This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user provides an extremely detailed, consistent, and medically plausible personal history spanning many years, multiple complex surgeries, and specific emotional and physical changes. The depth of surgical knowledge, personal reflection, and the evolution of their perspective over time are strong indicators of a real person's lived experience. The passion and specific advice given are consistent with a genuine member of the detransition community.
About me
I lived as a man for 17 years after taking testosterone and having many surgeries. I eventually realized it wasn't right for me and stopped hormones, which began a long journey back to living as a woman. My incredible partner stayed with me through it all, and I had reconstructive surgery to feel at home in my female body again. While I regret some of the permanent changes, I don't regret the journey because it led me back to myself. I finally feel peaceful and whole, like I've come home.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been a long and complicated one, spanning over two decades. I was on testosterone for 17 years and had what felt like every surgery possible to make my body appear male. I had a double incision mastectomy with nipple grafts back in 2001, a full hysterectomy that removed my ovaries, and multiple bottom surgeries including a metoidioplasty and later a phalloplasty with testicular and erectile implants.
For a long time, I thought this was the right path for me. But eventually, I realized it wasn't. I stopped testosterone in 2015 and began the long process of detransitioning. My body started to change back; my masculine features softened and my face feminized. As that happened, I began to deeply want breasts again and to feel more at home in a female body. I was lucky that I had never had a vaginectomy, so my original anatomy was still there, which became very important for my healing.
Getting reconstructive surgery was a huge part of my journey back. I had my phalloplasty and all the implants removed. I found a surgeon who was willing to help me with breast reconstruction, even though a well-known specialist in trans surgeries told me it wasn't possible to get a good result. She used silicone implants placed under the muscle and repositioned my nipples to a more natural female position. I'm now about a 36C and finally feel right in my body again. The recovery was tough, but it was 100% the right decision for me.
Emotionally, coming off testosterone was a massive shift. I was on a high dose for 17 years and I didn't realize how much it affected me until I stopped. I was much more volatile, quick to anger, and reckless on testosterone. Now, being on estrogen replacement therapy, I feel more tender, emotional in a good way, and settled. I cry at sweet commercials and feel a depth of emotion I hadn't accessed in years.
My relationship was a constant through all of this. I've been with the same female partner for over 22 years. We were a lesbian couple when I first transitioned, she stayed with me through my 17 years living as a man, and she is still with me now that I have returned to living as a woman. She says it feels like she got the person she fell in love with back.
I changed my name back to my original birth name, which was a powerful step. It took me about a year after stopping testosterone to change my name and sex marker back to female, and then another couple of months to realize I truly wanted my birth name back.
Do I have regrets? I regret the permanent changes, like the loss of my ovaries and the ability to breastfeed. I regret the immense amount of surgery and the permanent loss of sensation. Some mistakes are harder to fix than others. But I don't regret the journey itself because it led me back to myself. It took about 20 surgeries to try and make me male, and only 4 surgeries to help me return to a female appearance. It was a hard road, but I am so much happier and more at peace now. I finally feel like I'm home in my own skin.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 2001 | Had double incision top surgery with nipple grafts. | |
| 2003 | Had metoidioplasty bottom surgery. | |
| 2006 | Had phalloplasty bottom surgery. | |
| 2015 | Stopped testosterone after 17 years. Had testicular and erectile implants removed. | |
| 2020 | Had breast reconstruction with implants and nipple repositioning. Had phalloplasty removed and labial reconstruction completed. | |
| Changed my name back to my original female birth name. |
Top Comments by /u/i_am_mouthy:
I would see a urologist for reversing extension. I used a surgeon here in USA who is known for his SRS work and am quite happy with results. I had a relationship built over years with him as he attempted to improve a crappy phallo. He was very open to reversing my procedures and you'd never know what my genitals have been through just by looking. Big caveat is I did still have my vagina. However, I had urethral lengthening reversed and my clitoris restored after being incorporated into phallo. He also removed phallo and reconstructed labia
Well, most importantly, we cannot control how another perceives us. People will always judge you based on their own bias, 0ast experience, culture, upbringing etc. You've got to get to the point where you know who you are without external validation. Yes, it is difficult and yes, it is a lifelong journey. No one can know the entirety of your being just by looking at you. We all make assumptions about others. This goes for tans and non trans people. So many aspects of our being are 'unseen'
I had testicular implants removed and then a few years later my phallo removed. Before my phallo I had a meta. Luckily I never had a vaginectomy, so I was able to return to a state that is very much female. Anyway, it was so great to get those implants out of my body because they were uncomfortable and never felt like part of me. Bicycling was painful, sitting with my legs crossed, just normal everyday things made harder. I had my meta in 2003, phalli in 2006 (plus way too many revision surgeries) and got my erectile implant and testicular implants out in 2015. It wasn't until last year that I was able to remove my phallo. I had urethral lengthening attempted with my meta but when it failed, I had them reverse it. Like I said, keeping my vagina was probably best decision I ever made during my transition. I hope this helps with your healing
So for context, I was on testosterone for 17 years and had every surgery you can have, including double incision with nipple grafts back in 2001 with Brownstein. The point is, I was pancake flat, except for muscle development.
Anyway, I had implants put in last summer. I used a local plastic surgeon; she was a woman and was more than fine with helping me. This was after being told by Dr. Berli (who specializes in trans surgeries) that he would/could not help me detransition, that it wouldn't be possible to give me breasts that had a mammary fold and it wasn't even worth trying. I left his office pretty dejected, to say the least.
My main goal for surgery was to have small breasts. I didn't need the D cups I had removed so long ago. My surgeon thought she could get me to at least a full B cup with implants alone. She didn't do any flaps or expanders before surgery, so how large of an implant could be placed was limited. She brought out several different size implants that I tried on in a bra to decide on size. I chose 300cc but then decided to go a little bigger, to a 330cc implant. She advised me to go with a round silicone gel implant that she would place beneath my muscle.
She also said she could reposition my areolas and nipples to a more natural female location (female nipples tend to point ahead, where make ones are more to the sides). She placed the implants using a small portion of my existing incision line/scar from my double incision mastectomy. I also have about a 2" incision where she removed my previously grafted nipples and they now are positioned quite perkily!
I am about a 36C and have no need for a bra, which is awesome, though I do usually wear one when I'm out and about. My breasts feel soft, I've got some cleavage and I feel better about my body and reflection. The recovery was harder than I thought it would be and it takes time for the implants to settle into position and soften up. At first they felt like an implant was shoved under my pec (because it was!) and didn't feel like breasts to me. But that changed as I recovered and I can't feel the implant at all anymore. I know some people on this list feel like surgery got us into this mess and that more surgery won't get you out of it. But for me, this was 100% the right decision and I have no regrets.
I did talk to my surgeon about fat grafting instead of implants. She said it was possible but that the downside is that fat grafts are often reabsorbed by the body and have to be redone.
I'm happy to answer more questions. Here is a pic of what they look like (clothed, ob's)
Have you actually voiced your insecurities to your partner or these things you just imagine? As someone who also is with the same partner who I started transition with lived as a trans man for 17 years with and now for the last 5 years have returned to my lesbian identity, I can tell you I too had my share of insecurities. But talking with my partner openly and honestly about them helped, especially believing them when they told me that they wanted to be with me and were still attracted to me. I know it can be hard to believe, but sometimes I don't think we give our partners enough credit. We aren't the pariahs we often think we are.
Also, attraction has a lot to do with confidence. If you felt more confident as a transmasculine person you obviously exuded that externally. You need to try to recapture some of that confidence as a masculine lesbian. It is possible and there are a ton of dykes out there who find butch women extremely attractive. The role of someone feeling confident in their sexuality and body cannot be overstated (obviously I'm not talking about cockiness here, which is different)
Geez, I mean I still have days where I let others affect how I feel about myself. I don't think anyone ever "gets there" where they are never susceptible to other's opinions of themselves. After all, we are social animals so will always take cues from others.
I can tell you it wasn't easy to convince surgeons to let me keep it. I am a healthcare provider myself and think that was the only thing that allowed me to both advocate for myself and realize how important the vagina is to the overall structure of the pelvic floor. Some surgeons won't even allow you to keep it and flat out refuse to do the bottom surgery unless vaginectomy is included. Of course, almost every single surgeon providing bottom surgery is either male or a trans woman. I'm really glad to hear you feel so much better after having the implants removed and am hopeful you are able to accomplish what ever other goals you have in regards to reconstruction. I'd be happy to speak with you outside of the group about my experience.
Yes, I've been with same female partner for over 22 years. We were a lesbian couple when I decided to transition to FTM about 1.5 tears into our relationship. She not only stayed with me the first time, she stayed with me when I decided 17 years later to detransition. That's not to say there wasn't a period of change and uncertainty on how everything would be either time, but we love one another and are devoted to staying in the relationship. She feels she has very much gotten back the person I left behind when I initially transitioned (in a positive way).
Regret is absolutely a risk, along with the other mental and physical risks of surgery. If you have double incision with grafts you will lose sensation and function (ability of nipple and areola to get erect, breastfeeding) and there is no getting that back, though you may regain some touch sensation. Early on in my detransition, I didn't really regret it. But as my masculine features melted away and my body and face feminized, I absolutely wanted breasts again. I elected to get implants but they will never be same as what I was born with though I do like that they are smaller and don't require me to wear a bra. Implants, reductions or removal are always options down the line but some mistakes are harder to "fix" than others.
I originally changed my name when I transitioned. I didn't change my name right away once I detransitioned but changed after about 1 year of stopping testosterone. At that time I changed it to a female name that wasn't my birth name and had an androgynous short form. I also changed my sex back to female at that time. About 2 months after changing it I realized I really wanted to go back to my birth name and had it changed yet again. It took me 18 years to reclaim my birth name but I haven't looked back since. So no, I don't have you beat but you are far from alone in having multiple name changes