Being lied to and misinformed when you're a teenager who doesn't know any better is not your fault. I wouldn't expect a teen to know what drugs do what to what degree, but I would fully expect a doctor trained in it to know that. Teenagers can't even drink alcohol legally (at least here in the US), so to expect them to be able to know and make permanent, life and body-altering decisions like that is unrealistic. Don't beat yourself up over it too much, even if some ignorant folks like to victim-blame on tragedies they have no experience in themselves.

Very sorry to hear you were lied to and have to go through this grief. :( It's good that you'd be happy with adoption, though! That's definitely a great alternative, and it helps out a child in need to boot.

There is no scientific evidence to support the existence of a "gender identity." The most that has been found is brain scans of males and females showing different parts of the brain being bigger or smaller, but seeing as heterosexual females and homosexual males and vice versa can share the same 'feminine patterns', it's more related to sexuality than internal identity.

So as far as research and tangible evidence goes, "gender identity" is a completely made-up thing based on the foundation of "because that's how I feel and because I say so."

"Re-educating" ex-members on what's wrongthink or wrongspeech... doesn't sound culty at all! 😅 You can't reason someone out of something they didn't reason themselves into, they were probably similarly emotionally manipulated into it and so that's all they learned how to interact with others they disagree or conflict with now. Sad, but there's not often very much you can do if they are the aggressive or push-away type. :( I just see it as a lost cause so I skedaddle. But if one has the patience for it, maybe Socratic questioning would help them walk themselves through their stances on their own?

It's a personal process, so take what steps you want and feel ready for at your own pace. I wouldn't worry about doing things in the same order or in similar timeframes as others. :)

Personally I started questioning then I went off testosterone shots for health reasons, and I started realizing I never want to go back to it. I was transitioned for 10 years and didn't want to spend the rest of my life in this medical hellhole misery, I just wanted a normal, happy life, and I wanted to be a mother. Then from there I slowly started growing out my hair and shaving my body hair to see how I liked it. I liked it more than short hair and full body hair. I went on to get lazer hair removal and it worked really well, made me happy that I dont have to shave my face as much.

I tested out wearing feminine clothes and makeup but ehh, I still prefered sweatpants, tshirts and flannels, the whole tomboy shebang. I started training my voice to be a bit higher in my throat instead of deep in my chest, but it's still quite deep and raspy. The hair I lost on T is starting to grow back out again, though it will probably take years to recover and see substantial progress. I'm in the state of "androgynous woman" and being off of T and growing your hair out really does help your face and body re-feminize you to where you pass as a woman even without having to overcompensate with forced femininity, in my experience.

Also, it helps to have a close friend or family member you can talk about your detransition to and test out having them call you she again and a new name. It will feel strange and weird for a while but it gets better over time. Everything will feel strange and awkward and you might feel nervous about what people think of you similar to when you first start transitioning. My biggest advice is to be patient and forgiving with yourself, and that you no longer have to prove anything to anyone else.

IIRC, this whole debate got worse and went mainstream from a debaucle on tumblr with the invention of "tucute" and "truscum", coined by a girl who later admitted identifying as trans basically for attention/validation. "Tucute" meaning "too cute to be trans" and "truscum" meaning "truly trans scum." (I think "truscum" got rebranded into "transmed/transmesicalist" whereas tucute got adapted into being the "expected norm.") It was another "us vs. them" culture turf war on tumblr with black and white sides, similar to ones like the current "proship vs. anti" one.

It used to be that people who actually had crippling gender dysphoria where the only people with dire enough situations to undergo transition as a last resort option. Transgender and gender dysphoria/GID went hand in hand and almost meant the same thing. Then that tie got cut (I assume for the sake of "inclusion") and now transition is being done for more than just gender dysphoria. Transitioned people are not all people with this incredibly rare condition, in fact most people that transition these days do not have the condition of gender dysphoria (either they were never diagnosed or were misdiagnosed.) Trans now also includes people who are autistic, gay or bi, have PTSD/intense trauma, crossdressers and nonconformists, etc. Not that a transsexual can't be any of those things, but those things were not the basis for the transition. They shouldn't be, at least.

Transgender used to be its own defined, specific thing. It meant medically transitioning to be as much like the opposite sex as possible. Now it's been turned into this big umbrella and nobody can define it or discern who's who and what's what. The definition even got changed to a more vague "identifying as a gender different than the one you were born", getting rid of the specifics of "transitioning" and "opposite sex." Muddied waters, and now you can't see the fish. Reminds me a little of that quote from The Incredibles.

"When everyone is super, no one will be."

I'm very sorry to hear you are struggling and feeling so stuck, but I don't think the last sentence of this was necessary. It comes off as generalizing and a wee bit hostile. Coming from a non-autistic bisexual tomboy woman who was a "perfect case of early childhood gender dysphoria" my whole life and not rogd, so that's definitely not all of us. Plus there are detrans men here as well. 😅

It's similar to being a centrist in the political landscape. You see the worst of both sides and feel socially homeless like you have nowhere to go. It's difficult and I'm sorry you have to experience it especially when you are already going through something personal on top of it all.

I was in a similar situation where at first I didn't want to be trans anymore because the politics and ideologies had rapidly and extremely changed from what they were when I started transitioning 10 years prior. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells in my own "community" but also a bit afraid of the opposite side and how they might treat me. Maybe this is similar to what you feel? And then I started seeing more issues and struggles with my transition. It was starting to wear down on my body very negatively with new health issues. As I got older I failed to pass age-wise. I struggled with social relationships, etc. But the radicalism of the community was the straw that broke the camel's back and made me feel like I had no genuine support through it all. As I started detransitioning I kept finding more reasons why my life would be better off longterm as detransitioned. Although that is just me personally, you may or may not be able to relate.

My advice would be to avoid politics and uncomfortable controversies as much as you can. It will definitely help your sanity. Most normal people don't bury themselves in politics and debate and for good reason! It's stressful! And when I started pulling away from it and ignoring political or trans news, I started being a lot happier and easy-going. There is a lot more to a person and to life itself than politics that you can focus on. There are hobbies, favorite foods, pets, family, friends, places you'd like to go, new music to discover, etc. :)

As for living in a rural conservative area, I don't think I have any advice unfortunately, I've only lived in liberal suburban areas. Which had its own problems in its own ways of course, but that's not applicable to you atm.

Do you have any kind of a support network of unbiased or not political people? Even 1 friend? It might help to have someone to talk to and lean on when you need it!

Yes, in a way it did contribute significantly. The illusion of "being male" was comfortable back when nobody knew was trans was and left us alone. Back when it was a serious medical/mental condition and not some weird diversity or social justice movement.

Now everyone knows and it's an incredibly politicized, obnoxious community and that illusion of "nobody knows" is gone. It became tiring to be trans, inside and out. I didn't want to be associated with what trans has become. There was no more comfort in being transitioned anymore for me, so I started desisting, and that led to some radical acceptance and me fully detransitioning a few months later.

People will say that some trans people detransition because of bigotry and lack of acceptance, but there's much less talk about those of us that started our detransition process because of the trans community itself, not conservatives or whatever.

How you can help him depends on what kind of support style helps him as an individual. Some people do better with logic and reason, and other people are more emotional and need a gentle touch to help them.

The fact that he says there is a possibility he isn't transgender is telling. Transition should only be for people who are 100% certain that is the only solution for them to find peace and nothing else will help after trying everything else possible. It's very hard on your body and will make you suffer physically and mentally in new ways. It's a trade-off or a sacrifice of sorts with serious and permanent effects, hence why it's unwise to take that route if the person has any degree of uncertainty. Explore those uncertainties first and figure out the mystery before rushing to the solution.

I would say what he needs is abuse counselling and not gender counselling. Gender counselling in my experience tends to be a load of barnacles and reinforces sexism, i.e. "if you like having long hair and painting your nails then that means you're a girl because that's a girl thing that only girls can like!" It sows cognitive dissonance and teaches someone their body is irrelevant and undesirable. He needs to leave gender on the side and come back to it later, the abuse and trauma from his past needs to be addressed first imo.

For all anyone knows, maybe once that is worked out, he can find his happiness and the gender stuff won't be necessary anymore, or maybe it will help him have a better understanding of why he has those thoughts and feelings. He can make better choices about what to do next if he can truly understand the what, how, and why of himself in a truthful way that is not influenced by gender ideology gobbledygook.

In my experience, no, it did not. Arguably, transition made it worse. I had a history of self-harm before I started transitioning at age 12 and I still self-harmed and even made my first and only attempt on my life a couple years into my transition when I was about 15.

I didn't physically attempt again after that but I did still have issues with self-harm and suicidal thoughts for a few more years until I was about 20 (I'm 24 now.) I have been in in-patient care at mental health hospitals 4 times, each time for self-harm and/or suicidal issues.

I was someone who was very unhappy and struggled with wanting to live and be in this world. Transitioning didn't make that go away for me even though it seemed to suit me very well and I seemed like a textbook case for it at the time. What really helped me was finally addressing and treating my childhood PTSD, going to therapy, and removing my abuser from my life.

I started dropping out of fandom spaces a year or two ago because of the way gender ideology has infected everything and everyone in them. For a while I was "waiting for things to get better" figuring that if I gave it a year or two, the gender stuff would die off.

It didn't. It only got worse. Even the creators and admins of certain indie fandoms or websites started getting sucked into "being nonbinary" or whatever which, she's a programmer for a website that doesn't interact with us outside of giving professional updates to the service, why the fuck does it matter and why should we care.

I put my whole chest into the "tolerance and coexisting" approach. Even seemingly normal women with just plaim "she/her" I befriended would eventually change their pronouns and they'd start discussions of "omg this is my transfemme nb OC queen and she pegs her bf with her ladystick and is so slay and so cute!" It drove me insane. I can't do it anymore.

I just started blocking every profile that gave me the ick, even if that meant blocking 50 out of 55 total replies to a forum thread and ending up alone. I even made a rule to stick to that if someone has multiple pronouns (i.e she/they or he/she), block and don't look back. Honestly it's made me feel a lot better and more sane than "tolerating" it and made me learn how to have fun with fandom space and creativity because I like it, and not artificially doing fics/art/RP/whatever for some hollow validation. I'd rather be alone in good company than grifting and being surrounded by awful soul-draining company.

Honestly if I wanted fandom friends I'd rather try my luck on this subreddit or maybe even christian/religious fandom sanctuaries lol, I'd rather swallow religious talk than gender ideology but that's just me. There's no use looking for friends in the actual main fandom spaces themselves these days, even people who seem chill could be gender goblins and every time I took the bet that they weren't, I lost.

Sorry I kinda ranted back at you lol, but yeah I get what you mean and I'm sick of it too. I'm curious what kinds of fandoms and genres you're into though?