This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "illinoisbeau" appears authentic. The user demonstrates a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal understanding of detransition, including complex topics like internalized homophobia, medical experiences, and the social pressures of gender conformity. The writing style is thoughtful, varied, and shows emotional investment over a long period, which is not typical of bot behavior. There are no serious red flags suggesting this is an inauthentic account or someone who is not a detransitioner/desister.
About me
I was a masculine girl who felt I didn't fit in, and I thought transitioning to male was my only option to feel okay. I got testosterone and top surgery very young and lived for years as a man, but it never solved my real problem, which was society's rigid expectations. I eventually realized my discomfort was with the world, not my female body, and I made the difficult choice to detransition. Now, I am a woman living with the permanent changes from that time, and I’ve had to grieve for the woman I never got to be. I believe my body was always good, and I just want a world where women like me, however we look, are accepted.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a masculine girl who never really felt like I fit in with the expectations for women. I hated my breasts and felt incredibly uncomfortable with my body during puberty. I think being autistic played a big part in this; the social rules of gender never made sense to me. Why did I have to act a certain way just because I was female? It felt like a set of stupid, arbitrary rules I was failing at.
I started identifying as non-binary first, but it didn't feel like enough. I felt so much pressure to conform, and it seemed easier to be a straight, masculine man than a lesbian or a gender nonconforming woman. I now see that was a lot of internalized homophobia and misogyny. I thought transitioning was my only option to feel okay. When I was 16, I was able to get testosterone and a mastectomy very quickly. I only had one therapy session with a provider who had never met a trans person before; I ended up explaining everything to her. My parents signed the papers, and that was it. It felt like my only choice.
Living as a man was easier in a way. I passed easily. I joined a fraternity in college, became president, and had a mostly male friend group. I was disconnected from my body, but I was treated as one of the guys. I thought I was happy, but I was really just coping. I was constantly preoccupied with being stealth and conforming to this new set of rules. I was so focused on passing that I didn't stop to think if I was actually addressing the root of my discomfort.
After several years, I started to realize that transitioning hadn't solved my problems. I began to understand that my issues were with society's expectations, not my body itself. I was tired of living in a cage, even if it was a different cage than the one I started in. I missed the woman I could have been. I made the decision to detransition.
Detransitioning has been harder than transitioning. My voice is permanently deeper, and I had a mastectomy at 19. I have dreams sometimes where my body has grown back, and I wake up grieving. I don't regret the choices I made because I was doing what I needed to survive at the time, but I do regret that I felt I had to make them so young and without enough support. I regret that I didn't wait longer and explore other ways to be happy.
Healthcare professionals have been very defensive. My surgeon and the researcher from the pediatric top surgery study I was in were wary and uncomfortable when I talked about my detransition. My own therapist told me I needed to "take personal responsibility," even though I don't blame anyone. It's been isolating because there are so few resources for people like me.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's largely a social construct, a set of roles enforced by a patriarchal society. I don't really understand "gender identity" as a feeling. For me, it's more about how you are perceived and treated by the world. I am a woman, detransitioned, and that is a female experience. My body is good because it's mine, not because it fits a certain ideal. I want to help create a world where masculine women, tall women, deep-voiced women, and women who have had medical interventions are all seen as just… women. We don't need to change our bodies to be acceptable.
Age | Event |
---|---|
16 | Started testosterone and had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
19 | Had been living as a man for several years; was president of my fraternity. |
Early 20s | Began the process of detransitioning. |
Present | Living as a detransitioned woman. |
Top Comments by /u/illinoisbeau:
I’ve found that healthcare professionals are very defensive and wary about detransitioners. It means admitting they provided the wrong treatment. Its easier to push that blame entirely onto the patient when you are still frequently providing that treatment to others. They don’t want to be wrong, they want you to be just a glitch.
The first thing my last therapist told me when I wanted to discuss my detransition was that I need to take personal responsibility. Even though I made a bunch of disclaimers saying I don’t blame anyone (and I don’t!)
They just shutdown preemptively. They ask if you want more surgeries, more cosmetics, more gender conformity. And then they don’t want to discuss your experience or your reasoning unless they’re studying you like a casefile. Getting actual care for detransition has been much harder than as transitioning as a teen. There’s just no standard or resources in place.
Theres already correlation between transness and autism. Detrans and autism also makes sense to follow that pattern.
My take is that autistic people struggle with social rules, and gender is just another one. So we decide to not conform at all (GNC, nonbinary, etc.) or conform to the rules easiest for us (transitioning FTM because you’re masculine, MTF because you’re feminine).
But because its just another set of social rules, autistic people will still be frustrated with our transitioned gender and the expectations it brings. That frustration could cause someone to realize its not our body or state or mind that is the issue, but gender itself.
its fetish content... I do not want detrans spaces to be conflated with fetish. It is dehumanizing and frustrating and is specifically belittling to any of us that feel sexual trauma impacted our gender identity or dysphoria.
Whatever people want to jack off about should have a title and space separate from the people that dont want to have anything to do with that.
Dysphoria and dysmorphia and dissociation and depression are all very similar. And not a lot of people discuss other causes behind dysphoria that might help you, such as treating it with zoloft and removing that stressor.
Theres no real explanation beyond it being common and unexplored by most therapists beyond a surface level
I am apart of a study for pediatric top surgery which does not address detransition, regret, or dissatisfaction at all. I called my researcher and she was super defensive and I spent a lot of time just reassuring her that I didn't blame anyone just for her to still be audibly wary and freaked out by me. The only support I got from them was a list of where to get laser hair removal and breast implants... which feels incredibly callous and misogynistic imo.
Other providers who were not part of my initial transition have been more open and curious about it, but they even more uninformed than the providers I had years ago as a trans teen. They are supportive but really have zero idea what health impacts (mental or physical) to expect from this.
Therapists similarly are defensive if they give gender-affirming or exploratory therapy. I almost wish I had a transphobic therapist so I could spend my time defending a community I care about instead of my own story.. in my own therapy session. Even the therapist I had who was most informed on it, basically said my best bet was Kinnon MacKinnon on tiktok lol.
Personally, I think nonbinary identities do more harm than good. They make it difficult to say that... in spite of how masculine or feminine or androgynous I am... this is still my body, and this body is still female. I really think any world that leads me to believe I'm not woman enough because I want to be masculine, or not have breasts, or whatever.. is not something I'm thrilled about.
End of the day, do what you need to do to get through this life. You have no moral obligation to pick one over the other. Labels wont change much compared to what you want people to refer to or treat you as.
Also rec asking on r/actual_detrans for more nonbinary-positive opinions.
You do not need to be convinced either way. You have your own perspective, needs, and wants. To cope with dysphoria regardless of it you transition however:
Dont force yourself into any gendered behavior, girly or otherwise. Do not obsess over how feminine or masculine others perceive you.
Consistently reevaluate any homophobia/lesbophobia you may internalize.
Consistently reevaluate any misogyny you may internalize. It can be easy to assume there’s nothing there. You might know, love, and respect masculine women in your life, but not be accepting of those same traits in yourself.
Recognize that your experience is a female experience, and that you are not alone in this experience. Being masculine as a girl can feel isolating, but you are not the only one.
Women can be tall, strong, muscular, masculine. They can even medically transition and still be women.
It can feel easier or comforting to not be associated with girls because it has been so isolating and difficult for masculine girls. There’s a euphoria to escaping those expectations, but you may find you’ve just traded them in for new expectations.
At the end of the day, no one else should tell you if transition is right for you or not. You are very young, any kind of medical transition will be just as effective years down the line as it would be now. There’s no need to rush or force a decision.
The more women that simply say, ‘This is how I look. Nothing about being detrans, butch, masculine, a lesbian makes me less female. I am a woman and this is what women can look like’. The easier it gets for all of us. I have felt the exact same as this vent post, and it is so frustrating and shameful, but that is just insecurity talking. You deserve to feel secure as a woman because you don’t have to do anything to be one, you just are.
Its so funny that I never once got asked my pronouns as a trans guy but the second I detransitioned, everyone and their mother started checking my pronouns and singling me out. It is so much easier for them all to think of a masculine woman as a man that they have to double check. Again, no wonder we thought we must be trans
I think you’re downplaying oppression and social conditioning. By a lot. Its been thousands of years of misogyny, of barring women from participating in these practices, of making them unsafe for women to be in male-dominated fields, of not being recognized even when they do. There are “female Tesla or Mozart”s. They’re just hidden and dismissed like in your own statements.
You could easily work on all of those skills. The only skills that vary by sex without socialization are physical. Like women being better at endurance running and men at sprints.
I think you should research and study more about what women have done in the field you want to practice. Like the history of women in computer technology is vast. https://www.sparkfun.com/news/6411