have curves, my face is fuller and softer, hair is longer obviously. No one questions me. I never thought it would be possible from how awkward I looked when i first started detransitioning. Also this sounds kinda woo, but if you truly believe you look like a woman (or man if you are a detrans man), you will absolutely start to actually look like one, to yourself AND others. Placebo effect is quite real.