This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's perspective is consistent with a desister or detransitioned individual: they express a cynical but internally logical viewpoint on transition, social perception, and male socialization, grounded in personal experience and observation. The language is nuanced, uses personal anecdotes, and shows a development of thought over time, which is atypical for automated or troll accounts. The passion and criticism align with the expected stance of someone who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I started hating my female body as a teenager, especially when I developed breasts, and I thought becoming a man was the only answer. I took testosterone and had top surgery, hoping it would fix my deep unhappiness and low self-esteem. After seeing a friend suffer terrible complications from surgery, I realized I had only put a permanent bandage on my problems without solving them. I stopped hormones and now deeply regret the permanent changes, especially losing my fertility. Through proper therapy, I'm finally learning to accept myself as the woman I am.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body when I developed during puberty; I really hated my breasts and just wanted them gone. I felt like they made me a target and they didn't feel like they belonged to me. I think a lot of my feelings were tied up in a general depression and very low self-esteem. Looking back, I also had some internalised homophobia and was using the idea of being a man as a form of escapism from dealing with my real problems.
I was influenced a lot by what I saw online and by friends who were also exploring their gender. I started identifying as non-binary first, and that felt like a safer way to step away from being a woman. But it quickly escalated to identifying as a transgender man. I was convinced that medical transition was the only way to fix the deep discomfort I felt. I started testosterone in my early twenties and later got top surgery.
For a while, I felt a sense of relief. The initial changes from testosterone and having a flat chest felt like a solution. But that feeling didn't last. I began to realize that the underlying issues—the depression, the anxiety, the feeling of not being good enough—were still there. I had just put a very permanent, physical bandage on them.
A huge turning point for me was seeing what happened to a close friend. They had a phalloplasty surgery and everything that could go wrong, did. They were left permanently disabled and their health was completely destroyed. It was a terrifying wake-up call that made me seriously question the path I was on.
I also started to understand that no amount of surgery or hormones was going to make cisgender men see me as one of them. They were always polite and used the right pronouns, but it was just politeness. I was never truly "one of the guys." They would always self-police and change their behavior around me, treating me more like a "little buddy" than an equal. It showed me that perception is something you have very little control over; people see you and immediately put you in a box based on your physical characteristics, no matter how you identify.
I came to realize that my view of gender had become really mixed up. I think we, as a society, collectively agree to play along with certain ideas to be kind or to avoid conflict, even if we don't fully believe them. For me, it stopped being about finding a true self and more about learning to be okay with the person I already was.
I stopped testosterone and began to detransition. I don't regret exploring my identity because I needed to go through that to understand myself better, but I deeply regret the permanent changes I made to my body. I am now infertile, and that is a profound loss that I have to live with. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't just about affirming my gender identity but about digging into the root causes of my distress, like my past trauma and low self-worth.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social concept that can sometimes cause more harm than good when we try to medically conform to it. I'm learning to accept my female body for what it is, scars and all.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13-14 | Started hating my body during puberty, especially my breasts. Felt general depression and low self-esteem. |
| 19 | Began identifying as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends. |
| 21 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 25 | Stopped testosterone. Witnessed a friend's severe health complications from bottom surgery. Began the process of detransition. |
| 26 | Underwent non-affirming therapy to address root causes like trauma and self-esteem. Came to accept my female body. |
Top Comments by /u/haints_holler:
The sex assault prob does play into it. I mean only you really know but I can tell you at 20 I was an idiot and knew nothing about myself. Go do some serious therapy about it, then if you feel the same go for it.
Also this is just an aside: if you want to look more male, take a look at your male family members and relatives. That’s your gene pool lottery. And if you want to be accepted by cis men be prepared for the socialization aspect of it, and them policing themselves around you. They def don’t usually treat you as “one of the guys”
This is my hardest take. Cis dudes will be polite, they will gender you the way you want. They will never think of you as a man. They will self police around you and avoid indulging in the typically labeled toxic “just the bros” stuff. My friends call it “the little buddies”, not quite men, you get little buddy status , At best.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, you have VERY LITTLE control over how people perceive you. They perceive you as they see fit without any real input from you. Sure clothes and hair can be a sort of signifier, but for the most part people see you and immediately put you in column a or column b. No one sees anyone as person beyond the constraints of gender. It’s a weird almost egoistic view to hope they will. For the most part I think we collectively agree to lie about non-binary and say 2 + 2 is sometimes five because there is social enforcement and work risk if you say you don’t think it’s really “real”. In the end as lame as it is it’s mostly about learning to be ok with “you”
Had a friend who was transitioning doing t got the double mast. They were relatively ok till they got the phallo. Now they are perma disabled and their trans gf has to help them out of the car. Everything that could of gone wrong pretty much did. I haven’t pried into it too much. But Jesus their health took a nose dive
I just don’t care, if I don’t need to interact with them I won’t, but I’m not obligated to share every political and ideological leaning with someone and bow to theirs. DNI is asking for trouble if you don’t want someone to interact with you I’d think the last thing you’d want is to call attention to your triggers. Super narcissistic
So I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was moderately concerned about the fujo to uke yaoi thing. Cause it seems like a thing lately?
Realistically not many people look that pretty as dudes, and it doesn’t last. You got glory days for a bit and then you look like your father or grandpa, maybe an uncle. Unless your bts; rich and have a plastic surgeon who’s incredible.
First I’d say take a look at your dad and other men in your family. That’s your gene pool for facial and body hair, I’d say expect something a bit less than that.
So being gendered as a guy and perceived as a guy are two wholly different things. People will gender you as a guy to be kind, to avoid social pressure and stigma and because it’s usually easier to go with the flow. Perceive you, yeah that’s all on the observer, and you can’t really change how they feel or see you. Like I can tell you my cis male friends don’t view ftm as men. They are polite, and do every social aspect of it but that’s that.
CAVEAT :only my personal experience here: I mean it’s kinda hard to really totally stealth. The socialization aspect of adolescence is a thing. My friends are casually racist and sexist with jokes and gaming. They don’t do that around our cis female friends. They mask up on that shit. Dudes tend to have hierarchy based friendships and you kinda learn how you fit in or move in it during your teen years. You’ve got bone structure, posture and other stuff to give you away too. It might not be as bad as “skull pill” shit but enough cumulative stuff and they’ll know. Also once they know they know and you’ll be treated as a little buddy at best once again.
Don’t think it’s actual eugenics, more downstream effects on a community more prone to identity issues relating to themselves versus society. Maybe an argument for “a drastic solution for vulnerable people” but flat out “get rid of the autist queers” seems a stretch