This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and deeply personal, focusing on specific surgical outcomes, hormone effects, and the psychological struggle with regret and BPD—all of which are complex and difficult to fabricate convincingly. The language is natural, with minor imperfections that suggest a non-native English speaker, further supporting authenticity. The user's passion and anger align with the expected experiences of a genuine detransitioner.
About me
I started testosterone and had top surgery in my late teens, rushing into it because of deep unhappiness and trauma. I regret the surgery the most, as it left me with a painful, numb chest that feels completely alien. I now see I was trying to escape my female body due to internalized issues, not because I was male. I've stopped hormones and am living as a woman again, working on self-acceptance in therapy. I'm considering reconstruction to reclaim my femininity and find peace with the choices I made.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is something I'm still trying to understand. Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings came from a place of deep unhappiness and trauma. I have BPD, which I think is connected to some childhood trauma I experienced. I also struggled a lot with depression and anxiety. I hated my body when I was younger, especially my breasts. I felt like they made me a social object for men to look at, and that made me incredibly uncomfortable. In private, though, I realize now that I actually enjoyed my chest. I gave that up for other people, and that's one of the saddest parts of all this.
I spent a lot of time online, and I think I was heavily influenced by what I read. I learned from the internet that doubting yourself was transphobic, so I pushed those doubts away. I was in a hurry to transition, and I didn't stop to really look into myself enough. I started on testosterone, using Tostran gel first and then switching to shots. I was on it for about ten months in total.
The biggest decision I made, and the one I regret the most, was getting top surgery. I rushed into it. The surgeon even commented that I was in a hurry, but he still did the surgery. I wasn't informed well enough about the risks. The results aren't good—I have a lot of loose skin. The healing has been difficult, with some areas still numb and others painful. It feels tight and alien, not like a part of my body. I have to do stretches every day. I feel like I ruined the gift of womanhood because of internalized misogyny. I mourn what I had. The only positive things I can think of are that I never had a hysterectomy, and I don't have to worry about breast cancer since it runs in my family.
I stopped testosterone around the same time I had the surgery. After stopping, my body hair grew back thinner and my acne went away completely. My hormone levels returned to a female range.
Now, I see that I was trying to escape my past traumas and how I looked. I betrayed myself. I'm so mad about that. I'm considering having a reconstruction with a fat graft one day because I want to take that femininity back for myself. My relationship with my body is something I have to work on, and I'm trying to accept that womanhood is something no one can take from me, even if I don't have breasts.
Therapy has helped. My therapist is specialized in BPD and gives me tools, like a DBT workbook, though it's hard to use them in the moment. I've also thought about how psychedelic drugs might help as a complementary therapy, as I believe they can increase brain receptor activity, but they can't be the only treatment.
Socially, detransitioning was hard. I felt a lot of shame that kept me from doing it sooner. But there's nothing shameful about realizing a path wasn't right for you. It takes courage to reflect on that. When dating, I tell potential partners about my past and my body after I've talked to them a bit. Their reaction tells me if I can feel safe with them. Most men I've met don't care. I keep my shirt on during intimacy, and it hasn't been a problem.
I don't blame the doctors entirely, even though they didn't explain all the risks. I mostly blame myself for this horrible choice. I want to give up blaming and hating myself, but it's a struggle. I'm trying to find peace.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 19-20 | Started testosterone (Tostran gel, then shots). |
| 20 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). Regrets due to poor healing, numbness, pain, and loose skin. |
| 20 | Stopped testosterone after approximately 10 months total use. |
| Present (Early 20s) | Living as a woman again. Dealing with surgical complications and considering future reconstruction. |
Top Comments by /u/intermezzzzo:
Definitely, I think it’s not ethical to limit studies on the basis of does it fit a certain belief system. Studies on dysphoria or detransition do not undermine the existence of someone being trans. I don’t understand the opposiotion of these kinds of studies and it makes me mad, when new info is attempted to block. It feels like to say something is transphobic doesn’t mean anything anymore, huge social occurences aren’t usually exclusively transphobic; everything is nuanced and has many sides to it. And those should be looked into. Maybe I’m just biased because I didn’t look into myself enough because I learned from the internet that doubting yourself was transphobic.
Thanks! I have been touching my chest, what makes it feel even more alieneted and not part of my body is the fact that theres still painful and numb areas which I dont even know if they will heal...makes me feel really discouraged. And it also feels tight but I have been doing strecthes every day so maybe that helps. All these comments have helped a lot, just talking about it really helps thank you💓
I agree! And before I take anything I would research it through. I also think that psychedelics can’t really be compared to other drugs, and there are lot of misconceptions. But to my understanding they increase the activity of the receptors in the brain (sorry for the bad language english is not my first language) but I do agree that it can’t be used as a sole ”treatment” or coping mechanism, but a complementary one.
I feel this so much..... I have found some people/groups around me that I feel comfortable with, but in many situations I feel alieneted like you. Especially with people who don’t know my background and are trying to ”figure me out”. I guess the best advice is to find like minded people who see you for who you are.
I was so inpatient for no reason. And my surgeon commented on me being in a hurry but also did surgery on me. But I wasnt informed well enough how bad it would look (so much loose skin) and how common permanent numbness can be. But I feel like I can only blame myself for this horrible, horrible choice I made.
Thanks for your reply! I actually have BPD and my therapist is specialized in that, he gives me some tools but in the moment it’s so hard to do them. And ofc I need more counceling. I actually have a DBT workbook, I’ll try to do that. And figure out some mechanism that would work better
Thanks!! I totally agree with you, men in the first place made me uncomfortable of my body. My chest was in my mind turned into a social object, which made me uncomfortable to be seen as one. But now I realize that in private I enjoyed my chest. Thats makes this all so muc sadder, that i gave up something for other people. That I ”ruined” myself when i tried to escape my past traumas and looks. Its something i cant control, but the relationship with myself. And in the end I betrayed myself. Im so mad about that. I guess thats why I want a reconstruction, because its a femininity i want to take back to myself. Just a thought
Well they did not explain all the risks but I also blame myself. The doctor did ask me why I was rushing it but at the time I truly felt like it was a good decision. I don’t want to sue anyone and I also want to give up blaming and hating myself so much
What about they/them? People closest to you will hopefully understand, and tho most people will use binary pronouns it can feel good that sometimes neutral pronouns are used! Changing your name legally depends on the place you live but most likely you can do it the same way as the first time! Coming out socially is hard, at least I felt a lot of shame that kept from detransition sooner. But there is nothing shameful about it. You did something for yourself, in mind that it is the right path for you, but it wasnt. And thats okay! I think it takes courage to be able to reflect and think about if it’s the right choice for you! Best of luck
Hi, I had some trauma in my childhood which led to me having BPD. I’ve been having a really hard time w my top surgery and I relate to that reason, being and feeling childlike. I’m planning to have reconstruction w fat graft if I can manage to that day, because my mental health is so messed up bc all of this. Sorry I can’t say much about it. But best of luck to you and thank you for your story!❤️