I'm not as cis passing as I thought I would be by now, even though I blend in. It's just things like the size of the hands, the feet, the shoulders. These things that can't be changed, no matter how well your face turned out looking or how great your breasts turned out looking. There is still something off about me that people can't immediately lay fingers on but they sense something is different.

This was actually why I recently put my foot down and decided against medically transitioning. No amount of hormones or surgery can fix the little things, the things that go further beyond just the aesthetic of the opposite sex. I'm just as, if not more, dysphoric about these things than the things that can be fixed. I'm not willing to blow off years of my life and money for a solution that'll only make me feel half better.

I've felt a bit "insane" for thinking like that for awhile. I tend to overthink, I call myself paranoid a lot. It's interesting to hear that sentiment from someone post-op as well.

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Life is on automatic pilot. I don't know what I feel. I feel mostly nothing. Nothingness is my new normal. I'm not depressed, not suicidal, I don't feel dysphoria but I don't feel normal. Shame is all I can acknowledge that I feel. Shame for being this way.

I know you've said you're not depressed, but I implore you to get checked up anyway. Or, at least remember to be kind to yourself and keep yourself healthy. This sounds exactly like me when my depression was at its worst (only difference is that I was suicidal, but I convinced myself I wasn't because I wasn't actively trying to kill myself). Above all else, take care of yourself.

Best of luck, friend!!

I think we're actually already somewhat in the beginning stages of this. Ever since the JK Rowling essay blew up on twitter, I've seen more and more detransitioners come forward to the general public with their experiences. Unfortunately the ally world doesn't really see them, but I feel like with these stories only growing as time goes on, they can't be ignored forever. Most of the detransitioners I've met transitioned very young too.

It depends on what trans people you're talking about. I've never met any older transsexuals or transvestites who deny bio sex, a good handful of younger people (including myself) believed it to some extent and then grew out of it, others didn't. A lot of activists use it as a talking point, but a good amount of them aren't trans or even dysphoric.

TL;DR it's hard to determine without considering the context

I reckon it's more because almost everyone ends up getting called a terf on here, including detrans people just trying to share their experiences.

There ARE some hardcore GC radfems coming in now and again, but not nearly enough to warrant the sub getting nuked, especially since this is basically one of the only bigger detrans spaces (at least that I know of) and after the rules got updated. Besides, I see just as many hardcore TRAs coming in too. It's meant to be a neutral space after all.

I'm looking at getting checked out by a professional very soon for that reason. Never been to therapy before, so hopefully they get what I'm on about.

Let's form a not-PC squad then haha, it's not my place to tell people what to do with or call themselves, but it's unfortunate that "dysphoric person --> medical transition in some form --> happy trans person" seems to be the only story that happens in the public's eye. Dysphoria is way more complicated than that, in my experience.

You're SO young, I implore you to take things slow and, more importantly, take it easy on yourself. Your wording reminds me alot of myself at 14, and that was a dark, hateful time, when my dysphoria was at its worst and no one took me seriously because I was just "an edgy, weird kid". So, first and foremost, be gentle with yourself. You may feel betrayed, even disgusted, by your own body, but I can promise it gets better.

Reiterating what everyone else has said, seek out therapy if you can. No shame in it.

But, I know that's not always an available option (it wasn't, in my case) so I'd also encourage you to think about why you want to be a girl and why you don't like being a boy. I use journalling to keep track, but do it however you feel the most comfortable.

If you find out that alot of your reasons are gender-specific (wanting to wear dresses, high heels, having long hair, doing makeup, etc.) you could always do those things without ever touching hormones or changing a gender marker. Think about going out shopping for personal things from time to time if you're able to. If not, you're only a few years away from being an adult, so you'll have that freedom before you know it.

Lastly, while I do hope you don't make any drastic decisions until you're 18, don't be afraid to have phases. If you take hormones and realise it's not for you, it's all good. You may find that some aspects of your discomfort fade over time, while you still remain feminine and girly, or you might find that nothing changes at all. Best of luck.

EDIT (cus I'm forgetful): Hobbies are important! There's so much more to life than gender, trust me. Try new stuff, doodle stick figures, write fanfiction, strum some out-of-tune chords on a cheap guitar. You're a kid, you have every right to play around!

I saw a post on here awhile back about how you shouldn't make "detransition" your new "transition" and I think that applies to your situation a bit. Try to focus on taking care of yourself first of all.

I've gone through and allied myself with a slew of communities in the past, and none of them ever brought me true happiness. That includes both the TRAs and the radfems. Instead, I had to really cut myself off of aligning with any ideology and telling my story as honestly as possible to both myself and others. My story is just my story and I am just me.

Also, I feel the need to say that if transitioning is what helps you, then bugger it all, it's what helps you. While I'm 300% the "try everything else first" type of person, I'm not gonna judge anyone for doing what they want with themselves and I'm sure I'm not the only one here with that sort of mindset. There's no shame in detransitioning and there's no shame in transitioning and there's no shame in changing your mind. Best of luck!

Damn, hundreds!? I have definitely noticed that the younger generation of the trans community is almost a completely different group than the older trans community (with some exceptions of course), and the younger crowd is MUCH larger. Of course, that could be attributed to the cultural shift in that non-stealth, out trans people are much more accepted, but if you compare the numbers of, say, older lesbians vs younger lesbians, the gap is notably smaller.

Honestly, I feel like if we're thinking in terms of stances, sides and politics we're already going about things the wrong way. We're all hurt and dysphoric, even those people who I disagree with til my deathbed I have something in common with. Healing is what's important. But yeah, detransitioners being weaponized does suck ://

I feel this, I feel this so bad.

Over time, I've allied myself with so many different sides, different niche groups, only to realise exactly none of them actually care for my story or what I have to say. To the TRAs, I'm a terf or a transphobic transtrender. To the radfems, I'm attention-seeking and hate either women or myself. The left acts like it's protecting me, until I say something it disagrees with. The right thinks I'm crazy and sub-human. Incels are... their own thing.

I really do hate to take up space here, but it feels like you guys are an oasis of sanity in a time where my mental health has become a political debate. I just want to get better, and for people like me to get better as well.

If it makes you feel any better, I reckon you're not the only one who frequented GC circles in dark times and then left. I've seen the worst of the terfs, the "all trans women are pedos", "all trans men are self-hating lesbians", "gender dysphoria is just attention seeking" type and... They're mostly just traumatised people who need to vent. Not nearly on the level of evil transphobes literally killing trans people that TRAs make them out to be. Obviously I still don't agree with what they say, but they're not evil.

The same kind of goes for TRAs, but in a different way. Most of them are just insecure kids repeating what they heard from another insecure kid. There are the weird fetishists in there too, but their numbers are tiny compared to "He/Him | 16 | trans boiiii |". Most of those kids grow out of it eventually. Or, at least, I did.

Point is that you're not alone in this. The number of detransitioners is growing, older transsexual people have been speaking out against TRAs on twitter.

If I had to give advice (and I'm talking to both you and myself here lol), I'd say take some time away from the whole situation. Reach out to family and friends, be honest with how you feel. When you're face to face with someone, it's alot easier to see the whole person rather than the labels they represent. Focus more on hobbies, personal projects, whatever makes you happy. Remember that you don't have to associate with ANY side, you're more than a set of beliefs.

It's not an issue of us vs them, detrans vs trans, radfem vs tra. I mentioned before in another comment that just thinking in sides is already the wrong mindset to approach this -- after all, we're a very hurt group of people. Healing is what's important.

I don't mean a change as in "detrans will become the norm" -- that probably won't ever be the case, and I hope it won't! I mean a change in how we approach dysphoria and transitioning.

The TRA ideology almost killed me as a dysphoric child, I was given the choices of "transition or die" and I wasn't able to transition, so I gave up on living entirely. I was lucky enough to make it out alive. Not a single voice said it was going to get better, that there was another way out or that I was going to be okay. That's just one example.

It's that ideology that I'm bitter about and want to see change, not trans people themselves! It's the mindset that the majority has adopted, because according to that mindset I should be dead or I was somehow "not really dysphoric". As we've seen with alot of detrans stories as well, transitioning isn't necessarily the right thing for all dysphoric people either.

Regarding the generational gap, I see what you're saying, but it's more than that. Old gays may look at young gays and go "darn, kids nowadays!" but I've seen way too many old transsexual people get called terfs by both young trans people and non-trans "allies" for talking about their transitions.

An old gay man and a young gay man could have different fashion senses, opposing political stances, etc. but they would still share the position of being gay men and could talk about being gay, how gay culture has changed, etc. but an old transsexual woman and a non-dysphoric enby pre-everything tucute person have ZERO in common. It's not recognisable as the same community anymore. My heart genuinely breaks for old trans people. They're not just "old" or "different", they're actively shunned.