Upon talking to my son several times, he seems to be intent on being a girl, but is he old enough to make this decision?

No, an 11-year-old is absolutely not old enough to make a decision that will change his life and do irreversible damage to his body. If your 11-year-old came to you and told you he needed to get a tattoo, would you let him? If he told you he needed to get plastic surgery, would you let him? No, because he’s 11. These kinds of permanent decisions are meant for adults.

Although the media makes transgenderism seem so prevalent, the vast majority of children outgrow this feeling in a few years (as long as they aren’t encouraged by the people around them). Let your son dress however he wants and play with whatever toys he wants. Those things don’t make him a girl. Let him grow up and if by the time he reaches adulthood he still has these feelings, then it will be up to him to do something about it.

As a former trans kid myself, I’m so glad my mom didn’t support my ideas about gender. At the time I was angry, but in retrospect she handled it perfectly. She refused to accept me as the opposite gender but reminded me that she would love me no matter what and never put any restrictions on my self-expression. If she would have helped me medically transition, I probably would have never forgiven her.

For the sake of your son, please don’t let social media, schools, or other parents pressure you into transition. He’s just a kid, so let him be a kid. I wish you the best.

I wish I had known that you can never truly be the opposite sex. This may sound obvious to most, but when you’re truly wrapped up in trans ideology, it’s not. When you transition, you are only ever pretending to be the opposite sex. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Do you want to spend the rest of your life pretending to be something you’re not?

Biology is not a social script, but a structural foundation. No one is claiming that biology dictates whether you should shop at Target or become an engineer or a poet. Those are cultural expressions. Biology sets boundaries, not preferences. It’s not a myth, astrology, or a cage. It’s the floor you’re standing on.

You can wear whatever clothes you want, adopt whatever roles you like, but the categories of male and female are not invented by culture. They are recognized by it. We didn’t create sex differences, we observed them. When cultures diverge wildly in their norms, those biological anchors are often the only constants across time and geography. That’s not programming, that’s nature.

When we reject the biological basis of identity, we’re not liberating ourselves, we’re unmooring ourselves. We trade the limitations of reality for the illusions of total self-invention. But if everyone gets to define truth for themselves, then no truth remains at all. Without shared truth, society can’t function. We can’t make laws, we can’t protect children, we can’t even have a coherent conversation because words stop meaning anything. Freedom without form is chaos. And form begins with what is real, not what is felt.

To say that biology is irrelevant to identity is like saying the foundation of a house has no role in its design. You can paint the walls any color, but deny the foundation and the whole thing collapses. Reality is the condition for freedom to mean anything at all.

Also, biology does tell you who to assume you want to date, considering 99.9% of humanity has been heterosexual for all time up until the past century.

I felt that I was a "real transsexual," as I think most of us did. At some point you will realize that you have been lied to by these Youtube videos, your doctors, and anyone else who is encouraging this. You cannot become male, no matter how much you want to or feel that you should be. The truth is that you are female and there is nothing you can do to change that. Transition only allows you to pretend to be male, but you will always know the truth.

Looking back on my transition, I was clearly trying to escape the person that I was by pretending to be something else. I hated myself, so transitioning was a way to kill the little girl that I didn't want anyone to know. I wish someone would have told me that I'm perfect the way that I am and I don't need to change my body or pretend to be something I'm not. I can just be myself, even if that is more masculine than the traditional female.

On the topic of your mom: my mom was the same way. She fought vehemently against my transition when I was growing up and she was the only one. Everyone else in my life was supportive. Friends, family, doctors, teachers. My mom was the only one trying to stop me, and I hated her for it. Now I realize that she was the only one telling me the truth, and I am so grateful for that. When I realized the truth, I felt resentment toward all of the adults in my life that lied to me and told me that I could be male. I think the correct response to a child that wants to transition would be to tell them that no, you cannot become the opposite sex, and you don't need to because you are perfect just the way you are.

My advice is this: you are perfect the way that you were born, and there is no need to mutilate your body. If you want to dress in a masculine way or have your hair cut short, women can do that too. Dress how you want to dress, act how you want to act, be yourself. Just don't mess with your perfectly healthy body. And don't lie to people. You are female and you will remain that way.

When you realize that your perception of reality has been distorted by the media and everyone else who has lied to you, you will feel grief and heartbreak. Let yourself feel that. Go slowly. Be gentle with yourself. I think that detransition is one of the hardest things someone can do, but it's necessary to live a peaceful life. I wish you the best.

I recently told her that I’m really grateful that she never encouraged me or helped me medically transition because I probably never would have forgiven her.

I’ve been thinking about speaking out a lot. It’s scary but I almost feel like I have an obligation to do so. It seems there are so few of us who have made it out the other side and even fewer willing to talk about it. I’m not sure what I’ll do but I’m sure I’ll find a way to help start the conversation. I think this sub is a good starting point.

I was emotionally abused and neglected throughout my childhood. I saw the little girl that I was as weak and unworthy, so transition was the perfect solution. I could destroy the girl that I hated and create a new male persona that was confident, unemotional, and numb to the trauma. On top of that, I would get attention from pretty girls just like all of the guys that I saw online. I didn’t realize all of this until many years after I began to socially transition, of course. Transition did accomplish these goals, but now I can see that these should never have been goals in the first place. The little girl inside of me cannot be hidden forever and now I must begin facing the truths of my past. And I did get lots of attention from pretty girls just like I wanted, but most of it was shallow and fleeting and just left me feeling empty.

Same here, I’ve come to terms with the reality of my sex but can’t seem to make any progress with my chest. I think it’s just because I know that if I were to go out without binding people would automatically perceive me as female and I’m not ready for that yet. I’m not sure how old you are but I’m only 19 so I’ve decided to at least wait until I’m around 25 when my brain has fully developed and then if I still want top surgery I’ll start thinking about it seriously. I know there’s some lesbians who get top surgery and say it’s one of the best decisions they’ve ever made. I just don’t think it’s a good thing to do if it’s motivated by trans ideology.

Happiness is fleeting and not something to set goals based on. Instead try to think about your values and what you want your future to look like. No matter how long you’re on hormones or how many surgeries you have, you will always be a woman. Are you okay with pretending to be something you’re not for the rest of your life? Are you okay with sacrificing your health and possibly facing life-threatening complications? Does transition help you or hold you back from living the most meaningful and fulfilling life possible? These are the kinds of questions you should be asking yourself. Hope this helps.

I don’t think finding God is always associated with religion. I would say that finding God strongly influenced my detransition, but I wouldn’t call myself religious. I don’t associate with a certain religion, I don’t go to church, I’ve never read the bible, I just believe in God. And God may not even be the right word for it; a higher power or the universe would suffice as well. For me, finding God (or whatever you’d like to call it) just meant that there was an intelligence beyond myself (particularly that of the natural world) that I could strive to imitate. In terms of my transition, this also meant that I wanted to live the way that God intended and be grateful for the body that I was given, rather than trying to transform it into something it could never be.

Hi, it seems like you and I have had a similar trans experience. I’m also 19 and began socially transitioning around 12 or 13. I went on T for about 6 months when I turned 18 and stopped because of health concerns. My views on transgenderism have changed drastically in the past year. As a kid, things can seem like a bigger deal than they really are. And even though we’re legally adults, we’re really still kids. Our brains won’t even be finished developing for another 6 years. When I was younger, I had my heart set on transitioning and nothing anyone said could change the way that I felt. I knew that I wanted to look male and it seemed so easy watching all the other trans guys online go through it. Within the past year I’ve found God and realized that our bodies are really just a vessel to carry our souls through this life. God has given you and I the gift of life through our bodies and transitioning destroys that gift. I know that the idea of God scares some people away and I’m not saying you need to be a believer to solve your problems, but learning to appreciate your health is invaluable. The long term effects of T are not worth it. You can be whoever you want to be and act however you want to act despite your physical attributes. Dress how you want to dress, date who you want to date, do everything that you want to do. If someone treats you differently because of your gender, that’s their problem. Ultimately what really matters is your confidence in yourself. I still struggle with dysphoria despite accepting my femaleness, so I empathize with your everyday discomfort. I look at it like any other mental illness; it’s just something that we need to learn to deal with. Medically transitioning will not make your dysphoria go away, anyway. You can never be fully male even if you manage to trick everyone else into thinking that you are. What matters is how you view yourself, and you will always know that you are female. Give yourself time to accept this. You’re still growing and a lot will change over the next few years. Things that seem like a big deal now might even be something you look back and laugh about down the line. Focus on your health and don’t destroy your body with synthetic hormones, for the sake of your future self and your future family. Someday, probably sooner than you think, you’ll learn how to deal with the dysphoria and you’ll be glad to have a healthy body to take you through the rest of your life. As far as romantic relationships go, you’d be surprised how open some people are. I’ve found that gender really isn’t that big of a deal to a lot of people. It’s much more about masculinity and femininity. I’ve dated 3 “straight” girls and 2 “gay” guys that would normally say that they would never date a female. But they were attracted to my masculinity and my female body wasn’t that big of a deal. Just be yourself and you’ll attract people that like you for you, not for your body. Hope this helps. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about it more.