Im on the spectrum as wel and honestly I think its this black and white thinking when in reality I personally believe gender = sex. Theres no invalid way to be a woman and its definately not an appearance or role.

Ive never heard of a FtM going infertile from HRT since its different than men, men create sperm vs you are relying on "eggs" that you dont make more of. If you get off steroids things could improve.

Would people get top surgery to go topless? For most I dont see how they would, I am a male that needs top surgery for detransition and if I have scars I know im not going shirtless unless privately.

The main thing is you are young, most of this may be reversible.

Ecen with yuour beard photos you still looked female with lack of male browbone. Its kinda why once you know what trans is, unless forehead surgery it always looks uncanny. Not that you looked bad just uncanny with a beard like. a female with facail hair.

I like you have realized like many of us have, you are still a girl / woman. There is no surgery to give a female an actual penis or balls, it still relies on a clitoris and ultimately the same stimulation as any female. ITs why they changes the lanmguage from sex change to gender confirmation, as no one can actually change their sex.

Its been said a FtM lives an experience only a female can live and thats quite true. You would never know what its like for us males and I wouldnt know what its like for females or your experience as a masculine female.

Any way you want to live is valid, masculine woman with an extended clitorius from phallo, etc. Unfrotuantely there are no surgeries to give a female actual testes or penis. Its why even men get penis donor transplants, because its the only real substitute.

I think deep down you're realizing that you are still a woman, and pushing it down isnt going to help. If you want to keep living as a masculine female, go ahead but as I did, I think many realize the actual reality where we aren't the other sex or gender.

Were you on t long at all? I think you pass as a woman in all you rphotos, but i see more and more women with facial hair these days. Without masculinization surgery the brow bone and face structure is always a give away. For instance pic 3 looks like a woman with what i see women with pcos get.

I mean clothing and appearance isnt gender. Why not just dress as you want? I mean women can have facial hair doesnt make them less a woman. I think a woman is an adult human female not an appearance. I personally don't think trans needs to be a term since we are all just peole with our own preferences. Woman with beard? No less a woman.

Yeah, you get n a path and think somehow it will be better until you dont even know when you're doing it. At least you're young and can detransition with a lot ahead of you. It will get better. If MtF can do it and pass, you as a female and a woman definately can.

I think you realized what many of us realize, even me, taking hormones won't change your sex, it wont even change your gender. I was on estrogen, even had FFS, in reality I realized gender is sex. Appearance isnt gender or sex. Looking like a stereotypical man doesnt make someone a man.

Of course you wont fit in with men because you know deep down you are a masculinized woman, and no amount of homrones or surgery would change that. Its not bad. Women have the right to be masculine.

Thing is you are a woman , just masculinized. We can't have it all.

Why do you think its T that fixes it? Did you look into adderall? Birth control? T isnt a magic pill and you're just medicated something that can be better managed with real medication and therapy.

When I took estogen, guess what I wasnt happier, I just had new insecurities. I did deep soul searching and realized hey, as a man, I can look however I want, if I wanted breasts, and even GRS it wouldnt make me less of a man. A man isnt his appearance, its his biology and upbringing. Its basically his bio sex.'

I believe in equality and a world where appearance is whatever we want it to be which is why I think gender = sex, because gender roles are outdated and sexist.

Obviously youve had trauma and you're female, have you seen actual therapy? I mean you are a woman, you're just finally accepting that fact. You sound like you've had deep trauma and did you you think pretending to be male was maybe a couping mechanism? regardless you seem like a woman who maybe like I have benefiting and am still benefiting from, therapy, could be something to consider. While I have a ways to go, I've found it helpful.

Honesrlty I wish we'd eliminate the word trans. Most medically professionals I've talked to say you can't change your sex. Gender itself doesnt mean much. A woman isnt masculine or feminine just like a man sith masuline or feminine. We are just people with our own interests. As much as I can't change my race, nor can I change my gender. A woman with a beard is as valid as a woman with large m. glands. Why not normalize masculine women instead of ever using the word transgender?

I had a lot of internalized shame with my AGP. I talked about it in therapy, admitted it to a spouse and now dont see it as shameful but just something I have, and many others have. But Ive been trying to focus on the positives since stopping estrogen after 3 years. however I look I can dress however I want, I feel more emotionally stable, no longer have to obsess about gender, etc when in reality it doesnt matter.

When I was deeper explorer trans, the big turnoff was the high amount of issues, people not preaching self acceptance of their bodies, always focusing time on gender stuff vs being a normal person with regular hobbies, almost as if not being their actual gender was their life.

I accept my AGP but manage it when its there. I focus my time now on things I like, working out, just trying to be a happier person not worrying about trans etc.

Who says trans needs to be a thing, who says we cant just have people, males being men regardless how they look. Females being women regardless.