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Reddit user /u/healingsoul24's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 18 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
got top surgery
body dysmorphia
retransition
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.

The user's comments are nuanced, emotionally consistent, and reflect a personal, lived-experience perspective. They offer detailed, empathetic advice, reference specific therapies (DBT), and share their own history (e.g., career in academia/non-profit, having a therapist). The language is natural, with varied sentence structure and personal asides ("I'm not super articulate..."), which is not typical of AI-generated text. The passion and criticism of gender-affirming care align with known detransitioner perspectives.

About me

I'm a female who started feeling intense discomfort with my body during puberty, especially with my breasts. My journey was heavily influenced by social media and a belief that medical transition was my only option, leading me to get top surgery. After the surgery, I realized my underlying depression and anxiety were still there, and I hadn't solved the real problem. Finding the right trauma-informed therapy helped me understand my body dysmorphia and separate my female body from restrictive stereotypes. I now accept myself as a woman, understanding that my sex doesn't dictate my personality, though I live with the permanent consequences of my decisions.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started when I was really young, but it got intense during puberty. I was born female, and when my body started developing, I felt a deep discomfort. I hated my breasts and the way my body was changing. I was also a competitive swimmer from a young age, which gave me a broader, more muscular build, and I never felt like I fit the image of what a girl was supposed to look like. I felt like if I wasn't as skinny as an Instagram model, I wouldn't be liked. This feeling of being an "out-group" was magnified during high school.

A lot of my struggle was tied up with low self-esteem and what I now recognize as body dysmorphia. I think I also have some traits of being autistic, which made social rules about gender feel confusing and restrictive. I saw the very narrow version of womanhood promoted on social media, especially Instagram, and I wanted to distance myself from it entirely. It felt easier to reject being a woman than to try and fit into a box I knew I’d never belong in. I started to believe that if I wasn't a perfect, feminine woman, then I must not be a woman at all.

I started identifying as non-binary first. It felt like a safe middle ground. But the discomfort with my female body, my breasts especially, kept growing. I was influenced by the online spaces I was in, where transitioning was presented as the solution to this deep-seated unhappiness. I started to believe that my body was wrong and that medical transition was the only way to fix it. I ended up getting top surgery.

For a while, after the surgery, I felt a sense of relief. The immediate source of my discomfort was gone. But the underlying issues—the depression, the anxiety, the feeling of not being good enough—didn't go away. I had placed all my hopes on this physical change fixing my life, and when it didn't, I was forced to look deeper.

What really helped me was finally finding the right kind of therapy. It took me three tries to find a good therapist and learning about DBT therapy was a turning point for me. A trauma-informed approach helped me understand that my rejection of my body was linked to a lot of other pain. I had to separate the idea of being female from the stereotypes forced upon women. I realized that female does not equal femininity. A woman can be loud, hairy, aggressive, a leader—all traits I was told were for men. I didn't need to change my body to be those things; I could be a confident, masculine woman.

Looking back, I see how the influence online and the pressure from a growing industry played a role. I think there's a lot of money in gender transition, and vulnerable people are encouraged down that path without always addressing other mental health issues first. I don't think it's as simple as "if therapy doesn't work, it must be real dysphoria." Sometimes the therapy just isn't the right kind, or there are other issues like depression making everything worse.

Do I have regrets transitioning? It's complicated. I regret that I felt I had no other option, and that I was so influenced by external pressures. I regret that I didn't have access to the right kind of non-affirming therapy sooner—therapy that would have helped me work through my discomfort with puberty and my body without immediately jumping to medical changes. The surgery is permanent, and I have to live with that. But my journey led me to a place where I now fully accept myself as a female, and I understand that womanhood is whatever I make it. I benefited from finally understanding that my material reality as a female doesn't have to dictate my personality or how I express myself. We deserve to exist as we are.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:

Age Event
Childhood Swam competitively, developed a muscular build that made me feel different.
Early Puberty Started feeling intense discomfort with my body developing, hated my breasts.
High School Feeling of being an "out-group" magnified. Influenced by narrow social media beauty standards.
Around 18-19 Identified as non-binary to distance myself from womanhood.
Early 20s Pursued and got top surgery. Experienced temporary relief.
22 Underlying depression and anxiety persisted. Began searching for better therapeutic help.
22-23 Found a trauma-informed therapist and learned DBT. Began to understand my body dysmorphia and internalized issues.
Present (23-24) Detransitioned socially. Now identify as a woman, understanding that female is my sex and I can express myself any way I want.

Top Comments by /u/healingsoul24:

12 comments • Posting since August 27, 2022
Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains that being a woman is a physical reality and encourages embracing masculine traits as a tomboy instead of transitioning.
35 pointsNov 13, 2023
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Leave your conception of what being a "woman" or "man" should be. Women can be confident, loud, hairy, aggressive, and other stereotypically male traits. In our patriarchal society, men are put in a better position -- they are seen as leaders, as more rational and capable, as calmer and a better strategist. But its not always right. You can always be a tomboy and be confident in who you are - a female is just that: your material / physical reality. However you want to present, is your right and you can still be a woman.

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains that female does not equal femininity and discusses growing up in a household with strict gender roles.
34 pointsNov 22, 2023
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Female does not equal femininity. Im sorry that you have to grow in a household that strictly reinforce gender roles, while women have been and are in posession of traits (that are likely associated with men); leadership, creativity, courageous, etc . No right way to be a woman or man, you can be as loud and as dirty as you want.

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains how strict gender roles can make some women and girls so uncomfortable with womanhood that they desire to be male.
22 pointsSep 27, 2022
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You don't have to take it so seriously. If it doesn't resonate with you, then it does not. There are women and girls who are being bombarded by very strict gender roles then it makes them so uncomfortable with womanhood they'd rather be male instead (incl me). Of course there are other kinds of women on the platform too (ie teachers therapists scientists etc etc etc) but maybe not as much or they aren't as popular

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains how finding a safe, progressive community in academia and non-profit work was key to their well-being after detransitioning.
15 pointsSep 14, 2022
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I relate to this heavily. The only way I stay generally sane is to be surrounded by people who are kind to me and generally progressive. This has made me somewhat closed off; I only have 5 guy friends my whole 22 years of life, and the rest are all girls.

Depending on how old are you, deciding to volunteer and try out groups / circles might also help just to try and see what kind of future career you want for yourself. To me, the safest place is academia (which is why I'm pursuing non profit and research career). Before deciding this, I had worked on UN projects and I feel seen, valued, and heard in that environment, and that's why I want to pursue it. Maybe you're interested in specific thing / have a career aspirations in mind, try to join clubs / circles related to it and find one environment that you feel most seen / most valued in and stick with it. I've been sticking with academic related stuff (like Model UN) ever since forever because the people are usually progressive or at the very least not misogynisticz

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains how social media algorithms target young, impressionable users with harmful content like beauty standards and pornography, arguing that corporations—not children—should be held responsible.
14 pointsSep 27, 2022
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I never used tiktok luckily and my exposure is mostly on instagram. I have heard accounts of people having the contents they already said not to recommend / minimally interact with keep popping up on their fyp. We can also observe this on the ad we see when browsing on google. In fact, ads you see when browsing are not only based on your search, but also on what people around you (people in your area) search. There is a better explanation out there (i am not well versed on IT unfortunately) and i encourage you to look it up.

I think it's okay to criticize big media company rather than blaming a very young user on what they are exposed to on social media. This is a truly new phenomenon; people aged 50 right now did not have access to social media when they were growing up and i think it's good to critically assess the effects of social media, how its run (who benefits from it?), and long term effect of it. For example: we are now seeing a generation of children as young as 8 being exposed to beauty standards on tiktok, a young child as young as 11 being praised by grown adults on her make up tutorial (on tiktok? Instagram? Cant remember), and as young as 9 years old addicted to porn. Social media preys on the young, vulnerable, and impressionable. I think we need to see young users as exactly who they are: young impressionable user who are being bombarded by these things left and right, rather than blaming them solely and squarely on what they are exposed to.

I can maybe share some academic paper if you are interested.

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains the social and medical pressure on parents and peers to affirm transition, citing fear of ostracism and professional pushback.
14 pointsMay 25, 2024
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I’d like to offer another perspective:

Most people, inc parents, feel pressured to affirm because of the “gender affirming” narrative, especially that (I assume) your transition is approved / supervised by medical doctors. If you go to PITT substack on parents of trans / detrans children, you’d find that they often receive pushback from communities / doctors / even social services when they raise concern over their childrens’ transition or try to postpone it any other way.

For your peers, perhaps they are afraid that they’d get shunned if they object / question / raise concerns over their transition. There are stories of people being ostracized / isolated from their peers when they raise concerns to a transitioning friend.

You are in an incredibly difficult situation, but I’m hoping that you can find support system who can support you through this all irl. If not anything, please feel free to post as many as you want in this sub and I’ll try to always reply. You are not broken, scarred, sinful, wrong, or tainted in any way. Your soul is whole and no one can touch that, hang on there <3

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains how narrow social media portrayals of womanhood can lead some young women to identify as non-binary to distance themselves from stereotypes.
10 pointsSep 28, 2022
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I read similar take somewhere in the internet. The womanhood social media promotes (or is popular in social media) is very clearly narrow-minded that young women feel the need to distance themselves from it (ie: i am wearing make up but i am NB so i have brains and personality etc etc)

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) explains why young social media users shouldn't be blamed entirely for the content algorithms expose them to.
6 pointsSep 28, 2022
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Yes the point I want to emphasize is this: it's time to stop blaming users (who are young and impressionable) 100% on what they are exposed to on social media, including but not limited to tiktok. Sure personal responsibility plays a certain role, but algorithm does not only depend on you 100%

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) discusses the financial incentives of the gender transition industry and argues that a failure of therapy does not automatically confirm gender dysphoria, citing factors like treatment modality, comorbidities, and therapist fit.
5 pointsDec 10, 2023
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I think saying that dysphoria is something that cannot be fixed by therapy is a little bit..... it gives me doubt tbh. I mean what if you alr went to therapy but for whatever reason the treatment (maybe the cbt / dbt / other modalities) doesnt work for you and you're instead being referred to gender clinic. On the surface, it might mean that it's dysphoria per your definition (that the therapy not work), but there is a billion dollar industry backing up the transition that a distressed individual might sign up for even though if they persisted through therapy or find other therapists, it might alleviate the stress.

My stance is that: there is real money to be made from gender transition, and the industry do WANT YOU to take that path and influece your decision early on. I think its not as simple as "well if you cant treat it by therapy, its not dysphpria" because there are many other factors, such as the modalities used, comorbid situation (re: SI + depression might influence provider to THINK its a real dsyphoria per your definition and put patients through medical transition), and the fit between your therapists and patients etc..

I hope it makes sense! I'm not super articulate...

Reddit user healingsoul24 (desisted female) recommends a trauma-informed or DBT therapist to help navigate conflicting feelings about one's appearance.
5 pointsSep 10, 2022
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I'm not sure but maybe you can look into 1) trauma-informed therapist, 2) DBT therapy (this one to help you navigate "i love my looks!" And "i loathe it")

I sincerely wish you the best. My journey with therapists are very challenging as well, it took me 3 times to find the right therapist and another dozen or so to find the right therapeutic approaches; I wasn't aware of dbt until my last therapy. Do not lose hope; hang in on there