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Reddit user /u/ik_ben_een_boomman's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 35
female
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
trauma
depression
got top surgery
serious health complications
now infertile
benefited from psychedelic drugs
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's narrative is highly detailed, emotionally complex, and internally consistent over several months. They describe a specific, long-term personal history (10-year transition in the Netherlands), express nuanced and evolving feelings (regret, despair, hope, mission), and offer advice that reflects deep personal investment. The language is natural, with personal reflections and variations in tone that are difficult to fake consistently. While the views are strong and passionate, this is consistent with the stated experiences of many detransitioners.

About me

I transitioned out of a desperate teenage fantasy, believing it would save me from suicide. I lived as a man for ten years and had surgeries I now see destroyed my healthy body. After a profound realization, I spent two years understanding that I was just trying to escape my problems. I've stopped testosterone and am terrified to tell people I was wrong, but I'm starting to detransition. I feel destroyed by my choices, but my only hope now is to prevent this from happening to others.

My detransition story

My entire transition was built on a desperate feeling that I would kill myself if I didn't do it. I lived as a man for ten years, took testosterone, and had top surgery and a hysterectomy. I believed it completely at the time, but now I see it was a teenage fantasy I got stuck in. I woke up, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

For me, transition was an escape, an illusion I bought into. I thought I hated my breasts and my body, but looking back, I should have just reduced my breast size and lost some weight instead of having them removed. I see now that my chest is just a destroyed warzone, and I feel a lot of humiliation about what I did to myself. I don't believe in surgery or hormones to be gender-conforming anymore. I think time and finding your real identity are the only ways to feel comfortable in your own body.

A big reason I'm stopping is my health. I found out through my own research that cross-sex hormones are like poison to the body, a fact the doctors never told me. Being on testosterone is like being addicted to a drug, and to quit, you have to fill that empty space with something else. I started to realize this two years ago after an experience with LSD, which gave me a really clear overview of my life and made me see that my transition was a mistake. It took me those two years to really figure out the deeper reasons why.

I broke with the trans community a long time ago because I don't think it's healthy. Out of the group of about 50 people I started transitioning with ten years ago, about 10% have stopped hormones and live as non-binary now, and about 5% have killed themselves. We lost so many. I don't believe the official numbers at all. The support within the community feels good at first, but it pushes you toward medicalization without asking the hard questions.

My view on gender has completely changed. I think most of us are just trying to escape from our problems. You don't solve your problems by transitioning; you just run from them and create new, bigger ones. I consider transition a very unhealthy and unrealistic solution for an identity crisis. It’s more realistic to reshape gender stereotypes than to reshape your entire, healthy body. You can be a masculine woman or a feminine man; you don't need to change your body to express yourself. Transitioning feels brave, but in fact, you're just going back into a different closet, trying to fit in by giving up everything.

I have enormous regrets. I feel empty, lost, and destroyed. I don't have any hope left. I don't think about killing myself anymore; I just feel dead inside. There is no going back to what I had. I'm now infertile, my body is full of scars, and my health is damaged. The regret of being stuck like this with no way back is a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I'm scared to detransition. I'm only telling my closest friends right now. I plan to tell others that I'm female, I just lived as male, and I'm sorry for getting them into my illusion. I’m asking my dad and friends for help finding a new name that fits me. It's going to be the bravest thing I've ever done, and I hope it gives me a confidence boost. My only strength now comes from wanting to bring common sense to society to prevent this from happening to a new generation of teenagers. For me, it's too late, but maybe I can help others on time.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
23 Started taking testosterone. I got it very quickly through a clinic outside the normal system in just 2-3 months.
24 Had top surgery (breast removal) and a hysterectomy (removal of uterus).
33 Had a realization using LSD that my transition was a mistake. This started my two-year process of figuring out why.
35 Stopped testosterone cold turkey and began my social detransition.

Top Comments by /u/ik_ben_een_boomman:

35 comments • Posting since June 3, 2023
Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) comments on detransition statistics, sharing that in their Dutch cohort, 10% stopped hormones to live as non-binary and 5% died by suicide, predicting future numbers will be "huge."
56 pointsJun 19, 2023
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With the group I transitioned with 10 years ago, about 10% stopped hormones and went for a non binary life. About 5% killed themselves. We lost so many, I don't believe at all in 1%. This is Holland and the whole transition is payed for by health insurance. I honestly believe the detrans numbers are gonna be huge here if they really did research on it.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) comments on being told they would commit suicide if they didn't transition, now feeling empty and destroyed with no hope for the future after detransitioning.
40 pointsJun 3, 2023
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That I would eventually kill myself if I wouldn't transition. Turns out now I wanna go back and there is no going back, I don't even think about killing myself, I just feel dead. I feel so empty, so lost, so destroyed. I don't feel any hope in a retransition, I don't feel like things will be better in the future. I don't have an illusion left to believe in, I'm just done. I don't want anything at all anymore.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) advises a teenager to reconsider transitioning, explaining that youthful certainty often leads to mistakes and there's no shame in changing one's mind.
21 pointsSep 18, 2023
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Afterall you weren't right and this seems to be really big, but you know every teenager think they know everything, but they make huge mistakes. You didn't take the mistake this far yet that there is no way back. Swallow your pride and confess you were wrong afterall. It was something you believed from 13 till 15, your brain starts to become more mature, still 10 years away from full development, it's not weird or a shame that you think now differently.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) advises a user on detransitioning after 6 months on testosterone, suggesting their body will likely revert and recommending therapy to address underlying issues.
21 pointsAug 29, 2023
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I asked myself can I live 40 to 50 more years as a man and the answer was no. Then I asked myself am I gonna commit suicide or detransition. The answer was let's get off T, find out what is still possible for me and decide later.

6 months t is pretty much nothing, you will definitely look female again and have a very high change that your voice changes natural back to a low female voice.

What if you regret? Well going back into transition is a lot easier than detransitioning when ur longer on T, so I would think it's an easy decision.

But for what I read there is a lot going on in your life and you went through stuff that left mental scars. If you have the possibility I would look for a psychologist to help you figure things out about yourself and your life.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) explains how shared experiences in the trans community can lead to detransition, describing her own 10-year transition as an "illusion" she woke up from.
20 pointsAug 30, 2023
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I think most people talk about their own experience and since their was so much recognizing in the trans community before, it's quite likely that they experience the same and may or may not come at this point in some time.

For me the whole transition feels indeed as one big illusion where a woke up from after 10 years and I'm still confused how I believed all this time I was a man.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) comments on the 51% suicide rate statistic, noting high despair pre/during transition but also community support. She expresses more interest in the suicide rate among those who are years post-surgery compared to those who don't medically transition.
19 pointsJun 12, 2023
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For what I've seen in the community, there is a lot of despair before and during the transition, but also a lot of support within the community.

So I don't doubt that the thinking about suicide rate that high.

However, we lost quite some guys after surgery and years into their transition.

I'm way more interested in the suicide rate among this group, compared to transgenders that don't receive hormones or surgery.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) explains how their perspective on gender was an illusion, describing how transitioning gave them a new view of manhood and then a different view of womanhood upon detransitioning, creating a cycle of dissatisfaction.
18 pointsAug 7, 2023
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I think it was all an illusion. While living as a woman, I had a certain view of manhood, than I became a man and it was all so much different. Now I've a certain view of womanhood, but I know my view used to be different. And I kinda feel when I transition back, that I will eventually hate being a woman again.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) explains how switching from the testosterone Sustanon to Nebido changed her scent, causing a friend's dog to temporarily not recognize her.
18 pointsAug 30, 2023
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I think it might be smell. When I changed from sustanon to nebido, the dog of my friends who is normally crazy about me, just ignored me for a evening and acted like I was a stranger.

So I guess hormones change smell and you smelled like a man to those dogs.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) explains that gender dysphoria shifts and doesn't disappear with transition, advising to focus on self-acceptance and life's joys rather than changing one's body.
17 pointsSep 2, 2023
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I think it's not just something you stop. It's more so the understanding and acceptance that this is part of who you are. Allow yourself to express yourself how you want, without brainwashing yourself with the idea that you have to change everything about yourself before you can be happy. Personally I experienced that gender dysphoria just shifts with transitioning. First it was my breast, then they were gone, then it was my voice, then that was gone, then it was my chin, then I grew a beard, then my beard was too soft. It's much more worthy to shift the focus from your body to things that really matter in life. Just allow yourself to express yourself and be yourself, just how you want it, not how society tells you what is right for you. Break the boundaries, be free, celebrate your healthy body and live your life till the fullest.

Reddit user ik_ben_een_boomman (detrans female) explains that femininity remains in the face after long-term testosterone use and shares profiles of other detransitioners for reference.
17 pointsJun 7, 2023
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